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04x10 - Darkness on the Edge of Mayfield

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The New Leave It to Beaver". Aired: March 19, 1983 – June 4, 1989.*
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Series focuses on Wally Cleaver and his younger brother, Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver as adults and with families of their own.

04x10 - Darkness on the Edge of Mayfield

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

[Music]

presenting the Olympics

lucozade cool liquid energy

[Applause]

[Music]

now the time has gone

which

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ladies and gentlemen mr. let Monroe

[Music]

together with mr. Andy Williams two of

the finest voices ever recorded 18 of

their greatest songs together for the

first time the very best of let Monroe

Andy Williams out no on hit bone

[Music]

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[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

now you're 6 feet underground

[Applause]

I lost you to a fire

Jim

yeah

thank you thank you you're too kind

this is pathetic look on the bright side

it can't get much worse I just did this

is the last time we play for a

percentage of the gate we're getting off

early tonight what do you say we

practice in the garage tomorrow huh the

definition of practice is to play

without an audience I think we just did

look guys I don't want to be negative

but maybe we should just pack it in come

on Stanley we put two years into this

band I also put two years into chasing

Melissa Casey it's all I learned what to

give up

okay what's the largest river on the

Indian subcontinent

don't I get a hint

it's known as the mother of life denial

that's in Egypt

come on Ali if you don't pass this test

you don't get to go on the field trip to

a meatpacking plant chant hey to miss

that but I don't understand why I have

to learn this junk well what if you

wanted to go to India some day I mean

wouldn't you like to know the name of

some of the landmarks no problem when I

got there I just asked a cabdriver hey

what's the name of that river out here

throw me the audience didn't want desert

again huh that's small I'd say about six

foot three to 20 I don't believe it the

absentee landlords are on again somebody

tell me what they have that we don't you

do a real cute drummer two years ago

they're playing sweet 16 parties right a

year later they make a video in a

bathtub well they have a record contract

I mean just think what we could do

SWANA you guys make a video ID help me

to your drummers in that bad in a simple

sword away

thanks but it's not that easy I mean to

make a video good enough to get on TV

you need professional equipment wardrobe

and smoke do something you could make a

video I mean our songs are good enough

right we have the money it could be us

[Music]

and as the course repeats fire in the

gym fire in the gym the dancers

betraying the flickering flames of love

engulf our heroine as the band hits a

final crescendo we fade out we can do it

all for a mere $1,200 that's very

interesting and need I remind you that

our director Frederick Haskell was

runner-up in the Mayfield Public Library

super 8 film festival you can even

remind me I was one of the judges you

know there were only two entries oh he

was a close second so what do you guys

think hey I think it's a great idea but

where you gonna get the money well I was

hoping you'd give it to me so what would

be the return on my investment well you

make your oldest son very happy I think

your father was expecting a little more

Kip for a venture like this you ought to

raise money like a big corporation would

jump bonds he needs to sell stock you

know give your investors a share of the

Bands future profits hey great idea dad

you give us the money and we'll make you

a full partner huh if I'd really like to

help but you see I have this son that

keeps applying to very expensive private

colleges what about you grandma oh honey

that's a little rich for my portfolio

but here you can have this wow this is

great grandma this is your Social

Security check

I can't take this you sure can't

wrong check here it's a rebate on the

garbage disposal

you really appreciate this mr. cleaver

well it wasn't that tough I basically

just changed the prospectus I wrote for

Lumpy's hair implant centers this group

has yet to release a record net earnings

for last year were 31 dollars the

prospect of turning a profit this

quarter is highly unlikely cash mr.

cleaver do you have to be so blunt look

I'm sorry guys but I have a legal

obligation to tell it like it is yeah

but can't you describe our vision this

fiery passionate musical statement and a

lot of girls in tight shorts I want to

keep my law practice but we understand

how much your legal profession means to

you but why limit yourself we're giving

you a ground-floor opportunity to enter

the exciting world of rock and roll so

how many shares can I put you down for

look guys I'd love to buy in but Eddie

finally finished the phase of

construction and what were the cost

overruns it ran into the thousands

excuse me sir you see my father's in

possession of a large sum of money

that's right I just wrote him a check no

I hate to admit it but he actually did a

pretty good job

we have no money and a prospectus that

says you have to be crazy to invest in

us what are we gonna do now

please don't think I've been nipping at

the rat cheese but we could ask my

father that's right uncle Wally just

wrote the check but your father couldn't

spend it already right you better act

fast hold it as one who's experienced in

these matters getting my father in a

good mood is crucial to our chance of

success how do we do that I don't know I

haven't seen him in a good mood since

solid-gold went off the air hey wait a

second do you still have your

grandmother's rebate check yeah well

that's a start let's go

much better 48 point three degrees just

as the brewmaster recommend sir yeah

thank you sir

may I show those peanuts for you sir if

I get tired I'll let you know and when

you're ready I have your dental floss

waxed of course

hello mr. Haskell and how was your day

cool beer cash in my pocket no wife

around it doesn't get much better than

this since my window of opportunity it's

cool

[Music]

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yes

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

did that please you sir yes and it did

well you know there's nothing we

wouldn't do for you yeah and that's why

we're letting you in on the opportunity

of a lifetime for a mere $1,200 you can

become a full partner in all future

profits of our band your band and for a

mere 1200 some moments I can be a full

partner tour jacket and everything done

your little friend she was to get me in

a good mood so if I'd say yes did it

work

Saturday for future reference it's gonna

take a lot more than a wiggling navel to

get me to part with that kind of dog

well our entertainment budget was a bit

tight and I can sympathize but you're

too late anyway

that money's already spent you bought

grandma that hearing aid get real lumpy

and I are gonna go down and pick up that

new satellite dish I ordered a Pathan

look so glum I'm gonna let you install

it hey I'll go get on my shoes well the

dream is over Mama's boys I couldn't

help but overhear your little business

proposition yeah I guess it was pretty

stupid to think we could ever make a

video necessarily I've always been

interested in a musical career how

fascinating yeah my parents got me a

sousaphone and well there really wasn't

much call for a tuba player with asthma

Oh telly cut down before it bloomed but

I've still got the music in me so a few

boys will make me the executive producer

and a full partner you got the money you

really mean that

hey I'm a creative guy trapped in a

businessman spotty everyday the same old

thing in by 9:00 lunch at 11:00 back by

3:00 I need an outlet for the real

Clarence Rutherford so what do you say

partners partners

make some beautiful music together yes

Hayley Mills in her Academy Award

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[Applause]

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pudding Club phone them it now remember

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send you your free solid gold rope chain

voted at 105 dollars together with your

personal Club Card as a member you can

buy all your jewelry at less than half

price all year round two ring from the

Broken Hill mint as a podium club member

you receive your parcels hand-delivered

fully insured anywhere in Australia for

only two dollars 50 phone now and uh

below eight eight one two double 802

reserve your free solid gold chain and

enter your name in our Hawaii Holliday

competition phone the mint now

[Music]

very nice

excuse me what's going on anyway

they're casting for the video when I

spend all those years on the track team

when I went to waste you know what you

mean

I should have listened when mom told me

to keep up my accordion lessons

Edna we'd like to see you improvise a

little something in the climactic scene

just as the flames are closing in you

have to get off the winning shot

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

thank you very much we'll be in touch we

gotta find himself a new casting

director every girl that can sh**t like

Larry Bird also looks like Larry Bird

guys this next girl is great she'd be me

one on one 11 to 8 I want a rematch fine

but watch the hand checking hi I'm

Fredrik Haskell your director and

songwriter that's Kip your co-star hi

I'm candy candy

let's sweet me would you like to see my

resume

oh yeah let's see here huh you played

Lucy in your Good Man Charlie Brown

bellwood grammar school very impressive

oh it says here you were in the 8th

grade production of Finian's Rainbow

what part did you play Oh

how is the rainbow it was an

experimental production that's great let

me tell you a little bit about what

we're doing here we're examining

adolescent angst from the throes of

passion to impending disaster and of

course it's sociological implications we

call it fire in the gym I thought you

were doing a music video we are it's a

very special love story we'd like to see

you improvise a little something you're

in a gym surrounded by flames smoke is

everywhere but you have to make the

winning shot yeah uh-huh

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

it's something wrong did you want me to

bank it you got the part and will you

marry me

[Music]

Jim all right that's great

let's Pierce again from the top nice

flames hey Haskell let's sh**t this

thing it's been two and a half hours we

don't have anything on tape yet don't

interrupt the director while he's

working excuse me I'm the executive

producer excuse me hi guys how's it goin

spectacular I've never felt so alone

well actually we haven't really gotten

our first shot off yet well I know what

you're gonna say it I know what you're

gonna say but I don't think you'd be so

upset once you meet my co-star

Candi we'd like you to meet oh you don't

have to tell me who this is it is a

great honor to meet you mr. Pavarotti no

no this is Clarence Rutherford our

executive producer oh I'm sorry that's

okay kid common mistake can go out on

the streets in Rome so what do you think

have you ever seen a face like that

John I see your move she definitely has

star quality she does have all that

there's one thing she doesn't have you

know what's that rich father who's a

potential client boys I want you to meet

Andrea Bernstein I can't tell you how

thrilled I am to star in your video

really you can imagine how we felt when

we heard

we have a moment with you sir sure it's

to use s mr. Rutherford some of our

ideas may not be Academy Award winners

but Andrea Bernstein I mean this isn't

the type of chick that some guys gonna

run into a burning gym for unless she

was chasing him I'm sorry was executive

producer I'm pulling rank here

what's wrong with candy I mean she's

gorgeous she's photogenic she has a

great hook shot that's true she is all

that she's just not what I see what do

you see seven million dollars in an

escrow account

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

now you're 6 feet underground

[Applause]

I lost you to fire

[Music]

so what did you think of the debut

production of Clarence B Rutherford

films incorporated I need some fresh air

I'll help you find some exactly the way

you described it and for girl her sigh

you know she moves pretty well are you

kidding

you guys really thought it was good I

thought you people had some taste it was

terrible

I'm sorry mr. Rutherford but you know if

you had stuck with our original concept

oh don't worry about it

the important thing is that beaver and I

landed our account that's not the

important thing you gave it your best

shot you wanted to make a video and you

did there's something to be said for

that

really what hey everybody let's go get

some ice cream

it was your first effort yeah I thought

the music oh boy isn't America great

even our biggest mistakes are rewarded

why did that stink we really blew it

Andrea Bernstein didn't help any let's

face it Freddie

even if Andrea Bernstein lost 20 pounds

and didn't have two left feet the video

still would have been a disgrace you

dancing flames come on it was a bit

pretentious wasn't it how did we get so

far out of our league I mean we're not

van Halen just a garage band ready

that's it you're a genius

where's downer kids not cut out to be

start with drums and guitar

we're Spanish

[Music]

this

[Music]

not

[Music]

across the land song in the soul so

there I could roll yeah we're doing okay

[Music]

it's no laughing matter there's big

prices at stake in each of these

contestants wants to go home a winner

who will it be find out on wheel of

fortune 5:30 today

[Music]

[Music]

first list the police charge of a

shoplifting then the parent shock

shoplift and the humiliation Helen can

we keep this quiet Lee still Mary's back

on the plane of being labeled a criminal

Mary's not gonna be impressed when she

finds out about this

Nintendo presents home it away tonight

at 7 on 7 coming up next on 7 a gross

cartoon connection to might've 8:30 meet

little orphan girl who works her special

magic and softens the heart of an entire

town Academy Award winner Hayley Mills

stars in the Walt Disney classic

Pollyanna 8:30 tonight it's following

the Golden Girls hour here on 7

[Music]

[Music]