03x14 - Don't Go Changing

[bunniefuu]

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[Applause]

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[Applause]

wow that's great now you have four kids

I only wanted to just think how I felt I

only wanted one better be a joke dad hi

hi grandma so how did the City Council

meeting go awful my cold-hearted

colleagues passed an ordinance but

doesn't allow people to sleep in the

park

who would want to sleep in the park with

all those bums anyways Oliver those are

the people I'm talking about and most of

them aren't bums

they're just people that are poor and

they don't have anyplace else to go

that's too bad well did anything else

happen at the meeting oh yes it's no

longer ill*gal to name your horse after

a living president

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excuse me sir

Wow dreams do come true I was dreaming

of a blonde but you're pretty too I love

a woman in uniform I love a woman out of

uniform

oh hey Jessie the football game last

night I missed it

oh it was great five-second slip you

dropped back scans the coverage he fires

[Laughter]

hey I thought your cooking you were

cooking I was cooking boy are we cooking

yeah hey you want to go again oh I want

to go again go one three four

hey how you doing Maurice I haven't seen

you since Korea no it's me Freddy from

the pill board contest know him I spent

a hundred eight days on a billboard with

him yeah he won a Ferrari

I had a harmonica he had a guitar I jam

he jammed I cookie cook

yeah the vent at the wine look there's a

new city ordinance it doesn't allow

anyone to sleep in the park no problem

I'll take care of them that's fine

just make sure he doesn't sleep in the

park again oh you can count on me and

might I say you bring new meaning to the

term Mayfield's finest hi all right I I

know

gee it's good to see you Hank where you

been I've been right here I haven't

moved all day well you're Freddie look

cena's you have no pressing engagements

what do you say you come over to my

house well let me think about it Hank

should I go to his house sure why not

I could be an intrusion you hack no way

you're right let's go what do you got in

this thing I started a rock collection

are you sure you want to do this I mean

what about your dad

my dad knows Hank he'll be one big happy

reunion right hey whatever happened your

Ferrari

ran out of gas

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hi hello yourself baby doll

okay mom does that when dad comes home -

its Hank from the Billboard oh nice to

see you Oh silver polish fish heads and

beans I ran into Hank at the park I told

him I'd get him something to eat well

sure let's see we have leftover

spaghetti egg salad split pea soup fruit

that'd be fine I'll see if I can unlock

my dad's cool and get your beer make

yourself at home

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don't tell me you wanted Gertz relatives

no she's making me suddenly you like the

Lennon sisters

I like the Lennon sisters they sing like

birds I like birds too all kinds of

birds it's a parakeet I don't like them

at all you don't have a parakeet do you

you sure you're not one of Curt's

relatives honey watch it didn't break

out the fine china do your help

have we lost all someone's of sanity in

this house I'll see if the pizza rolls

are ready wanna buy it no I prefer to

die a natural death might I have a

moment of your time

excuse us now make your explanation fast

so I can throw out the Duke of dirt sir

a new ordinance was passed that

prohibits people like Hank from sleeping

in public places he had nowhere else to

go so what is this the New Deal a

chicken in every pot and a b*mb in every

house but Hanks not a bum he's the

inventor of the fitted sheet truly has

more to offer to society than just

aimless wandering does Kleenex come with

this speech sir we can take the first

step towards making Hank a productive

member of society again you could give

him a job Oh Frederick Frederick

Frederick I knew I was in trouble when I

caught you trying to make that donation

to Live Aid it doesn't have to be a big

job he could sweep up sawdust and nails

son somewhere in you lies that shard of

humanity which binds you to those of

your own species

I gotta track that out of you Freddie

you can't change people take your mother

I've been trying for years to get her to

take belly dancing lessons well I

believe I can change Hank and you can

help please let him just stay here a few

days at least he'll have a roof over his

head okay okay he can have a roof over

his head

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you still play a mean harmonica Hank

thanks it's not as sweet as when you

were playing your guitar with me boy I

was cooking you will cooking you working

I was cooking we were cooking with gas

remember car 54 where are you that guy

was good Hank yeah

brought you some blankets sorry about

the accommodations it's fine

reminds me of my house in Florida where

your dog won't be needing it

no after dad's unfortunate archery

mishap

Fluffy's needs are no longer up this

world Hank living the way you do are you

really happy sure I am the road is my

home my home is the road once I caught a

fish this big what society's changing

there's no place left for people who

don't fit in anymore maybe it's time you

give it one more try I don't know I

don't think the mainstream is for me I

couldn't take the pressure the deadlines

the coffee was always so lousy Hank

you're the inventor of the fitted sheet

who knows what brilliant ideas are

lurking in that head of yours buddy I

just don't think I have it in me anymore

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oh look I just be wasting my time thank

you don't know that I mean can't you at

least give it a try Hank you want to

spend the rest of your life living in a

doghouse Hank you're better than that

tell you what Freddie my man I'll sleep

on it looks a little small but I'll try

it on

why were your nail salon king so I could

smoke my cigar all the way to the end

without burning my fingers more strokes

and you'll be a new mayor sir

you're just in time for the unveiling of

a new Hank a man back on his way to the

mainstream of American life you have a

death wish or something and let him

sleep in my doghouse eat my food and

guapa beer but when you let the butt of

a peasant test the throne of a king

you've gone too far he's history

I want him out of my house and my

doghouse now I didn't know your dad was

a king

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there I was leaving Vinnie's pool hall

when all of a sudden I'm looking down

the business end of a 45 and the ugliest

guy I ever laid eyes on says you're

driving our getaway car or I'll blow

your brains out Wow

so did you drive the getaway car I'm

alive today hey ty I'm sorry to be a

killjoy boys but really is getting

rather late

oh come on Graham I just ten more

minutes I think I'll turn in myself

where's your doghouse sorry we don't

have one afraid you're gonna have to

sleep on the sofa

Wow the sofa thanks for letting me stay

here mrs. Cleveland Oh Hank we're always

happy to help somebody who tries to help

themselves

I hope you'd have more stories wait till

I tell you about the three legged woman

I know he really has had some

unbelievable things happen to handle oh

I'm sure he has but remember boys you've

got to take Hanks stories for the grain

of salt the ugliest Dame I ever laid

eyes on says you're driving our getaway

car or I'll cut you so did you try to

get away car I'm alive today

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hey Freddie ah Saturday morning at the

cleaver house the smell of fresh perked

coffee the sound of sizzling bacon they

should be doing a Kodak commercial here

but I digress stop by to see how my

charge is doing he's doing fine but I

don't think thanks up yet morning Hank

oh hi Freddie hey nice sneakers why are

you sleeping under the coffee table did

you ever see that movie

High Noon with Gary Cooper yeah well

need i say more

hi guys how'd you sleep Hank well I

started out on my back but I musta

rolled over during the night morning

gents beautiful day for golf hey he's

not our fourth is he honey you're now

early you'd be early too if your wife

wouldn't stop squawking mow the lawn

take out the trash rake the leaves is

that all the energy you have hmm

thought I was on my honeymoon again I

might be able to alleviate some of your

aforementioned problems this honest an

able-bodied man will handle all your

domestic chores for a paltry $3 an hour

I will and you'll wear pants too hey I'd

pay $10 an hour if it stops letitia's

incessant yapping that's my partner

driving one of his patented hard

bargains

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Hey what are you doing here meeting an

ice cream cone wanna lick but you're

supposed to be working at the

Rutherfords that's just great I feel

myself on the line for you with my

father and everyone else I tried to put

you back on the right track to a

productive life and this is how you

thank me I already offered you a lick

Freddie my sincere apologies mr.

Rutherford but he's just taking a break

he'll be back to work in a mere jiffy

what are you talking about he's done

done

you mean you mowed the lawn and rake the

leaves and cleaned out the garage

already and wax both the cars gave

latisha facial and JJ her allergy shot

gee guess I owe you an apology

I thought you were just loafing I was

eloping I was working and guess what I

was raking some leaves and I found a

dime can't believe I did all that work

in one day

boy the sky's the limit for you just

think what'll happen when you put that

kind of energy into a real job yeah I

could afford to put chocolate jimmies on

my ice cream cone I like them you like

them I like them everybody likes them

and not I like nuts I love that

especially crushed nuts yeah let's get

some

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are you sure we shouldn't wake Hank for

dinner yeah he looks too comfortable

under the coffee table

pretty sure has Hank come in the

pavement I don't believe those

sourpusses down at City Hall

first they pass an ordinance kicking

Hank out of the park and now they won't

even hire him to push a broom really the

worst thing you can do is use the wrong

end of it

excuse me for interrupting your intimate

repast but it's dropped something off

don't tell me Hank has a brother quite

amusing sir no Ashley it's the tape of

the drummers I audition they all stink

but the third guy's father has a lot of

money

Freddie any new developments with Hank

I'm afraid not

I don't find him something soon he'll

start answering the beckoning call of

boxcars can't you ever talk normal boy

you know that's really a lousy place for

Hank asleep

I'm afraid that's about all he has to do

these days well then I have good news

for you I called in a favor from the

head clerk down at the courthouse and if

Hank can be at my house at 4:00 o'clock

sharp tomorrow he's got a job as a new

interoffice messenger once again a

cleaver saves a Haskell from a dismal

abyss he'll be there bright eyed and

bushy tail it's w*r on the button

yeah so then the ugliest guy you've ever

seen in your whole life says you're

driving the getaway car or I'm gonna

blow your brains out

cute story look you only have been here

40 minutes I really have to go wait a

second hey wait a little bit longer

I'm sure Fred you'll find Hank real soon

I'm sorry I have a deposition to take oh

you can't leave yet you uh you haven't

had your picture taken with everyone

I'll get over it oh wait a second you

haven't heard Kevin sing his new song

yeah hey hey come on slugger sing yeah

I'm a little teapot and sing slow is a

natural see yeah yeah but maybe I should

have sang along with him then I would

have left

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over in vacation slides let me see I

love to get death these are just some

pictures of my trunk huh ready my boy

I'm in the mood for a little father-son

stuff what do you say we go knock down a

few pins got any money thank you sir but

I'm really not in the mood

hey well then give me some money and

I'll go honey what's wrong Hank never

showed up for his appointment no Eddie

he's gone left the cleavers and he

didn't even say goodbye I really thought

he was gonna come through how could he

let me down like this honey you've done

everything you could

cleaned him up you fed him and he gave

him a place to stay till your father

threw him out on his butt

if you would have just hung in there a

little longer I'm sure he could have

made it who knows what he could have

accomplished hey Jack did you ever stop

and think that maybe what you wanted

wasn't what he wanted the guy was

obviously happy eating fish heads and

howling at the moon no point we can't

change people I've been trying to change

your father for years I think she'd be

smart enough not to mess with perfection

that's the last time I ever try to help

anybody hey you know you catching on you

should always try to help people just

don't tell them what kind of person they

should be gee Curt you're boring I need

a beer honey I'm sorry it didn't work

out but your heart was in the right

place I hope somebody's not expecting me

to pour this beer myself

good afternoon mrs. cleaver my that's a

lovely already you don't have to be

insincere with me I know how you must

feel

Hank list is for you Thanks your good

guy Freddie dear Freddie

I'm sorry I didn't show up today but it

just wasn't for me the road really is my

home I appreciate all the good things

you wanted me to have enclosed is my

lucky day

I want you to have it cuz it really

worked for me it's a good feeling to

know I'll always have a friend like you

tell your dad I'm sorry i sat at his

chair

your pal Hank

hey keep the chair hey tell you what you

want to go bowling later my treat

[Music]

black Queens Knight takes white King's

Bishop I can see what you're doing you

don't have to call out every move with

that black Queens Knight stuff you know

I was thinking about Hank last night

made me realize how lucky we really are

well speak for yourself I just lost my

bishop Bob come on Wally

we both have wonderful families you make

a good living I make a great one even a

move away oh you know we all have our

health look at mom

she's a whirlwind checkmate

why did I ever teach you this game hey

what are you complaining about yeah you

know you're right what am i complaining

about

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