04x15 - Shortcuts

[bunniefuu]

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grandma I told you I bring that over I

remember that was three hours ago but I

will change that light bulb

Maryellen in here June can you believe

this heat no this morning I took a

shower and ran out of cold water well I

brought you another fan Oh bless you

I know I shouldn't buddy in Maryellen

but you know your air conditioning

should have been in months ago

I know but Eddie says he can't put the

air conditioner in until he puts the

vents in and he can't put the vents in

until he puts the ducts in and he can't

put the ducts in until he puts the air

come to shine you guys bought that now

come on while he's got to put his foot

down I know I know he's discussing it

with him right now he's gonna k*ll you

it's 102 summer cold on your spine final

another minute you'd have a m*rder up on

your hands and I'd sue your butt shut up

where's my air conditioner I told you

it's those whining connects first it's

it's acid rain then it's tighter

controls at the cut point you bought us

a Canadian air conditioner of course not

Bulgarian you'd be the first on your

block to have communist climate control

why would we want that hey woody against

glass nose

look I don't want to hear any more of

your stories I want you to get in your

truck get my air conditioner or get back

here and install it you know that's a

thought I've always wanted to fish the

great lakes I hear they have sturgeon

there's the size of Kurt's mother honey

I'm gonna have to take care of this

myself you are hey now you're talking

here's the keys to my truck make sure

you bring it back for your picking up

the air conditioner I'm going along to

make sure you don't screw it up all

right two buddies on the open highway

wind blowing through our hair

just like route 66 except in color

hi Wally hey did you realize that in the

old days people had to live like this

what can I do for you well mom said

you're going to Canada with Eddie so I

got you something for the trip oh thanks

it's a medical alert bracelet you don't

like it you very much do you know does

this show look I know I should have

fired the guy a long time ago I can't my

friend some friend named one thing he's

ever done for you I mean one thing he's

ever done for anybody exactly he's a

creep yeah I know I know he's selfish

dishonest and completely unreliable

so why are you friends with him well

because he's got me maybe you should

think about that

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hey Eddie you just missed the on-ramp

yeah I know just a little market a few

miles down the road they got a sale on

beer 12-pack for 399 turn this truck

around yeah I know it doesn't taste the

greatest but the alcohol contents the

same

[Applause]

are you nuts

don't you know anything about highway

safety look Eddie this isn't gonna be a

bachelor party on wheels we're going up

to get my air conditioner we're coming

straight back nothing else is that clear

better wanted to write with a stick I

would have asked to beat the gum

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or Krang

no thanks new flavor garlic hey what are

you doing you let me eat in here I just

put a new air conditioner in this baby

Bulgarian

are you kidding

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what's the big idea that's a three

dollar cigar that's what it costs lumpy

you know they sell Cuban cigars in

Canada we could buy 12 14 boxes hide

them in the air-conditioner take them

home but make a fortune

no yeah you're right customs and find

them all right well the secret

compartment under the gas tank they'll

never look there Eddie we're not

smuggling cigars stereo equipment no no

look I don't want to hear another word

you know you're starting to get on my

nerves just sit there where am I gonna

go

not a word

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Hey look Sam this is my truck we're

riding him okay okay but could we find

some rock and roll or something

I'd love to but there hasn't been any

decent rock'n'roll since Elvis

discovered jelly donuts you sure had

some great ones back then huh

tutti frutti creep ba*ls of fire sugar

sugar hey I got one for you

there she was just walking down the

street singing snapping her fingers and

shuffling her feet singing hey come on

Molly this is a car trip you're supposed

to sing songs okay

I'm gonna give you one more chance there

she was just walking down the street

singing

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snapping four fingers and a shuffling

her feet singing - what they need a need

um did he do she look good chin up fine

look fine she look good she look fine

dad I nearly lost my mind before I knew

what she was walking next with me

singing doo dum doo doo doo I smile and

act just as natural as can be

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Annie you got any more in those pork

rinds yes sorry finished him about 20

miles ago

Oh Wally you ever think about hitting

the open highway leaving all the

headaches behind job family starting a

whole new life

not really dear and once in a great

while usually after dinner come on you

don't really mean that

I don't you've got two fine sons and a

loving wife you can't tell me that you

hate your life as much as you let on

Wally

have you taken a closer look at Gert

lately Eddie why do you always talk

about Gert that way actually she's not

that bad but I could have done better

you know didn't do too bad and then Mary

Ellen's alright and whether

bleach-blonde here knockout figure the

way she used to look at me hey you know

the look but I never would have stolen

her from you I'm not that kind of a guy

I appreciate that Eddie

okay Wally it's just you and me and the

Coyotes out here

be honest have you ever fooled around on

the ole balling Jayne absolutely not hey

come on open up don't you even look at

other women just because a man's on a

diet doesn't mean he can't look at the

menu of course I'm more of a binge and

purge man myself yeah Wally you're right

you know you've stood by me through all

my bad times

take this remodeling job any other guy

would have fired me by now yeah you're a

true friend amigo thanks Eddie

oh and Molly remember what I said about

the pork rinds

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what that's highway robbery

what do i pay taxes anyway you wanna

give me a few

and voila oh boy you're gonna thank me

for this we're gonna make some real time

now

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right time we can do anything we're

going to go

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[Applause]

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[Music]

Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits 1966 to

1992 the ultimate Neil Diamond

Collection

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[Applause]

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coming up from the street some son

everybody knows one

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Neil Diamond's 37 greatest songs and a

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where are we how come you got off the

interstate and it wasn't cost-efficient

ladies Holgate's Smokies so now we're

driving down some dark back road in the

middle of nowhere

yeah and we're flying don't read our

g*ns out here this matter how fast

you're driving if you don't know where

you're going

he's not gonna bounce don't remember in

the scouts I was the one that led us to

that dead Pearl

I know exactly where this goes

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[Applause]

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yeah just one of those impossible events

let me just turn this puppy around

pretty exciting huh my life just flashed

before my eyes oh yeah was it as boring

as it is from the outside

so now we have to backtrack all the way

to the interstate how far did you drive

on this tricky trail anyway done 90

miles great so we lost three hours

nothing way I Drive Annie I don't want

you speeding I don't think you have to

worry about a speeding

we just ran out of gas

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you see Eddie this is what I can't stand

about you this sums it all up hey you

know your morning breath in no bouquet

of flowers either Mildred I'm talking

about always taking shortcuts always

looking for the easy way out

and everything you do is half-baked with

no purpose behind it except to avoid

effort lighten up and we're here I don't

get too comfortable Wally gas tanks on

this side hey Gomer fill it up with

premium check under the hood pay the man

Wally I gotta find the ladies room

in the men's room no it's a ladies room

this is a great opportunity for me to

further expand my reputation

ah and I'm not paying for the gas either

you know this whole ordeal is your fault

all right all right

can I call you a friend listen we've

toyed with you long enough

My partner and I are from the Bureau of

weights and measures and surprise this

is an inspection huh don't play dumb

we've got reports down at the office

it's say that these pumps are light on

the gas and heavy on the cash these

pumps no your wife's shoes now this

truck takes 17.5 gallons exactly and a

better come out on the button

actually it takes 20 gallons I love the

whites these country bumpkins sweat

water by deep deep jerky

there she was just two walking down the

speed singing all right Wally thank you

why are you mad at me now

you really have to ask hey my Khan was

working until you wimped out and paid

the guy think you're above it all don't

you Eddie

you know beaver asked me to come up with

one thing that you've ever done for me

and I couldn't do it I can't come up

with one thing that you've ever done for

anybody oh yeah

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you drive wall-e

I'm gonna walk both my hands-free hello

there sweet thing hi how are you going

as far as you let me agree ha thanks for

stopping I thought I'd never get a ride

when I saw you out here all alone I

thought I sure wouldn't want my daughter

out on her road like that but not that

I'm married or anything

hi this is Koda so uh that's a pretty

remote place to be hitchhiking

you're telling me my last ripe dump me

here hours ago thank goodness you came

along think of us as angels of mercy

welcome to cloud nine so what brings you

guys out to these parts well if the

truth be known we're casting agents

we're scouring the country in search of

fresh new faces oh really

yeah we're doing a big Network

miniseries what's it called Molly's

world

a little Oh like what like right now I'm

pretending to be a hedgehog pull over

don't do it Wally she's gone pull over

Wally what are you waiting for an

engraved invitation

over there okay up against the truck and

don't try anything stupid I think we've

reached our stupid quota for the day

listen Molly you seem like a nice girl

I'm just a poor guy who's trying to pick

up an air conditioner so his family

doesn't die of heatstroke pretty speech

what are you a social worker I know I'm

a lawyer

now I don't feel so bad give me all your

cash you too Dakota come on out with the

wallet

by the way Wally here's that hundred

bucks I owe yet so what this is what you

do all day go around robbing innocent

people yep me too I'm in construction

okay now the truth let's go

watches rings could I at least keep my

wedding ring yeah okay boys strip you

first you've taken our money in our

watches we've suffered the trauma and

humiliation of being ordered around at

gunpoint but this is where we draw the

line you can take our material

possessions but you can't take away our

dignity

you tell her Wally I'll bet that g*ns

not even loaded

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yeah good a good candidate you know

Eddie none of this would happen if you

two stayed on the interstate where they

have streetlights and please don't tell

me you're gonna blame this one on me all

right so I'm not a good judge of

character but this isn't the worst thing

that could happen to us she put a g*n to

our head yeah reminded me of my wedding

day forget it we're stranded we have no

money no car no clothes you mean you

wouldn't be stupid enough to pick us up

first of all my insurance companies can

get me a brand new truck what tell him

your air conditioner was in the back

there pony up for that too with any luck

we'll have enough left over to buy you

some decent underwear okay that's gonna

do it 400 miles from home without a

penny in our pockets we don't even have

any pockets okay okay I think I've got

it first of all we find us enough pop

bottles to buy me some nice threads then

the next countdown we come to we tell

them that you're jogging across country

to raise money to fight the rare disease

that's slowly taking your life what's so

funny you're one of a kind Eddie no

matter what happens you never say die do

you

well I sure isn't because of your legs

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they can do what did he did he come did

he do you look good you look good you

look fine look fine she look good you

look fine before I knew a very special

main event at a very special time

Adriana Roxana B's Glenn sharukh Bruce

Reid and Betty the brain buster cat the

neg grown a marine a very special main

event at a very special time for this

week only 8:30 Friday nights here on 7

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[Music]

Neil Diamond's greatest hits 1966 to

1992 the ultimate Neil Diamond

Collection

[Applause]

she got away

Neil Diamond's 37 brighter songs and a

40-page booklet at the incredible low

price of only 2995 double CD and 2295

double cassette at this price he won't

find a better

Neil Diamond Collection plus you have a

music video Greatest Hits live I'm

begging you to lay off the boy tonight

why don't you telling the truth a

shocking secret for his handling 42

survivors rather dropped it a family in

conflict but Justin died you left Kevin

in me as if you'd walked out the door

compelling episode of a country practice

7:30 tonight

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coming up next fun and games on a grows

cartoon connection followed by classic

comedy with mr. ed tonight the first

State of Origin match for 1992 kicks off

between New South Wales and Queensland

seven sport brings your the action white

after beyond 2000 tonight

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