02x02 - Won't Crack Or Peel

[bunniefuu]

- MALE: Big up the masses.

- KABLAM NARRATOR: Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight.

- [abseiler screaming]

- NARRATOR: Take a deep breath for a new kind of cartoon show.

- ♪

♪

- NARRATOR: It's..."KaBlam",

where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

here are your hosts: Henry and June.

- ♪

- Hey, KaBlamsters. It's Henry.

- And June.

- Today on "KaBlam" we're proud to introduce--

- --the latest breakthrough in interactive television.

- BOTH: KaBlam-O-Vision!

- Henry, walk us into the future, won't you?

- With virtual pleasure.

And now prepare yourself for our first interaction.

June will pick a card

and hold it up for you, the audience, to see.

- Remember this card. Wow.

You and the card trick are now interacting!

- Is this your card?

- No.

- Is this your card?

- Erm...no.

- Is this your card?

- No. That's, erm, not it either.

- Are you sure?

- Yes. I'm sure.

- Don't blame me.

This new technology may be defective.

- Yeah. That's it. [sigh]

and speaking of defectives... here's Action League Now.

- ♪

- ACTION LEAGUE NARRATOR: Dateline,

Driveway International Airport.

With the world on the brink of w*r,

the Action League stands ready

to escort an emissary of peace to a vital summit.

- Now, remember, the ambassador has to sign that treaty,

or we may be looking at World w*r .

He must be protected and all costs.

- Don't worry, Chief.

Protecting ambassadors is our middle name.

- Not mine. It's Murray.

- ♪

- Your Excellency, it is indeed a great honor.

I salute you.

- I salute you, Chief.

- And I salute everybody.

- Oh!

- ♪

- Whoa!

Ow!

Urgh!

- ♪

- Ouchies.

- NARRATOR: Action League Now.

Starring The Flesh:

he's super strong and super naked.

Thunder Girl: she flies like thunder.

Stinky Diver: a former navy commander

with an attitude as bad as his odor.

And Meltman: with the power to ...melt.

Today's episode...

We find our heroes at a secret lab,

where the only hope for world peace lies in pieces.

- Gollers! Can't they just send another ambassador?

- Flesh, need I remind you

what you did to the last three ambassadors they sent?

- Yes please.

- CHIEF: The first ambassador

took in the beauty of our coastline.

- Oh! - [water splashing]

- CHIEF: A little closer than he intended.

The next one visited the hood.

- Ow!

- CHIEF: And wound up underneath it!

- [hood slamming]

- CHIEF: And the third guy didn't even make it to lunch.

- Ah!

- Now they're all out of ambassadors.

Blast it!

Bill, the lab guy, you've got to save this one.

- There's nothing I can do.

Unless--well, there is a surgical procedure.

But it's going to take time.

- That's the one thing I don't have.

The treaty signing starts in an hour.

- Hang on! I've got an idea.

- They're nearly identical.

- What a coincidence.

- Everyone, action huddle!

- [head thumping]

- ♪

- Here's the plan.

- NARRATOR: One hour later, at the world peace summit,

the League's ingenious plan to save the world is revealed.

- I'm taking these clothes off.

My neck and body yearns to be free.

- ALL: No!

- I know it's k*lling you, mate.

But hang in there. No one suspects a thing.

- Ambassador, a great pleasure.

- Howdy-doody. Whoopsies.

- NARRATOR: Meanwhile,

the real ambassador undergoes a delicate procedure.

- Nurse Thunder. I need more glue.

- [flatline beep]

- Oh no! I've lost him. I was afraid of this.

- Goody! Popcorn's done.

- NARRATOR: Back at the summit.

- These clothes are chaffing my sensitive skin.

- I must say, this is hardly the ambassador

I knew at Cambridge.

- And now, before we sign, I call upon the ambassador

to lay out the principles of this historic agreement.

- Uh, I was told there'd be no math.

- It must be humbling to hold the fate of so many

in one's hands.

- Ladies and people, it is with great pleasure that I...

take off these stupid clothes! - [crowd gasping]

- Hooray for me!

- [crowd screamS]

- NARRATOR: Has this rouge dignitary dashed all hopes

for world peace?

Can Bill the lab guy save a dismembered diplomat?

Stay tuned for the action-scammed conclusion

of Action League Now.

- We'll have more action later on in the show.

But, right now, we've got interaction.

- We now present, for the first time ever on TV,

a totally interactive KaBlam-O-Vision staring contest!

- First one to blink loses.

Ready...set...stare!

- ♪

I have to warn you, we're practically unbeatable.

Oh, man! sh**t. I'm out.

- Loser.

Uh-oh. I--I gotta tinkle.

- Gee, too bad. I guess that means you--

- Be right back.

- Wow. She's good.

Well, since you're staring,

feast your eyes on the big-brained alien

and his Cro-Magnon cronie, Prometheus and Bob.

- NARRATOR: What you are about to see is top secret.

It is a videotape recorded thousand years ago

by an alien using a remote-controlled camera.

It shows his attempts to educate a caveman.

They have been code-named the Prometheus and Bob tapes.

Tape eight. Furniture.

- [light blip]

- Hey. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

- Hmm?

- Come on. Back up.

Go on. - BOB: [grunting]

- Watch. Watch.

- Huh? - Chair.

Aah. See.

Now you.

- BOB: [laughing]

- [laughing]

- Hey! Hey, hey!

- Hey! - Huh?

- Down.

- Huh.

Hey!

- Done.

- [monkey shrieking]

- Hey, come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- [grunting]

- Yeah. - Huh?

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

- Yeah.

[laughing]

- Hey, hey! - [unintelligible].

- [laughing]

Hmm.

- Oh. What--what happened to my--what the--

- [grunting] - Need to find it.

- [grunting]

- [monkey shrieking]

- Hey!

- [monkey chattering]

- [grunting]

- What are you doing?

What are you do-- get out of here.

Give me--oh! Oh!

- BOB: [grunting]

- Uh-oh!

- [rocks crashing]

- [monkey shrieking]

- BOB: Huh?

- Ow. [unintelligible].

- NARRATOR: End.

- KABLAM NARRATOR: Hey, KaBLamsters!

Keep your tushy on the cushy!

Still to come, Life with Loopy, The Offbeats.

And, when we return, more Action League Now.

Right here on KaBlam!

- NARRATOR: An ambassador impaired,

immobilized, impersonated.

With doom impending,

an action imbecile creates an international imbroglio.

Or does he?

- Brilliant!

He stands naked before us in the spirit of peace.

- Genius.

He lays bare the true meaning of diplomacy.

- Hoorah for the ambassador. Hooray for feeling free.

- ALL: Hooray.

- [crowd cheering]

- And so I sign this treaty with fairness and nudity for all.

- ALL: Hooray!

- ♪

- Congratulations, Flesh.

- It isn't every day you get to save the world naked.

Our work here is done.

- ♪

- Ambassador The Flesh? He's an imposter!

We've been duped.

- This means w*r!

- Launch missiles.

- Hand me my pants.

- [expl*si*n blasts]

- NARRATOR: Later that day, with their mission botched,

our heroes bid adieu to an oblivious ambassador.

- Goodbye, Action League.

Thank you for all you did to ensure world peace.

Some day I hope you will come visit my country.

- ALL: Uh, yeah.

- Sure thing. - THUNDER GIRL: You bet.

- STINKY DIVER: Yeah, you bet.

- I wonder if we should tell him

that his country is a smoking crater?

- Whoopsies! - Ah!

Urgh!

- Nah, we can tell him later.

- NARRATOR: The end.

- Welcome back.

You know, interactive TV isn't just about cheap gimmicks.

It's about sharing.

- That's correct, Henry.

And, now, thanks to KaBlam-O-Vision,

we'd like to share with you, the sounds of the sea.

- [steel drums playing] [waves splashing]

- Hey, can I hear?

- To fully enjoy your encounter with the sea,

you may want to adjust your volume.

- But it's my turn.

- Later Henroid. I'm trying to interact here.

- Give it!

Ahoy now. This is KaBlam-errific!

Ah.

Wow-ow! Ah!

[muffled grunting]

- You're right, Henry. That was KaBlam-errific.

Just like Life of Loopy.

- ♪

- Do not adjust your set.

It's my world that's been turned upside-down.

Let me explain,

see this all started last Monday night

when me and the folks were trying

to spend some quality time together.

- Speed a big concern? Safety not an issue?

Call the Kwik-Fix

Construction Company. - [Loopy hiccuping]

- We guarantee a quick fix for any housing headache

or your money back.

- [Loopy hiccuping]

- LARRY: The only problem was

something was spoiling our concentration.

- Loopy, sweetie, a drink of water might cure those hiccups.

- Actually, what our little honey bunch needs

is a good old-fashioned shock to the system.

[screaming]

- [Loopy hiccups]

- You know, the only % surefire way

is to stand on your head and count backwards.

- Eighty-four--[hiccup]-- eighty-three--[hiccup]--

eighty-two.

- LARRY: As usual, my expert advice was right on the money.

And soon her hiccups were history.

- Eighty-one. Hey, it worked.

- LARRY: Unfortunately,

we were about to have a bigger problem on our hands.

- Everything looks so cool upside-down.

I'm gonna stay this way forever.

- [rooster crowing]

- LARRY: Well, take it from me.

Once Loopy gets an idea into her head,

she can get real hung up on it.

There was nothing she could do right-side up,

that she didn't like better upside-down.

- ♪

- [toilet flushes] - LARRY: I mean nothing.

But, for the rest of us,

Loopy's new lifestyle did have its upside-down sides.

Pocket fallout was a big problem.

- [crunch]

- Honey, these croutons are a little stale.

- LARRY: And her suction cups were driving us nuts.

- [cups popping]

- Kwik-Fix construction!

Don't think! Call now.

- LARRY: Somehow we put up with it until--

- Hi, everybody! I'm home.

- LARRY: Loopy decided to hang out with some new friends.

- Hey, Dad. Say hello to Lester.

- [bat screeching]

- Aargh!

- ♪

- Oh, dear.

Larry, could you do me a little favor?

Get her down from there.

Honey! Honey!

- LARRY: Now I wasn't about to waste my day

peeling my roof-rat sister off the ceiling.

- [buttons bleeping]

- Hello? Kwik Fix Construction?

- Don't worry, honey. I'm sure Larry took care of it.

- [horn honking]

- So you see,

thanks to my Kwik Fix solution, everyone got what they wanted.

Mom's happy because Loopy is right-side up again.

Loopy's happy

because she still gets to run around on the ceiling.

And Dad... well, I'm sure he'll be happy

as soon as he gets used to the new arrangements.

- [toilet flushing]

- We're interacting live with you.

Through the miracle of KaBlam-O-Vision.

Henry, take us into the next dimension of sight and sound.

- Now, when I say blow, start blowing.

Ready? Blow!

Come on, Boston! I don't see you blowing!

Chicago! You call yourself the Windy City?

- [glass tapping]

- Uh, Henry.

I think we've got a problem here.

- We sure do!

Our audience is a bunch of wimps!

Come on! Blow!

Dig deep! - [glass scraping]

- Work it! Really put your lungs into to.

- [glass tapping] - What's the matter with you?

Can't you spin a measly pinwheel?

- [wind howling] - Whoa!

- Now that's interaction.

While I go find Henry,

prepare to be blown away by The Offbeats.

- ♪

- [sighs]

- [drumming]

- What's the matter, Tommy?

- My mom says I have to get my coat cleaned.

- So?

- I love this coat.

- It is kind of dirty.

And it's only for one day.

- ♪

- That wasn't so bad, was it?

- I want my coat!

- ♪

- OFFBEAT NARRATOR: They never stay, never stay small.

And the populars don't like 'em at all.

But that's okay, life is sweet, they cool.

- ALL: [screaming]

- NARRATOR: They the Off-Beats.

- I heard your coat is being cleaned, Tommy.

You can borrow my coat-o-matic .

- It's not my coat.

- I know. But look what my coat can do.

- ♪

- It's not my coat.

It doesn't even look like my coat.

- But I can make it look like your coat.

- No.

No. No.

- ♪

- [remote exploding]

- Betty-Anne.

- Yes, Tommy?

- I want my coat!

- Hi, guys.

- Hi, Rapunzel.

- Urgh.

- What's wrong, Tommy?

- Urgh.

- What did he say?

- He said... [yells] I want my coat!

- Going golfing.

- [bagpipes playing]

- Breathe, Tommy. Breathe.

- Hey, what's wrong with Tommy?

- His coat's at the cleaners.

- So what?

- BETTY-ANNE: Tommy loves his coat.

- Oh. Tommy-wommy needs his coaty-woaty.

- Don't push it, Tina.

- Hey, Tommy. Your epidermis is showing.

- ALL: [laughing]

- Coat!

- Tommy?

- Coat.

- Tommy.

- Coat.

- Hello?

- Coat.

- KIDS: [screaming]

- [heavy breathing]

- Tommy! Your coat's back from the cleaners.

- Coat?

- [gasps] Uh-oh.

Sorry, Tommy.

- About what?

- ♪

- Well, that about wraps up

the historic debut of KaBlam-O-Vision.

- Let's commemorate

this towering technological achievement

with a photograph of you, the audience.

And, as a bonus, I'm gonna be in the picture with you.

- How come you get to be in it?

- I'm only thinking of our fans, June.

- ♪

- Okay everybody, move in.

This is the chance of a lifetime.

- Everybody smile and say KaBlam!

- [flash popping]

- [camera buzzing]

- Let me see! Let me see!

- ♪

- Hey!

- [laughing]

Boy, the fans really do love you, Henry.

See you next time, KaBlamites.

- ♪

- NARRATOR: Join us again, next time.

Same KaBlam time, same KaBlam network.

- ♪

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