06x11 - Fire and Ice

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

♪

- We're going to have
to pull you

for medical reasons.

- [bleep], man.

Man!

At least I can say
I gave it hell.

It hurts to know it's over.

- Yes!

Whoa.

Mm.
Good fat.

I just have too [bleep] much
on the line out here.

I don't think I can tap out.
I just don't have it in me.

- Oh, my God.

I just got another squirrel!

It's so time
for a woman to win this.

♪

male narrator: In "Alone's"
coldest location ever...

ten participants fight
to survive the Arctic.

- The Arctic is one
of the most

physically
demanding places on earth.

- So freaking cold right now.

narrator: Battling
subzero temperatures...

- This climate's harsh,
it's extreme,

it's mean.
It's got teeth.

- Get caught out here
in a whiteout,

you're in trouble.

narrator: Vicious predators...

- Heard something big
moving back there.

- It's me against
the wolverine right now.

narrator:
And isolation.

- There's nothing
to fill that void.

It's just you left alone
with your thoughts.

narrator:
How long will they endure?

- House is on fire!

- I'm scared,
but I don't want to tap.

- This is the most unforgiving
landscape I've ever seen.

narrator:
The last one standing wins.

- This environment will strip
away everything and anything

you thought you had.

♪

- Hey, buddy.

What's up, little guy?

He's trying to steal
a rabbit hide.

There he goes.

Oh, no.

He's getting too comfortable.

We'll see.
He might be back tonight.

Wouldn't be surprised.

Stupid little marten.

♪

Hmm...

Inside it feels pretty nice
and then I come out and, "Ahh!"

It's colder
than I thought it was.

♪

I don't dislike the cold,
but...

it's real tough.

The hardest thing has been
feeling like I could

survive out here
but not really being able to.

My weight loss is a problem.

I'm gonna go get a piece
of meat

to cut up.

I have a protein overload
here

but about out of fat.

I just have that one fish
I caught.

I have to just eat it slowly

and stretch it out.

Oh, my gosh.

Look what happened.

Ahh!

♪

I left the ladder up.
Ah!

What an idiot.

sh**t.

These are the mistakes
you can't make

when you're the
skinniest person out here.

The wolverine is back.

How much food have they stolen?

How many weeks
have they taken from me?

♪

Ah, man.

Stupid wolverine.

All my defense systems
don't work very well

when the ladder's up.

♪

Oh, my gosh.
Just scraping the fat

off of everything.

So annoying.
I can't believe I did that.

♪

Golly, this one
they really pillaged.

They took all the food value
out of it.

Look at all--they stripped
all the skin off of it.

That's all I need
is the skin.

Ugh.
Can you believe it?

♪

- Okay, I've decided
I need to put

my belt on...

my pants that I'm wearing
underneath my bibs

because my pants
keep falling down.

But I wanted to see
how many holes I have...

um...

shrunk.

And, um, it looks like...

from there...

to there I have gone down...

um...

Let's see.
One, two, three,

four, five, six...

Potentially seven holes
in my belt...

since I got here.

♪

I feel like I almost have,
like,

multiple personalities
inside me right now.

One that wants to go home,
be home,

and is just over it,
and then one who is kind of

the voice of reason
just saying,

"Hey, you just got
to be here for a bit longer.

Promise we'll get home
and everything will be

just the way we want it.

♪

Yeah, I think I'm going
to hang out for a minute

and then go out
and check the gill net.

The weather sounds like
it's trying to act up

a little bit out there.

[tense music]

♪

[winds blowing harshly]

- So as you can see,

conditions got a little bit
rugged last night

and, uh...

still are.

We got a few inches of ice
probably

on the end of my gillnet.

Still don't know how--

how easy it's going to be
to get out of here

and, uh...

Hope--hope for the best.

♪

In a survival situation,

when you're flustered
in a bad way,

when you have not eaten,

that's the most important time
to eat.

When you are cold,
that's the most important time

it is to get warm.

When you are distracted

by a storm or by whatever,

that's when you have to be
most focused.

And that's survival.

The harder it gets,
the harder you have to get.

♪

That is, um...

utterly disappointing.

The, uh...

end of my gill net...

near the fat end of the pole
was locked into the ice

when I was pulling it out

and, um...

I just ripped the heck
out of that end of it.

Right down the line.
I don't know the extent

of the damage yet, but, uh...

I might have just totally
ruined my gill net.

♪

♪

- I started thinking
about a biscuit.

Just a biscuit.

How excited I would be

just to eat a biscuit.

Which then brought me
to thinking about butter,

and I remembered butter.
[laughs]

And the taste of butter,

and I got so excited

about the idea of eating
a biscuit with butter on it.

Oh, my God.
The little things.

Just the little things.

♪

I got three squirrels
yesterday.

But with the cold temperatures

I'm just really concerned
about running out of food.

♪

I recognize that I'm at
that point where I'm starting

to metabolize my muscle.

I don't have any fat
left to give.

I'm holding out hope
for ice fishing.

And I know that the land
is going to continue

its trend of recognizing me
and taking care of me,

and feeding me.

Certainly that means that
the lake has some fish

it wants to offer up.

So I'm out here on the ice

and it is sunset.

Come winter, the things
in the salmon family,

including lake trout
become increasingly nocturnal.

So dusk is kind of a good time

for ice fishing.

And it's clearly...

like,
over a foot thick.

Dang, it's really,
really thick.

It's super, super thick ice.

Got my tackle,
I got my rabbit's stomach...

for bait.

Well, guess the thing is just
to pick a spot and go for it.

So I'm going to pick this spot.

[clanging]

♪

I don't know how good
my chances

of getting through
this ice are.

Yeah, it's impossible to say
how thick it is,

'cause all I can judge by

is the closest crack.

If I can't get through
to the fish...

I don't know what I can do.

All I have left is my snares.

♪

Please, please, please.

Oh, come on.

♪

Oh, man.
It is getting super cold.

[bleep].

♪

It is getting dark.

Maybe if I had had
a hatchet or an axe,

I could get through.

Please, please, please.

My face is so cold.

It's all ice all around my face
from my breath.

♪

Oh, my God.

[bleep].

[dramatic music]

♪

[clanging on ice]

- [bleep].
Come on.

Oh, my God.

I think it's just
not going to happen.

♪

Just don't think I'm going
to make it with the tool I have

and how thick the ice is.

♪

The amount of work to get
through this hole

versus the likely calories...

Not all that great
an equation, really.

Really don't want to just,
like, give up,

but it's just not worth
the energy.

Gets you every time,
the ol' Arctic.

♪

♪

- Completely iced in
right now.

All that noise is crunchy ice
on my parka and pants.

But...

got the lines in the water.

Hopefully it pays off.

Gill netting is out,
so I decided to just go all in

with my hooks and ice fish.

I've baited up six lines
with double hooks

and a chunk of intestine
on each one.

And I'm still feeling
pretty damn confident.

You know, I have cold soup
that I got started last night

so it's not very well
cooked right now.

And I have one last piece
of smoked fish.

So I think what I'm going to do

is have the soup
just before I go to bed.

♪

Before I came out here,

I had a conversation
with my grandfather.

Him and Natalie
are my two biggest fans

out here right now,
and there's some words

ringing in my head
that Grandpa said that just...

are heavy in my mind right now.

He said, "All you have to do
is not quit."

And...

he's right.
That's...

that's what it comes down to,

and, uh...

I gotta tell you, Grandpa,
I love you very much, man.

You are...

you are a big part
of the reason

of why I've been
able to make it this far.

You're definitely a big part
of the reason

of why I'm going
to continue on.

♪

I want to do a lot
of important things

with this money.

It would be awesome
to be able to just take off

for a couple of weeks
and go see family.

And I'd like to be able
to do that

at least once a season
'cause I have all these nieces

and nephews
that are growing up

and I don't really
get to see them.

So, that's a goal of mine.

And winning this thing
would make that happen.

♪

All right, soup is hot.

Tastes like fish.

[fire crackling]

Holy [bleep].
[bleep].

Ah!
I can't--

[dramatic music]

♪

[bleep].

♪

Ugh!
[bleep].

♪

Oh, God [bleep].

♪

Uh...

No...

♪

Ah!

[dramatic music]

♪

[fire crackling]

♪

Ahh!

[grunting]

♪

Oh, [bleep].

♪

[bleep].
There it is.

$1/2 million up in smoke.

♪

[tense music]

♪

Oh, man.

♪

My bedding caught on fire.

And that was the end of it.
I couldn't put it out.

I didn't have water.

The tarp caught on fire,
and that was that.

It's too much dry grass
and bedding in there.

♪

I'm [bleep].

Oh, man.
I'm out of here.

♪

[radio beeping]

Hey, this is Nathan.

My shelter caught fire
in a big way.

I'm not hurt, but my shelter

is in 15 foot flames
right now.

♪

And I'm in an exposed situation.

♪

That was probably the bear
can--the bear--

I don't know what that was.

But I gotta move more [bleep]
away from this fire.

♪

It's nighttime, and they can't
fly the helicopter at night,

and there's no way to get here
by boat or any other way.

So I have to survive
the night out here

and basically use
the blaze as a heat source.

♪

This really sucks.

I'm gonna go stand
near the fire.

♪

Ahh.

I don't think sunrise is till
around 8:00 a.m. or...

or so these days.
Could be later.

So I've got at least
a seven hour wait.

And this isn't going to burn
for seven hours.

And it's only going
to get colder.

♪

I have my axe.
I have my boots.

And I have this big fire,

but a lot of my required
safety equipment is gone.

What do you do?

♪

Okay, so I am beginning
construction

of a shelter.

So I am in the process

of putting together
some tripods.

I'll put a ridge pole across
the top of those.

And then hopefully
there's enough trusses

in this fire left to salvage
as the back of a lean-to.

♪

Hey, this should be good.
[sniffles]

Ah, my feet are getting cold.

Super sad.

God, I lost some
precious items in that fire.

Including
a pretty sweet future...

that I'm going
to have to work for

in a different way now.

♪


Burns up in half an hour.

♪

It's so cold.

♪

[helicopter whirring]

♪

I knew it was an emergency
situation and I needed--

I needed to alert you guys.

It was a no brainer.

Um...

That's just...

just the nature of the beast
when you're standing inside

of a shelter
that's burning down around you.

Um, it needed to happen.

♪

I did not see myself
leaving like this.

Only one person wins a prize
big enough

to change
the rest of their life.

And I'm having a real
difficult time realizing that

I am going home with nothing.

I made some
pretty massive plans

that would have been very well
helped by that money.

♪

But going into this,

I very much wanted to have

an experience out here
of engagement.

Whatever it is you're doing,
if it makes you present

and gives you something
to care about,

then that's what's important.

Happiness
is not circumstantial.

It's your attitude
and what

you're going to decide
to do with it.

And the only currency
that we have is gratitude.

♪

And if you don't have
gratitude in your life

you better figure out
how to get it

'cause this
is as good as it gets.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

- When I go back,

I'm going to make those...

bone marrow--I'm going to get
bone marrow...

and I think 80%

cacao chocolate,

cut it into nice little
slices and melt--

put some melted chocolate
around the outside.

Oh, man,
that's going to be good.

That's going to be
my signature treat.

Nobody's going to know
how I did it.

It's going to be so good.

Don't steal my idea.

Uhh...

Mm, I thought
about that this morning.

Couldn't stop
thinking about it.

Almost had to hit
the red button

just to go try it out.

♪

A few days ago,
a wolverine came back

and ate a big side
out of that fish,

which really sucks.

Predators are bad here.
It's really tough for me.

I can't do anything about 'em.

I thought I had enough food
to be out here a long time.

That was my dietary knowledge
lacking.

It's looking pretty grim.
Like, I don't know

what options I have.

But what can I do?

Quit?

Here we are.
Another unproductive day

ice fishing is our prediction,
but...

you never know.

It's worth a shot.

I'm gonna try
another trick today.

[grunting]

I'm just making it up.
I don't know if it works.

But I'm gonna...

shine my flashlight
into the hole.

Now that it's dark all around,
shine it right on my bait.

And maybe...

it'll draw a fish over, huh?

Yeah...

Glow...

Glow...

Then...

I don't know if this will
provide any light

into the depths,
but we're going to try.

Just drop it in there.

Plink.

I feel like I have the skill
to continue.

And I have the will
to continue.

But I don't have the body fat

because I didn't know
the moose wasn't a sustainable

amount of food,
and I don't know exactly

in what way that fish
are better but I'm guessing

they're a better fat source
because,

you know, there's, like,
a lot of native tribes

and stuff living exclusively
off fish.

♪

I think my flashlight's
not going to do

any good I hate to say.

Not bright enough.

♪

Unbelievable.

Un-be-lieve-a-ble.

That is energy being wasted
right there.

Maybe I should just go home.

[sighing] Ahh.

♪

- It is interesting
what hunger does.

I have been boiling a lovely
little mixed soup

of whatever I could find

that actually had some amount
of edibility.

So I've got this pot going.

It's got several
squirrel tails,

a bunch of...

rabbit front feet
and a whole bunch of bones.

But I thought you might enjoy
watching me eat

my weird-a*s soup.

I gotta get creative
with edible things

I have on hand,
'cause not eating

is starting
to become an issue for sure.

Here's a rabbit paw.

I assume I'm getting
some amount of calorie from it.

Every single day I'm hungry,

but every single day I make it

is another amazing day.

♪

There's no part of me
that wants to leave.

I freaking love this place.

I just don't want to starve
any more in it.

All right, let's get out
and check my rabbit snares.

♪

Striking out on fishing
is affecting my confidence.

I'm committed to being here
as long as possible

and that means making use
of every food resource

I possibly can.

But there's just nothing
to work with,

which is not good.

♪

Fingers crossed.
I really need those traps

to have some rabbits in 'em.

So there's nothing here.

That is really frustrating.

♪

[bleep].

♪

[sighs]
So I've been sitting

and thinking.

I know how freaking skinny
I am.

I know it's not sustainable.

So I know I have

a really profound choice.

What do I want
to give to myself

and what do I want
to honor most.

The idea of staying longer
because I might have a chance

at winning, and a chance
at a pile of money.

Is that what I want?

$500,000 would change
my life profoundly.

Growing up, we were always
really poor and my mom

poured herself into being
an amazing parent for me

and I know it was a struggle.

And I really wanna give back
to my mama.

There's a big part of me
that's thinking,

"I need to stay."

But, you know,
I'm not going to lie,

it's getting harder.

I'm freaking starving,

and I have been asking so much
of my body.

and it has been doing
everything I ask of it.

My body has given its all.

And if it's getting to a point
where it feels

there is going to be
long term damage,

that's a point past which
I don't want to push it.

♪

It's a lot
of back-and-forthing.

It's a lot to think about,
but that's where I'm at.

♪

- Last night my mind
was very active.

Thinking about all the...

[yawning]

tough hand I was dealt.

I had a lot of weight
to make up

on everybody else
and then

I feel like I almost did.

Then the wolverine struck.

Stole...

who knows how many pounds
of fat.

It's hard to estimate
how much they ate,

but at least probably

And that was just tough luck
for me.

Then the fact
that my fishing spot was tough.

♪

Tough hand.

♪

I feel a great urgency.

I don't have the body fat.

I can't protect my meat.

I'm helpless right now.

The fact that I was--
feel like I was so close

to making it work makes it
that much tougher.

At this point,
barring a miracle,

I'm just done.

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

- [laughs]

[laughing and crying]

Hi, everyone.

It's a little emotional.

It's just so much...

mixed emotion of, like,
joy and sorrow right now.

[sniffles]

I've loved being here
with every fiber of my being.

And I don't really want
to leave, but,

my body's done.

And I'm just more and more
aware of that

as time goes on,
like, all along.

[somber music]

And looking at my body,
I can just see

how much it's given,

and know that it has given

all that I want to ask it to
right now.

♪

Today's my birthday,

and it felt like
the most amazing gift

I could give myself to put
myself somewhere

where I have warmth and food

and the ability to care
for myself.

It's hard to describe
how sad I am.

I don't want to leave.

I could have done
really beautiful things

that really helped the world,
myself, and my loved ones

with the money.

But for me,

tapping out
is an ending and a beginning

wrapped up in one.

It's an ending of what
has been the most amazing

and enriching experience
of my life.

I'm absolutely changed
by my time here.

I've never felt
so deeply connected

to any place
on earth in my life.

What a thing
to get to experience.

I've never been so aware

of how all humans up to
a couple hundred years ago

and every wild animal lives.

We live in this culture
that puts winning

and puts money
on top of everything,

so to make a choice to let go
of the idea of that

in favor of self care,
that's the message

that I want
to leave here with.

It's the beginning
of a new chapter in my life.

And I'm so excited
for what comes next.

♪

[triumphant music]

♪

- Okay, let's see about this.

♪

Holy cow.

Oh, my goodness.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah!
[laughs]

All right!

Whoo!

Look at that pike!

[wind whipping]

Selfie.

Selfie.
Hey!

Oof.

It's cool.
I didn't realize I had

a selfie stick until just now.

[laughs]

Whee!

I'm in the Arctic!

Probably the last contestant

to realize he had
a selfie stick.

[tense music]

♪

Some fish soup for lunch.

What a difference a fish
can make, eh?

[chuckles]

Should be good broth
this time.

That guy had
a lot of fat on him.

Which is pretty cool.

This is what we do
while we wait for a med check.

The team's coming.

I think that
they're concerned about me.

So I've been thinking all night
about what I'm going to say

to them to try to convince them
that I'm fine.

Really don't want to lose
any more weight.

I'm gonna just eat as much
of the fatty stuff as I can.

See where that gets me.

Not bad.
Not bad at all.

Well, here they come.

Let's go to see.

[helicopter whirring]

♪

Need to eat a little more.

♪

- How are you feeling
right now?

- I'm doing pretty good.

I'm, like, one of the tallest,

thinnest...

but also strong people
that I know.

Like, I know other people
that are my height

but they're pretty weak.

So it's like,
I'm actually really fit

when I'm lean and all that.

I think I can--
I literally think

I'm gonna be--
I can healthily be lighter

than anyone else out here.

I feel as good
as any day I've been--

you know,
I feel mentally crisp.

I feel good.

Initially when I showed up here
I was like,

"Man, I really think if I can
make it to the end of January,

January 20th..."
That was my goal.

You know, like I think people
will probably quit by then.

I don't know if I'll be able
to physically make it, but...

Oh, my--

[triumphant music]

♪

- I feel as good
as any day I've been--

you know,
I feel mentally crisp,

I feel good.

Initially when I showed up here
I was like,

"Man, I really think if I can
make it to the end of January,

January 20th..."
That was my goal.

You know, like, I think people
will probably quit by then.

I don't know if I'll be able
to physically make it, but...

Oh, my God!
- [yelps]

Janahlee, what?

Oh, my goodness!
- You won the game!

- Oh, wow!

- I love you.
- Oh, hallelujah.

I can't believe it!
I really can't believe it!

[laughter]

What?
Ahh!

- You did it.
- I can't believe it.

That's wild.
- You taste like fish.

- I just was eating dinner
ea--lunch.

What, man?

That's so crazy.

Wow.
- You did it!

- I got more in the tank!
I got... [laughs]

Oh, man, Janahlee.
Wow!

I can't believe it.
[laughs]

Oh, my goodness.

I don't even
have to miss Christmas.

I'm so happy.
- No!

- This is so nice.

Oh, man.
That's so weird.

No, this is where
I hung the hide.

The moose hide.

- You got a moose!
- [laughs]

I got a moose.
Look.

We could have mounted it.

- [gasps and laughs]

Jordan, that's wild.

You are a wild person.

- I k*lled a wolverine, too,
with a hatchet.

- What?
- [laughs]

Uh-huh.
- You, like, threw it at it?

- It's all on video.

- Oh, my God.
- My floor's got moose on it.

Look at these.
- Do I have room?

We could.
- Yeah, bring the kids.

I can't believe it.
That's so weird.

That is...I did not expect--
Ahh!

[laughter]

- [muffled exclamation]

♪

- Winning
is a life-changing experience

for obvious reasons.

It means that I have freedom
financially.

This is enough of a boost
to help me move

in a whole
different direction.

One that's more positive
and fulfilling.

I value my family.

This experience gives me
opportunity

to be a better father.

It's very important for me

to stay connected
to my time in the Arctic.

I'll always miss it.
It's, like, a part of me.

♪

In the modern world
we're so distracted.

You don't ever have to really
think deeply

but being out here,

you're just so connected
to real life.

You can delve into your soul.

It just makes you feel alive.

And I think if I could
have that in the modern world,

that would be really positive.

It just feels like
a more real way of life.

It's much simpler.

It's just how
we're meant to be.

♪

[tense music]