01x12 - Maltese Chicken

[bunniefuu]

so

can i really wear this thing yeah to our

wedding

becca have you gone through your closet

for the yard sale yet no way

a fast from malta

wow i guess you made it it's for magcade

isn't it

dear brian and family bon soir

arrived in valletta last night via the

moonlit gozo channel

wow what a life going to exotic places

and digging up

dead things ugh k*ll

mess oh dad what are you wearing

shh off to guard the lamb in the morning

to a pre-roman emperor excavation but

here's the real news

wow looks like she's looking for a

visitor on site

one of our team members husbands could

make it so there's an

extra ticket and i know your school

break is coming soon

so expect a round trip ticket via

special delivery this week

i wish i could send a ticket for both

the girls but since i can't

i'll let you decide no wreck

your loving sister kate you have to let

me go i'm older i'll appreciate the

archaeology

i tan without burning clearly your

sister has never been a parent

mom ellen will waste a whole trip

talking to boys becca's not even old

enough to travel

hmm now we're gonna have to pair it

there's really only one thing to do

stall your father and i will give this

some thought

after we go through this uh terrible

mess

there's a good deal of hard labor here

okay

wow

my

she's not winning this time no way i've

been sending letters to aunt kate every

month

all ellen sends her is her christmas

list no ellen has gotten

everything she has wanted her entire

life

this trip

is mine it's the whole ellen in the

front seat me and the backseat thing all

over again

something must count more than older

like smarter

mature

sneakier

so uh what are you gonna do about it

i'm going to be so sweet and so flawless

absolute perfect model child perfecto

perfection

but won't ellen try that too

that's where the two of you come in go

on

okay ellen is gonna be perfecto girl in

front of mom and dad and since she's too

smart to slip up when i'm around

all i need is one tiny scrap of evidence

to show that i deserve this trip and all

ellen cares about

is ellen so you want us

to spy on your dear sweet sister

good

i've been wanting to use this stuff

i can't believe she's still on the phone

so

does mom know you're doing this does dad

are you even allowed to do this

is this even legal probably isn't

ill*gal at all

what would mommy do we have to do this

in your little brother's room it's the

only window in the house

that points into ellen's room she's been

on there for like two full hours now

you know the fbi can tell stuff just

from a little hair

patient smiles sooner or later she's

gonna have to trip up or at least

hang up no

you just can't wipe them on your sleeve

you need a lens cloth

don't you know anything now they're are

my new scratches on them that

reduce their value my binoculars are

depreciating

every second they're in your hands i'm

making up a bill

i'm warning you you're gonna get an

invoice

hey where are you guys going

she's still on the phone oh man we're

gonna be here forever the birds are

gonna start charging links come on relax

miles i don't know man i'm starting to

sweat here

well well don't take it off i mean it's

going to ruin our image

well you take the jacket then then give

me that just pack that

no

don't even breathe

anyone seen ellen she hasn't left the

room all morning no no

don't do that mom just sit there and

enjoy your coffee

okay

hi becca why are you washing the dishes

when you could be goofing around

outside like a carefree child christine

dishes don't do themselves as i grow up

i realize i am no longer a dependent

but a family member who must be

responsible

and pitch in more coffee mom

uh i'd love some

but we're out of milk oh then i'll go

buy some

but becca you need that money for your

college education

christine my family needs milk

how could i spend my allowance on myself

after they've given me

everything

say chris we must stop by the donation

box on the way

so i can give them my favorite sweater

ever

while becca you're so mature and

responsible

and ready for grown-up challenges

here i am taking out my own garbage

you can come out now they're gone

look look god this is

perfect you can tell lots about a person

by their trash

credit card bills insurance receipts

international phone calls

she's only 16. besides i'm not going

through anyone else's trash

oh oh this is nice this is nice maybe

we can learn something from or use

band-A*DS next time

ah you should be happy oh this is cute

what do you think is it my color

this is so great i've been helpful for

three full

hours and all ellen's done is make phone

calls

well don't forget send me a postcard

okay oh no

no way

i can't believe it they wash dad's car

they clean the gutters they did windows

do you know

how much my parents hate doing windows

tucker

please tell me you have some dirt on

ellen okay we got something

better than dirt we got garbage

it's true we have evidence that your

sister is an international spot

check it out dead batteries

from the secret communication devices

huh look

riff nylons to conceal her identity on

secret missions tucker i need

real stuff how about this knockout gas

huh that's

hairspray okay t*rture devices

eyelash curler oh secret mini

microphone huh mascara wand

okay fine we tried becca ellen

is clean well now what am i supposed to

do

um unpack

i only dirt before ellen goes to malta

instead of me

special delivery oh um

hello has my ticket come yet

all right okay i don't usually do this

but she pushes my buttons and

she just pushed the one mark to lie

the mail um nope

nope haven't seen it becca can you help

me price this junk

uh sure

i am such a salesperson can you believe

it i got

three dollars just for that box of junk

over there ah they come home

that's great ellen three dollars you

know what they say

one person just another trip of a

lifetime

i'm such a jerk i might as well forget

about that trip

now or ever if my parents find out that

i lost that ticket

they'll never trust me again that ticket

was non-refundable

and non-replaceable yeah self-inflicted

wound

the worst kind look we weren't getting

anywhere spying on ellen

but we could help you find the bird

could you describe the alleged foul

containing the alleged ticket

um chicken-like smug grin flightless

round up the usual suspects tucker we're

the usual suspects

guys listen this is crucial

we have to find that ticket before my

parents realize that it's lost

i can't exactly ask ellen where it went

you gotta help me find that chicken

hi um can i talk to mommy no

okay um see i'm looking for a chicken

yeah um a big white bird and um

you twist its head off

hey you guys do great work man

keep saving those chickens

hi ma'am do you remember where you were

about oh 210 yesterday

where do you think i was walter stop

flushing your brother

hi hon how was your day so it ranked

between falling down a manhole and being

sucked up a thresher

think think think think uh if only a

clue would just

magically fall into my lap

what are the odds are those ones from

the garage sale horse

yeah canson stamps but their values

negligible

they're great tucker for your collection

you know from all over the world

look at the ones with the turtles and

fish

thank you mom but i don't i don't

exactly um

do the stamp thing anymore suit yourself

there has to be a way out of this

honey your favorite

what a fabulous day shopping for

vacation wear

new bikini sun enhancer

shades and oh

i didn't forget about you

I didn't forget about you you can cry

now the thing about Ellen is when she's

got you beat is grinding your face in

the mud

she knows exactly when to stop oh and

didn't you love the look on dad's face

when he saw the lawn and mom all

teary-eyed looking at the windows me oh

I can see myself it was just like a

commercial sure she knows when to stop

she never does it stays like this and I

think you know being outrageously

popular isn't so bad and I can make even

more friends

but we were so close I could smell it

face it tuck that ticket is gone and

this whole thing is my fault I'm just

gonna have to deal with it I've decided

to confess what no no you can't do that

I need to talk to you about the triad

well um don't do anything too hasty well

if I do come clean at least I'll get a

good night's sleep last night I dreamt

over and over again about that stupid

envelope and those stupid turtle and

fish stamps turtle and fish stamps

your dad and I have been thinking about

this malta thing long and hard and we're

really knocked out by the effort both of

you have shown yeah we know this trip

means a lot to you and we could get used

to the house being this clean but so we

were thinking

wouldn't it be great to get another

ticket but the airlines were completely

booked

and you're Anne's company can only

handle one visitor at a time so we did

it we made our decision

okay so gears are thinking Ellen is

going to get her driver's license soon

so we're gonna be giving her driver

ahead

although Becca's had the privilege of a

later curfew at a younger age

however we are giving Ellen are raised

in her allowance so we did find

responsible mature thing we put the coin

but it fell into the heating vent

so so

um yeah I have something really

important and awful to tell you well

yeah bigger real be me ticket from Malta

Thank You Becca you may as well hang on

to that your mom and I decided you

should go

Rashmi I don't believe this well you're

the one into archaeology it just made

sense once you've shown a real maturity

lately you have developed into such a

sensible honest young woman we're proud

of you Becca you really deserve this

trip

sure dad mature sensible honest that's

me all right

you know guys I'd really love to go but

I'm already booked on a guilt trip

hello hey so it's Hurricane Becca due to

hit my area I am having a little bit of

trouble packing I just don't see how I

can get all my clothes and all my guilt

in the same suitcase Becca your parents

gave you the trip fair and square

yeah but they also don't know what a

selfish jerk I am I mean it all started

with one little lie you know has the

mail come yet no well I mean everyone

tells a little lie now and then like

last summer remember when you got that

haircut and I told you it looked great

that example

yeah well even if it was little did I

admit to it

no did I cover enough pretend everything

was okay even though it looked hopeless

yes if you hadn't gone digging through

spinach goo there wouldn't be a trip for

anybody

Wow Ellen would have done the same thing

guilt-free yeah except she didn't I did

talent so you come to gloat no I came to

tell you something you have 10 seconds

talk oh well you always get to do

everything first most of the time I

can't stand you so here what only I

can't stand nev and worse I acted like a

two-year-old so you go to Malta I mean

you don't deserve it either but I

deserved it last

though miss maturity actually did it

just gave up the trip to Ellen yeah well

luckily maturity isn't you know

contagious you guys ready yeah

initialize operation hell so this is

gonna be your last good meal huh

you know archaeological dig camping food

probably a lot of barbeque snake

actually it'll be cool to see your

pictures and find out what you look like

is happening what I am impressed oh and

I I didn't think you can go for two

weeks without showering yeah and when I

saw where you're going to be staying

you're braver than me oh she's taking

this very well quite the trooper

enjoy your barbecue snake but don't you

just love a good mystery