03x07 - Between Friends

[bunniefuu]

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[Applause]

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what are you doing taking my tonsils out

come on serious

the better the posters look the more

people come into the carnival carnival

big deal you spend 10 bucks to one a

25-cent goldfish - croaks before you get

home oh come on where's your school

spirit

look Kelly's in charge of this committee

and we can't let her down

Thank You Duffy I'm glad somebody on

this committee shares my sense of

responsibility all right I'll do the

stupid poster over but there's no way

I'm sticking my head through that hole

to get hit by pies you don't have to

worry about that there's no way your

head would fit through that hole

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do you believe this old shirt of Wally's

I wouldn't be surprised that the Little

Sisters of the needy give that one job

grandma have you seen the mailman navy

blue shorts safari hat support hose not

today I wish you'd get here I'm waiting

for my PSAT scores College Board's

already yeah it's just a preliminary

test to weed out the people who just

don't have what it takes for higher

education well I'm gonna wait at the

corner before mrs. Buckner invites him

in again we only have a box apart so far

my favorite shirt give me a break we're

hanging them in the hallway not the

louver hello that's pronounced the lube

oh well I guess I miss about the wrong

in my history book your mr. cleaver use

this ah Swiss Army knife

you know Oliver's got one just like this

not anymore dad

I gave it Duffy you know he's my best

friend even though he didn't volunteers

for Kelly's stupid committee that's okay

Oliver I understand it's a sign of real

friendship guys stuff you know when I

was about your age I gave Larry Mandela

my captain midnite decoder ring yeah as

a matter of fact last time I saw him he

was still wearing it

Hey well that's okay slugger I tell you

what we'll take it back to the storm

we'll get another one a black one the

man's model huh get your test course the

only possible explanation is a computer

error I mean I must not have used the

number two pencil or something 340 and

math and I was worried about how much it

was gonna cost for you to go to

Princeton yes don't worry no test scores

not everything Holly just cares just as

much about grades and outside activities

I'm going to the library maybe join the

Explorer scouts all right who wants to

go to the store with us not me uncle

Wally Duff and I are going home boys

oriental death Peter I can't today ollie

I gotta go to my sister's dumb harp

recital how about you Kelly it's a real

good one today hands a fire no thanks I

hate movies where you see their lips

move and you hear what they say ten

seconds later

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yep and I used to do that back in the

days when I thought he had potential

goodbye Kelly goodbye Duffy your posters

are beautiful you have the soul of real

artists oh thanks you know yours don't

stink either yeah yeah

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well we'll make two trips all right with

me hi honey would you mind helping us

with these huh no thanks I'm not hungry

oh hi hi did you do something to your

hair oh no nothing nothing yeah I just

didn't have time to wash it looks really

cool I didn't see it lunch today no well

yeah some of the guys they locked me in

the bathroom but that's okay cuz they

wouldn't have done it they didn't like

me yeah so what are you gonna do now I

was gonna go check out the new comics at

the store yeah I was gonna go to the

soda shop hey maybe you could go to the

comic store with me and I can you go to

the soda shop with you and everybody's

happy unless you don't want to be with

me well sure I do

I don't know why but lately there's been

a lot of stuff I want to do with you

wait maybe you're just getting smarter

hey guys you know pills records just

getting into Damien the Dead Boys CD

let's go scope it out uh I can't I gotta

go to my sister's harp recital you went

to your sister's Harper Center last

Saturday oh well uh see the girl before

her got her braces stuck in the strings

and so everybody else has to go today

how about you Kelly I want to go um I

can't

oh my mom's making me go post for an oil

painting and they want to hang me over

the piano yes

guys there's much fun as coffin for the

school nurse I feel bad about lying

think he knew he's not that smart I've

copied off his papers lots of times

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wait a minute you're gonna hire an SAT

tutor to give you more home looks then

you go to college but they give you even

more homework right yeah but isn't that

for like paint a guy to sit on your

chest and dangle it over your face

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[Applause]

I guess you know you should proper do

cokes that's not very sanitary in case

you're wondering about my sister's harp

recital it got cancelled cuz uh she got

cramps well she shouldn't play the harp

right after she eats Holi let's go down

to the cheerleader practice watch them

work on that pyramid okay what you

kidding me fool

cuz that was the dumbest excuse I've

ever heard oh great one date Marty I

think like my parents there are only

three cheerleaders how great appear me

could they make Holly why don't you try

using something north of your eyebrows

can't you tell and Kelly and Duffy want

to be alone we had my days sitting

together I'll make this simple Kelly and

Duffy of the hots for each other

no way she slugged him two weeks ago for

burping the national anthem just look

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hi beaver hi mom how was school you know

what after asking you boys that for 30

years

honey nice to have someone ask me oh my

pleasure now go wash your hands dinner's

almost ready

looks like three lamb chops apiece guys

how he's not coming down again okay tell

him your grandmother cooked him no it's

not that dad see how he's in the dumps

because he found out Kelly and Duffy are

kind of an item really can't imagine

Kelly liking a boy who goes around

burping the national anthem you know is

feeling really left out Kelly and Oliver

aren't just the kind of cousins whose

parents make them dance together at

weddings and that's it you know they are

pretty close

last Halloween they shared the same wax

lips and Duffy he sleeps over so much he

keeps a pair of pajamas here they stay

up all night talking about stuff like

what's harder a diamond or steel it's a

diamond I'd better go talk to him dad

why don't you let me take a shot at it

you know what a pair goes up to a kid's

room wanting to talk it makes him feel

like he's done something wrong okay go

ahead but be understanding be sensitive

and be brief these lamb chops were

expensive

mmm aren't those Duffy's pajamas he had

just wish she was in him Oliver I

remember when I was your age

it's a tough time straddling the

emotional fence between childhood and

maturity oh great

a lecture on life from a guy I can't

even remember the combination was gym

locker shut up and listen to your big

brother who threw you down the stairs

once we can do it again you're saying

listen in a couple of weeks killya get

tired of duffy and all those noises he

makes you to be closer than those guys

in the Calvin Klein underwear ads just

stay cool good things work themselves

out Qi keep your pretty smart how come

you need to Chrome on your pSATS yeah

well what I do no no no

[Applause]

Kevin you're acting like a child

you promised me Thunder wills I told you

it's on back order that's what you said

about the flamethrower dad mom I know

you're really gonna enjoy having Duffy

over for dinner he's really quite a

gentleman and he'll leave anything is

free well in that case telling the

rescue mission serves until 9:00 for you

they're beautiful

I must have a cold

oh no the plastic one belch and he's out

of here

Duffy we're so glad you could make it oh

me too

it was my turn to do the dishes at home

I threw up yesterday Kevin please why

don't you sit right there

well enough small talk you know that

Kelly and I have something real special

going here oh boy honey where'd you get

this lettuce while we Tuffy is speaking

to us I know dear

I just can't get over this lettuce mr.

cleaver I want you to know that my

intentions are nothing but honorable and

I promise to never ditch Kelly on the

highway or nothing like that

that's encouraging not like that

motorcycle game she used to run with

Duffy speaking for both of us I can say

that I think it's wonderful that you and

Kelly like each other and you may

continue to like each other as long as

it doesn't interfere with your

schoolwork oh I promise you it won't

rest assured that what I feel for Kelly

lasts as long as my heart remains in my

body

monstro be back in your closet really

figure to find you here this is not what

you think I don't know what it is yet

but believe me it's not what you think

you relax Duffy everything's cool I know

that you and Kelly and uh well it's

great I mean you're my best friend right

and I uh well I wouldn't give my Swiss

Army knife to any idiot you didn't do

him lose my Swiss Army knife did you

know it he's not lost

ah it's ad that's great it's great belly

it looks good on you Kelly

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his head

have you seen Freddy I got a big banquet

to go to tonight and I need my pants

hemmed and feeded hey why the long face

you just find out that you're not

adopted

what's he in you Junior you can trust

Uncle Eddie well yeah what about the

time you sent me to pick up that package

at the union hall I had no idea they'd

do something like that to a kid so spill

it well I got a problem with this guy an

egg in his house and stuff wouldn't be

enough nor I can get a good hit man I'm

hearing right

those words from a descendent of Ward

Cleaver I know mr. Haskell cuz I'm just

not thinking straight yeah I'll say why

use a third party where's the

satisfaction in that you do the job

yourself it's the American Way

you're challenging to a fight are you

kidding you sneak up behind a creep and

you hit him with everything you got that

wouldn't be fair

what are you bucking for a Nobel Peace

Prize or something this is lightning

this is thunder and you go whip up a

storm on his chump I can't believe how

much trouble we had finding one of these

yeah but it's gonna be worth it when we

get to see the look on Kevin's face yeah

you were right did you see the look on

his face Mary Ellen where did you find

that this door I just walked into bought

the floor sample great you don't mind

used merchandise well Wally you're not

the first guy I ever dated and we seem

to be doing just fine

mr. Haskell I got federal oils so you're

spoiled big deal maybe good thing you

got a shyster her brother

you're gonna be needin one soon I'll see

you later while I sure just run away

from your problems hey you should take

all the money you save on desserts and

send that 5-foot sociopath of yours to a

shrink

are you talking about Oliver hey I was

just downtown and ran into the crown

prince of puberty she was layin for some

guy and I think he's got a blade Eddie

aren't you late for the scum fest yeah

we're doing a beaver

I bet this has something to do with

Duffy and Kelley you mean

Oliver's gonna beat the tar out of Duffy

where would he get an idea like that

well it's a little late to ask now you

permissive parents are all alike weaning

them on that Sesame Street propaganda

while you're busy agonizing over a BMW

color chart you make me sick yeah you

gettin a BMW gotta find Oliver gee kilee

no one hangs posters as straight as you

that's only because you put the tape on

so good Gilly came out in front of the

gym dad what are you doing buddy's right

yeah well if we're so tight how come I

don't know Duffy's real name hey Duffy

is my real name I was named after my

parents first dog yeah well now you're

dog meat cuz this is lightning and this

is thunder and guess what pal you just

got caught in the rain get out of the

way Kelly or little brains he's got it

gonna be all over your dress come on

ollie you have to fight why can't you

just hate me like my sisters do

satisfaction in that I always thought he

could take me

how are you alright leave me alone I

hate you both go back to your little

love nest Kelly I think you better give

me the knife back no offense but you're

not worth it yeah I feel the same way

about you toothpicks kind of grungy we

had ribs for dinner last night

you probably want this back you guys

aren't really break up just cuz of me

don't give yourself all the credit she's

kind of pushy you're my cousin I like

even if I didn't have to you know how

grown-ups are always saying they haven't

seen someone in a long time well I don't

want that to ever happen to us

guy should stay together really yeah cuz

you like each other you know what else I

think you got a real shot at being voted

cutest couple in the yearbook well yeah

we do turn heads well if you're done

bleep let's all go down to the soda shop

and see if we can't think of someone

who'd be wanting to go out with you Oh

Duffy keep the knife Oliver violence is

never the answer I want you three to sit

down and talk out your problem okay dad

well do did the soda shop all right the

three of you together sure just like we

always do you want some money

sure thanks yeah

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hey I'm getting pretty good at this

grandma my tutor gave me a three-hour

practice SAT test look at this Oh Kip oh

that's a tremendous improvement and I

know I may not get me into Princeton but

it's definitely good enough for State oh

I'm so proud of you hey if you do go to

state we could be roommates you know get

an apartment off-campus and party Harty

oh grandma you know I still haven't

given up on Princeton yet tonight at

7:35 Eastern on the superstation a hit

man's out to make bread dead-on Sanford

and Son

then at 8:05 Sophia Loren makes Cary

Grant's home and children's shipshape

houseboat now Barney tries to join an

exclusive club on The Andy Griffith Show

next on the superstation

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