03x02 - Dear Pen Pal II

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

dear penpal are done boy am I glad I

found out you're a guy now I can tell

you all kinds of stuff that I wouldn't

tell a girl I'm in the fourth grade at

four feet five inches almost and even if

I haven't kissed my first wildebeest yet

I have wiped out 4,000 aliens in space

invaders you asked about my family so

here goes I live in the village of

Mayfield and a pretty nice hut with my

grandma my brother Kip and my dad who

people call the beaver I don't know why

I guess you could say in our tribe

grandma is the cheetah my mom doesn't

live with us anymore so grandma

pyncheons she's real good at noticing

things that aren't quite right

like when my fingernails are dirty or

when I tried to pick pinstripes on my

dad's car but nobody had a better

costume and I didn't have a me and she

sure knows how to make a guy feel good

just bake you some victory cookies

grandma I gotta get back out there and

collect some more papers but the paper

drives over I know but I'm gonna get a

head start for next year so no one will

catch me especially that lizard Melissa

Oliver you know there are other

challenges in life besides the paper

drive like what well like school sports

scouting yeah there's no that I'm gonna

be as good at but if you put even half

the effort but you put toward that paper

drive into anything else I know you do

very well

I really think so well you never know

unless you try

grandma whose cookie sure smell good

well that's what I just said

you'll never know unless you try

[Music]

let me tell you about my dad he's

different than my friend's dad's and

even though we don't hunt boars so much

anymore we watch cartoons together and

he's never too busy to do something with

me

don't worry Oliver it'll fly this time

now whap you busy in a minute I'm

talking to your brother right now

in the shower I'll be out in a few

minutes

dad in a minute son dad I'm really glad

you're gonna be healthy T ah thanks kid

you know this may sound dumb but when

you get to be my age well there's not

much father-son stuff a guy can do

without your friends thinking you're

going soft on them okay Olli we can play

now no time for that dad you see I was

getting my lunchbox out of your car cuz

I left half a Twinkie in it and uh the

next thing I knew it kind of rolled into

the street I hope you didn't eat it uh

no dad not the Twinkie your car

[Music]

this is my brother Kip you know how old

your brother's just beat on you and

don't let you touch any of their junk

well chip does that too but sometimes he

can be a real neat guy back at her Aunt

Martha's 90th birthday party quick get

off wait till you hear this I got the

best news in the world party Haskell's

movie they know what they're driving

into nine come on get up

I can't I'm not wearing any bottoms it's

okay we're brothers

what's that behind your ears probably

start no two tickets and a grand opening

of miracle mountains you almost have as

much fun as when you and your dad tie

those vines tear people dive off that

Tower

[Music]

the rest of the family lives in the next

verse there's my uncle Wally he's my

dad's big brother I'm stronger

dad and uncle Wally I just like Batman

and Robin they're always together you

know like those two guys you have in

your country Congo man and unblock

negative side of the battery

[Music]

I'm qawalli Annette Mary Ellen have

known each other for a long time but

they got married anyway I never really

noticed you when you came back from that

spring vacation in Fort Lauderdale

they're all tan wearing that little

white dress with a little heel on your

shoulders well they didn't have any

moisturizer then I remember I saw you

standing here right next to your locker

you were opening it and I just stare

stare I remember thinking that is the

most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my

entire life

[Music]

you know I bet I even remember the

combination to your license well there

some things a man never forget well I

guess once in love Foley's in love

was there ever any doubt

you just opened Julie Foster's old

Locker

my cousin Kelly's right even though

she's a girl she may be strong but she's

sure that some goofy ideas like when she

thought her parents were getting a

divorce

Shelley where'd you get that towel Oh

some lady in the bathroom was handing

them out oh excuse me are you our waiter

yes they're very busy here oh I don't

know maybe we should have the family

special why bother

oh excuse me we're ready to order now

good look at her all dressed up

she's such a big girl yep she's our big

girl all right our big girl in fact

you're such a big girl that we can talk

to you about anything now because you're

such a big girl I'll be right there

tell me please please divorce we brought

you here to tell you that we're gonna

have a baby and after that she ran away

from home but I talked her into going

back I just want you both to know that

it's alright with me if you have that

baby I think we can make it work now I

love you both

goodnight baby I can't wait to meet you

[Music]

well penpal I just I can't tell you

about my family we're not talking about

the Haskell's boy what a bunch of creeps

[Music]

I wish I could spud but the sheer

velocity of one of my passes would send

your own come on he's having a rough

time at home soleio hop ready yeah lay

off me Freddie down Fido look it's not

that I don't feel for you kid

but you gotta stand up for yourself if

my old man gave me any guff I'd good

afternoon sir well if it isn't the

cleaver bruise yeah I see your dad still

giving you haircuts at home next time

selling the turn on the light and why

don't say that's a lovely oven mitt

you're wearing good morning mr. cleaver

that's a very becoming robe you have on

some things never go out of style Thank

You Eddy good afternoon mrs. Cleveland

why that's a lovely

hi mrs. cleaver I do believe you're

wearing slacks and I must say they do

become you Eddie

yes mrs. fever put a sock in it love why

that certainly is a handsome outfit

you're wearing

it's my father's Day present you know

how it is

I've got a word at least once just so

they don't think they totally wasted

their money nonetheless certainly does

become you well sir it's nearly post

time Frederick my boy I must say I

haven't seen you look this good since

that day at juvenile court thank you sir

you know you remind me a lot of myself

at your age except of course I was

better looking so you've told me

when you get to be my age you'll learn

something about women and on this night

of your first date I'm gonna pass these

secrets along to you that's very

generous of you sir

Sun women are all a bunch of

bloodsuckers out to get whatever they

can and when they've used you up they'll

toss you aside like an old side hey you

run along and have a good time my dad's

Oh telling you never to trust a Haskell

I wish I listened better hey I thought

did it work what are you doing keep your

shirt on I got you ready come on where

are you going I'm taking you over to my

house my dad's been bugging me to clean

out the rain gutters all right but you

got no sense of humor

[Music]

sometimes a guy gets in the message then

they can't even blame on a task my CB

radio do you get locked in there beep

the x-ray with your hands up

this is your last warning you have 60

seconds to surrender

[Music]

don't you don't you

[Music]

happy Father's Day dad I'm not serving

breakfast and shift Joey in the fridge

I was wondering trend Chile's poisonous

some are some art all the times that

Eddie Haskell is manipulated you misled

you take an advantage of your good

nature evil wouldn't you once just like

the button that Eddie Haskell flip more

than anything well then start acting

like Lord cleavers boys and get out

there and kick their fanny

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

you know Donnie the best part about my

family is that no matter what kind of

mess you get into there's always someone

there who understands I want you to take

a good look at yourself you know if

we're all I take your hands away from he

knows come on open your eyes you know if

we're only looking for imperfections in

ourselves we're sure and they're gonna

find them I hate to be the one to break

this to you honey you're a knockout

yeah really mm-hmm

just look at those high cheekbones get

those from my side of the family I never

saw them before but all the top

actresses have them but none of them

have eyes like yours they opening

clothes good - did you just be stunning

in that costume

let's go pretty

here's your cut oh what a pretty penny

code I think about myself oh you did

yeah but you put your hair up what a

lovely dress

it is we sell high - no well accent it

Benny come on let's go take a look

[Music]

I still got a neck like a stack it dies

hello so did Priya patre an Audrey

Hepburn and even your grandmother look

I'm gonna let you in I'm a little secret

what he hair up

[Music]

you're right I am a knockout yes you are

and it's not just because of the way you

look either because of who you are

it's your sweetness sure Yong City and

your sense of humor

that's what's gonna knock that audience

right off their feet tonight thanks

Pamela for always being there when I

need you I love you Kelly

[Music]

it's me your son Oliver cleaver and the

reason I'm doing this is because you got

a right it's know what kind of a rat

your kid is it's only a real rat

wouldn't come up with a gift first and

I'm Father's Day it's not like you

didn't have a chance or anything I'm not

lending me the money

I blew it on junk like ice cream and

this

pretty dumb huh I didn't know what a rat

I was so I saw you staring at that

picture of you and Grandpa that made me

think of you and how you always share

your fries with me at McDonald's how you

always call me champ even though I

hardly never won nothing and that whole

Saturday was spent looking for a

four-leaf clover I really come home at

night I always pretend to fall asleep in

the car cuz nothing feels mentioned then

when you carry me upstairs and put me

into bed and dad

even though I did roof up can we still

be friends cuz I sure love you a lot

okay

[Music]

hi guys it's me your son Oliver

Cleveland

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

my head wasn't so tired I'd tell you

about the rugged parts they're a real

bunch of kidding no pen pal I think I

got the bestest family in the whole

world do we help each other and love

each other and there's always good stuff

to eat in the icebox

right real soon you'll combine a koala

Oliver Cleaver us

[Music]

tonight at 7:35 Eastern on a

superstation there's a mistaken identity

on Sanford & Son

followed at 8:05 by the classic tale of

intrigue and romance Humphrey Bogart and

Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca now

celebrate domestic bond on The Andy

Griffith Show next on the superstation

[Music]