07x08 - Up In Smoke

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I gotta get moved in.

I didn't think
I would be this far in

and no long-term shelter
finished.

Feeling winter gaining on me.

It was right there.

- Four rabbits!

I am so thankful
for this four-rabbit day.

- [grunting]
[bleep]!

My body's not giving me
what I need anymore.

- I am officially tapping out.

I'm not certain how
I'm gonna move on from here.

- [pants]
I just lit my shelter on fire.

[grunts]

Holy [bleep]!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

male narrator:
For the first time,

ten participants will fight
to survive the Arctic

for longer than anyone
in "Alone" history:

a grueling 100 days.

♪ ♪

- This is the ultimate
challenge.

♪ ♪

- A hundred days in the Arctic
is no joke.

narrator: If they can endure,

they'll will
the biggest prize ever:

$1 million.

♪ ♪

- Whoa!
- Holy [bleep]!

- You can't tap out

when there's a million bucks
on the line.

- Oh, my gosh.
- [growls]

- How hard can you work
for $10,000 a day?

- It looks like frostbite.

- [screams]

- Holy [bleep]!

narrator: This is "Alone:
Million Dollar Challenge."

- They're just surrounding
my shelter.

[wolf growling]

♪ ♪

[low dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[fire whooshing]

- Oh, [bleep]!

I just lit my [bleep]
shelter on fire.

♪ ♪

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
nope.

Nope, this ain't happening.

No, no, no, no, no.

Get the [bleep] away

from my [bleep]damn shelter.

Nope.

[grunting]

Go burn somewhere else, b*tch!

♪ ♪

Whoo!

♪ ♪

Whoo!

♪ ♪

Holy [bleep]!

♪ ♪

[sighs]

♪ ♪

Whoo!

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

I think that should burn out.

♪ ♪

Yeah, that just happened.

♪ ♪

[exhales hard]

♪ ♪

Well, we've got...

A patch missing
out of my shelter now.

Pretty big one that's
still smoking up here.

What happened was
all this soot sticks

to these dried moss
and dried pine needles,

and an ember went up,
and it just lit everything up.

[panting]

Doesn't help that
it's so damn windy, either.

That...just made for
a very interesting night.

[low foreboding music]

[wind whistling]

♪ ♪

Talk about fighting fire
with your freaking hands.

♪ ♪

Man.

That's not how I'm going out.
[bleep] that.

♪ ♪

[sighs]
Oh, God.

Oh, man.

Here I'm, like, freaking out
and seeing things, but...

♪ ♪

I had to stop that.
That would've been it.

That would've been my story.

So tomorrow...

I'll be fixing that, obviously.

That's priority number one now.

You gotta be
so careful out here.

And obviously I'm not using
the same materials

I used last time.

[sighs]

[sucks teeth]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[wind whistling]

[wood crackling]

So Max can't really talk
right now, right?

He's only, like,
a year and two months old.

But he has a lot to say
in my head.

Every morning, he tells me--
he says, "Dad, get up."

And immediately,
I get out of bed.

Um...

I don't feel the best,
but that makes me happy.

[low ambient music]

♪ ♪

Last night was
the coldest night

'cause I'm missing
a really huge chunk

out of my shelter right now.

So we got some
remodeling to do.

♪ ♪

Gonna have to start with
taking down my drying rack.

♪ ♪

If you wanna stay out here

and you wanna make it
to the end,

you gotta do
whatever it takes.

And we haven't even hit
November yet.

♪ ♪

It's just tough
being out here, you know?

It's work 24/7, which--
kinda what I expected.

But I'm gonna try and push
through it and overcome.

[sighing]

So probably gonna use
this tarp over this spot

because the embers won't
catch the tarp on fire.

♪ ♪

And with a tarp,

the soot won't really
stick to it that easily.

And even if it does,

it's easy to clean off
and wipe off.

[grunts]

♪ ♪

Not gonna lie.
Pretty tired right now.

♪ ♪

[tarp crinkling]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

♪ ♪

I'm gonna take a break.
I gotta warm my hands up.

[light dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[water lapping]

- [breathes deeply]

Haven't been stretching much.

It's kinda tough to do when
it's no good flat spot

and you can't put your hands
on the ground.

Then I'll do...

[grunts]
Just stretch the arms out.

[exhales]
Pull the shoulders down.

Tilt the neck a little bit.

Reach the fingers out.
Oh, yeah.

Roll the wrist in circles.

Roll the shoulders.

Feel that open up the chest.

Never been to a yoga class
or anything, by the way.

[breathes deeply]

But I've had girlfriends
that do yoga, so.

This is like that, right?
[exhales]

[inhales deeply]

[wind whistling]

[delicate music]

I'm putting a lot of work
into this shelter right now,

but it's a tough balance
in my priorities

between protecting myself
from the elements

with this shelter

and trying to obtain
all the meat that I need--

fatty meat, hopefully,

to keep my weight up.

I'm getting fed.

Got lots of hare...

and that could probably
keep me going,

but it's not gonna keep me
going while working hard.

[sighs]

And from the beginning,
I felt myself losing weight,

and it doesn't seem to matter
how much I eat.

I'm definitely losing
weight out here,

and I'm expending
a lot of energy,

and it's starting
to get tough.

Either I get extreme fatigue
or I get crampy.

All right, break time.

♪ ♪

It bothers me that I'm losing
weight this early in the game.

There's gonna be
constant work to do.

I'm gonna have to cut up
more trees and logs

and haul brush
to work on my shelter.

And I feel like I'm sort of
in a race against myself

with this weakening body.

[exhales hard]

[thumps feet]

♪ ♪

Got some damn good-looking logs
coming in, though.

I've got three ready to go

on top of what you see
right here.

So that's gonna get us up
another...foot and a half.

♪ ♪

But as long as I can
maintain the strength

to get this shelter built

and then keep bringing
in enough food

to just maintain
and stay warm,

I don't think this is
a problem for me.

♪ ♪

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- [laughs]

[low mysterious music]

[wind whistling]

I'm feeling hungry
last few days.

I've been eating
less and less fish,

and I've been losing
a lot of my body fat.

I need some other game

so I can have a real stash
of food for the long haul.

'Cause I do have some fish,

but how long will that last,
you know?

Bunny tracks over here.

[curious music]

When I was growing up
in El Salvador,

I will go to the countryside
to snare iguanas,

and that's when
I started learning to hunt.

So I wanna give it
a try that way.

Oh, somebody walked
through here.

♪ ♪

That looks like a fox.

♪ ♪

Right next to the shelter.

That's not good.

♪ ♪

There is a lot of competition
in the area.

There's a lot of animals
that would love to get

their hands on my food.

♪ ♪

[quiet tense music]

I don't have a spear,

and it's one of the things
that I wanted to do

from the beginning.

I wanna use it just in case
a big predator

is trying to
get into my shelter.

I could have at least
a spear to hold them off,

'cause anything can happen
like that so quick,

and it's just seconds.

♪ ♪

[sticks scraping]

[quiet calm music]

♪ ♪

[animal squeaking faintly]

[rabbit crying]

[ominous music]

I hear a rabbit in my snare.

[rabbit continues crying]

I gotta really hurry up.

I bet a fox right now
is looking for it.

♪ ♪

Come on.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[music grows]

[rabbit crying]

[rabbit crying loudly]

[rabbit cry stops abruptly]

[panting]

My first snare worked.

[quiet tense music]

Let's get in
the shelter before...

before we get another animal

in here because of
the crying sound of this guy.

Somebody else
might want my bunny.

Like a fox.

♪ ♪

Wow, what a rush.

[exhales hard]

♪ ♪

My first snare.

Yes!
More food.

[exhales excitedly]

More food, more days here.

♪ ♪

Wow.

[inquisitive music]

♪ ♪

[wind whistling]

- Good morning.

Guess what I'm chewing on.

[laughs and spits]

I like to chew
on a little spruce,

you know, and brush my teeth
with it.

[brush scraping]

[spits]

It's great, and now my mouth
feels fresh and clean.

Thanks, spruce.

♪ ♪

All right, clean mouth.
Gotta start the day off right.

Let's go on an adventure.

[light music]

I'm kinda curious to see

if there's any fresh tracks
around the lake.

I'm catching a lot of rabbits,
and I'm eating really well,

but I'm still
losing weight too.

There's not a ton of fat
on the rabbits

and that's the thing
I'm worried about,

is not getting
enough fat to eat.

♪ ♪

Having fat is necessary
to make it to 100 days.

♪ ♪

What do we got here?
Some tracks.

Okay, so I think this is my
good friend Mr. Porcupine.

Porcupines have
a bunch of fat on them.

This could help fuel me
for the winter.

Wait a minute.

There is another
line of tracks coming in.

That is very interesting.

♪ ♪

Check this out.
Guess who else we got?

[low ominous music]

Wolf.

♪ ♪

So I really wanna
track this porcupine,

but we got a wolf
going the same way.

Hopefully, we can
catch up to him.

♪ ♪

There's a lot
of competition for food.

All the animals
around here wanna eat.

♪ ♪

So here we go.

[brisk dramatic music]

♪ ♪

I gotta just make sure
I'm not overlooking anything.

Being out here,

I feel like I've kind of
dropped back

into another time,

and I think of
the ancestors often

now that it's getting cold

and getting a little bit
harder

because I know
that the ancestors

went through some
really hard times,

but they made it through,

and they didn't have
a red button to push.

They had to keep going.
They give me so much strength.

Yeah, the tracking's
way harder in here.

His tracks...

just get
totally covered up...

by all this rabbit.

See, now, I don't see
where a porcupine goes.

♪ ♪

Darn.

I was really hopeful,
but there's another porcupine,

so I can come back up here

and hope for some
fresh tracks.

And in the meantime,

I'm just gonna set
a few more snares up here.

♪ ♪

[light tense music]

♪ ♪

[wood crackling]

- I have some work to do today.

It was late when madness
happened outside.

[quiet dramatic music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Fox.

[low tense music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

He's not afraid of me.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Go away.
Go away.

Go away!
[bleep]!

♪ ♪

He don't care.

Can't believe he walked just
in front of me like nothing.

♪ ♪

Do not come back here.
The bunny's mine.

Whoo!
He doesn't wanna go away.

He knows that
there's food here.

He's coming this way now.

[low foreboding music]

Do not come back
for my food over here.

♪ ♪

Come on, I'm telling you.

Holy [bleep], man,
this fox.

Sorry guys,
but I'm starting to feel

like this fox might be
a danger for me.

♪ ♪

[arrow whooshes]

That's right.

You don't listen.

Do not come back here.

That was getting too close.

♪ ♪

Yeah, I think that
will deter the fox.

Might make him a little more
scared of humans.

Just surrounding me,
stalking me like that--

that's too much.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- 40 days is the longest

I've been out
in the wilderness.

That was with Dave.

Big difference, though,
being alone.

I don't like it.

[laughs]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

Dave and I have been
married for eight years.

We have created
a homestead together.

We do everything together.

It's what actually sparked us
to start our business.

Oh, I miss his hugs.

♪ ♪

[sniffles]
Today I miss his hugs.

So now, one of the most
significant experiences

in my life is without him.

And that's a hard pill
to swallow.

♪ ♪

Yeah, I just feel lonely.
Just have to keep busy.

[grunts]

[water churning]

Let's go and check the traps.

[foreboding music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

My whole story has been about

failing at the moose,
failing at the fish.

Failing at the moose again,
failing at the fish again.

Then sprinkle in
a couple rabbits.

♪ ♪

My will--
my will is slipping.

Okay.
I'm back up to my snares.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Damn it!

♪ ♪

[sighs deeply]

Bad news.
Someone found...

Found my catch.

Ugh!

Damn it!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Ugh, another one!

♪ ♪

Look.
[bleep].

Kinda puts things in
perspective, doesn't it?

♪ ♪

How serious this can be.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I'm finding it hard
to be motivated now.

I don't have anyone here
to hold my hand

and anyone to tell me
it's gonna be okay

and anyone to show me the way.

It's all me,
and that's a scary thought.

♪ ♪

It's the first time that
I actually want to be home.

[grunts]

One bunny left.

♪ ♪

I really miss Dave.

♪ ♪

[sobbing softly]

♪ ♪

I know this is super weird,
but...

[wood crackling]

[exhales]
I'm just really a huggy person.

I like to hold hands.

I like to kiss.

But here, the only time
I've touched something living

is when I'm about to k*ll it.

[sniffles]

To have no...

[sniffles]
You know...

no physical contact
is, uh--it's just...

it's like a...

[sniffles]

An emptiness that just
sort of slowly appears.

[sniffles]

And you realize, you know,
something's missing.

[light dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[zipper unzipping]

[fabric rustling]

- Can't somebody invent
a snagless zipper?

It's, like, one in five times
I use a zipper,

it gets hung up on something.

But it's nice to have
this clean, dry rock

to stand on
for changing my clothes.

Man, so much luxury
in this space.

Definitely wanna line my floor
in big, flat stones like this.

I'm gonna do that.
That's my goal.

Have the first shelter on
"Alone" that requires a broom.

[brisk tense music]

♪ ♪

Go out,
check my snares again.

Might have another hare.
We'll see.

♪ ♪

Oh, we got a hare.

This is a beautiful guy
right here.

Kind of ideal size.

All frozen up.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna throw this guy in
my front pocket and take off.

♪ ♪

Oh, there's another hare.

Holy smokes, it's still alive.

Dang, that's not what I want.

♪ ♪

[rabbit crying]

Sorry, dude,
but thank you for your life.

[object thumps heavily]

♪ ♪

Hoo, another hare
this morning.

[bleep].

Unfortunately, another one that
I'm gonna have to dispatch

out here in the field.

This isn't pretty.
I don't like this part--

taking of a life--
but I'm extremely grateful,

and this is with purpose here.

I do need to eat,
and being able to put away

more food is something that
I feel very fortunate to do.

All right,
one last snare to check.

And another hare.
Holy moly.

[light dramatic music]

♪ ♪

It's a four-hare day.
Holy smokes.

I think it's a lucky day.
It's a beautiful, lucky day.

♪ ♪

[wood crackling]

♪ ♪

I think there's a lot
of wisdom in just consuming

the nourishment
that you have on hand

and not trying to
ration it out,

and phrasing it
as "keeping your momentum."

♪ ♪

I definitely gotta
keep my momentum.

Without my momentum,

I don't think I'll keep
bringing in food.

I'll just start tapering off
on all fronts.

♪ ♪

[wolves howling]

Did I just hear a wolf?

Can you hear that?

[wolves howling]

Oh, [bleep].

[wolves continue howling]

That just unleashed, like,
so many potentials of, like,

what other mysteries
lie out here for me.

♪ ♪

I wonder if I should be
scared of wolves--

scared of wolves coming
and trying to get my bunnies.

♪ ♪

Thinking about dealing
with the predators,

there's a potential
that they could be

a threat to my safety.

But the best thing I can do
is just cross that bridge

when you come to it,
and if you have to,

you take down that animal.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna have a hard time
k*lling a wolf,

except in a moment
of desperation

or maybe for $1 million.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Man, I had a [bleep] up dream

that I woke up from
a little while ago.

It was about the drag races,
which I do with my dad.

For some reason, the track
was set up so the finish line

was at the end where
the spectators are,

which is never the case.

And I was there with, like,
all the "Alone" participants,

who were talking about, like,
whether they could make it.

'Cause it's very possible that
no one makes it 100 days.

♪ ♪

[brush scraping]

Is not trying worth giving up
$1 million?

No.

♪ ♪

The thing I think
I'd be most proud to finish

is this shelter.

Like, if I'm gonna finish one
thing out here

before it gets really, really
cold and windy

and that lake's frozen,
it's gotta be that.

♪ ♪

But whatever the opposite
of energized is--

spent, pooped, bushed,
whatever that is--

I'm feeling it, man.

Not too much higher to go
on this little side.

♪ ♪

Oh, that sucks.

♪ ♪

I can just feel it.

My stomach is taking so long

to digest these protein-rich
meals that I'm trying to eat.

And I go out and feel like
I should be energized,

and I just crash.

♪ ♪

[water lapping]

Oh, yup.

Legs are wobbly again.
What's going on?

My stomach's, like...

[makes gurgling noise]

"You should lay down."

[grunts]
Oh, the change is occurring.

I'm becoming lethargic.

It's what I am.

♪ ♪

At this point,
I'm attributing it to the hare

takes energy from me
while I'm digesting it,

which I think is
a pretty safe hypothesis.

♪ ♪

I've got a lot of hard work
to do here.

It's, like, if I don't
have the energy

to do that effectively,
I just can't do it.

♪ ♪

That's the bottom line.

And that's not a scenario
that I think is viable.

♪ ♪

[low tense music]

♪ ♪

[water lapping]

[squirrel squeaks]

- Hands are warmed up.

Toes are cold.

Exercise the toes.

[sighs] We're doing toe
exercises right now.

And a one, and a two,
and a three, and a four.

And a one, and a two,

and a three, and a four.

[chuckles]

[bleep], you going insane
out here.

[laughs]

♪ ♪

[saw rasping]

Fixing my shelter
took a lot of energy.

[exhales hard]

My body is just shot.

I feel tired for everything.

♪ ♪

It has been so much work.

I mean, it's got its rewards.
Don't get me wrong.

Looking at my home right now,
that makes me happy.

But nobody to talk to.

You're sitting out here;
you start wondering.

You're like, "Why?
Why am I doing this?"

And my reasoning
for doing this

is to not quit.

But every single
stinking day is rough.

Man, I'm tired!

[wind whistling]

[wood crackling]

So I've noticed that I keep
getting more and more hungry.

And I have food.
And I'm starving.

But I'm hungry.
I don't know.

It's just, like,
I can't stop the hunger.

And to kinda put it
into perspective for you,

for breakfast, I had fish.

I had dried fish.

An entire fillet.

Like, an entire side of a fish,
not just a fillet.

I've tried to ration
things out.

And I keep eating.
And I keep eating.

And I keep eating.

And it's, like,
I can't get enough.

So it's not a good situation.

I've had to think about it
a lot, obviously,

and I'm, like,
"Whew, come on, come on.

Get your head in the game.
Get your head in the game."

All it takes is
all you get, but...

♪ ♪

I'm not sure I'm willing to
give it everything that I have

to be able to stay out here.

♪ ♪

And it's the--
it sounds bad, right?

It sounds real bad.

This whole thing is,
"Hey, don't quit.

Don't quit."

But...

♪ ♪

You miss everything.

♪ ♪

Everything that you want,
you already have.

♪ ♪

That's a good feeling.

♪ ♪

So I don't know.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping,
is gonna be better,

and we'll see what happens.

One day at a time.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I can see why people die
of a lonely heart.

Day 100, it just seems
so far off.

♪ ♪

- I am eating more.
I'm eating a lot.

I'm eating basically
as much as I have time

to process in a day,
but I have to reckon with

the potential reality that
I don't have a high likelihood

of being the last person
standing out here.

♪ ♪

I know my body really well.
And I push my body.

And this is getting
to the point

where I'm actually
worried about my health.

Coming out here
and pushing my body

to a point where
I may do harm to myself,

that's putting my pride
over my son.

♪ ♪

[dynamic music]

♪ ♪

- You guys aren't disappointed,
are you?

[laughs]

Hi.

I've been feeling myself
getting smaller and weaker,

and the days have
gotten difficult.

And I just feel my body
isn't getting what it needs

to be all it can be,
and I wanna be--

I wanna be 100% me, so.

I wanna walk away
in good health,

and I wanna come home
to my family and friends whole.

You know?

With or without
a bunch of money.

[melancholy music]

I of course love the idea
of leaving victorious

with, you know,
my best buds showing up

and congratulating me
on winning

and maybe $1 million richer.

I really think that the way
I was building my shelter

was the way to do it
in the long run,

but I needed more fuel

to power myself
through that project.

But I'm just working with what
seems realistic right now,

and I'm not gonna be the guy
that comes out here

who's just so full of pride
that I'm just gonna try

to push through real physical
hardship to the point

of doing myself harm.

I'm just not gonna do that.

♪ ♪

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[wind whistling]

[wood crackling]

- [sniffles] There's
a lot of good books

written about
northern Labrador.

It makes you--it's a--

makes you romanticize
going there...

if you like that
sort of hardship.

[light dramatic music]

Actually,
there's a book called

"The Lure of
the Labrador Wild."

It's how we got our name
for our company,

Lure of the North.

♪ ♪

That's how we feel
about the north.

It has this pull.

It'll bite your head off
if you're not careful,

but it'll also provide
for you what you need.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

I gotta keep pushing today.

Kinda running low on energy,

but it takes energy
to make energy.

Despite all my talk
about being lonely,

I think I just need
to just come to terms

with what I was feeling.

And I'm just going through
a moment, that's all.

♪ ♪

Hmm.

[exhales]

Is that a bunny?
What is that?

That's excellent.
I got a rabbit.

♪ ♪

Means there's still
alive bunnies around.

♪ ♪

Good start to the day.

So I've been thinking
about stoicism.

Specifically,
stoicism is about action,

and it's about
setting yourself up

to overcome obstacles

and then having the will
to endure and persist.

♪ ♪

Whoa.

All right, guys.
I came across another one.

That's two for the day.

All right, all right.

And to try everything that you
can to overcome the obstacle,

and if you can't,
then see the good in the bad.

Ay, caramba.
I get another one.

Holy shmoly.
That's three today.

Very grateful.
[laughs]

[sniffles]
Really grateful.

And that, to me,
is stoicism.

[wind whistling]

Good day on the line.

[grunts]

Three bunnies.

[cheerful music]

Let's skin a rabbit.

Nice amount of stomach fat
on this one.

That's nothing to scoff at.
You see all that?

It's quite a bit.

♪ ♪

Hopefully that means
good things

for the arms
and behind the shoulders.

Just trying to keep all the fat
on this body, not the skin.

There's still
hope for me, guys.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[grunts]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[wood crackling]

- Do you guys ever, like,
talk to yourselves?

What I mean by that is, like,

"Man, what do I gotta do today?
Okay, I gotta do this.

Gotta do that.
Da-da-da."

Right?
You talk to yourself.

[sniffles]
I do that all the time.

But yesterday,
I'm sitting there...

And I was, like,
arguing with myself.

[laughs]

And you're, like,
"Hmm, is that normal?"

I don't know.

But I bet everybody
that goes insane

thinks they're sane, right?

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

I'm doing this for Max,

but been miserable for
quite a long time out here,

and I'm trying to
stay happy about it,

but when you catch yourself
talking to yourself

a little bit too much
and you're just not smiling

and not having fun,
it wears on you.

♪ ♪

Max, man, this is rough.

And I'm sorry,

but buddy,
I'm coming home to see you.

And I'm not sorry about that.

[phone beeps]

Hey, this is Mark,

and, uh,
I'm officially tapping out.

[melancholy music]

♪ ♪

Fox.

You coming to thank me?

♪ ♪

You coming to thank me
for letting you go?

♪ ♪

Yeah, you're welcome.

♪ ♪

Did a lot of good things,
and I'm tired.

♪ ♪

I'll let the fox
have the rabbits.

[laughs softly]

♪ ♪

Hey, that way.

Keep heading west.

♪ ♪

Well, here it is.

♪ ♪

Bittersweet moment
to see you guys.

This experience has been,
for me,

what with Max,

there's a lot of things
I'm missing, that I missed.

Him walking for the first time;

him talking,
saying different things.

'Cause at his age,

it's been a struggle
to be away from everything.

[plaintive music]

♪ ♪

The whole reason why I'm doing
this was to show my son

what it's like to do something
really hard and not quit.

But I want my son to know that
it is okay to quit something

when you are worried
about your health.

You gotta be smart enough
to know when to call it.

Push yourself as hard
as you can,

and then make sure that you're
happy with your decision.

♪ ♪

I remember saying
when I came out here,

"I'd rather die than quit."

No, I wouldn't.

♪ ♪

I'd rather live.

♪ ♪

I wanna go back and appreciate
all the little things

I never appreciated before.

♪ ♪

Pain, misery, and suffering.

I've dealt with it enough.

I'm done.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[wood crackling]

- Trick or treat!

[laughs]

I'm a porcupine!
[laughs]

Happy Halloween.

I'm honoring--
honoring the porcupine,

because that is who
first greeted me here

and gave me food to eat
on this land,

so I'm a porcupine
for Halloween.

[chittering]

[light dramatic music]

Good evening
and happy Halloween.

So I'm burning an outside fire
to celebrate the ancestors,

and I'm having
an ancestor feast.

I'm putting a whole rabbit
in the pot.

I'm gonna eat this
whole rabbit tonight.

No porcupine, but I'm so
thankful for the rabbits.

Just really taking care of me
in a big way.

♪ ♪

To me, Halloween's, like,
a celebration

of the life-death cycle,
and honoring all the ancestors

and all the ones
that have passed.

♪ ♪

And death has been a pretty
big part of my life

because two of
my brothers have died.

So it's, like,
whatever you lose

you don't take it
for granted anymore,

and I just love
my family so much.

And they're on my mind today.

Connecting to the rabbits,
to the porcupine,

to my brothers,
and all my friends and family

that have passed on
and all my ancestors

that I haven't met before.

[eerie electronic music]

♪ ♪

It's such a powerful
realization, you know?

Like, there's all
these conveniences,

and they're all nice,

but there's something
missing from it.

And that thing that's
missing is right here.

It's a connection.
It's a relationship.

It's a depth.

And it's here,
and it's in this rabbit,

and it's in this fire,
and it's in this land.

And I feel more free
than I've ever felt

because I get to do
what I love.

I love my family,

but I'm loving this
alone time, you know?

I just know that
the longer I am away,

the sweeter it's gonna be
when I see them again.

Because this is an opportunity
to go deep.

♪ ♪

Deeper into the wild,
deeper into myself,

and I want to suck the marrow
out of that.

I wanna go as deep as I can.

♪ ♪

[fabric rustling]

All right, that looks
like a good dinner to me.

♪ ♪

We are having a party tonight.
Oh, yeah.

I got so many people
that I love and care about,

and I wanna do good for them.

The prize money,
it wouldn't just benefit me.

It'd benefit my family,

my friends.

I just can't say it enough.

I am just getting
started out here.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

- Welcome to
"Alone: Tales from the Arctic."

I'm Colby Donaldson,

here with Mark, Callie, Joe,

Amós, and Kielyn.

There is so much to discuss.

Two tap outs.
Wolves.

Amós and his run-in with
a fox--but first, Mark.

Let's talk about
that shelter fire.

- And so, I look up.

I see my shelter's on fire.

And I'd like to turn around

and just start being able
to fight it immediately,

but I grab the camera,
I get to my door,

finally get it untied,
get outside.

So I chuck the camera
in the snow,

and luckily,
I got a good enough angle.

You guys could kinda see
what was going on.

- Yep.

- This is not [bleep]
happening.

Go burn somewhere else, b*tch!

- Mark, at one point, you said,

"That would've been my story."

Specifically what did you mean
by that?

- If it goes up and
all my equipment's in there,

I would not have been able
to continue on,

especially
my safety equipment.

Stuff like this
is still smoldering.

So that would've been
my story.

I would've been done
at day 40.

- Yeah.

Callie, you're really starting
to see signs of predators.

You know,
in the porcupine tracks,

there are wolf tracks
following those.

Is it any coincidence
that you were starting to see

more competition for the food
at this point?

- I don't think
it's a coincidence.

Winter's really
coming on strong,

so all the wild animals
are feeling that pressure.

They all know
how much work it takes

to be able to stay there
for the arctic winter.

And they wanna get all
the food that they can,

so it's no surprise
that we're all seeing

more and more
sign of predators.

- Amós, that was
a pretty bold fox

you had an encounter with
there.

Talk us through that.

Tell us what was going on
in your head

just with his behavior.

You know, he didn't--
he didn't seem

very frightened of you,
that's for sure.

But the fox and everybody else
out there is looking for food.

And he knew there was
a fresh k*ll on-site.

So I didn't want the fox
to just stick around.

I seen examples
of previous participants

losing a lot of their food
to animals like the fox.

- Yeah,
that little bunny buster

put a pretty good wall
up on him.

[laughing] I mean, he went
down there for a second.

I think he's gonna remember
that shot for sure.

- I told you
that was going to hurt.

You don't listen.

- Kie, you were also
experiencing animals wanting

and ultimately taking some of
your rabbits from the snares.

How frustrating is that?

- Yeah,
I was actually surprised

that it hadn't happened sooner.

I had over 200 snares

out on my line.

And thankfully, I had
a rabbit back at camp already.

- Yeah.

There was a moment there
which was

one of the most
vivid explanations

and really hit home for me
and I'm sure many other viewers

when you described
life out there and you said,

the only time you touch
something living

is right before you k*ll it.

How does that affect you
mentally and emotionally

in a situation like that?

- I'm very much
all about connection--

connection with the land,
the animals,

and people, and...

I was feeling like
I needed someone to talk to

besides the camera, and, um,

the bunny just, you know,
reminded me so much of my cat.

And, you know, just holding
that paw of that bunny

was some sort of comfort
for me.

- Right.

Okay, Joe, at this point
in the episode,

clearly, the lack of progress
with your shelter

is beginning to weigh on you
a little bit.

At what point did you realize
that you might've

made a mistake in terms
of that balancing act--

you know, taking a little bit
more time to build the shelter

than maybe you should have?

- I think as I--my energy level
started to decline,

I really recognized
that carrying around

these heavy logs wasn't
as tenable of an option

as it had been earlier on.

- I know hindsight's 20/20,

but if you had to do it
all over again,

is there anything
you would've done differently?

- You know, if I could shift
a few things around timewise,

I would've liked to have gotten
my gillnet in the water

and stockpiled more food.

But if I could do it
all over again,

I don't think my decisions

would've been
that much different.

And I think that deciding
to leave when I did

was the right choice for me.

- All these months later,

are you still at peace
with your decision to tap out?

- I'm at peace with it--
I mean, I definitely

have played the "should've
would've could've" game,

but ultimately,
when I decided to leave,

what played
the biggest part in that

was not wanting
to fully deplete myself.

- Well, we were glad
to have you on the show.

But, 40 summer day in and you

that you're getting a little
crazy out there.

Shed some light on that.

- The longer you're out there,
the more

you're just gonna be yourself
and you joke around more.

But when I caught myself
arguing with myself,

I was like, pshh, stop.

Let me think about this.
Okay, that's not right.

I'm gonna stop cussing.

They wanna--you're a good man.

Except when my shelter
catches on fire.

[chuckles]

What the [bleep]?

- Callie, any psychological
effects starting to--

to weigh in or take effect
on you at this point?


- Oh, yeah, but I would say
it's a positive one,

and one that I would welcome.

It was a huge
transformative process,

and I feel like it takes
about that long

to start dropping into
that mental space.

- Mark, it seemed like a big
part of this experience

wasn't just about your son,
but also a lot of it for you

had to do with
your fellow Recon marines.

You even took the time
to carve out

the five paragraphs
of the Recon creed.

And we have that in some
never-before-seen footage.

Let's take a look at that.

[mellow music]

- I made a Recon Jack.
It's the one that's on my arm.

Something in
the Recon community

guys get if they've earned it.

That's my Jack.

Recon sn*per.

But it's little things
like that

that I look at
and I'm like,

man, you're doing this
for more than yourself.

[soft dramatic music]

So the Recon creed--

I'm carving it into the wood.

Never shall I forget
the principles I accepted

to become
a Reconnaissance marine--

honor, perseverance,
spirit, and heart,

conquering all obstacles
built large and small.

I shall never quit.

There it is--

all five paragraphs
of the Recon creed,

written out in tablets on wood.

♪ ♪

Forever shall I strive
to maintain

the tremendous reputation
of those who went before me.

- Mark,
what is your reaction to that?

- You know,
while you're out there,

you've gotta do things
that motivate you--

my son, priority number one,

but then also
what I've achieved

and what I've done in the past
in the military,

and carving that creed out
with my knife,

and I made sure
that I was abiding by it,

'cause I am representing
not only myself,

but all Recon marines
and scout sn*pers.

- And what does that creed
mean to you

in the context
of the "Alone" experience?

- To never quit,

to surpass failure,

to overcome, to adapt.

- You seem to be doing
pretty good out there.

And then all of a sudden,

you being to say you're tired
and exhausted.

Was there a pivot point?
What--

I know there was some
deterioration there.

Take us through that.

- Man, day 35 was such a game
changer physically for me.

My energy levels plummeted

and it started getting
difficult to breathe.

I had a pain on the right side
of my back.

And my vision was going.
I thought it was my diet.

And so I knew that I couldn't
sustain at this rate.

And it's a pretty humbling
experience to be able

to know yourself well enough
to quit when I did.

- So once you get back
to base camp,

your journey didn't end there.

Take us through sort of what
transpired after the evac.

- My liver and my spleen
were enlarged and infected

and I had fluid
behind my right lung.

They told me that my heart
was in the condition

of an 87-year-old man who's
had a massive heart attack.

So it turns out that
I had trichinosis,

a parasite that can go from
not that big of a deal to,

it'll k*ll you
in four to six weeks.

And that's what had put it
into perspective

that I am super grateful
that I left when I did.

I'm lucky to be sitting here

and be able to see my son
every single day,

so I couldn't be happier
about my decision.

- Wow, ended up being
the exact right call to make.

For sure.

That's it for
"Alone: Tales from the Arctic."

I'd like to thank
Mark, Callie, Joe,

Amós, and Kielyn.

We'll be speaking with the
participants all season long

following the shows, so make
sure you tune in for that.

Until next week, as promised,

here's a sneak peek
of that episode.

We'll see you then.

[dramatic musical sting]

- All right, well,
I guess I gotta try fishing.

Oh!
[bleep]!

[grunts]
[bleep].

[foreboding music]

- I need fish.

I need this ice to come in.

This is so risky.

♪ ♪

[grunts]

♪ ♪

- Holy [bleep].

- [whispers]
Muskox everywhere.

- No, no, no, no, no.

They're surrounding
my shelter.

[bleep].
[wolf growls]

♪ ♪