01x09 - No Free Lunch

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it's easy to want something badly it's

even easier to fall into trouble while

trying to get it people can stand up and

admit their mistakes they can cover them

up and hope they'll go away I'll give

you one guess which way the cleaver kids

chose on this episode of still the

beaver

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are you just ready yet

beaver relax it's only a family meeting

oh great

last time we had a family meeting with

an uncle Billy escaped I know what it is

you guys are all throwing me a surprise

birthday party come on Ellen your

birthday's in another two months

then I know what this is all about I've

been too strict with them lately I knew

I should have let them paint the room

black oh good it's only home movies

maybe they're gonna show our trip to the

Pro Football Hall of Fame some trip we

never even got inside how was I supposed

to know they'd be closed Christmas Day

thank you for coming

we called you together to tell me Oliver

9 would like permission to make a

purchase

o light we know we've asked a lot of

things in the past but we've never

wanted anything more than me wants it

well that's lovely dear but what are you

going to put it oh boy tell you what you

can have Mount Rushmore gets 100 miles

to the gallon and even more downhill

selling it because they wouldn't let

keep it as a monastery now hold it in

the first place

where'd you ride a thing like that

MacGregor's vacant lot and we promised

to push it all the way there but you can

get hurt driving around in a go-kart

safety an important factor exhibited

very impressive yeah in fact so is your

whole presentation I think I'll run up

against you guys in court look you

obviously put a lot of time and effort

into this now I don't know about Wally

and Mary Ellen but I don't think you

boys are old enough to on your own

go-kart Kelly I'm gonna have to go along

with your uncle Beamer on

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yeah well maybe when you kids are over I

hope Exhibit D that I think you'll

recognize yourself in your own go-kart

yeah but look kids a lot different back

in those days number one car didn't have

seat belt

number two the only guy who had to wear

a helmet was John Glenn in number three

I think they've got us bees well okay as

long as you promise never to ride it in

the street always wear your seat belt

and helmet I guess we could let you buy

it what kind of loan are you talking

about good night kids a hundred dollars

there's a lot of money we can't loan you

that much

mr. Haskell's opinion I think the only

way you're going to be able to buy that

go cards is by earning them Lenny oh

well Walid I used to work around the

neighborhood used to paint fences and

mow lawns we even used to wash windows

and I used to get 50 cents for washing

dogs 75 if I brushed their teeth yeah

sometimes we'd bring home over $3 a week

yeah and by the day's prices that would

be about ten bucks yeah but that's

really hard yeah I'm sure we can think

of an easier way yeah we've got we have

a new yes yes

all right but just remember kids there's

no free lunch

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unemployment unless you used to have a

job setting the table wouldn't count

don't you in coming here three times

going once going twice blew it

oh my you look pretty today we'd like to

earn some extra money in your free time

just two hours a day change your life

come back when your voice changes okay

I'm trying to run a business here

earn some extra money its first rate

publications but I can't use it guys get

old enough together older than you are

no seriously think you can make it in

the fast-paced world of birth to a

magazine sales anybody else my truth

grandma 37 boxes without moving their

lips well maybe I couldn't use you guys

on a trial basis let me tell you how it

works you sell the magazine thank you 50

percent of what you make

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oh sorry about your operation here if

you really want to make some money why

did you come down to the golf course

they always need caddies no thanks

Brandon come on cuz I can't gonna be

giving away $1,200 and I'll be in here

get the glue this what Kelly I just got

perfect report card

we're gonna be rich that was going to be

my next guess how did all this happen

well we've done it in employment office

and that means that Chuck give it a job

first trade publications ever heard of

them

in fact at these prices there's the

magazine's here I'd like to order Hey

I'll be right back

sounds great I out there and

helps get more neighborhoods and make a

fortune

well I then don't curtain no time oh

sh**t that mean we have to stop

listening to cowboy Carl right away come

on help me with my car okay

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hey what can I do you for

just damn bye kids

ten bucks daddy the judge gave the wife

custody on four clubs let me know what's

happening in the movies do you know what

they're with halibut do you know the

white motor oil for your car I'll take

the motor oil question and Rosemarie to

block filling magazines what your old

man fall on hard times

what's heart rate publication the more

magazines inside the less you pay they

forget the magazines can you get me a

deal on a set of whitewalls well thanks

for the offer while a junior we got

reservations the miniature golf course

yeah and I had to call in a favor

together don't burn any magazine look I

want to read a magazine I'll pretend I

got a dentist appointment it's been an

hour in a waiting room

we'll forget the whole thing if I can

still make it loose my godparents I

might as well quit the business

now some deadlift or lowered slugs line

work you can soldier of fortune

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and then during extra money very few it

easy work doesn't nothing a little

strange - so how'd you guys do here

- two hundred and twenty dollars Wow all

of this in one week

you know I gotta tell you guys I have my

doubts but uh Jeff likes you and like I

promised is your share thanks maybe even

after sheep skin each other

you're a few more nothing tire kids I'll

leave you got enough

let's just go pick up the go well I

don't know whether I can tell you what

to do

yes thanks good

last unless you guys have been opening

your up plenty why she's still smoking

figure out what could be wrong with her

you know it was fine when I drove it

yesterday

yeah well that was different I was doing

a safety check my daughter using public

transportation her mother will never

forgive me I better go intercept her at

the bus stop oh yeah we're all those

magazines I ordered it's been two months

I could have been any interest on that

money

thank you feel any better look we

haven't gotten ours either oh you know

how slow the post office is kids got the

ant farm you ordered in the third grade

or mantich and hope this isn't a ripoff

okay easy lump wouldn't let our kids get

involved in something crooked

I called the Better Business Bureau and

there were no complaints your name did

come up

either yeah mistrial - you did a good

talk Kip I have a feeling rolling no

trouble than Freddie Haskell when he

blew his dad's coin collection video

game

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good afternoon mrs. cleaver hello Freddy

yeah

your company's here oh thanks on today's

hectic world waster from unexpected

company in mind your father coaching

what a shame and I already laid out the

good China what's the red road major

problem what happened it's not making

dimple cream I need your advice

why have I been left because I've never

seen anybody get out of more trouble

than you that magazine guy ripped us off

we have 30 customers and nobody's gotten

a single magazine what would you do I

just go back to the guy and demand my

money back nobody's seen him but I heard

the cops are on his trail

the sooner you'll fight on the sooner or

later that's it that's the best you can

do I'm gonna have to tell my dad what

are you crazy

he'll make you pay your bill card no I

don't want to hang around with you

no way look boy I figure it this is your

only shot people throw out their old

magazines all the time doctors offices

barber shops all you've gotta do is put

them in your customers mailboxes it's

the perfect style till they NAB decree

what if the nurse for the wrong date

wound up don't read magazine they just

put them on the coffee table to show how

smart they are when you're not so busy

being a creep you really come through

for a guy

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remember Wally you promised not to serve

to art no problem we're into my back

here I'll try hey don't rush the net why

don't you just stay home and I'll hit

against the backboard

hi guys well cleaver magazines your kids

saw me finally arrived I think I told

you they would

yeah but you didn't tell me the

crossword puzzle would already be filled

Naomi they have no respect for persons

privacy oh this the mailman's fault my

cooking magazine is dated October 1967

look at this

Eisenhower's recipe for meatballs I had

to go to my dentist's office to read

modern sportsman so I wouldn't miss that

article on overhand poling calm down let

me and Beebe talk to the kids we'll get

to the bottom of this whole thing yeah

well you better Maurice I'm not gonna

take too remember

I'm a veteran Eddie I don't think six

months as a volunteer fireman qualifies

you just come up with a cash don't

forget I still got your battery charge

well baby looks like it's our turn to

call a family meeting

let me get this straight

this guy Chuck worked out of a hallway

at the unemployment office

I've seen this kind of scam before it's

gonna probably stole the magazine forms

and never had anything to do with

first-rate publications how could I have

trusted this guy I've heard enough party

were supposed to know if somebody's not

on the up and up we're all a little too

trusting you can't reduce into great job

we didn't see any reason to interfere

boy I hope they catch that Chuck and

stick them in a dark cell and don't get

any magazine three what's happened with

one thing but you made it worse by

covering it up you should tell her

because find out

or your parents were always going to

find out sooner or later and all you

guys did was manage to protect this guy

in ripped you off

not to mention taking advantage of all

your friends and neighbors who bought

magazines from you you don't have to

yell us anymore we feel bad enough

already

you try to cover up one mistake with

another mistake the problem only gets

bigger you said it I guess we're gonna

have to sell the go-kart huh there's one

other way to pay back all those people

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this may sound crazy I think maybe we

should listen to a plan tomorrow

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I don't see what all the fuss is about

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you

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