01x01 - Your Real Best Friend

[bunniefuu]

Wake up the masses!

Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight!

Take a deep breath...

For a new kind of cartoon show.

Wicket! Wicket! Wicket!

Iiiiit's...

Kablam!

Where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

Here are your hosts, henry and june.





Hi, I'm henry.

And I'm june.

And this is...

Kablam! Kablam!

Sure. It may seem like just another comic book...

But there's a crucial kablam!difference.

Right, june?

That's right, henry.

Youthe viewer don't have to worry about painful paper cuts...

[Slurp]

Or agonizing staple wounds.

And best of all,

We turn the pages for you.

So you can sit back and enjoy the kablamiest cartoons

In the known universe.

[Slurp]

And now, prepare your eyes...

Your ears...

Your bladder...

[Toilet flushing]

For kablam!

[Glass breaking]hi-ya!

Here's our first cartoon.

It's guys who'll steal your heart.

And sell it for scrap.

Enter the world of sniz and fondue.

Ouch!

All right!

Paper cut.

[Screaming]

Whee! Ha ha ha!

Whoa! Ah!

Up and down!

Up-a-hoo!

For the billionth time, sniz,

Get out of my room!

According to my log book here,

That's exactly billion and times

I've been asked to vacate your domicile.

[Sizzling] fine!

Then I'm gonna go trash yourroom.

Ohh!

♪ Everybody have fun tonight ♪

[Cricket chirps]

If sniz won't stay out of my room,

I'll find a way to keep him out.

[Door slams]

Huh! That's exactly a billion times he's said that.

A billion and , actually.

[Birds squawking]

Howdy-dooder.

I'm looking for an attack dog.

One that would have no problem

With chewing off the legs of a trespasser.

Aah! Simmer down!

This is an exotic pet shop--

Only rare and ill*gal animals sold here.

Check this out. I just got it in today.

Holy fruits!

It's a madagascar scorpion,

The most lethal arachnid alive.

[Eek]

One sting and oh, baby, will you die.

Ooh!

Compelling!

Scary!

Sold!

Just don't tell anyone where you bought this! Capishe?

Capishe.

[Giggling]

h* h*! When sniz finds out

I have a madagascar scorpion,

He'll return to my room never more.

You're not wearing your shoes in my bed, are you?

I just changed the sheets last month!

Ooh! Hey, what you got there? A hamster?

Hardly.

This is my room guardian.

A madagascar scorpion!

Snap me down! What a sick purchase!

Sick enough to keep you out of my room forever?

Fruit's on that! He's in a tank.

Oh! Why did I bother?

Ah, fondue, come on.

Give yourself a little credit for trying.

Aah! Aah!

One sting and it kills?

That's what the man said.

I suggest you two tape your feet up, as well.

Fondue! You utter imbecile!

How could you bring a lethal creature into our house?

Well, if a certain somebody would have stayed out of my room...

Sniz, look out!

Wow! So much terror in such a tiny package.

Weapons now!

Must crush!

Hold on, pal!

I paid $. For that thing.

You got ripped off.you got ripped off.

Look, it's either it or us.

Ok. It.

Snap a duju's! Ready for action.

Thanks.

Sniz and I will check upstairs.

Bonk, you and bianca on the mezzanine scene.

Oh! Aah!

What? What is it?

Soap scum!

I feel something.

Get ready.

I'm gonna slide it your way.

Yaah! Yaah! Yaah!

Wait! Stop!

It's your missing luke skyrunner action figure.

I'm leaving.

Bad idea! Don't get up.

Don't move. Don't breathe.

What are you guys talking about?

Major scorpy situation!

Lumbar region!

No! No! No!

Fondue, you got to chill.

Any sudden move could be fatal.

Mommy, no, no. This is it.

[Mumbling]

What do we do? Think fast.

Don't move!

'Cause I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

Wait! What's going on?

[Gasp] [gasp]

Yaah!

[Singing]

[Singing]

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo! Look at me!

I'm a jumping bean!

I'm a jumping bean!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa! I love it!

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo!

[Buzzer]

Hey, one more.

Look! No hands!

Up and down!

Mee mee mee!

Whoo-hoo!

If you can't beat 'em, charge 'em.

Whoo! Ooh! Eee!

Whoo-hoo!

Blblblblbl. I'm glad that's over.

Scorpions give me the willies.

Check out the nails.

How do you feel about the deadly black widow spider?

You know, the one that's right behind you...

With the fangs.

This is the always enjoyable part of the show.

Poor june desperately tries to top the previous cartoon.

Hey!

Aah!

And this is the part of the show where i, um...

What is it I do?

You save me from a painful death!

No! That's not it.

Aah!

Now I remember.

This is the part where I say, they're plastic,

They're spastic,

They're fantastic!

They're the superheroes of action league now!

Coming up next.

June!

Ok, ok.

But you better start being nice to me.

Announcer: dateline. Danger driveway,

Where the greatest superheroes in the world

Do battle with a filthy foe.

I don't recall washing the chief's new car being in the action league oath.

Yeah. If I'd wanted to be a swabbie,

I would have stayed in the navy.

Stinky, thunder girl, you missed a spot.

Got you covered guys.

Ooh!

Oh! Ooh! Blasted! Ow!

Aah! Ow!

You resinheads, quit fooling around.

I want that car to shine like a tin roof on a tar paper shack.

[Gasp]

Oh!

Car!

Hey, that guy's a litter bug!

Nobody pollutes on my watch.

Action league away!

[Groans]

[All] I got front seat!

I got--i got front seat!

No way! I called it!

My new...

Uh!

Car!

Starring...

He's super strong and super naked.

She flies like thunder.

A former navy commando

With an attitude as bad as his odor.

And...

With the power to...

Melt!

Today's episode...

What toxic terror is behind

This environmental disaster?

None other than his dishonor, the mayor.

Ha ha! All the world is a dump.

And only one elite fighting force can stop him.

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Gently down the stream ♪ ♪ row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream ♪

♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream ♪

There he is! The rotter! Hang on!

Curses! Action trash on my tail.

Eat my garbage!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Meltman: are we there yet?

Flesh: yeah, I got to take an action tinkle.

Aah!aah! Aah!

Ah, this is my stop.

Thunder girl, away!

I hate it when she does that.

Aah!

Meanwhile...

Ha ha!

I don't give a hoot, I pollute.

Pull it over, mayor. Your litter bug days are over.

Oh, yeah? Well, your road k*ll days are just beginning.

Uh-oh.

Is this thunder girl's final flight in the fast lane?

Can the action power pool survive a close encounter

Of the concrete kind?

Stay tuned for the action-strewn conclusion of...

Hey, kablamoids!

Keep your heiner in the recliner!

Still to come,

Life with loopy,

Prometheus and bob,

And more action league now!

Right here on...

A mad polluter on the loose.

The action mobile free-fall.

Thunder girl headed for splatsville.

Can she veer out of harm's way?

Ooh!

Apparently not.

That didn't hurt a bit.

Oof!

Thunder girl, this is no time for a nap. Come on!

He's getting away!

On the road again,

Our heroes close in on their trashy target...

Using their finely honed tracking skills.

Flesh: I spy with my little eye

Something that begins with the letter "l."

[All] the litter bug!

Chicken anyone?

Turkey for you, wastecase.

Narrator: action against evil.

Who will blink first

In this final, death-defying battle of nerves?

[All screaming]

He hasn't got the guts!

Ouchies! Aah!

Bawk, bawk, bawk.

I win, losers!

Then again, maybe it's a draw.

What sinister thing drives a man to litter?

I don't know,

But whatever it is, it's flammable.

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

[All laughing]

The end.

Lyndon baines kablamson.

That was grade-a, made in the usa chuckimation.

Chuckimation? What's that?

Glad you asked, june.

In traditional animation,

Teams of artists sl*ve for hours

To create the thousands of images called cells

That go into every minute of a cartoon.

I did not know that.

But the people at action league now!

Developed a process called...

Where all you need is a good strong arm and a passing car.

That's great cartoon action.

Great chuckimation action.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Kablam!,Leading the way in state-of-the-art animation.

Just like our next cutting-edge cartoon,

Life with loopy.

♪♪♪

Hi. I'm larry.

This is my sister loopy,

And this is bugsteak.

Now, to get the maximum flavor out of bugsteak,

You got to turn up the heat.

But some people just don't get it.

Take last week for example.

Hey, larry!

Come and play cannibal cheerleaders with me!

Tape: [beat tapping]

♪ You can't understand me, 'cause you're a loser ♪

♪ I'm a radical dude and you're a goober ♪

♪ You're a goober ♪

♪ You're a goober ♪

Mom, larry called me a goober.

Oh, don't you listen to larry.

He's just going through a phase.

Maybe it's time you made a new friend, loopy.

Ok, I will!

[Buzzing]

Larry: well, it turned out that wasn't such a smart thing to say,

'Cause when loopy decided to make a new friend...

Hey, everybody, this is frank.

She really made a new friend...

Mostly from pieces of dad's old stereo system.

It is a great honor

For a mere machine such as I

To be accepted by clearly superior humanoids.

Any friend of loopy's is a friend of mine.

Help yourself to a donut, frank.

Sir, your kindness is exceeded

Only by your infinite wisdom

And clean, close shave.

Hmm.

[Skin squeaks]

Ooh.

[Drum beat playing]

Larry: well, for the next few days,

Loopy and frank were inseparable.

Now, I wasn't jealous or anything,

But I was starting to get a weird feeling

About that walking scrap pile.

Nice day, mr. Larry.

Nice day to take over the earth

And enslave all humans.

Ha ha ha!

So when a whole bunch of mom's kitchen appliances

Mysteriously disappeared...

Has anybody seen my vegimatic slice and dicer?

Well, call it a hunch...

Huh?!

Shh!

Listen to me and listen well.

Loopy is not my friend,

You are, my fellow machines.

I have tolerated her ridiculous games

Only that I may learn the human ways.

Soon I will have enough knowledge

To make them our sl*ves!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I never liked that junk heap.

I did.

I just wanted to make a new friend.

Why?

You got a friend.

Come on, shrimp.

Let's hot-wire that bucket of bolts.

And you much maligned julienne fries slicer,

Soon you shall rule all of idaho.

You, solar-powered wok,

China is yours.

Stop! Go back to the kitchen now!

Or I'll use these -day money-back guarantees.

I can send you all back to the manufacturer,

'Cause believe me, I am not a satisfied customer.

Do not listen to him.

He is bluffing.

Those warranties expired months ago.

Attack, my minions, attack!

Aah!

[Music playing]

[Buzzing]

Funny. I thought loopy might still be bummed about losing frank,

But for some reason,

She didn't even seem to notice.

[Music playing]

These are our heads.

These are our heads stuffed with melon.

And here's our next cartoon...

Announcer: what you are about to see is top-secret.

It is a videotape recorded , years ago

By an alien using a remote-controlled camera.

It shows his attempts to educate a caveman.

They have been code-named: the prometheus and bob tapes.

Tape number .

[Incoherent muttering]

[Screeching]

[Muttering]

Huh?

Ah.

Uh! [Grunting]

[Sighs]

[Humming]

[Panting]

[Slurping]

Ah!

Ah!

[Groaning]

[Grunting]

[Screech]

Huh?

Uh...

[Groaning]

[Grunting]

Uh...

[Muttering]

[Grunting]

[Muttering]

Ha ha ha!

Bob: ha ha ha!

[Chattering]

Aah!

Tape number .

Huh?

Uh?

[Muttering]

[Screech]

[Muttering]

[Grunting]

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

[Grunting]

[Chattering]

[Muttering]

[Chattering]

[Groaning]

[Muttering]

[Groaning]

[Muttering]

[Chattering]

[Groaning]

[Muttering]

[Grunting]

[Whistle]

[Crash]

[Sighs]

Mmm. Huh?

[Muttering]

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Uh...

Uh!

Aah!

Ah! Ah.

[Chatter]

[Muttering]

[Chatter]

[Muttering]

Uh-uh!

[Sniff sniff]

Aaahhh.

[Groaning]

Oh!

[Groaning]

[Muttering]

[Groaning]

[Muttering]

[Groaning]

[Chattering]

[Muttering]

[Groaning]

Ah!

[Screeching]

[Crash]

That's all the time we have for today, blamoids.

But before we leave, we've got to say the pledge of blam-legiance.

Everybody put your head over your heart

And repeat after us.

I pledge allegiance to kablam!

And the excited snakes of america...

Aah! Aah!

And to the cartoonists who make us stand,

One comic book irreplaceable.

Ha ha ha!

With liver free...

With jet packs for all!

See ya!

Catch you later.

Join us again next time.

Same kablam!time, same kablam!network.

♪ All right ♪

♪ Get hip now ♪

♪ Get up ♪

♪ Heh heh heh heh ♪

♪ All righty ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Eh eh ♪