Reunion (2024)

[bunniefuu]

Don't wanna be a player

I don't wanna be

A player no more

I'm not a player

I just crush a lot

But me and Punisher, still got

What you're lookin' for

I don't wanna be

Don't wanna be

I don't wanna be

A player no more

I'm not a player

I just crush a lot

But you know Big Pun

And Joe still down by law

Who's down to crush tonight?

Hey yo, I'm still not a player

But you still a hater

Elevator to the top, hah

See you later

I'm gone, penthouse suite

Penthouse freaks

In-house beach

Sir?

Please stop dancing.

Really, stop that.

No one wants to see it. Stop.

Puffin' the lye

From my Twinzito

Up in the Benzito

With my Kiko

From Queens nicknamed Perico

We go back like PA's

And wearin' PJ's

Now we reach the peakage

Runnin' trains for three days

Who want to ride?

It won't cost you a dollar

Whether soft or harder

Of course

You still gonna holla

Yeah! Look at your boy!

Boom! There he is. I found him!

Oh, man.

So how do I look?

You look like

Black Where's Waldo.

No.

Oompa Loompa. Minion?

You sound like a hater. No.

That's what we doing?

Give me this.

- Hey, give me that! Give me it!

- No, no, no!

We're going to our reunion.

I don't want you

on this phone all night,

being sad and everything,

playing Wordfeud.

There's a reason

for people to get together

and lie about

how their life doesn't suck.

- And get laid.

- What do you mean, get laid?

I'm definitely

getting laid tonight.

- No. In this outfit?

- This is my lucky outfit.

This is the outfit I lost my virginity

in the night of the graduation.

No, you got an over-the-pants

handjob.

Hey, well, she...

It wasn't my hand.

It was somebody else's hand.

So that's...

Oh, sh*t.

What, hey!

Don't touch that.

You ain't see that?

She was going 55 in a

school zone. Step on it!

Roll down your window,

please, ma'am.

Yeah. I'm... I'm sorry, Officer.

Was I speeding?

Thirty miles

over the speed limit.

Okay, I'm just trying to get

to this high school reunion.

Here.

Can I see your face?

- Jasmine?

- Yeah.

It's Evan. Evan...

I shouldn't do that.

- Evan... Evan West.

- Oh, my God!

It's great...

great seeing you.

God, I'm so glad it's you.

I was scared for a second there,

because I really hate cops.

I'm a cop, so...

Ray! Why... Why'd you

get out of the car?

Ray...'Cause you said it was Jasmine.

Jasmine? I was like,

"Okay, I gotta see her too."

- Oh, man.

- I mean, you look...

Look, man, I don't wanna be a jerk

about this, you know what I mean?

Because you used to be

a skater girl and everything.

But you have really

switched it up.

He's joking with you.

He... No, man, she looks amazing.

- I'm giving her a compliment.

- Yeah. You do look amazing.

- You look beautiful.

- You look great.

Appreciate that.

You guys haven't changed one bit.

Thanks. Yeah, thanks.

Not one bit.

- Thank you!

- Well, a little. I would like...

Yeah.

So you're working

at The Times now?

- Is that what's going on?

- Oh, yeah.

Ten years.

- That's great.

- Yeah.

This...

Should we finish

this conversation at the house?

Yeah. Yes.

Well, you can follow us.

Thank you.

- Okay, we'll see you there.

- Bye!

Okay.

- Talk to you later. All right.

- See you.

- I'll see you at the party.

- I'm stupid.

I'm so f*cking stupid, Ray.

Don't... What? What's that face?

- She want the backwoods d*ck.

- No, she doesn't.

Yes, she does. She wants

some backwoods d*ck tonight.

You could give it to her.

- Okay?

- Backwoods d*ck.

Yeah, she want that bearded,

cool cop, backwoods d*ck.

That's right.

She want it for the front woods

and the back woods.

Well-I'm just saying.

But seriously, though, bro,

I'm worried about you, man.

You ain't been

on a date in months.

It's... Well, you know...

You know, so, let me

check out your Tinder profile.

- See what you got going on.

- No, don't bring that up right now.

- Please. Please.

- Okay, what is this?

That? I'm dressed

as Phantom of the Opera

for Horrorpalooza.

Horrorpalooza? That's a thing?

Yes. It's dope, man.

You was Phantom of the Opera

for Horrorpalooza.

- Yeah.

- You didn't wanna be nobody else.

Michael Myers,

- you didn't wanna be Freddy.

- Dude... No.

Who is scared

of the Phantom of the Opera?

- Theatergoers.

- What the f...

Mathew's probably

gonna love this.

I mean, playing host,

showing off his fancy house.

- All his f*cking money.

- He's rich as f*ck.

- I know.

- Hold on, hold on.

But don't worry

about that as*h*le.

You need to worry about her.

- Hi.

- Thank you.

Yeah.

Oh, God. I look dumb,

don't I? She's here, man.

Yeah, you look like

somebody dresses...

- Was the hat too much?

- It's just too much.

You got your badge out,

your f*cking name tag.

- I know.

- But hold on, hold on.

Okay.

Okay, now you look good.

- Thank you. Clean cut.

- Hey! Wait a minute.

I didn't...

What?

You smell amazing.

- Oh, thank you.

- Is that a new cologne?

La Nuit De L'homme by

Saint Laurent. You like that?

- I like it a lot.

- You want a little waft of that?

- Take that.

- Hey, what are you guys doing?

Yeah, these f*cking

flying roaches... Yeah. Snow flies.

They're... And because...

You've heard about...

They migrated into... Yeah, yeah.

Ridgeview.

It's gonna be a blast.

Oh, sh*t!

Here comes trouble, baby!

What's up?

Look who it is.

Hey, it's not a real party

till the townies show up.

- Yeah! f*ck me running! Come here.

- Good to see you. How are...

Jesus. How are you?

Are you a cop?

Yes. I know. That was

as*ault of an officer, so...

- Hi, Mathew.

- Jasmine. Oh, my God.

- You look fantastic!

- Thank you.

- How are you?

- Wonderful.

Oh, my God.

You come with these idiots?

Oh, no, we just ran

into each other out on the road.

Okay, that makes way more sense.

Yeah, I was a bit like,

"that's weird."

This place is amazing.

Oh, thanks. It has its kinks.

I mean,

there's terrible cell reception,

so just hop on the Wi-Fi if you need to,

you know what I mean?

Listen, I'm just happy

to have you guys at my house,

you know, as a symbol for how

far we've all come in life, right?

Yeah.

We're all k*lling it.

Hey, guys, we're winning.

Look who I f*cking found.

- Hey!

- Life of the party.

- Drink? Okay.

- Yes, please.

It's so weird

seeing all these people again.

- Cheers.

- Oh, my God, I need this drink.

Hey, Evan.

- Hey.

- Oh, my goodness.

- What is that?

- What is this?

Oh, my gosh.

- Why would he put that photo in?

- Miss Hot Topic.

- Those pants.

- 2001.

- So angry.

- That is glorious.

I know... So cool, right?

- My God!

- My God!

I got you.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Thanks for having us.

- Yeah, absolutely.

My party planners did all this.

- They did a great job.

- This whole thing?

Yeah. It's a tribute

to more innocent times, I guess.

Yeah. I...

I wouldn't call it innocent.

It felt like high school was

pretty brutal for some people.

Try marriage.

That's right.

Are your wife and kids here?

No, no, she brought the kids

to her parents' place.

To Westchester. Yeah.

But that is great for me

'cause it's Daddy's weekend.

I love it.

- Peter!

- It's been...

He... He's gone.

Don't walk away.

Come here.

Man, look at this.

- We have the track stars.

- What?

- And we have Evan West.

- Such a young guy.

Full of promise and hope.

Just down the drain.

To regrets.

Mr. Buckley.

Wow, man. Do you remember me?

Quite well,

Mr. Hammond.

You're literally wearing the same

thing you did in high school.

You haven't changed at all.

Well, I appreciate

you recognize the outfit,

'cause, I mean, I still look fly.

This is fly, right?

- Yes, it is.

- Well, look, how are you doing?

I know you're retired by now,

- somewhere in Florida with your feet up.

- Florida?

I would rather cut off

my own head and eat it

than retire to Florida.

No, I am still teaching.

I've had a few financial woes,

so I'm still chained

to the classroom.

g*dd*mn, Mr. Buckley, you still...

you still got that delivery, man.

You still got the intensity in you.

The Vincent Price. It's just...

So, what are you

doing these days?

I heard you were

a dog walker or something.

Sir? Would you like one?

Hello.

Hi.

You don't remember me, do you?

I remember you, Evan West.

I remember every single person

at this party.

Yeah, it's crazy

seeing everyone, right?

It's really exciting.

You were one of the good ones.

So tonight, you will be spared.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Hot tip. Make sure you get

a front-row seat for the show,

because the show

starts very soon.

- Sorry.

- I'm sorry.

Hey.

Okay...

You're not gonna believe

who's f*cking here.

Who?

I can't believe she came.

- Meagan.

- Dude, chill out.

Chill out, you dated her

for three months 200 years ago.

Just avoid her. It's fine.

You can't avoid a black hole.

I love the combination.

Who is that? Do you remember

who that girl is? I don't.

I can't pin it.

Look at all that.

She was talking to Mathew.

All in his face, kiki-ing away.

- No, she's not.

- That's why Meagan came.

- She wanted to f*ck my head up.

- No, she's not f*cking your head up.

I'm going over there.

I gotta hear what they say.

I gotta go eavesdrop.

- No, you're not gonna go over there.

- Yes, I am.

Don't do it. Don't... Chill out.

Chill out. Chill.

No! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Ray!

You know, I just feel like

I attract these

toxic relationships.

You know, I date these losers

with no ambition,

no purpose.

That's not you!

- No, that ain't you.

- No.

You've got it together!

White wine, please.

Yo!

That's not who I think it is.

- Jesus Christ.

- Amanda Tanner.

- Tequila. Double.

- It is you!

You gotta give me a hug.

You look so good.

No. No, no.

No, no, no. Thank you.

Personal space. My bad.

How are you?

Good. I'm good.

I graduated from Colgate.

I got my Masters

in Political Science from Brown.

I have two kids,

Bryant and Abigail.

I hear you're

running for office.

Yes, I am. Congress.

Con... In the fall.

Congress in the fall?

You was the craziest girl

I knew in high school.

- Oh, stop.

- For real, you had a DUI.

You was doing cocaine.

Do you remember that time

you beat the sh*t

out of Becky Kissinger?

You whupped her a*s.

What did she do to you

to deserve that a*s-whupping?

g*dd*mn, you had brass knuckles

on and everything.

You knew about that?

Everybody knew.

How?

Okay, that got

a little bit intense.

I'm sorry, Amanda.

Is this as*h*le bothering you?

Yes.

My ex-boo thang.

Still looking good.

You look terrific.

I wonder what the secret is.

I know what it is.

Maybe crushing men's hearts.

How are you, Ray?

You still working

as a bartender at Luigi's,

or did they finally realize you

too short to reach the top shelf?

You still go it.

You still got the jokes.

g*dd*mn.

Yeah, the short jokes.

I don't miss that sh*t.

Hey, everything okay?

Good, good?

How's it go... Yes.

This just got great.

What the f*ck is up,

Ridgeview High class of 2001?

Everyone listen up for a second.

I'm not the one

to make speeches, typically,

but I just want everyone

to say thank you

to my hot-as-f*ck wife, Lisa.

- She's on FaceTime.

- Hey there!

Say thank you for

having this party.

Thank you!

Hi. Hey there, everyone.

I hope everyone's over 21.

She's pretty and funny.

Baby, please drive safe.

It's coming down

out there, okay?

Don't do anything stupid

like I would do, all right?

And everyone, please drive safe.

Use Uber.

Crash if you need to.

Don't stay the night,

but take Uber

and don't sue the f*ck out of us,

thank you very much.

Say bye to Lisa, everyone.

My little sweet flower. Bye!

We love you, baby.

Be safe, please.

Don't go crazy. What? I can't hear you.

Okay, bye.

All right,

now for the main event.

The entertainment

for the evening.

Everyone's favorite garage band

they got finger-banged to

in the janitor closet,

What The Dilly-O.

I was like, good gracious

a*s is bodacious

Flirtatious

Tryin' to show patience

Waitin' for the right time

To sh**t my steez

Waitin' for the right time

To flash them keys

Then I'm leavin'

Please believe in

Me and the rest

Of my heathens

Check it, got it locked at

The top of the Four Seasons

Penthouse, roof top...

I saw a dead squirrel

in the driveway.

Okay, so here, this is...

Yeah, here he is.

This is my little Fynn.

Spelled with a Y.

Oh, my gosh.

I'm so happy

that name is popular again.

Well, you can see

he's so beguiling.

What...

What about you, Jas?

Will you guys excuse me?

I have to go pee.

I have to pee every five minutes,

and I can't even drink.

- I'm... I'll drink for you.

- Okay.

Love you.

- She seems sad, don't you think?

- Yeah, no, she's in trouble.

Hey. Can I hang with you?

- Yeah. Great.

- Yeah.

It's nice to talk to someone

who's not lactating.

- Thanks.

- Are you...

- Are you on Wordfeud?

- No.

- Evan!

- Guilty. Yeah, sorry.

- Sorry. Sorry.

- You have officially failed your reunion.

- Really?

- Give me your hand.

- Okay.

- There's still time to turn it around.

- Let's go dance.

- Are we doing this? Oh, God.

Oh, come on.

You used to be a great dancer.

Let's see it.

Come on, you got it.

- Don't be shy.

- I am really... I'm shy.

Do you ever make it to New York?

- To New York?

- Yeah.

Not really, no.

Really? 'Cause your Tinder

profile says otherwise.

What is this?

- Are you c*ck yourself?

- No!

- That is a block of a c*ck.

- Give me... I... Stop.

Why does everyone

give me sh*t about that?

I like it. It doesn't matter.

I mean, it'd be cool

if you were trying to bang

the Creature

from the Black Lagoon.

Seems like

you're on Tinder too now.

- Yeah. Unfortunately.

- Yeah.

I meant, how's it been going?

It's the worst.

But you know, actually,

I would say that the worst date

still in sophomore year.

- We smoked a blunt in the parking lot.

- Yes, we did.

You didn't talk to me for,

like, two hours.

- Yeah, 'cause I thought I was dying.

- Yeah?

You know?

And you avoided me

for the rest of the school year.

Yeah. Yeah,

thank you for reminding me

of my most

humiliating date ever.

- You're welcome.

- Thank you.

It was so bad,

I would give you a redo.

Really?

I appreciate the pity.

You're safe with me.

Oh, Jesus.

I don't think Mathew's wife

would appreciate that.

- It's a party.

- That's a really cool move, though.

- Hey!

- Yeah!

- f*cking love it.

- Come on!

Man.

Hey.

Yeah!

Knock it off.

- Oh, God, it's getting heated over there.

- What's up?

Hey, come on, Meagan.

We partying.

- Baby, what you talking about?

- We fighting.

I just said, knock it off!

You almost broke

my f*cking arm, you sociopath!

Hey, hey, hey!

Come on, you guys. Calm down.

- It's good, it's a party.

- No, I'm not calming down.

She's f*cking crazy.

And guess what? I'm pressing

charges. That's right.

- You a police officer. Yeah.

- You gonna press charges?

You gonna press f*cking charges?

You know what? f*ck you!

- Meagan?

- All of this!

f*ck it all!

It's okay, buddy. Calm down.

- Okay...

- Crazy-a*s h*.

No, no, no, no, no!

- Meet me outside.

- Why you gotta be...

f*ck you, I ain't going outside.

I have something

I'd like to say.

I would like to make a toast.

To the class of 2001.

It's been a long time.

But it's also been

a long time...

coming.

Hello, Mathew.

Miss me?

What? Sorry, I...

I don't know who you are.

Don't you recognize me?

- No... No, I don't.

- Don't look at them.

They can't help you now.

I'll fill in the picture.

I used to have

hair down to here.

You popularly coined it

a hair cape.

Caught on quite well.

It's gotta sting?

Seeing me like this.

Showing up to our reunion

after years of

you all telling me

that I would never make it.

And yet, somehow,

I'm wearing $62 shoes.

So the joke's on you.

If I could just call

the old me...

It's ringing.

Hey, Viv.

I'm in the future.

It all worked out.

Winning. Successful.

Yeah. The little sparrow

you tried to crush

has turned into

the golden goose.

I've waited 20 years

to say this.

So let's raise our glasses

to the class of

Ridgeview High, yes?

Time to reap what you've sown.

Okay.

That's just the storm, everyone.

Don't freak out.

Here, some phone light.

Ev, hey, will you come with me?

Find the breaker box?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- I'll be right back. Don't steal my sh*t!

Oh, my God, that was crazy, man.

- Do you remember that chick?

- No, actually.

- This is a hell of a house.

- Yeah, thank you.

You gonna get a reach-around

from Jasmine tonight or what?

- I'm serious.

- I... I...

Well, I'm... Okay, I hope this works.

- Hey! There it is.

- Hey! Thank God!

Hey! Bada bing.

I just remembered something.

Check this out.

I got something that's gonna

turn the night right around.

What do you got, man?

People are gonna sh*t

their pants when they see this.

Holy sh*t, where the f*ck

did you get this?

- Nice shot.

- Okay.

I didn't pull it

out of my as*h*le, Evan.

I stole it 20 years ago.

Started out in petty theft

before graduating

to white-collar crime.

This thing is hideous.

I forgot about it.

Okay, I'm gonna go

put this thing on.

Oh, sh*t, you're gonna go

to the party in it?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna go,

"Go, Wildcats!"

Okay. Yeah. Argh!

- Don't let anyone upstairs.

- Okay. Okay.

- Hey.

- Oh, my God.

- Is she okay?

- Yeah. She... She got the spins.

Oh, my God. What is this?

It's Vivian's yearbook.

I love the artwork.

Have you seen Ray?

Yeah, he went outside.

Thank you.

Hey.

You okay?

Her crazy a*s

tried to stab me with a shoe.

- You saw that, right?

- I did see that.

But you, you definitely

did take it too far.

First of all, I didn't...

I didn't go that far.

Yes, I gave

a lot of pelvic action.

- That did happen.

- I saw it.

But look, I got sloppy.

I saw her dance with Mathew,

I got a little jealous.

But that was Meagan

doing her Meagan sh*t.

- No, it wasn't Meagan. It was you, man.

- Trying to be in my head.

You're acting like, what,

you're 18 years old again?

You dress like

you're 2001 Kanye.

You're working at the same part-time

job you have been for 13 years.

You're embarrassing

yourself, man.

But, I mean, that's a record

for part-time jobs,

probably, 13 years

without being promoted.

And my point exactly.

You're acting like you care

what these m*therf*ckers think.

You didn't even want

to come to this f*cking party.

Yeah. You sit with

Meagan in your head.

Do whatever you got to do.

I'm freezing. I'm going inside.

No,

I'm not comfortable with that.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm not gonna do it.

This is the end

of the conversation.

- You good? You okay?

- Yeah.

- How's Ray?

- He's a dumpster fire.

- Come on, let's go get another drink.

- No, I can't.

There's Matty. Hey, buddy.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Did he just slap you on the butt?

Not hard enough, actually.

- Come on, let's go get another drink.

- No, I shouldn't.

I have a work thing

tomorrow morning,

and whenever I drink too much,

it's a sh*t show.

On time. Look at this.

Jell-O shots.

I feel good about this.

This is good.

Thank you so much.

Opportunity awaits.

- Just one.

- Just one.

Triple vodka,

whatever's most expensive.

Have a drink with me. Come on.

One for him.

Yeah.

A toast to

your future congresswoman.

- Cheers.

- Thank you.

g*dd*mn it, that's good.

Give me another.

We're getting f*cked up tonight!

Are you registered to vote?

Nope. I don't trust politicians.

Terrific.

Come on, we gotta be quick.

We need to get out

before we get stuck here.

Hey-O!

Hey-O. Good seeing you.

I'm not saying anything.

- I'm really drunk.

- No!

Tequila.

- You smell like tequila.

- I do?

Edward 40 Hands.

- Let's do it!

- Let's go!

Hell, yeah!

Man, this is harder

than I remember.

That guy's

casually drinking his.

- Put some energy in that sh*t, man!

- Come on!

Come on, Ted!

- Hey, man. We're out.

- Wait, where's everyone going?

- I think it's the storm.

- Why is everyone going home?

Are you the fun police?

Are you making people leave?

No, it's... Come on, I need to have fun!

- Okay, let's have fun.

- I deserve to have fun.

- You do.

- I work my a*s off year after year.

I don't get a promotion.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

- My boyfriend got transferred to London.

- I don't want to know about that.

- He got transferred to London.

Do you know what he said? He

said he doesn't see a future for us.

- I'm sorry.

- He says that he...

doesn't think

that I'm gonna take to London.

Who f*cking says that?

"Take to London."

I like British Bake Off.

- Yeah, I do too.

- I watch The Crown.

- Agreed.

- I used to have really bad teeth

- when I was young, you know?

- Okay. That's okay.

It's okay.

- Bro.

- See you.

Okay, okay.

No, I'm sorry,

I'm not gonna be that f*cking girl

who gets drunk and cries

at a f*cking party.

A little too late, but... Annoying!

- You're doing good.

- I just want to have fun.

- Okay.

- I don't care about the blizzard.

I don't care about the snow.

Neither do I.I want you to suck it.

No. I'll have a... I'll put it

in a glass or something.

- But come on.

- Okay.

Oh, come on.

- Stacy.

- Ray!

Hi.

Yeah, it's crazy.

How you... How you been?

Good, good. Really good.

- Yeah?

- It's a magical night?

This has been... It's so magical.

It's been, like, just beautiful.

Just a great time seeing everybody

and everything, you know.

Yeah. Ray, honey, can I just

skip in front of you?

Because I'm actually

going for two.

Sorry, but I gotta pee so bad.

If I don't go in there,

I'm gonna pee on myself.

For sure, for sure,

it's just that I'm pregnant.

I get it, yeah. Somebody

knocked you up. That's fine.

That's nice.

It's a beautiful thing.

Gonna have a child

and everything.

But I gotta pee, I'm sorry.

I would let you go first.

Like, if it was the Titanic,

maybe you would go first, but...

- Are you f*cking kidding me?

- I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Get out of my way! Sorry!

It's an emergency!

Okay, okay.

f*cking game.

Is everything okay in there?

Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

What... No.

- Excuse me!

- I said I was fine!

You let me pee first,

and I will help you.

Really?

Yeah. It's not a big deal.

I mean,

I've jerked you off before.

Remember? Eighth grade?

At the movies?

I got no choice.

Yes. Yes, go ahead. Go, go.

I swear I'm only having,

like, one, two more kids, max.

Who gives a f*ck? Please.

I gotta pee. Hurry up.

I gotta go. I gotta go.

Okay, I got you.

Down! Down! Okay!

Okay. That's better.

- Yes.

- There we go.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

What are you doing?

You're really doing this?

For old time's sake.

Oh, sh*t, that feels so good.

Give us a minute!

- Let's go!

- Yes!

Just...

Just give us 32 seconds!

You okay there?

You all good?

Okay.

Oh, sh*t.

I got to get these off my hands.

Hey, here.

Oh, man.

Get that.

Let's go!

You were always

Something that I want

You were always

Something that I want

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Let's work it out

Hey, Mathew?

Mathew?

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!

- Jasmine, you okay?

- What's up?

- Oh, my God. It's Mathew.

Did someone just scream?

Why?

- Why are you screaming?

- Jesus Christ!

There is frost on my scrotum.

It's freezing in here.

Mathew's dead.

- What?

- What?

I'm sorry.

- Coffee?

- Yes, please.

You want some cream or sugar?

Bourbon.

This is outrageous.

How is there no service?

Mathew said the reception

up here was bad.

I mean, you could try

connecting to the Wi-Fi.

I don't think

that's gonna happen.

Somebody decided

to drown the modem.

Good Lord.

f*ck!

Okay, so we have no Wi-Fi

and the landlines are down.

Perfect. I'm sure it'll take

the Department of Power two days

to get everything running

in this bumblefuck county.

Aren't you running for congress

in this district?

Yes, Jasmine.

That was the plan.

But now, I'm following

the path of Ted Kennedy

with my very own Chappaquiddick.

Someone has died,

and all you can think about

is your political career.

I feel very sad for you.

If I lose this primary,

a 78-year-old casino pervert

will win this election.

Is that what you want?

Another bronze man

with a shriveled d*ck

- running this place?

- Come on, stop.

What's his stance on education?

That's what you took from this?

Hey, you guys?

I got a text message

from Mathew.

- When?

- Last night at 4:00 a.m.

I'm just getting it

because I'm charging my phone.

Okay, what does the text say?

Well, spit it out, Miss Park.

We've had enough suspense.

Maybe she's playing a game.

We have to guess?

He sexted her.

Yeah. How did you know?

Because he sexted me too.

He was completely wasted.

- Oh, yeah.

- That's disgusting.

We know the man was horny

before he died.

Okay, come on, people.

What's the plan? Walk to town?

That's about a seven-mile walk,

and with the cold

and the weather like this,

you get hypothermia by the time

you hit the end of the driveway.

Okay, so...

what is your proposal, Evan?

Amanda, I...

Honestly, I don't think

there's much we can do

till the landlines come up.

- How long is that gonna be?

- I don't know.

- I don't know either.

- You're the cop.

Do something.

There might be

some reception outside.

I'll check the front lawn.

You go to the back, Ray.

- Excuse me, run that by me again?

- Go check the back lawn for reception.

You want me to...

You want me to go outside?

Yeah. See if there's

any reception on your phone.

Yeah, but there's a lot

of snow on the ground,

it's like three feet, man.

I don't want to...

It's cold out there.

Yeah, just go. Just...

I...

Anybody else want to...

Damn.

"Oh, Ray, you..."

"You go out here

and check the back."

"Nobody else 'cause

you do whatever the f*ck I say."

f*cking sh*t.

f*ck.

Dispatch, this is Unit 12.

Do you copy?

These lemons are fake.

No luck with the radio.

What about a signal?

So, what do we do?

While I was out there,

something weird I discovered.

All the security cameras

were shut off.

Did you see any tracks

in the back?

Like, footprints in the snow

coming or going from the house?

No, I actually didn't.

I was hoping to see some

so I wouldn't have to tread

through three feet

of f*cking snow.

Does anyone know

when the storm ended last night?

Yeah, it was supposed

to be after, what, 3:00 a.m.?

And what time did

Mathew text you?

- Like 4:00 a.m.

- So if there's no footprints

or car tracks in the snow,

that means no one

left the party after 3:00 a.m.,

and Mathew had been alive

for at least an hour,

because he didn't text you

till 4:00 a.m.

Right.

And that means...

That means Mathew...

was m*rder*d after

the other guests were gone.

So, what are you trying to say?

That the k*ller is one of us.

Okay, I'm just gonna say

what everyone is thinking.

Yes, we should say how we feel.

Be honest.

That's not... No.

Evan, grab her arms.

- What? No!

- What do you mean, grab her?

There has to be rope

or something somewhere.

- Rope?

- Come on. We all know that it's her.

- I mean, look at her.

- How dare you?

This is

my deceased mother's smock.

We all saw her Charles Manson

yearbook, no?

- Yes.

- Okay? And she called Mathew out last night

- in front of everybody.

- Amanda, put the knife down.

Okay, fine.

But if she slits your throats,

not my fault.

Okay, just breathe for a second.

- Stop!

- I'm being assaulted! I'm being assaulted!

You point a knife at me again,

and I will m*rder you too.

She just confessed.

No, I meant if you m*rder me,

I'm gonna m*rder you back.

To be clear,

I've never k*lled anyone.

This will be my first k*ll.

If you could just say that

real quick one more time.

- Fine. Fine. I'm Vivian Chase.

- Stop.

Okay,

everybody chill the f*ck out.

Damn!

What the f*ck is wrong

with y'all?

It's only been 20 minutes,

y'all acting like

this is The Hunger Games.

Now, look, Vivian got

sh*t-faced last night.

But just because

she got sloppy drunk

doesn't mean she's a m*rder*r.

Okay?

And look, if we could be real,

all of us had a little beef

with Mathew, okay?

He was a preppy,

Hugo Boss-shirt-wearing as*h*le.

Rest in peace.

Yes, rest in peace.

Look, y'all, in high school,

we all had these

little weird grudges.

It's just us being

high schoolers, okay?

It's people you still

don't f*cking like, okay?

Look, I'll give you

a perfect example.

The person I know

that hated Mathew the most...

I'm just

being straight up, is Evan.

I mean, he talked hella sh*t

about Mathew all the time.

Like, all the time.

But that doesn't mean

he did anything, you know?

That's right. I remember.

Mr. West was

the all-American receiver.

Destined for glory,

and then cut down

in the prime of his life.

Junior year.

I had a scholarship to Michigan.

Full ride.

And one practice,

Mathew hit me a little too hard

and shattered my knee

into 15 places.

And I lost my scholarship.

That's true.

- True.

- Doomed for a life of mediocrity

in a town you grew up in.

I bet that made you

pretty angry, Mr. West.

Or, dare I say,

murderous?

It's just the way

you say sh*t, man.

It's just so f*cking intense.

He didn't do... It's true.

f*ck... Shut up.

f*ck what you talkin' about?

- You're drunk.

- It's true. It's true. I didn't like Mathew a lot.

I didn't, but I didn't k*ll him.

Can we agree, can we just

calm down for a second?

No one's assuming

anyone is anything.

I just think we need

a moment to relax,

eat something. Yeah.

Let's eat something.

We should eat.

Is that cool?

No more pointing fingers,

no anything.

Top cop.

That's a top cop right there,

coming up with a game plan.

How about we get some food?

Let's eat.

- Yes.

- Let's eat.

Let me see what's in here.

Let's see what Mathew got.

He has...

Eggs, anyone?

Lipstick? Really?

My wife doesn't

even know I'm here.

She's in Boston,

visiting her sister.

Okay.

Is anyone else freezing?

- Yes.

- Yes.

Don't you think

someone should go upstairs

and, you know,

close Mathew's window?

Hey we'll go.

- Yeah.

- We'll go?

- Yeah. Let's close the window.

- Yeah.

I want you comfortable,

you know?

Be right back.

You'd think this would be warm,

but it's...

actually surprisingly thin.

Thank you for

volunteering us, buddy.

Hey.

Hey, look,

somebody had to step up.

Listen, do not touch anything.

Put the gloves on, okay?

We go in, close the window,

get out.

You think I'm some type

of idiot or something?

I know how crime scenes work.

I watch cop shows all the time.

- sh*t.

- Oh, sh*t.

I heard dead bodies stink,

but not like this.

Come on, let's get out of here.

What are you doing?

Come here, look. Just come here.

Look at this. Look.

Okay.

It's a wardrobe

with a b*llet hole in it.

Should I open it?

No. You should not.

Do not open it. No, do not...

What did I say?

Just don't touch anything.

Hey, man, why don't you

do me a favor

and stop complaining

and look around some more.

- For what? What am I looking for?

- I don't know.

Look around. Look for clues.

Look under the bed.

There's a dead body on the bed.

Just look under there, please.

I'm going to look under the bed.

Oh, look, nothing under the bed.

Okay, can we go now, please?

It's starting to smell in here.

Thank you.

Okay.

Wait, wait, hold on. Just think

about this for a second.

None of this seems

strange to you?

All of it seems strange to me.

I mean,

our classmate got shot, yes.

Besides that. Like, why would he

have a window open

in the middle of a blizzard?

I don't know. Maybe he was hot

last night. I don't know.

So you think he got up,

stumbled his a*s over there

and opened the f*cking window,

and the snow flew in his face

- and he went back to bed?

- Maybe he was sh*t-faced...

That don't make f*cking sense.

Okay, I'm not playing

investigator with you. Okay?

- This is too crazy.

- I'm not trying to.

But there's some obvious sh*t.

First of all, he got shot twice,

and there's one

random shot in the wardrobe.

Who the f*ck they had sh**ting,

Stevie Wonder?

I don't know.

I'm not an investigator.

This is not what I do.

I'm f*cking terrified.

- Everybody downstairs is terrified, okay?

- Yeah.

There's a m*rder*r

running around here.

We can't just sit around getting

f*cking sh*t-faced with Mr. Buckley.

We need to figure this sh*t out.

Matter of fact,

you got to step up, man.

We need some leadership

right now. Come on, man.

- Come on.

- Okay, okay.

First, we got to find

the m*rder weapon, right?

Don't give me that... I know...

Because you know, you're prep...

You're ready for this sh*t.

- I know.

- This is your time to shine.

- Gotta be cool about this.

- Okay, we'll be cool.

But I'm excited.

I can't help it.

What is it that you,

that you do, exactly?

What do you mean?

Your occupation. Lawyer? Doctor?

No.

Those types of jobs

are very difficult

when you're

neurologically diverse.

You're schizo.

That makes more sense.

No, I suffer from somnambulism.

Sleepwalking.

But to answer your question,

what I do day-to-day for work

is I am an online vigilante.

And what is that, exactly?

Well, we help the helpless.

We speak for those

who have no voice.

We walk the walk.

We talk the talk.

I guess I'm most famous for

rescuing the Anderson children.

Please don't touch the photo.

So you rescue cats?

Yeah. Harder than humans.

You have no idea how hard it is

to find an unspayed tabby

in Essex County, do you?

They all look the same.

So you're one of

those weird trolls

from Don't f*ck with Cats.

She brought it up.

Here we go.

Legally, I'm not

allowed to talk about the film.

People are taping us.

There's cameras.

You have to speak up.

There's... I can't...

I was cut

from the final product.

There was an incident.

Oh, God.

Let's just put it this way.

They wouldn't have

caught the guy without me.

Does that pay well?

Googling cats?

Are you interrogating me?

Okay, let's just

leave her alone.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm just trying

to make conversation.

We're snowbound,

and I don't want to be

the first one to get eaten

by the Donner Party.

We have gone from m*rder

to cannibalism very quickly.

Hey, guys,

if you're done with breakfast,

I want to talk to you in

the living room. Is that cool?

Okay, here's the plan, guys.

We're gonna search the house

for the g*n.

And when we find the g*n,

we find the k*ller.

Clearly the weapon

is in m*rder Poppins' bag.

I thought her name was Mary.

How about this. Circle up.

Bring it in. Come on.

Now can you please

put your hands

in the pocket or purse

of whoever's next to you

and pull out the contents?

- What?

- Just everyone...

Okay.

Where are your pockets?

- Yeah, come on.

- Okay.

You have nothing to hide.

Let's do this.

- Watch it.

- I'm sorry.

- Sorry.

- Jeez.

Where'd you get this?

I picked it up

off the floor last night.

I think somebody was dancing

a little too hard.

Probably lost an earring,

you know.

- More cats.

- Everyone good?

Nothing, right?

No one found anything?

- Amanda?

- Yes.

Great,

let's start searching upstairs.

Let's start with Vivian's room.

I didn't make my bed.

There's no g*n in the closet.

Clear.

What?

Clear.

Hey.

- Did you find something?

- Me? Nothing.

What is that?

- Amanda! Where are you going?

- Hey! Hey!

Stop!

We've got a m*rder*r! Get her!

- Get her!

- She's running!

I got it! I got it!

Come on! Push! Push!

No! No!

Okay, grab it! Grab it!

No!

I have that same TV

in my kitchen.

- Is it on?

- Yes, it's on.

Make sure you're recording.

You sure you want to do this?

Read my f*cking slogan.

That is a fascist slogan.

I'm gonna be class president.

Stop it.

Okay, car's gone.

Tina's parents are on vacation,

which means that little skank

is home alone.

Amanda, put your mask on.

- Is that Tina Ripley's house?

- Yeah.

She had to drop out

of the election

because she was in the hospital

or something.

Yeah, she had this nut allergy.

Okay, quiet, quiet.

Hey, Tina.

Tina. Good morning!

- Oh, sh*t!

- Oh, my God!

f*ck!

Go! Go! Go!

Amanda, Jesus Christ,

she was in a coma

for three weeks.

Not my fault she didn't have

her EpiPen on her.

Hey, Mathew,

get over here and make out

with the next class president.

You look good from here.

This looks bad.

Oh, my God!

What are you doing?

Get your a*s over here.

Oh, my God, speaking of a*s,

should we try a**l tonight?

f*ck, yeah.

Right.

Wait. So you poisoned Tina

just to be class president?

And she was fine in the end.

Okay, this can

never see the light of day.

Actually, Amanda,

I think it would be helpful

if you can explain a little bit

about this.

It's not what you think.

I had nothing to do

with Mathew's m*rder.

Look, nobody said you had

anything to do with his m*rder.

That's not what we're saying.

I am. I think so.

I mean, Mathew shot the video,

and then someone shot Mathew.

Little Miss Peanut Poisoner

is looking mighty suspicious.

I didn't k*ll him.

Okay, well, if that's the case,

I just got a question, you know.

How did you obtain this video

from 20 years ago?

A few weeks ago,

I received a copy of the tape

with a note telling me

to wait for instructions.

Blackmail?

Someone blackmailed you?

Who would... Who would do that?

I don't know.

I thought maybe

it could be Mathew,

because, well,

because he shot the video.

But I really had no idea.

Look, I never wanted

to come to this shitty

high school reunion, okay?

Then why did you?

But then a week ago,

I got another note that said

I should come to the party,

go to the garage

and cut the power

at exactly 10:45 p.m.

- What?

- Dear God.

The note said

that if I did that,

I would find the only copy

of the tape

in the toolbox

in Mathew's basement.

Okay, let me get this straight.

You shut the power out

at 10:45, right?

Then after that,

you retrieved the videocassette

from Mathew's basement.

Then what?

That was it.

I just went back to the party.

Raged like it was 2001.

I will be the first to admit

I'm not perfect.

Sorry.

I struggle with empathy.

The tests have proved that.

And how do they test for that?

They show you a lot of videos

of dead animals, and...

I feel nothing.

I want you to

look at this photo.

This is Emily.

She was eaten by owls.

Nothing?

The point is,

I am on the verge of victory,

and my opponent is trying

to lower the age of consent.

I mean,

I am not gonna throw away

my entire campaign

and let it all go to sh*t

because of a stupid tape

from my childhood.

- I mean...

- Look, it won't do that, okay,

Amanda, because guess what?

None of us is gonna leak this tape.

Good.

Because, trust me,

you do not want to

be on my sh*t list.

Yes, everyone's seen

what happens to your enemies.

Dispatch, this is Unit 12.

Do you copy?

Hey, you know something,

I was thinking...

who would blackmail Amanda?

We don't even know

if she's telling the truth.

She could be making

the whole thing up.

What if she is

telling the truth?

Dispatch, this is Unit 12.

Do you copy?

f*ck.

The only thing

I could think of is...

what if Mathew's k*ller...

is the one that

blackmailed Amanda

and had her cut the power off?

Well...

why would Mathew's k*ller

need Amanda to

cut off the power?

I don't know, but that's exactly

what we need to find out.

I haven't been

this pumped in years.

I feel like I'm in my own

real-life escape room.

Well, I hope you're thrilled,

'cause it looks like

we're gonna spend

another night here.

I'm only getting

static on the radio.

Come on, let's go inside.

It's freezing out here.

Pass the chicken Balti pie, please.

Sure.

The cauliflower pizza's

pretty good.

- Yes, it is.

- It's gluten-free.

Jesus!

What's wrong, Amanda?

What's wrong?

We're stuck like rats in a maze

in this g*dd*mn m*rder house.

Look, let's try to keep

a positive attitude, okay?

The house is...

you know, a lot is happening,

but it's a comfortable place.

I think Mathew and his wife

did an amazing job with decor.

Yes, it's a faux Tudor

with a splash of d*uche.

I suppose if we're gonna die

in Versace's as*h*le,

at least we're surrounded

by the people that we love.

It is wickedly exciting,

isn't it?

Nothing makes you

feel more alive

than to be a stone's throw

from death.

Easy there, Stephen King.

Seven little ducklings

Trapped in the snow

One gets shot

Now there's six to go

Whoever dies next

I hope it's not slow

That's very good.

Who can we trust

Be you friend or foe?

Hey, okay, Jesus, you're scaring

the sh*t out of me.

Yup.

That's weird.

Listen, guys,

it's never taken more

than a couple days

for the landlines to come back

after a blizzard.

What the f*ck

is she doing with that?

I am protecting myself.

I felt like that was obvious.

Someone here is a m*rder*r.

So I'm taking these weapons

and I'm barricading myself

in a guest room for the evening.

Does anyone have a better idea?

I mean, look, the weapon

of choice is very questionable.

But you know something?

That's not a bad idea.

Actually, it's a great idea.

We should all go into

one of the guest rooms tonight,

lock ourselves in.

If you hear, you see anything,

just scream my name.

- Evan!

- Jesus, what?

I'm just practicing.

Holy...

Shut the f*ck up.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- No, it's cool. It's cool.

Hope we didn't wake anyone up.

What are you doing up?

I just figured I'd use

the bathroom now before,

you know,

barricading myself in the room.

- That's a good plan.

- Jesus.

- It's a bit of a combat zone.

- Sorry, yeah.

Except I'm not

winning any Pulitzers.

No. Well, I hope you do.

Yeah, it's...

I hope the next time

we actually meet up...

No one's m*rder*d.

Yeah. That would be nice.

That would be good.

I was gonna say

different circumstances,

but, yeah, yeah, no murders.

You know, I feel like...

What?

I feel like the silver lining

in all of this is that

at least we got to reconnect.

Yeah, it's kind of weird,

but I'm kind of glad

I'm stuck here with you.

- Me too.

- Yeah.

Where are you sleeping?

I don't know, maybe down

the hall or something like that.

I feel like I'd feel a lot safer

to know that you were...

you were close.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I'll talk to you...

Gonna be probably...

I'll try to see if that room

or that... maybe the one

above you is good.

Do you need anything

from the kitchen?

I'm just gonna run to the kitchen

real fast. Is that... You're good?

- Hey, Ev.

- Yeah?

If I die here tonight,

I just...

I just want to tell you...

that your Tinder profile sucks.

What?

You've got to

change the picture.

Help me tom...

whenever we get service up.

Just help me fix it.

That'll be great, yeah.

Good advice.

Good night.

- Who is it?

- It's me.

- "Me" who?

- Me, the k*ller.

Come on, it's Evan.

Just open the door.

- Hey.

- What's up?

I just wanted to say good night.

- You okay?

- Good night to you, man.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Think you gonna sleep tonight?

- I'll try my best.

I don't know, man.

This is all kinda really weird.

- It is, man.

- I don't know what to do about it.

- How do you feel about it?

- I don't know.

My wheel's been

turning all night.

I'm just trying to figure out

who actually did it,

because I know I need

to do a career change.

I really think

I could be a professional

at solving mysteries and stuff.

What, like Scooby-Doo?

Have a van

and drive around town?

We don't necessarily

got to get a van,

but we can drive around town

solving mys...

I mean, that sounds cool,

but I'm dead serious.

Let me tell you this.

If me and you solve this m*rder,

then we could be

private investigators.

Start our own company.

Best friends.

I mean, that's...

Yeah, man.

- You'll think about it?

- I'll think about it, man.

Yeah, good night, dude.

Okay, good night.

Hey, lock your door.

- Okay.

- You promise to lock your door?

- I'm gonna lock it. Good night.

- Okay, good. Good night.

- Good night. Good night.

- Good night.

- Yo, Ray.

- Good night.

Theodore Buckley.

Dirty.

Vivian?

Dirty. Dirty. Dirty.

Can't run. Can't run away.

Vivian!

- Vivian.

- Don't.

- You're sleepwalking.

- It's out there.

Wake up. Vivian?

Vivian.

Vivian, no, no! Hey, wake up.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

What do we do?

Stop. Vivian, wake up.

Now That's What I Call Music.

Oh, my God.

Volumes one, two,

three...

Let's go to sleep.

Let's just go

right to the couch.

I just want one grilled cheese,

because I'm not that hungry.

Okay, let's go to sleep.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

What the hell?

What was that?

What the hell

is going on out there?

Jasmine. Jasmine.

Oh, my God. Jasmine.

What happened?

Okay, stay awake.

You gotta stay awake,

Okay? Stay awake.

Why is she on the ground?

Is she unconscious?

Someone left cereal

on the stairs.

Everything okay?

Jasmine, are you okay?

Jasmine! Jasmine!

It's Mr. Buckley.

What?

Mr. Buckley left the cereal

on the stairs.

Oh, God.

Another one?

Is she dead?

Okay, sorry. Sorry.

It's looking a little better.

Swelling's going down.

I'm sorry that I haven't

been completely honest

with you guys.

For several months now,

the paper has been investigating

a story on Mathew's hedge fund.

We have reason to believe

that Mathew and his partners

were embezzling

over $100 million

of their clients' money.

I'm not surprised.

It's on brand.

My editor and I got in a fight

the other night

because he wanted me

to use this reunion as a way

to get access

to Mathew's personal computer.

But that's exactly what you did.

Well, I wasn't going to.

And then he passed away

and I figured, why not?

You know, whatever I find

won't hurt him.

You conniving little weasel.

I didn't think

you had it in you.

Bravo.

I know. It's unethical

and totally out of character.

I just...

I hit a wall at work, and...

I don't know, I really thought

this story would help my career.

Yeah, it would.

I'm genuinely impressed.

All right, so did you actually

find anything on his computer?

Yeah.

I found an extensive list

of Mathew's clients.

And one of the names

that popped up...

was Theodore Buckley.

So is it true?

Is your name Theodore?

Why don't you tell us

why you're here,

Mr. Buckley?

I was invited.

Don't dodge the question.

Why would a creepy

old history teacher

who doesn't like his students

come to their reunion?

Theodore Buckley

invested $300,000

and lost his money

in Mathew's firm.

Are you suggesting

that I k*lled Mathew?

I'm suggesting that Mathew

is responsible

for losing

your entire life savings.

I'm suggesting that you must

hate every fiber in his being.

I do, and I am glad

that that m*therf*cking

con man is dead.

Great. That settles that.

He ruined me.

And it wasn't just

my life savings.

I cashed in my pension.

I took out a second mortgage.

I gave it all to him.

So you k*lled him, right?

You came to this party

to m*rder Mathew.

I don't know!

I don't know why I came.

He wouldn't return my calls.

He completely avoided me

after he lost all my money.

He just said it was a risk

that every investor takes.

I was so stupid.

All he had to do

was buy me some drinks.

Tell me I was

his favorite teacher,

which we know is a lie,

'cause I am

no one's favorite teacher.

Yeah, no sh*t.

The trunk of that car is open.

f*ck.

No. Meagan.

It's okay, it's okay.

Hey, it's okay, man. It's okay.

It's okay. Let's go inside.

Let's go inside.

What the f*ck, yo?

It's okay.

Okay, who was the last

person to see Meagan alive?

I was.

Did she indicate

to you or to anyone else

that she was in trouble?

Of course not.

Who would want to hurt Meagan?

Why was this

in your pocket, Ray?

What is that? What is it?

- It's an earring.

- It's Meagan's earring.

I found it in Ray's pocket

when we were searching

each other yesterday.

Why do you have that?

- Let me explain.

- I think any time

between now and also now

would be great.

Or maybe even now?

Look, when we went upstairs

to close the window

in Mathew's room,

I found the earring

on the floor.

And I decided to

put it in my pocket

- and you know, hide it.

- Why would you do that?

Because if somebody else

found an earring,

they probably would blame Meagan

for Mathew's m*rder.

Look, she's not capable

of k*lling anybody.

The only thing she's ever k*lled

was my feelings, that's right.

She f*cked me up inside,

but she's not a "k*ller" k*ller.

Okay,

so you were covering for her.

- That's all I was doing.

- Okay.

Yes, that's it.

- Give me your shoe.

- What?

- No. What are you doing, man?

- Give me your shoe, bro.

- What you want my shoe for?

- Give me your shoe, Ray.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Now my foot is f*cking cold!

I don't want to fight.

Just take it.

Why? What?

I don't know. I'm very lost.

Everyone's gone crazy!

Oh, f*ck.

Ray.

It's your footprints

going to the trunk of the car.

No, how is that possible?

Why are your footprints

out there, man?

- I don't know!

- Come on!

- Hey.

- Lock him up!

- Put it down.

- You guys all saw Meagan

and Ray fighting at the party.

Screaming, ready to rip

each other's throats out.

Yes, yes, I remember

the look in their eyes.

Dancing flames of pure hatred.

Ray caught Mathew

and Meagan together.

He walks into Mathew's room,

and then flew into a rage and...

Bang! Oscar Pistorius.

- So y'all gonna believe this bullshit?

- Stop!

Can we just think

about this a second?

- You have cuffs in the car, don't you?

- Yeah.

- So what...

- So we cuff him until help arrives.

Can we cuff who?

Hold on a second, okay?

We can figure this out.

How about we vote?

We do live in a democracy.

- Do we?

- We do.

Everyone in favor

in cuffing Ray,

- raise your hand.

- No, come on. Come on!

- Well, the people have spoken.

- Okay!

f*ck it.

I'm not... You and these weapons.

You grabbing knives. You get...

What is wrong with you?

To calm everybody down,

I'll get cuffed.

My gosh, we're saved.

We're saved!

Hello?

Who's this?

This is Jasmine Park.

What are you doing in my house?

Oh, f*ck!

Where's Mathew?

Can you put my husband

on the line, please?

Hello?

They're here!

It's about time.

Listen, man, I'm gonna keep

the handcuffs on you,

but I'm gonna walk you

down to my car

and take you

straight home, okay?

The state police will do

a full investigation

before making an arrest.

It's whatever, man,

but something's not adding up.

What are you talking about?

We were so close to figuring

this thing out. I mean...

Meagan's death doesn't make

any sense at all to me.

It's like it's a jigsaw puzzle,

and the last piece is a LEGO,

- and I just can't figure it out.

- Calm down, man. It's okay.

- What you mean, calm down?

- I mean calm down.

There's two dead bodies here

and they're blaming me.

- I got handcuffs on me.

- Yeah. I know, I know.

That's what it is.

You think I'm the m*rder*r.

Ray, I've known you

since you were six years old.

You've done some stupid sh*t.

You're not a m*rder*r.

It's okay.

- Hey, how's it going, Keith?

- Hi, Evan.

How is it out there?

- Clear the roads?

- Evan? Hey, this is Lisa, Mathew's wife.

Hey.

Evan. Evan West.

Officer. Representative Tanner.

- Thank you so much for coming.

- Thank you.

Backup will be here soon.

- Please take all the time you need.

- Hey!

Oh, my God!

- Everybody, get back!

- Hey, Ray?

Just get back. Just get back.

We're not leaving the house yet.

- Okay?

- You f*cking imbecile.

If I win in November,

I'm cutting police funding.

This is what convinced you?

Ray, sh**t her first.

Both of y'all chill, okay?

I'm not...

I'm not gonna sh**t anybody

unless I have to, okay?

But that's not what I wanna do.

I just want to chat.

I just want to go to

the living room

and chat, that's it.

Okay, what would you like

to have a chat about?

Just give me ten minutes.

Well, I still have a glass

of Balvenie I need to finish,

so you have my

undivided attention until then.

Cool.

Get to the living room.

Now that I got your attention,

we can get started.

Like we had a choice.

Yeah, you didn't have a choice,

but you're here, so leave it alone.

Okay? Because one of you

is a cold-blooded m*rder*r.

And I know

you all think it's me.

But it's not.

So listen,

who would want to k*ll

our fellow classmate Mathew?

So I started thinking.

Maybe it could be

our old history teacher.

He just lost

his lifelong savings.

He needs some money.

And maybe he's the k*ller.

Or maybe it's the original

mean girl, that's right.

The blackmail politician

who would do anything

to stay at the top.

Maybe you k*lled Mathew.

Or maybe it was

the deadbeat townie

who k*lled his ex-girlfriend.

You know what I don't

understand about you?

I have a whole g*n in my hand,

and you still talking sh*t.

Shut the f*ck up, Amanda!

All of us been thinking it.

I know you're happy I said it.

Do you want to say it with me?

- Shut the f*ck up!

- Shut the f*ck up, Amanda!

If I had feelings,

that might have hurt.

Look, I get it.

We all hated Mathew.

That's just

the honest-to-God truth.

But to figure out

who k*lled him,

we need to examine who here

has the strongest motive.

Let's start with

the end of the party.

The party ended at

about 12:00, midnight.

Most of the people left.

We all stuck around because

we was getting f*cked up.

But then we couldn't leave

because a storm came.

So we all spent the night.

But then when we woke up

that morning,

our classmate Mathew was dead.

And then when we went

outside looking for, like,

tracks, or footprints,

or something,

there was nothing in the snow.

Which meant the m*rder*r

was still in this house.

But then this was interesting.

When me and Evan went upstairs

to close Mathew's window

in his bedroom,

we saw a lot of odd sh*t

at the scene of the crime.

For instance,

why was Mathew's window open

in the middle of a storm?

That don't make any sense.

Or why was there one shot

in the wardrobe?

And why didn't we hear

any g*nshots at all?

And then hours

had passed, right?

And we made

even more discoveries,

which raised

even more questions.

Every last one of us

had a relationship

with Mathew, right?

Which is why k*lling him

at his high school reunion

is brilliant.

Because what that did was,

it made everybody

in the house a suspect.

Which is exactly

what the k*ller wanted.

Here's what I think

really happened.

Mathew got the lights back on

and went up to his room

to put on the mascot outfit.

Baby, what are you doing here?

Is this a surprise?

Sort of.

Lisa k*lled her f*cking husband.

- What?

- No!

See,

after she wasted Mathew, right?

She decided to open a window

to freeze the body overnight

so they wouldn't know

the time of death.

Wow, Ray.

This is priceless.

Blaming the woman

that just lost her husband?

She ain't lose her husband.

- She m*rder*d her husband.

- No, that's not possible.

She was in Westchester

the night of the reunion.

Was she?

Matter of fact,

how far of a drive is

Westchester from here?

- Like an hour?

- Less.

Less.

Mr. Buckley, man,

I f*ck with you, you hear me?

Look, all that was

is the perfect alibi.

Lisa would say

she's at her parents' house

while Mathew was here dancing

away with his classmates.

And no one would suspect her.

You can't be serious.

I'm dead serious!

Lady, it was you.

Matter of fact,

now that I think about it,

I think about a couple things.

First of all,

who throws a class reunion

at somebody's house?

I don't know why we're not

in the gymnasium.

That's how I know

there's some bullshit going on.

Also, you had access

to his home movies,

which is why you were able

to blackmail Amanda.

The puzzle

coming together now, ain't it?

While Amanda was cutting

the power out,

Lisa was hiding outside

by the house.

And then once the power was off,

Lisa snuck back into the house

not being seen

by the security cameras.

Now, once upstairs,

she hid in the closet,

waiting on Mathew to change

into that mascot costume.

Her plan was to put

the mascot uniform on, right?

Sneak out the house,

head back to Westchester

before the storm got too heavy,

and no one would know

she was ever at this party.

But...

there was a complication.

And it threw

a monkey wrench in the plan.

Just before the blackout,

me and Meagan got into

a somewhat

heated exchange, okay?

And I thought

she left the party.

When in actuality, Meagan snuck

upstairs to Mathew's bedroom

to hook up with him.

The f*ck?

Meagan most likely saw Lisa

sneak into the sitting room.

And what she did

was hide in the wardrobe,

where she witnessed Lisa... MATHEW: Baby,

what are you doing here?

- Is this a surprise?

- m*rder...

- Sort of.

- her husband.

Lisa had to do

what she had to do, right?

There couldn't be no witnesses,

so she k*lled Meagan

and hid Meagan's body

under the bed.

Then what she did was, she put

Mathew's costume on, right?

Came downstairs

and partied with us.

I mean, partied all night.

And I was thinking

that wildcat can really dance.

Mathew didn't know

how to dance like that.

I knew there was

something off about that.

I'm just throwing

that out there.

But then

when the coast was clear,

she took the costume off,

turned the security cameras off,

and drove her crazy a*s

back to Westchester.

Wait a minute.

No, that can't be right.

If Lisa went back

to her parents' house,

then who sent the text from

Mathew's phone at 4:00 a.m.?

Her accomplice.

See, Lisa couldn't plan this

by herself, no.

Her accomplice...

is Evan.

What?

- No.

- Shut the f*ck up.

No.

It's Evan.

My best friend.

Are you out of

your freakin' mind, Ray?

I wish I was.

But I'm not.

See, Lisa gave Evan

the password to Mathew's phone

so he could text hours

after he was k*lled,

hiding his time of death.

He used old nudes

in Mathew's phone

to sext Amanda and Jasmine.

The reason why we didn't hear

any g*nshots last night

is because

my good friend here, Evan,

took a sil*ncer

from the police evidence locker.

Something that could be

easily put back

without anybody ever missing it.

Pretty smart.

But there was still a problem.

What do they do

with Meagan's body?

Oh, look, nothing under the bed.

Can we go out, please?

It's starting to smell in here.

See, when Lisa told Evan

about Meagan's death,

they had to act quickly

or it would ruin

all their plans.

So Evan decided

to frame the most likely person

for Meagan's death.

Me.

So last night,

when all of us was asleep, right,

Evan put on my boots

and carried Meagan's dead body

to the trunk of the car.

But while he was doing it,

he saw that somebody was awake.

So he got nervous.

He was scared

he was gonna get caught.

So what he did was,

disguise himself

in the wildcat costume.

And Jasmine was

just unlucky enough

to run into him

in the middle of the night.

Come on,

you're fabricating everything,

and no one believes you.

I'm sorry. Ray.

- Jasmine, back me on this.

- I need a minute.

This is so messed up.

I'm sorry, Ray...

You right, bro.

It is really messed up.

Jasmine, do you remember

what you was hit on the head

with last night?

It was a candlestick.

Yeah.

A candlestick.

You know something,

when I saw it,

I was like,

what is this little witchy,

weird thingy?

But it looked

very familiar to me.

Jasmine,

pull up your Tinder profile

and click on Evan's page for me.

Just think about it.

That candlestick looked like

it could have been a part

of some type of costume,

or some type of event, you know.

You know,

something like Horrorpalooza,

where Lisa and Evan

attended together

as Phantom of the Opera.

Oh, my God, it's her.

That's her.

Holy sh*t.

I know.

She's a horrible Christine.

But you know what's funny?

The candlestick is not even

what tipped it off for me.

It was the cologne.

Yeah. See, we got the shower.

You know how we do when

we get out the shower, fellas.

Spray a little cologne on the neck,

so we smell good?

It was Mathew's cologne

in his bathroom,

which smells exactly

like the cologne

you had on at the party.

Oh, yes, and because you sprayed

too much, I smelled your a*s.

Twice!

But I'm like,

what is the chances

that Mathew and Evan

has the same cologne?

Unless it was

Lisa's favorite cologne.

La Nu... La Nu... La Na Nu...

Look, I failed French. You know,

the Saint Laurent sh*t.

But look,

that's when I realized, though,

that Lisa and Evan was f*cking.

A.K.A., having a f*cking affair.

I'm sorry,

you're misleading people so much right now.

And maybe I do have

the same cologne as Mathew,

but that doesn't

make us murderers.

Does anyone else get that?

This is crazy.

Okay, well, do me a favor, man,

because, you know,

you keep acting like

I don't know

what I'm talking about.

I know you two had to, like,

message each other,

- so let me see your phone.

- Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

Look at my phone.

You're not gonna find anything.

- There's no text.

- Could you grab the phone for me?

You see my hands

are full, brother. Damn.

There's nothing.

There's no correspondence

about planning

a m*rder anywhere.

You just think I ain't that smart,

like I was born yesterday.

Let me tell you this.

There's so many different apps

you could communicate on,

especially if you

want to communicate

and you don't want anybody to

know what you're talking about.

See, you don't remember.

You showed me something

on one of our favorite apps

we play all the time.

It's called Wordfeud.

That's right. Wordfeud.

Now, go to the chat box.

Keep scrolling.

Look at all these messages.

That's how y'all communicated.

And because of this,

you guys just learned

Lisa and Evan orchestrated

and ex*cuted

the m*rder of Mathew.

And that's what the f*ck

happened! You did it!

Yes! I figured it out!

Nobody else did!

You two m*rder*d Mathew

because you wanted

to run away together,

be in love

and spend all his f*cking money!

I figured it out! I did it!

Mr. Buckley,

you didn't believe in me,

you drunk son of a b*tch!

And, Jasmine, you made up

the story about the bullshit

about Meagan and Mathew f*cking,

and then I m*rder*d them!

It never happened! And Vivian...

Amanda, and you as a politician,

I loved you to death!

Nah, I'm lying.

I won't vote for you!

Kiss my a*s! I was right!

And let me

tell you something, Evan...

Evan...

Please tell me I'm not right.

m*rder*r.

Homewrecker.

It's not you.

What?

It's not that you have

shitty taste in men.

It's just that...

most men are just shitty.

Keith, can you give me a second?

Just one second, please.

Just give me a second.

Ray, my best bud, man, I'm...

I'm sorry

I dragged you into this.

I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to do

any of this, I just...

You should be!

You know something? I don't want

to hear sh*t you gotta say.

So take the deer piss

that's on your jacket

and get the f*ck out of here.

I've got to spend the next

40 years of my life

being nobody. A nobody.

You get that.

Evan, let me say this to you.

I'd rather be a nobody

than a m*rder*r.

And I'm neither,

and you're both.

- I underestimated Ray.

- You sure did.

You underestimated Ray.

And now you're going to jail.

- Yup. Let's go.

- That's right.

I won't visit you.

I'm not gonna call you.

You're going to jail now!

Locked up,

they won't let you out.

They won't let you out.

It's interesting what they do

with the formaldehyde now

with the bodies... He's back.

Hey.

I'm sorry about your friend.

Yeah.

It's f*cked up.

You were amazing.

You're incredible.

Not bad.

You know, our paper hires

investigators all the time.

- You should think about it.

- Wait, so you're saying

you can get me a job?

Ray Hammond,

private investigator.

It has a ring to it.

You know something, y'all?

I don't want to be here no more.

- Let's get the f*ck out of here.

- Yes, please.

Would love to.

I have a request.

Will you all sign my yearbook?

While we're at it,

why don't we get a photo

of this f*cked-up weekend?

Hey, coroner, come over here.

We want a photo.

Yes. Just leave the bodies.

It's cold enough.

Are we sure

we want to document this?

All right.

Say "Evan."

Evan!