09x09 - The Ice Up

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- There are some
ripples forming.

Those are fish biting.

Probably should extend
the pier.

♪ ♪

Score.

[bow thuds]

- [whispering]
Oh, my God, I got one.

♪ ♪

I got a muskrat.

[chuckles]

[bow thuds]

- Got it.

Like running
on a high right now.

Yes.

- I have been feeling
extremely homesick.

It's, like, gripped me.

♪ ♪

- [bleep].

This is Tom.

I buggered my knee up
pretty good,

and I think that that's
gonna have to be it

for me, unfortunately.

- Stomach doesn't feel good.

[vomits]

- It's not safe
for you to remain.

I have to medically
extract you.

- To end like this, this
wasn't what I anticipated.

This isn't
how I saw it going down.

♪ ♪

- I can't wait to have
this place try and break me.

narrator: For the first time
on "Alone,"

ten participants
fight to survive

in the hunting ground

of the world's largest
land predator.

- Oh, my God.
Where'd he go?

Those are bear.

- I heard a big animal.

- Hey, bear.

- Oh, no. [bleep].

- Sometimes you eat the bear.

Sometimes the bear eats you.

narrator: Battling
merciless conditions...

- This is some
hard-core bushwhacking.

- Why does it have to be
such a struggle every night?

[bow thuds]
- I hit it. I hit it. I hit it.

- I feel more alive
every day I'm out here.

Ahh.

- Here comes the rain again.

- Labrador, you're not gonna
make it easy for us, are you?

narrator:
In complete isolation...

- The most dangerous thing
out here is myself.

- Look at that!

- The cold ground
is just pulling

all the warmth from me.

- How many days can this go on?

- Very, very hungry.

- I feel like
I'm hitting a wall.

narrator:
Last one standing wins.

- Only gonna get harder
the longer you stay out here.

♪ ♪

- So my friend wrote

this song for me to sing
while I'm out here.

And now anytime
that I'm having a hard day--

and I really haven't
had very many hard days.

I've gotten down
a little bit.

But I sing it a lot.

So I want to share it with you.

♪ I remember
why I came here ♪

♪ I remember weaving
this dream ♪

♪ I remember tending
the embers ♪

♪ Tender hearts render
the space in between ♪

♪ Connecting ♪

♪ The seen and unseen ♪

♪ The spirit that moves
through all things ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hi-aye-aye, hi-aye-aye,
hi-aye-aye-hi ♪

♪ Hi-aye-aye, hi-aye-aye,
hi-hi-aye ♪

♪ Hi-aye-aye, aye-aye-aye,
hi-aye-aye-hi ♪

♪ Hi-aye-aye, hi-aye-aye,
hi-aye-aye-hi ♪

♪ ♪

So that's my song.

♪ ♪

I am going to hike
to the yonder river

on the back of my sight.

It's a new moon.

The animals should be active.

So, of course,
I'll do hunting along the way.

It's gonna be
an adventurous day,

and I'm feeling up for it.

♪ ♪

My muskrat plus the bone broth
lasted three days.

So I'm running on berry juice
right now.

My tummy's like,
"Enough berries.

I need some meat."

[animals chittering]

♪ ♪

You know,
I'm getting skinnier.

And food, that's my weak spot.

♪ ♪

[animals chittering]

Oh, there you are.
You're up there

[chittering continues]

Do I dare?

Oh.

Oh, nice, it bounced back.

Thank God.

I'm just gonna back up,
and maybe he'll come down.

♪ ♪

He's back in the same spot.

♪ ♪

[bleep].

That's what I get
for being c*ck.

Damn, it went way over there.

♪ ♪

I missed it by one inch.

I'm not keeping my form.
I'm not keeping my technique.

And that's really disturbing
to me.

I hate looking for arrows.

As time progresses, yeah,
I'm gonna get a little weaker,

and that can throw off a shot
by a lot.

♪ ♪

Yeah, screw you.

I don't know what
to do about my shot.

Something has got to change,

or I don't have
much time left,

and that makes me really sad.

♪ ♪

Oh, I found it.

No, I'm not way off.

Yay.

Ah, thank you, trees.

Thank you for catching my arrow

and putting it
on the ground for me.

Okay, on with our journey.

So glad I have you back.

♪ Aye-aye-aye,
aye-aye-aye ♪

♪ Hi-aye-aye-aye,
hi-aye-aye-aye ♪

[humming]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[wind whistling]

- It is blowing out there.

I did not sleep well
again last night.

I woke up...

with some deep, deep
hunger pangs.

[yawns]

They kept me awake

for the rest of the night,
just about.

I'm just hungry, guys.

I'm just really hungry.
[chuckles]

The solution
is to find something today.

♪ ♪

When you're well-fed
and you're warm

and you're sitting
in your home

and you get
a bad night's sleep,

you can feel
a little bit crappy.

When you're out here
and you're living on margins

as thin as we are,
with temperatures like this,

a bad night's sleep
can put you behind for days.

♪ ♪

Important day of hunting today.

So we are gonna get out
and do our thing,

wind be damned.

♪ ♪

[wind gusting]

Definitely gusting
over 30 knots, 30, 35.

Strongest winds
we've had out here.

♪ ♪

Holy [bleep].

♪ ♪

Crazy windy.

You need to be careful for
trees coming down, for sure.

That would not be
a fun way to go out.

♪ ♪

This is just not
a great day to hunt.

There's so much wind noise,
I can't hear anything.

But at the same time,
we need food.

♪ ♪

I'm going out every day for
three, four, or five hours,

actively hunting,

and the only reliable hunting

I've found
over the last couple of weeks

has been to follow
the river trail

and go up and down
looking for grouse.

♪ ♪

I've not been able to get
ahead on food in any way.

I only have
half a grouse in the bag.

And things are just
starting to dry up.

The grouse are getting
harder to find.

♪ ♪

I have to be out
every single day.

That means more calories
getting burned.

♪ ♪

Oh, no.

♪ ♪

I had an arrow fall out.

[sniffs]

An arrow
fall out of the quiver.

[bleep], [bleep], [bleep].

[sighs]

That's one more arrow down.

I have to try and backtrack
and find it.

What a waste of time and energy
this is gonna be.

♪ ♪

I had an arrow get pulled
out of its bow quiver

by just one of the branches
just grabbing me

everywhere I go.

♪ ♪

It's hard going
through that brush.

I'm so tired of bushwhacking.

Oh, my God.
[sniffs]

♪ ♪

All these branches,
these dead trees,

they are wearing me down.

♪ ♪

[sighs] I don't have
the energy for it.

I don't have the gas
in my legs.

[sighs]

It's just hard to push through.

♪ ♪

There's some ankle-breaking
[bleep] in this forest.

♪ ♪

Oh.

Aah!

[bleep]!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Over it.

Over, over, over,
over, over it.

♪ ♪

[groans]

Get off me.

These branches got me
so twisted up.

♪ ♪

Two seconds--
I need two seconds.

♪ ♪

[exhales deeply]

♪ ♪

Okay.

♪ ♪

[sniffs]

Just take your time.

Everything's good.

♪ ♪

I had a little bit
of a temper tantrum.

♪ ♪

I'm just feeling it.
My legs are pretty gassed.

And it's getting hard
to move effectively

through that dense,
thick, steep hillside.

♪ ♪

I don't have the energy
in my legs

to go for three hours today.

♪ ♪

Starting to feel
the weight loss, I guess.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna head home.

We burned a lot of calories
for nothing.

And I lost my arrow.

♪ ♪

That's one more arrow down.

Four arrows left.

♪ ♪

The wind about did me in.

♪ ♪

I'm missing my family

more than I ever have
in my life.

♪ ♪

And I've been away from home

for up to a year at a time.

But it's the isolation,
you know?

It's just the not knowing,

the not knowing
that everyone's okay.

I just want to see my friends
and family and my dog...

so bad.

♪ ♪

I've never felt anything
like this before.

And I cannot shake it.

♪ ♪

Combine that with being tired,

just feeling lonely and down.

♪ ♪

We're living day to day.

♪ ♪

And...

you know, we're just gonna
do this one day at a time

at this point.

♪ ♪

I want to be here.
I want to continue to be here.

So let's see
if we can make it happen.

♪ ♪

- I don't know how many hours
I slept last night,

but I don't think many.

It's all the wind and...

It's so noisy.

I'm going to try to make
some earplugs

because I think it will
really improve my sleep.

Nice.

That worked.

That's a little improvement...

for my life.

♪ ♪

We had lots and lots
of wind lately.

The wind
really brings me down.

It just makes me, like,
want to just stay in bed.

But today I have
two objectives.

I want to set up
a hanging line

so that I can hang
my sleeping bag

and make sure the feathers
don't clump up.

I also need to work on my bed.

I want to make it
way more comfortable,

because my bed
is uncomfortable.

Now I need to hang
my sleeping bag from here.

♪ ♪

Sleep is huge,
super important,

and the more hours
of sleep I get,

I think it's better

because that's less calories
I use.

It's better to be sleeping

than to be awake
in a survival situation.

So I need to figure out
a way to be

as comfortable as possible
so that I can sleep

as many hours as possible.

♪ ♪

Nice.

I'm gonna go work on my bed.

♪ ♪

I'm excited for the winter.

The snow, the cold,
it feels familiar to me.

♪ ♪

I think no one here has
as much winter experience

as me by far,

so it's my advantage.

♪ ♪

Yeah, so I'm gonna call it
a day for the bed.

It's good, I think.

We'll see.
We'll see tonight.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Let's get some water.

The creek is iced up.

This is where
I normally get my water.

Oh, I can still get in there.

Pretty cold out here.

♪ ♪

All righty.

I think this cold's
here to stay.

It's only gonna get more cold
and more windy.

In the military, I trained in
Arctic warfare and survival.

So I've been to minus 60.

I've been to minus 70.

This is the temperature
I operate in.

See, there's still
water draining,

but we'll just melt
ice if we need to.

♪ ♪

Out here, the only big factor
for me is, can I hunt?

Can I procure food?

Everything's
a little more complex.

When it's cold,
there's less food.

The squirrels--

they're the most active thing
right now.

So I'm focusing on squirrel.

♪ ♪

Let's go get some food.

♪ ♪

I just need one k*ll to lift
my spirits a little bit.

♪ ♪

Hoo.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God, I'm not doing well.

I'm getting to the point
where I'm a lot more hungry.

♪ ♪

At night, I wake up
just wanting to eat,

and all I can give my body
is some cranberries.

[animal chittering]

♪ ♪

Why don't you show yourself?

The biggest thing for me
are the cravings.

They're getting
a little painful now.

And I have close to
zero fat reserves right now.

♪ ♪

There's two chasing each other.

Where did it go?

♪ ♪

Oh, there it is.

♪ ♪

[bleep].

I missed it.

♪ ♪

I don't feel so good.

I'm just gonna sit down
for a little bit.

♪ ♪

I need a break.

♪ ♪

I'm too tired to walk anymore.

♪ ♪

I feel so frickin' weak.

♪ ♪

My energy levels are just...

too low,

and my muscles
fatigue too fast.

♪ ♪

I don't want any long hunts.

♪ ♪

My body is just not acting
the same.

♪ ♪

I need to adjust my behaviors

so that I'm getting as much
as I can with what I got.

♪ ♪

It's definitely a mental game.

It's hard. It's really hard.

♪ ♪

For me to stay positive,

I'm just gonna have
to take 20 minutes or so,

kind of think of what my
happy thought is for the day.

It always comes
back to Gabrielle.

I'm here for my mom.

I want her to see how hard
I can push.

I want her to see the strength
that she instilled in me

so she can see it
in herself again.

But when that strength dwindles

and I start to doubt myself...

thinking about Gab
and what we have

and what we hope to have
in the future...

it gives me strength
that I didn't know I had left.

♪ ♪

And she's helping me
push through.

♪ ♪

Well, it's snowing.

Good night, guys...

♪ ♪

And gals.

♪ ♪

- Good morning.

Oh, my gosh, what
a beautiful morning it is.

[sighs]
It snowed.

Yeah, it just gives you
a little taste of winter.

It also is bitter cold.

[laughs]

Oh, my gosh.

♪ ♪

Today I'm gonna go check
my trap line.

It's been two days
since I've been there.

And I just see
a lot more squirrel activity

further in the woods
a little bit,

so I might set up
a few more traps there.

Yeah, just spectacular.

♪ ♪

Yesterday I was down on myself

because I kept missing
the squirrels by one inch.

♪ ♪

Ah, this needs to be reset.

♪ ♪

Okay.

I am changing my hunting plan
to be more around trapping.

♪ ♪

That one's still good.

♪ ♪

I'm focusing on snaring
for the squirrels.

Wow, look at this.

I'm gonna put a trap.

I'm gonna put five of them

in this
little squirrel kitchen area.

Okay, let's start
with this one.

You know, at some point,

they're gonna hunker down
for the winter,

so I need to take advantage
of that,

'cause I am hungry.

My thumbs are split.

Both thumbs are split.

Go, fingers, go,
before you get cold.

Squirrels are so forgiving
when it comes to trapping.

They don't care about smells.

♪ ♪

Yeah, make a nice round hole

the size of a squirrel head.

Okay, perfect.

♪ ♪

It's been a pretty good day.

I feel pretty content.

♪ ♪

I just found myself
very much at peace today.

Um...

I went and checked
all my traps.

There was no rush.

I set, like,
five new traps today.

Um...

I was very at peace,
and I felt very humble.

I felt...

like I wasn't here to do.

What am I gonna do today?

And...

I was just present.

♪ ♪

To be honest,
it's been quite embarrassing

as far as my inability
to sh**t a squirrel,

and I found myself
using words

like "my successes"
and "my failures."

And I don't want
to be a failure.

Well, what is failing?

Those are words
I don't even use at home.

♪ ♪

When I was 36 years old,
I was pregnant.

And...

♪ ♪

At four months pregnant--

when I was
four months pregnant...

♪ ♪

I ended up having
a miscarriage.

And that's pretty late in
the game to have a miscarriage,

and so it was pretty big,

because I still had to go

through
the whole labor process.

And...

♪ ♪

It was unique,

even though I lost the child,

because I still got
to experience having a birth.

♪ ♪

So I don't know.

Does that not make me
a mother?

I learned death.

It could happen anytime,
anytime.

And for you to know
how to live,

you need to know how to die.

♪ ♪

When I feel like
I'm failing or succeeding,

I'm judging myself.

♪ ♪

And why am I doing that?

♪ ♪

I'm here.

♪ ♪

I must have done
something right to get here.

♪ ♪

Yeah.

So thank you for listening.

I think I covered it all.
[chuckles]

[inhales deeply]
I think I covered it all.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Still feeling
a little tired,

but I think it'd be a good idea
to go down to the beach

and make those bird traps,

because if we can get birds
and squirrels,

that would be a game changer.

♪ ♪

I've been storing
my grouse guts on the beach

under some rocks,
hoping that a bear comes by,

but the only thing
that I've seen is the ravens.

♪ ♪

And if this bird trap works,

that's gonna be
a huge morale booster.

♪ ♪

Let's see.

Got to make sure
to implement

as many food-procuring
strategies that I can

so that I get
some passive food.

Okay.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Am I concerned
about how tired I'm getting?

♪ ♪

Yeah.

I still think
this is a little too tight.

I'm eating every day,

but my body knows
that it's not enough,

and it's screaming.

It's yelling at me.

♪ ♪

Every day it's a fight

to not press that button,

just to hear Gab's voice.

♪ ♪

I guess
my always-happy thought is...

Gab.

♪ ♪

I was thinking
about the first time we met.

You know, we work in different
departments in the hospital.

This was during COVID,
so I was so tired

and hungry and overworked.

It kind of felt like today.

♪ ♪

Almost through.

♪ ♪

And then I saw her.

And she looked right at me.

And I swear I could have seen
her smiling at me

through that mask.

♪ ♪

What started with small talk
continued with banter.

And I think
we realized early on,

everything was just
better together.

♪ ♪

All right, I got
a little perch over here.

The idea...

is that bait's on this stick.

There's a rope,
kind of like a cowboy lasso,

that rests over here.

And then as the bird lands
on this, this falls down.

And there's a string
attached to that rock

that falls down here.

So...

that's how that'll work.

♪ ♪

You know, it's all
about your spirit out here.

Your body can feel
like it's breaking,

but if you still have it
in your soul and in your mind,

you can push a ways.

All right,
that should do the trick.

♪ ♪

And Gabrielle--she is my rock

that doesn't weigh me down.

Keeps me grounded when I feel

like the wind's gonna
push me away.

♪ ♪

And I love her.
I love her so much.

♪ ♪

Hopefully they'll let me push
a wee bit more,

see what happens.

♪ ♪

Yeah, day by day.

Okay.

♪ ♪

That was a lot of work,

but that's
a beautiful bird trap.

If I catch a bird with this,

I might just eat
the whole thing

right then and there
just to celebrate.

Oh, I'm done!

♪ ♪

- Just getting everything
prepped for the day.

Fortunately for us,
we won't be wasting any time

eating breakfast this morning.

We can just get
straight under way.

♪ ♪

Isn't it great?

♪ ♪

Such a time saver,
not having any food.

♪ ♪

Today is all about hunting.

♪ ♪

Very cold.

This snow on the ground--
just a tiny little dusting.

And the river
is already icing over.

We're gonna head down

to some of the further valleys
and look for grouse.

♪ ♪

Out here,
I'm grateful for every life

that I've taken.

You know, k*lling is
a hard thing to do every day.

It can be exhausting.

It takes a lot of grouse
to feed a man in the wild.

♪ ♪

Look at how pretty this
little valley is right now.

The camera
doesn't do it justice.

♪ ♪

No grouse, though.
[sniffs]

[sighs]
I'm getting tired early.

Not a good sign,
but we need to keep pushing on.

♪ ♪

Fingers crossed.

♪ ♪

I'm still losing weight
at a pretty steady pace.

The number-one thing
is just conserving calories.

But if I have
to actively hunt

for three or four hours
every day,

I'm burning a tremendous
amount of calories.

The grouse are around,

but getting harder to find
and harder to sh**t--

same with the squirrels.

And I'm not finding
any new bear sign.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

It's right there.

♪ ♪

Stay right there.

♪ ♪

[bow thuds]

♪ ♪

Yes.

♪ ♪

We got something
to eat tonight.

♪ ♪

Ah, thank God.

[exhales deeply]

It's a beautiful,
beautiful grouse.

♪ ♪

I can't tell you
what this bird means to me.

I'm so hungry.

And I'm really deeply,
deeply appreciative.

♪ ♪

We get to stay
for another day.

♪ ♪

I'm just letting her
calmly die.

♪ ♪

Go to sleep.
It'll be okay.

♪ ♪

You're okay.

[exhales sharply]

♪ ♪

I'm getting a little burned out
on k*lling things...

♪ ♪

Watching them die.

I feel a little bit sad
every time.

♪ ♪

And I think day after day,

that kind of takes
a little bit of a toll.

♪ ♪

I wish I could just k*ll
one more animal

and be set
for my time out here,

not have to continue
to k*ll and k*ll and k*ll.

♪ ♪

I feel a deep, deep commune
with this place.

The only other place I felt
this deeply connected to land

is in my own property.

♪ ♪

At home, I could sh**t
a white-tail deer

and be good
for a couple months.

That's one animal
to watch die,

to appreciate their death.

♪ ♪

But that is unlikely
to happen.

♪ ♪

And if I want to stay,
then other things need to die.

♪ ♪

And that's the web of life
that we live in.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Today is day 50, day 50.

Big milestone.

Just as a treat to myself,

today I'm wearing new socks,

so completely unused,

nice, new wool socks.

The last socks that I've used,

I've used them continuously
for about 20 days.

It's kind of like
when it's Christmas

and your grandma
gives you socks,

and you're like,
"Oh, thanks, Grandma."

But--[laughs]

In my case, it's like,
"Thanks, Grandma!

I really wanted these."
[chuckles]

"They're awesome."
[chuckles]

♪ ♪

Right now
I'm a bit dehydrated.

I need to drink water.

So I'm gonna check
how thick the ice is

and grab some water.

♪ ♪

I'm excited for the ice.

Time to start using my ax.

♪ ♪

Very conveniently,
I have a pier.

That means that I can go
to the deeper ice

and just use my ax.

♪ ♪

Another day in Labrador.

I'm dying.

[gulps]

♪ ♪

I'm thankful
that there's water here,

but there's no food coming in.

And trapping,
hunting, fishing

takes so much energy.

With the fish,
I kind of screwed up.

I think I probably spent
more energy

trying to build the pier
and the fishing pole.

And now I realize

I have to be strategic
about my energy.

This is not
my first time starving.

So I know that
if I just eat a little bit,

I'm going to have
extreme hunger

and I'm gonna have
hunger pangs.

This mental hunger
is an obsession.

And it takes a lot
of mental energy to come back.

But if you go full fast,
you basically jump that,

and you do not get
the mental hunger

because your body
really understands

that this
is an extreme situation.

So my plan right now basically
is to fast

for 20 more days.

Isn't that insane?

♪ ♪

What inspires me the most
is the amazing things

we can do when our minds
and bodies are in sync.

I feel everything
is telling me hunker down.

It's all a risk.

But I improvise a lot,

and I'm not afraid to just go,
like, completely opposite

of what everyone would do
and go with my intuition.

I just need
to last a day longer

than the other contestants.

That's all I need, you know?

You don't have
to outrun the bear.

You just have to outrun
your friend.

That's my plan.
It's a little bit crazy.

But I think it's doable.


I think my body can take it,

and my mind can take it.

We'll see.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Well, good afternoon.

Oh, my God.

I'll show you,
but the river is frozen over.

I can't believe it.
[chuckles]

Let's see if we can pick it up
on the camera.

Gonna spin you around.

There we go.
Zoom right in.

Look at that.
That's all ice.

And a section in the middle
is actually flowing.

It hasn't froze yet.

♪ ♪

Winter is upon us.

♪ ♪

I'm out here as long
as I can stay out.

Winter, here we come.
Bring it on.

This is "monumentous."

My fishing pole is gonna become
a walking stick

'cause I love this stick
and I think fishing's out.

[chuckles]

I know some really cold
weather is coming in.

I'm just gonna keep
doing what I'm doing--

hunting and trapping
every day.

I'm definitely
on the trail for food

because that's what's gonna
keep me out here.

[ax thumping]

I'm going to be
so happy to have this

when I'm trekking around.

♪ ♪

Yay, I got a walking stick.

Fishing...krr, done.

Let's go find some food.

♪ ♪

I need to get
some blood moving.

Every time I check my traps,
I come home empty-handed.

Today I woke up feeling
super refreshed,

and I'm hungry.

[laughs]

Mentally, emotionally,
I feel ready for winter.

It's really dependent on food
right now for me.

♪ ♪

Oh, here's one of my traps.

And...

♪ ♪

It got blown out.

Looks like...

♪ ♪

Someone went through there,
which is good.

♪ ♪

With the fishing days
coming to an end,

I am changing my plan
to spending as much time

as possible trapping.

♪ ♪

That one still looks good.

That's really my only
food options at this point.

♪ ♪

Looks like someone's
been digging there.

♪ ♪

Where is it?

Oh!

[gasps] Oh.

Oh, my gosh.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Oh. [gasps]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, my gosh.

♪ ♪

I got one.

♪ ♪

I got one.
[chuckles]

He's frozen.

Looks like he still has
snowflakes on his head,

so obviously not from today.

Aw.

Yay, I got
something for dinner.

[laughs]

Wow.

Mwah.

I got a frozen dinner
for my dinner tonight.

[laughs]

Oh, that's not funny.

I hope he hasn't been there
for too long.

Let me put you in the pocket.

I'll have to thaw him out
just to gut him.

♪ ♪

This one tastes really good.

♪ ♪

It makes me wonder how long
it's been sitting there frozen.

[chuckles]

Okay, one more leg.
I did three legs.

Got to save some meat
for tomorrow.

♪ ♪

I often think
of the word "survival"

in a military perspective.

It's a hard-core term.

But then the word "wilderness"
to me is very different.

It's about that spiritual
connection with the land.

I am loving every single bite
that I get to eat.

♪ ♪

I see wilderness survival
as not just about the skills.

It's about the attitude,
the positive humility.

It's why I sing songs.

The songs bring me
back to myself

and ground me

to the spiritual connection
with the Earth.

It is that connection
with the land

that keeps me ready
for whatever it's going to be.

Checked my traps,
got a squirrel.

It's been a good day.

So just chillin' tonight.
Gonna go to bed.

Do it all over again tomorrow.

♪ Aye-aye-aye,
aye-aye-aye-aye ♪

♪ Aye-aye-aye-aye,
aye-aye-aye-aye ♪

♪ Aye-aye-aye-aye,
aye-aye-aye-aye ♪

♪ Aye-aye-aye-aye... ♪

♪ ♪

- Look.

♪ ♪

Plan for today--
still recovering on my legs,

so I'm gonna set up snares
for squirrels.

♪ ♪

Kind of keep an eye out
for good snaring spots...

so I take advantage
of every food opportunity.

This is a nice snare point
right here.

♪ ♪

I know my hunting grounds
very well now,

and I know the animal behavior
very well now.

The hunting that I do
is based on sectors.

I don't overexert
myself walking around,

and I'm only taking shots
when squirrels are feeding,

when squirrels are shuttling
from points A and B

and I'm waiting
at points A and B.

Hopefully we catch something.

♪ ♪

Every day you have
to adapt here.

The next challenge
for me is seeing

if these new limits
on my body

will affect my ability
to get food.

♪ ♪

This is a good one.

I can see some of their stashes
over here,

those little piles.

Looking for kind of natural
funnel points,

snare areas.

♪ ♪

I feel like no matter
how hard it gets,

if it's for family,

everything's worth it.

♪ ♪

In my heart,
I know that I need to push.

I need to show
how strong I am,

how strong my mom made me.

♪ ♪

[bird cawing]

Oh, there's the crow.

[cawing continues]

♪ ♪

Let's check the bird trap.
All right, to the beach.

♪ ♪

Holy cow.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[bleep].

May have been tampered with.

♪ ♪

If I go another week
without catching anything...

I think
that's gonna be hard.

That's going to be
really frickin' hard.

♪ ♪

Just got to keep
the spirits high,

the energy levels
not overworked,

and just need one win.

♪ ♪

I don't know how I'm gonna
explain this experience.

♪ ♪

I think it's a lot different

than what I thought
it would be.

Look at that.

♪ ♪

I wish Gabrielle could see
what I see right now.

When I first signed up
for this challenge,

I thought it was
to challenge myself.

But the more
that I think about it,

I couldn't do this
if it was just for me.

I want to do it for the people
that I love at home.

♪ ♪

I'm not
the most trained out here,

but I'm relying
on the land to teach me.

I take time to respect
the ancestors of this land.

♪ ♪

If you're in it to really test
your boundaries,

you might not come back
the same.

Relationships crumble,

and your life as you know it
is changed forever.

Kind of just want to skip rocks
on the river...

see how thick that ice is.

♪ ♪

Whoever catches fish in this,
kudos, man.

♪ ♪

I feel like
I'm gonna come back

with a very strong sense
of who I am,

what I want to do in life,
in my relationships,

everything.

Ooh.

How about this one?

♪ ♪

Yeah.

This experience has made me
feel closer to Gab, too.

♪ ♪

I'll fight for her
every single step of the way,

as hard
as I'll fight over here...

♪ ♪

'Cause she's everything.

♪ ♪

All right.

Wind's telling me to go home.

I get it.

♪ ♪

- [sighs] How do we look?

We are looking skinny, boy.

We are looking skinny.

♪ ♪

Sorry for having to show you
that beautiful sight.

♪ ♪

I don't know what to do.

♪ ♪

The calorie game here just
isn't working in my favor.

I've got food.

I'm working harder to get it,
and it's not enough.

I'm losing a pound
of weight a day.

And there doesn't seem to be
anything I can do about that.

♪ ♪

No one on this show
has ever really thrived

on small game.

People have eked by.

♪ ♪

So I'm gonna focus

on getting a black bear.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna walk out
to the back lot

and see if we can find
any bear sign out there.

♪ ♪

[exhales deeply]

Hard to make this walk.
[sighs]

Used to be I could walk
up this hill

two minutes,
four or five steps at a time.

♪ ♪

[exhales deeply]

My energy levels are
definitely at an all-time low.

I can feel my body slipping
into starvation mode.

My body's just getting weak.

♪ ♪

I keep having to stop
every couple minutes

and catch my breath.

♪ ♪

Not a great sign.

♪ ♪

I have been grinding away
out here...

[exhales sharply]

Day in and day out,
for over 50 days.

It hasn't been an easy time.

Every day has been a challenge

that I have embraced
and loved.

But my trajectory

has been bad for weeks.

♪ ♪

All right, my friends...

we have reached
a critical juncture,

I believe.

[exhales deeply]

My legs are gassed.

I'm not walking right
through the forest.

I'm stumbling.

♪ ♪

I'm walking like
I'm really tired, and I am.

♪ ♪

And I have to call it.

♪ ♪

It's time to go home.

♪ ♪

I don't know how to logic my
way around this food equation.

♪ ♪

We just aren't
bringing enough in,

and I'm not finding
any new bear sign.

♪ ♪

Grouse and squirrels,
berries and mushrooms...

that's worked for 52 days,

but it's not gonna work
for another 20.

I just don't think I have

to lose,

which is what I think
I need to win.

♪ ♪

I wish I had fishing
to fall back on

or gill netting
or something, something,

something, something, you know?

♪ ♪

I have to work a physical job.

And if I can't win,

I can't screw my body up

to the point where I can't
work when I get home.

♪ ♪

But that black bear could walk

down that river valley trail

three days from now.

I could get a 20-yard shot
from my front door.

♪ ♪

I really do love it out here.

I just wish I could get
a little bit more food.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

♪ ♪

Okay.

♪ ♪

Let me show you something.

♪ ♪

There's a spruce grouse
in my camp.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

That bird has fueled my body.

My time in this place
is inextricably linked

with that spruce grouse.

I wouldn't be here right now
if not for them.

♪ ♪

What a beautiful creature...

I'm grateful for.

♪ ♪

Any other day...

the last 52 days,

and this little guy
would be dinner.

Today he's gonna get away
with it...

'Cause we're going home.

♪ ♪

It's a sad thing
to think about--

my time here coming to an end.

♪ ♪

Today when I felt
my legs just turn to lead

and every step just be
a massive effort

just to move,

that's when you know.

♪ ♪

It feels like a good time
to make that phone call.

What do you say?

♪ ♪

Go up top and admire the view
a little bit.

♪ ♪

I want to leave here
on my own two feet,

of my own volition,
with my head held high.

I don't want to get medically
pulled for weight loss.

I don't feel like
that's a noble way to leave.

♪ ♪

I came out here to burn
my candle down to the wick,

and I got 52 days out of it.

Some could do better.

Others will do worse.

♪ ♪

[phone beeping]

♪ ♪

Hey, this is Adam.

I'm officially tapping out.

♪ ♪

There is a sadness there now,

sadness
at the definite finality.

[sighs]

But I'm excited
to see my loved ones,

to tell them all
how much I love them...

♪ ♪

Deeper than I ever have

my whole life thanks to this.

♪ ♪

What a gift that is.

♪ ♪

Absence really does make
the heart grow fonder.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

Done good, moss house.

Done good.

♪ ♪

Be sad to see you go.

♪ ♪

[distant engines rumbling]

Here they come.

Hey, guys.

I failed at my goal

of winning
a half million dollars,

and when you fail at something,

you're always going
to want to review the playbook

and figure out what
you could have done better.

But I did 100%--

and I can say
this with confidence--

give everything I had
to every single day,

even if on that day it meant
that I couldn't get out of bed

until 9:30
because I was so tired

'cause I hadn't slept all night

and I could only do
two or three hours of hunting

instead of five,
and I came home empty-handed.

I still did the best I could.

And when you know
that you've done your best,

losing at something

doesn't feel quite so...

bitter.

What more could you have done,
you know?

♪ ♪

I came out here with
a backpack full of clothes

and ten items,

and I built myself a house,

and I kept myself fed
and rested and watered

for close to eight weeks.

I'm pretty proud of that.

♪ ♪

I'm not a professional.

I'm a tradesman
that loves the outdoors.

And I want to encourage anyone

to just get outside
and to learn

and to try new things

because you don't have to be
a professional survivalist.

You just need to have
some tenacity, some skills.

♪ ♪

I played my hand
the best I could,

and I don't quite match up,

and that's okay.

♪ ♪

The risk that comes
from doing things on your own

also comes
with a great reward,

which is the opportunity
to learn things about yourself

that you can't learn
in any other way.

♪ ♪

- Getting weaker.

My mind's not as sharp.

My body's kind of declining.

Oh. [bleep].

- The landscape
has considerably changed.

Really crazy weather!

And it just hasn't stopped.

Perfect hypothermia weather.

- Oh, my gosh, it's deep!

I'm feeling
like I'm not good enough

to come home with a meal.

It's getting overwhelming.

Ah!

♪ ♪