Head to Head (2023)

[bunniefuu]

What's up, fellows?

Stay right there!

Abu Jathoum!

Where's our King?

Abu Darisha!

Shahman!

Sorry. It's a long procedure.

24 HOURS EARLIER

KING OF DIAMONDS
IMPRISONED IN RUSSIA

Twenty years have passed,
but it felt like a century, you b*stard.

Go back to Bathaikha, where you came from.

You're not my problem anymore, b*stard.

Move out.

MERDAS
HERE TO ESCORT THE KING

It's good to have you back, sir.

The egg.

Sorry, sir?

This way, sir. Come on.

HEAD TO HEAD

Hello?

What's that photo you sent to Dad?

You saw it?

A photo of you
with a g*n to your head? Why?

What did he say?

- He asked me to come home.
- And?

To hang me from the ceiling fan

and turn it up to max speed!

You still got a ceiling fan?

Darwish, you must be joking!
I can't go home anymore!

- What did you say?
- That I didn't know you!

Why?

Are you crazy?

What do you want me to say?
That you're my boyfriend?

He'd hang us from the ceiling fan.

DAD

WHO'S THAT? ANSWER YOUR PHONE!

- Can you hear me?
- Yes.

Do you love me?

- What kind of dumb question is that?
- Meet me today at the airport.

Huh?

I told you, I can't go back home.

I'll book the first flight to the UK.

- The UK?
- Yes, the UK.

All I wanted was for him to see me!

- Darwish!
- This is about my job, huh?

It's about my job!

It's none of his business
how I earn my living!

Hey, driver!

We're done here. Start the car.

DARWISH - DRIVER

Listen, let me drop off this brat,
and I'll call you back.

SHEIKHS' CHAUFFEUR

- Pinch me.
- Stop it! Not in front of the driver!

Who knew? I was scared to meet your dad!

- Then he ends up asking me to marry you.
- You're an amazing man.

You're absolutely right. Seriously.

Hey.

Yes?

Put on some music.

RIYADH

- Hello?
- Fayadh?

Hi, Ibn Zarub.

Where's car 22?

FAYADH - HEAD OF MAINTENANCE

It's there in the garage. It just...

It just needs a few more tweaks.

It's flawless! No one will suspect
you took anything from the car.

Well, I take out a part here,
put in a part there.

I told you I'm the king of stripping.

You are the king of stripping.

- Thanks.
- The key.

No, wait. It's not this one.

It's that one.

No. I want this one.

No. Leave that one.

We're not working on it yet.
Focus on that beauty over there.

Are you kidding me?
Where's the company car?

It's right there.

Weren't you desperate for some cash,

so you wanted me to replace
the new parts with old ones?

I told you to replace
the inner parts of the car,

such as the engine,
the gearbox, the airbags...

Not change the whole thing like that!

We'll get caught.

Don't say that. Take it easy.

Go ahead and start it up.

This is not acceptable, Mando.

Come on, man!

SHEIKHS' CHAUFFEUR

Look at that. It's automatic.

What have you done?

Really? Arabian tiger patterns?
It's like furniture!

Designed by Barary, not Burberry.

What language is this?

We sold the navigation system

and replaced it
with a Russian submarine system.

A Russian submarine, Mando?

What's your deal?
Do you have any affiliations?

Are you in trouble?

Dude!

This is a relic from the Soviet era!

- It didn't shift into reverse.
- We sold it.

And replaced it with this nice tune.

How should I go backward?

Why do you want to go backward?
Look ahead into the future!

Oh, dear God.

You're going to rebuild the car
exactly as it was.

You hear me, Mando?

No, you hear me!

I owe you some money,
and I have it right here.

Other than that, I owe you nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Mando, my man!

Two weeks to change a taillight?

I was trying to be thorough.

Because "whoever does a deed..."

Cut that out, you b*stard!

You think I don't know?

I gave you a chance for your kids,
but you're an ungrateful b*stard!

- You're the b*stard!
- Listen!

I have no time for you!

Come here right now and resign.
Otherwise, I'll sue you!

Please, sir. Just listen...

SHEIKHS' CHAUFFEUR

Because of your car,
I almost hit the curb a few days ago.

I wish you had.

Better luck next time.
Maybe you'll hit a pole or something.

How are you still a maintenance manager?

Does it bother you?

I have good news for you.
Today is my last day here.

Is it your first day?

First day?

- It is.
- It's obvious.

How could you tell?

By your smile.

We were all excited on our first day too.

Speak for yourself.

We can speak for ourselves.

How are you?

I'm good.

Which car did they assign you?

They gave me car 32.

Nice!

That's a great car.
I put my heart and soul into it.

Just don't go over 40 with it.

Do you want some?

No, thank you.

Good luck.

IBN ZARUB - CEO

SHEIKHS' CHAUFFEUR

Let me introduce you to Hammu, the Scum.

SAROUB - THE OWNER'S SON

He just got out of prison.
I met him over the weekend.

We raised the company's valuation
to 400 million.

What?

You think the auditors will fall for this?

Check the last page.

You're offering me a share in the company?

Sign, and the money's yours.

Of course not!
I'd never sign a falsified document!

That's what I thought. Hammu?

What's this?

You're firing me?

Get lost.

Fine.

Fine, Saroub.

Just be gone.

Yeah, go, leave.

Saroub, just so you know,

if your dad finds out,
he won't let this slide.

- See you in court.
- "See you in court"! Go!

My dear good friend.

How come my severance package
is only 25,000?

Darwish.

You're talking nice to me now

because you want money.

But how do you talk to the clients?

Tanveer, let me explain the incident...

What did you say to the client?

"Damn your babor."

- "Damn your babor"?
- But that's not an offensive word.

It means "your enemy." "Damn your enemy."

That's a good thing!
Try to see what I mean.

Hi.

Where's Ibn Zarub?

Who are you?

Fayadh, the maintenance manager.

He's gone. He'll spend his life
getting slapped around at home.

Are you seriou...

That's great news.

- What do you want?
- Nothing at all. Bye.

Come here. This is your file.

"Final termination..."

You removed the airbags?

So that drivers don't think
it's okay to get into accidents...

You have a point there.

"Turning six-cylinder cars
into four-cylinder cars..."

To save on fuel. That loser Ibn Zarub
was causing us unnecessary losses.

Come here. Have a seat.

Thank you.

Would you like to be the CEO?

You went too far now. For real?

Plus 10%.

You know how much that'd be worth
if our stock goes public?

- How much?
- Forty million.

- Bullshit!
- Have some respect, jerk!

I'm sorry, but are you serious?

Come here.

This is your seat now.

- Thank you.
- Sign here.

Gladly.

Do I sign my termination?

No, not this one. Sign here.

Fayadh, you know who that is?

It's my father.
He built this company from scratch.

- I'm sorry. God rest his soul.
- May God take your soul!

He's alive and kicking.
He's coming back home today.

He needs a ride from the airport.

Gladly. Where should I take him?

Bring him here.
He has to sign before anyone else.

Otherwise, these signatures are useless.

Looks like today is a big signing day.

I have a meeting.
Once he gets here, let me know.

You got it.

That chair suits you, Mr. CEO.

God bless you, sir.

What an idiot.

Well, this does suit me, doesn't it?

Listen, Tanveer.
Forget about all of this for now.

- Let's just focus on the...
- Darwish!

Pick up Abu Saroub from the airport.

- Who?
- Saroub's father. Owner of this company.

- You can both go to hell.
- What?

Who are you to give me orders?

Oh, you spoke too soon, brother.

Relax, stay calm,
and know who you're talking to.

And who am I talking to?

Now you're pushing it.
Read this. Go ahead. Read it.

But how?

You're the new CEO?

- You speak Arabic?
- Yes.

Now go get Abu Saroub from the airport,

and you, go make me a cup of coffee.

Don't look at me like that,
or I'll take out that eye.

I'm the CEO, okay?

Go, Darwish. Half an hour.

Hurry up.

God!

- Tony Al-Mesih?
- That's him.

Abu Saroub!

Ibn Zarub?

SHEIKHS' CHAUFFEUR

sh*t!

Fayadh?

Have you seen Tanveer?

Did you pick up Abu Saroub?

Come in, sir.

Where's Abu Saroub?

Oh, dear God!

I had no idea that all of this
was going on at the company.

Thank you so much,
Ibn Zarub, for telling me.

We're here, sir.

This is not Saroub's father!

Then whose father is he?

I don't care!
You brought him. I don't know him!

You said he was the old man
on his own in the lounge.

Don't piss me off, or I'll beat you up!

b*stard! I just made CEO,
and you're already damaging my image!

Hello, this is Sheikhs' Chauffeur.
How may I help you?

You were supposed to pick up
an old man from the airport today.

Where is he?

We apologize for this mistake.

I'm the new CEO here,
and we'll improve our service.

Spare me the customer service bullshit.

You have half an hour.

Bring us our old man and take yours.

Understood?

Sure, no worries.
Where should we deliver him?

Bathaikha.

Who are you?

"Tony Botros Al-Mesih."

"Born in 1950."

Start the car. I'm coming.

- Me?
- No. Botros. Yes, you!

No, you're not getting it, my friend.

I'm leaving. Today is my last day.

What about the mess you caused?

I don't care!

To hell with it! To hell with both of you!

I'll hand in my resignation
and leave. Period.

- You sure about that?
- Watch me!

Tanveer!

BATHAIKHA

This is the location.

Oh boy!

There is only one way in
and one way out of here.

There's no escape.

And, officially, you're kidnapping me.

If I sue you, you'll be eating
nothing but prison lentils.

And you kidnapped this weak old man.

Here, buddy.

What were you thinking?

Picking up someone you didn't know?
Are you crazy...

Dear God.

Here they come.

Damn you and Tony. We're going to die.

Relax, take a deep breath.

Don't show any sign of fear.

Give me the black cloth underneath you.

Give it to me.

God Almighty. Save us from the devil.

What do you use this for?

I won't tell you so you don't panic.

The situation calls for a dive in.

What? I don't know how to dive.

Cover your face.

Fayadh is heading into the battle.

What's up, fellows?

Abu Darisha!

Shahman!

No, please. Come on.

Come on, get up. Please.

God, please. God, forgive me.
Save us from the devil. God Almighty.

You're alive, right? Please get up.

It's just a cigarette.

I'm just grabbing a cigarette.

Now I'll get the lighter.

I'm getting the lighter.

Yes?

Meet me at my lounge.

JACK OF DIAMONDS
UP TO NO GOOD

Where's my father?

He wasn't with them.

What do you mean?

Sheikhs' Chauffeur kidnapped him?

It's more than an honest mistake
made by a limo company.

Do I have
to drag the words out of your mouth?

The guys we met were armed.

They had a plan.

But it looks like they blew it.

Were they cops?

I don't think they were, sir.
We used Lebanese passports.

If they were cops,
they'd have caught him at the airport.

Who are they, then?

Maybe the Russians.

Did the Russians release him over there,
only to come and catch him here?

Are you stupid?

They know if he died in their custody,

he'd be useless.

So they thought, "Let's release him.
He might lead us to the egg."

"The egg"?

Where's my father?

I don't know.

Where's my father?

I don't know where your father is.

- I swear...
- Enough.

That's enough.

Why weren't you watching him?

I came out right after him.

After him?

He was next to me the whole flight.
He was, but when I slept...

You slept?

Russian authorities wouldn't release him
before interrogating me for two days.

I couldn't sleep.

- So, you sleep while escorting him?
- No, I swear, I didn't mean to.

- You know what he means to me.
- Calm down. It's okay.

- Calm down, Merdas.
- I'm calm.

Sit down. Relax.

Get him up.

My dear guests,

there are two kinds of men.

Those who enjoy speeches

and those who don't!

- No!
- Oh no!

No!

And now, you b*stards,

leave.

Don't show me your faces
unless you have one of two things.

My father,

or the heads of his kidnappers in a pot!

THIS IS BY THE GRACE OF MY LORD

Darwish!

Listen to me, please, man.

Please. I don't blame you
after what you've just seen.

But try to calm down and think logically.

Listen, man,

a terrifying neighborhood, a g*ng...

We almost died,
and we have a dead body in the car!

- Logic says that we must go to the police!
- I agree.

And I love you,
I love the police, and I love the law.

But if people knew
Sheikhs' Chauffeur lost its founder,

it won't be selling any shares.

So relax and think.

- I'm relaxed.
- Right.

- I'm relaxed.
- Good.

Screw you,

the company,

its founder,

its shares, and the whole global economy!

Get your hand off me!

BATHAIKHA POLICE DEPARTMENT

How I feel sorry for he who died

In Bathaikha and its darkness

And because of Fayadh's stupid luck

Now he's stuck with him

I wish I had gone to the airport

Instead of that ugly fat a*s

It would've been...

SAROUB IS CALLING...

- Hello?
- Where's my father?

I'll call you back.

What's your price?

Get lost. This car isn't for sale.

- Hello!
- Hi!

- Isn't this a police station?
- Police?

Supposedly.

Bless your heart.

You mean those guys in yellow trucks,

and if you happen to have a fire,

they'll come with really long water hoses?

Then they'll turn on the water
and put out the fire?

Yeah.

That was way back
when Bathaikha used to be a good place.

Nowadays, though,
they have nothing but crap!

Oh, you mean the fire department.

All the good men are gone now.

Ever since the Diamonds came here,
Bathaikha fell to ruins.

"The Diamonds"?

Hey! Shut your mouth, old man!

Eat sh*t, you dog!

I'd say it even if the Jack of Diamonds
himself was here!

- That's the truth. They ruined Bathaikha!
- Enough!

With their crimes and their bullshit!
g*dd*mn them!

If I see one of...

AAAH

Do you have any more queries,
dear customer?

BAAAM!

BOOM!

We'll find him, sir.

Despite his old age.

He's the King of Diamonds.

Don't be afraid for him. Be afraid of him.

I can't believe there could be such beauty

Your beauty has no limit

Yes!

Beautiful!

So badass!

Look at what?

Why don't we just dump him
somewhere and run?

What if they find him?

Better to find him dead alone
than find him dead with us!

We don't want anyone
to find out that he's dead.

Should I take him for a walk?

So, you end up getting shot in the butt?

- What, then?
- What, then...

This situation calls for a hideout.

6,100.

Come on. 6,100? Why?

Fully booked.

- Fully what?
- Fully booked.

There's a major event in Bathaikha today.

Yeah, I can see how busy you are.
Good for you.

All these lovely people everywhere.

- Looks like you're hosting a convention.
- A convention for th*gs.

Every hoodlum from the area
is staying here.

I dunno what they're looking for.

You got cash?

I got nothing. Just try to convince him.

Okay, look.

Your hotel is really fancy.

And the atmosphere
is overwhelmingly artistic.

All these paintings.
And you're clearly into eggplants.

But 4,000 is too expensive.

Hey!

Keep walking. Go on. Move.

6,100. Do you think I'm an idiot?

Do you know how to count?

If you had come yesterday,
I'd have given it for 100.

But given the situation at hand,
we raised it to 1,000.

Then we added an extra 2,000.

For insurance.
For when there's a fire, a disaster,

or someone randomly stabs you...

You mean, if there's a fire or...

Are you crazy?

It's Bathaikha! There's no "if"!

Okay, fine. That's 3,100.

What about that extra 3,000?

That extra 3,000 is...

for the babe to enter with you.

Show some respect. That's my mother!

Okay, you go in with your mother,
and that tall idiot stays outside.

- We're related.
- He's my milk brother.

Come here.

- Me?
- Yes, you, fatso. Come here.

Come with me. Come.

Talk to him.
You're the more important guest.

I've been working in this hotel
for 15 years now.

I've seen all kinds of weirdos

like you.

Thanks.

One day,

a guest came along. An old man.

He locked himself up in his room
for two, three, four days.

No idea what his deal was.
I knocked on his door. He didn't answer.

So I broke the door open.

I broke the door,
and he was there, alive and kicking.

In front of him,
there were three penguins.

Real penguins?

Real penguins.

Penguins are nice. They're cute.

They were wearing underwear.

Was he wearing any...

So I got an old man here
with a penguin fetish.

Satan himself was here.

That would put two losers
sharing an old lady

right here.

- People have different preferences...
- Stop! Disgusting. Go back there.

Do something.

Either you pay the 6,100,

or you both get the hell out of here!

Well, 6,000 is too much.
Let's go, brother.

Wait a minute!

The ring of your

"mother."

This morning,
I really thought I'd hit rock bottom.

Then life comes and says, "Come here."

"Here's a new bottom,
worse than the one before."

Can you see that stain on the ceiling?

I hope it's just ketchup.

- Hello?
- Hey, how are you?

- I'm having the best day of my life.
- What?

Never mind. Tell me, how did it go?

I found us a flight today at dawn.

Can't we make it tomorrow
or the day after?

Darwish, we can't. We have to leave today.

Anyway, I need to go home first
to get my passport.

What about your dad?

I'll wait till he goes to sleep.

Okay. Hopefully, I'll make it
to the airport before you do.

Latifa?

I love you.

Okay, bye.

Wow, look at that!
Are congratulations in order?

They could've been
if you hadn't dragged me into this sh*t!

Maybe it's for the best.

"For the best"? Nothing good
ever comes out of you!

Man, she'll leave you. Mark my words.

- What?
- "What?" That's four letters.

Do you know what you have in common with...

What's his name?
The guy who owns the Ozon website.

- Zaffarbeck, Zahrelbek...
- Zuckerberg. He owns Facebook.

- We have nothing in common.
- You're both ugly.

Right? But he's got money. He's loaded.

He can marry the hottest babe on earth.

But you are a broke loser.

- You're an ugly good-for-nothing guy.
- Thanks a lot.

That's kind of you. By the way,

Latifa doesn't care about money.
Not everyone is like you.

In fact, Latifa sees in me things
that the likes of you can't see.

What does she see in you?

- She loves me!
- "She loves me"? So cute!

Okay, she loves you, no problem.

Fine. So you love one another.

What happens when the spark dies out
and life slaps you in the face?

You'll have all these responsibilities.

Bills to pay, children to feed,
clothes to buy...

I hope you've got a point.

I do have a good point.

Today, they gave me a share in the company

that's worth 40 million.

You want to leave with nothing?
Be my guest.

But Latifa will divorce you in two months.

Or, you can help me get Abu Saroub back

and walk away with a few million
to get up on your feet,

maybe try some laser therapy on that beard
to stop it from growing upwards,

get yourself new teeth...
That Bollywood or Hollywood smile.

Improve your situation and your lifestyle,

and live happily ever after.

You b*stard!

You're telling me... Is that why
you didn't want to involve the police?

- For your own good.
- For my own good?

BAAM

That was a slap, right?

Yeah, but a gentle one.

- A gentle one? Bless your heart.
- Yeah.

BAAAAM

You're hitting me, you piece of sh*t?

Take that!

You piece of sh*t. How dare...

Think, please! Think about Latifa!

- I'll k*ll you, fatso!
- I don't care!

Even if she leaves me, so what?

I've always been on my own!

I'll k*ll that fat as*h*le!

Oh, my face!

What does he want?

SAROUB:
WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING?

WHERE IS MY DAD?

HE'S GONE. MAY YOU BE NEXT

THE FLIGHT IS DELAYED.

How do I know you'll keep your word?

You need a guarantee?

You should've spoken sooner, man.

Here's your guarantee, you scumbag.
There you go.

That's disgusting!

Now you have evidence against me.

Forgery, embezzlement, immoral conduct...

All sorts of blackmail materials.

- g*dd*mn you.
- I love you, and I want the best for you.

Do you have a plan?

We'll need a few bags of ice.

Lolita, where are you?

I've been up and down
the damn market several times.

I have the money. Don't you trust me?

Sorry, baby,
but I couldn't answer the phone.

My dad was with me.

Tell me, baby,
what do you see in front of you now?

I see some rug stores
and Trad's grocery store.

ABU GHADRA - A FOX IN DISGUISE

Great. Walk down the alley
next to the grocery store.

You'll see a green door.

Knock twice. I'll be right there.

I love you, Lolita.

I adore you.

Where's my money, son of a b*tch?

Have I ever taken money
and not given it back?

You couldn't!

Give me my money,
or I'll blow up your a*s!

What the f*ck, man?

Listen. Open the door.
You'll find a sucker standing there.

Beat him up. He'll drop some cash.
Take what's yours, and leave me the rest.

LUQMAN - expl*sives EXPERT

Hey! Are you okay? Are you hurt?

How about that? Did...

- Who taught you math, as*h*le?
- Mr. Metwally! Why?

- I'll shove him up your a*s!
- Why?

You owe me 5,000 riyals,
and he only had some change!

Your breath stinks, man!

Where's my money, kid?

That was a down payment!
You'll get the rest tomorrow!

Listen to me!

You have till 2:00 a.m.

You know what I'll do
if you don't get my money?

- You'll blow up my a*s?
- I'll blow it up!

That jerk is talented.
He's just bad at management.

BATHAIKHA RESIDENT ARRESTED
FOR PENGUIN ABUSE AND TRADE

Hello?

Who is this?

Everyone knows Tranquility Hotel.

You think you're Lady Diana,
and you expect me to clean your room?

What?

Room service?

Room service is me
beating the crap out of you!

Hang on a minute. Hey!

What's up with you?

- What?
- What's with the ice?

- You've been hauling in loads of it.
- Nothing, it's...

I swear to God, if I come up
and find any penguins up there,

I'll beat you both!

Chill, man.

- What is it for?
- Man, it's for...

It's the weekend, and we're two guys...

We just want to have some fun.

Okay, good. Now, piss off.

Hello, darling.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Chill, man.

Is that how you greet a guest?

Who are you?

Your g*n is not c*ck.

Really?

BOOOM!

You don't know who I am?
I'm your daddy, kid.

Who am I? I'm your daddy!

BAAM!

Say, "Abu Ghadra is my daddy"!

Say it! I can't hear you!

Who's your daddy? Who?
Say, "Abu Ghadra is my daddy"!

Say, "Abu Ghadra is my daddy"! Say it!

What a stud.

What's the big deal?
Humiliate yourself so he lets you go.

- Stay still!
- That's enough, Abu Ghadra.

- Spit on him and let him go.
- Yeah?

Yeah, he's harmless.

Thank you.

I hope you feel better.

Here, buddy.

You're going to heal soon, my heart

Attention!

I'm glad you're in one piece, buddy.

Why didn't you tell me?

I said that I called someone.

I thought you'd know it was him.

I know him. I almost k*lled him there!

I can see that.

It's good to see you, Zuhair.

Hey!

It's Abu Ghadra. Don't use that name here.

As you wish.

You see this guy?

He worked at our parking lot for one day.

The next morning,
all the cars were standing on blocks.

He stole all the tires,
and I haven't seen his face ever since.

I've heard this story before.

I have one question,
if you don't mind, Abu Al Ghaddar.

Fayadh was just telling me, so...

How did you manage, in one night,
single-handedly, to steal 100 tires?

Was it yours?

- No.
- Then shut up.

He's right. What do you care?

Are all your friends thieves?

Watch your mouth, or else...

His name is Abu Al Ghaddar
or Abu Ghadra, so he'll betray us.

- It means he might betray us. You know...
- Hey!

Let's talk money.

You'll like the offer.

Here.

Look at the brand and the emblem.
It's a luxury car.

- What's this?
- It's stashed somewhere nearby.

Help us with that thing I told you about,
and it's all yours.

The car will be mine?

All yours.

- What car?
- I know how to handle these th*gs.

th*gs or not,

if we get busted, I'm out.
Leave me out of this.

What was that?

That's documentation.

If you try to screw me over or something,

every butcher in Bathaikha
will have this photo.

Look at your face.

Dude, I look bad in this.

I don't like all these photos today.

You recognize him?

Am I supposed to recognize him
from his butt? Turn him over!

Go pray

the farewell prayer.

TRANQUILITY HOTEL

CUSTOMER: ABU GHADRA

May peace and God's mercy be upon you.

- May peace and God's mercy be upon you.
- May peace and God's mercy be upon you.

That man you've got in there...

he's the King of Diamonds.

There was an egg.

It belonged to the most powerful
Russian Mafia member.

One day, the egg was stolen.

And where did it turn up?

Here in Bathaikha,

with a man called the King of Diamonds.

He handed it to his son,

who, in turn, gave it as a token of love
to a girl called Nuwayyer.

The girl fell for the boy
and told her father,

"I want to marry him."

But her father was the mayor of Bathaikha,

whom everyone loved.

At first, he refused.

But she kept pestering him
until he agreed.

The King of Diamonds
and the mayor became in-laws.

He gained the mayor's trust
and became his deputy.

The weasel started controlling Bathaikha.

He put up with it for his daughter,

but his patience ran out
when he discovered the "Sugar Castle,"

the Diamonds' warehouse,
where they were supposedly selling flour.

But they were selling drugs.

When the mayor decided to crush them,

they k*lled him.

As a result, the deputy became mayor.

He turned on the people of Bathaikha.

If he didn't like someone,
he'd send his th*gs after them

to k*ll them and leave the body
outside their home,

leaving a King of Diamonds on top.

The mayor's daughter realized
she married into a criminal family.

Even her dowry, the egg,
turned out to be stolen.

She tipped off the Russians
as to the thief. "He has your egg."

One cold night,

the King of Diamonds was taken
from Bathaikha.

He was imprisoned in Russia.

His son lost his mind.

He realized his wife was behind it.

He turned to her and slit her throat.

And that's how Bathaikha ended up
in the hands of a criminal.

- Is he Muslim?
- What's the matter with you?

My God.

There's one thing I need to understand.

How come a heartless criminal
like the King of Diamonds,

who was kept
in an underground dungeon in Siberia,

ended up with two losers
who turned him into a mojito?

There's always someone
who is worse than the worst person.

You got that right.

Yeah, tell him how we k*lled the man.

He ate some candy and...

- No way.
- He was diabetic.

- We did it on purpose.
- No.

- He gave him some while we were...
- We did.

Anyway, guys,
there's someone we need to see, okay?

And your clothes
are not suitable for Bathaikha.

I have nothing else to wear.

Calm down. Be strong.
You can do it. You can solve any...

Kama Sutra.

We found them, sir.

- Where?
- Both cars are in Bathaikha.

Bathaikha?

Listen, if there's anyone in Bathaikha
who can bring back Abu Saroub,

it's this b*stard.

But don't mention the body
or the King of Diamonds

because he's a coward.

So, our only hope is a wimp.

You brought us here to see a wimp?

Okay, shut up. I'll do the talking.

And you, I swear,
say a word, and I'll break your jaw.

Ask your friend to respect me.

Just keep walking.

- I have one question.
- Ask 60 if you want.

Is it true that, in Riyadh,

you can walk with your phone in your hand,

your wallet in your pocket,
cash bursting out of it,

without anyone stabbing you
and stealing your stuff?

It's true.

So, you're fresh off the lot?
Never got a paint job?

My differential is a bit tilted,
but the rest is still intact.

I must move to Riyadh today.
I can't wait any longer.

Abboud, please.
Can we stick to the matter at hand?

Bro, I can't help you.

- Why not?
- I'm done.

I'm leaving Bathaikha for good.

It's all in the past now, guys.

I'm moving to Riyadh
with my brother, Merdas.

We have an interview
with a security company.

I need peace of mind.
I need to have a normal life.

- Don't you want what's best for me?
- Of course I do, Abboud.

I'll get a decent job, I'll buy a car,

a maroon Honda Accord,

17-inch rims,

striped tires, dual horn...

Yeah, that's my thing.

- I know how these horns sound.
- Yeah!

- That's my thing!
- Yeah!

Cruising on Al Tahliya Street!

That street's old news.
The new trend is Turki Al Awwal Street.

Zuhair, ask that sissy to shut up.

Are you a travel expert?
I'll chop off your man boobs!

Why do you have to be so rude?

Abboud, please.
Do it for me, man. For old times' sake.

My friend, I appreciate the old times.

Don't let them think that I'm a wimp.

- God forbid.
- Yeah.

If you wanted me
to break into the White House, I would!

But this is the Jack of Diamonds!

- I'm out!
- No one would see you.

Is he the one who's supposed
to break into the man's house?

Yes. That's Abboud.

I was expecting to see
someone like Superman!

Someone who was going
to lead us out of the darkness!

ABBOUD KHUFFASH - A TALENTED SPY

It's my fault for listening to you.

I should be living
happily ever after with Latifa.

But instead of going to see Latifa,
I came to see this...

Fayadh.

- Where did he go?
- Turn around!

Yes, behind you! Look!

- You look.
- You look.

Look at that as*h*le you brought.

If I ever return to a life of crime,

first, I'll rip out
the guts of that r*cist.

- I'm not r*cist.
- You are!

How can I be r*cist when I'm from Jeddah?

What does Jeddah have to do with it?

See, we're a minority here.

Besides, I didn't overstep.
I didn't say, "Fetch me some coffee..."

Shut up already, man!

Stop fussing!

I'll be a witness
in your marriage to Latifa

and your divorce. Just shut up.

Let us reach an agreement with Khaffoush.

I'll make sure you get that maroon Accord

with the customized wheels.

See, I'm CO.

CEO.

Just say "executive manager"
so that he understands.

And this is my tea boy.

With my connections, I can get Nike

to sign a long-term sponsorship contract
for your sideburns.

Just treat him as a friend, man!

Abu Ghadra,
if you want us to remain friends,

get these two racists out of my room now!

- I didn't say anything.
- What did I say?

I said I'll do the talking!

- I didn't say anything!
- You're an idiot!

Out!

Let's go. Come on. Idiot.

Move.

Merdas.

Merdas!

I was waiting for you
to come back, but not like this.

Not like this, Merdas.

It's time the Jack of Diamonds

finds a dead body on his doorstep!

My condolences.

And thank God you're in one piece

and whatever else you'd like to hear.

And as for the dead body...

You still want that Accord?

Screw the Accord, man.

I'll bring you Abu Saroub.

And in return, you'll let me
have that dead son of a b*tch.

Yeah, exactly.

A head for a head.

f*ck this sh*thole of a neighborhood, man.

Hammu? Have you ever seen
a human devouring another human?

No.

Prepare yourself.

Man,

I've never seen
the Jack of Diamonds' house so empty.

Yeah, all his th*gs
are out looking for his father.

There's no one in there.

Okay, let's go for now.

According to my dear late brother,

the Jack of Diamonds
does everything in a safe in his house.

That safe has a door
with an electronic lock.

It only opens with a key card
the b*stard wears around his neck.

So here's the plan, guys.

You...

You'll cut the power off.

The door has its own power supply.

And you,

you'll stay in the car 500 meters away.

When I come out with the guy,
come and get him.

- What about me?
- You stay here.

With the body.

And as a precaution,
we won't be using our real names.

I'll be the Bat.

- You'll be the Nobleman.
- Thank you.

And you, the r*cist Bear.

And I'll be Abu Ghadra.

- It goes without saying.
- My man.

If none of you screw up,

I'll break into the house
and extract your friend

in under one minute.

Don't f*ck up the plan, man, I beg you!

Don't k*ll him, you moron! Are you nuts?

How would he feel the anguish?
Let him live to taste the pain!

Hey!

I'm watching you. Don't move.

BATHAIKHA PHARMACY

SHEIKHS' CHAUFFEUR

AAAH

TRANQUILITY HOTEL

I'll show you, b*stards! I'll show you!

CARD - JACK OF DIAMONDS
THE SAFE - POWER BOX

Abboud. Please, man,
just stick to the plan.

k*lling him now is pointless, believe me!

Let him taste the agony
he caused you by k*lling Merdas!

Think about it! Use your brain!

What was that?

I'm sorry.

I bought us two more minutes.

The café is open.

- I have the order right here.
- Wonderful!

Three masala chai.

That's the order,
you nimble son of a g*n! We did it!

r*cist Bear, where are you?
Bring in the car!

r*cist Bear, bring in the car!

r*cist Bear!

You have until 2:00 a.m.

You know what I'll do to you
if you don't get my money?

Please!

Don't forget to rate your trip.

Five stars, if you don't mind.

What are you talking about?

You have your passport and the egg.

I think I've done my part.

What's the matter?

All these years,
you've treated me like an insect.

Under your foot!

Because I'm just a driver.

Turns out you're the daughter
of the Jack of Diamonds!

You're right.

I don't know. I was scared.

Scared that if you found out,
you wouldn't want to marry me.

Darwish, everything that I did,

I did it because I love you.

Because you love me?

What would you have done
if you'd hated me?

Take your stuff and get out.

You think you're better than my dad, huh?

You just took off...

and left your friends behind
for the Jack of Diamonds to k*ll them!

Fine!

Go!

Oh God!

Out of my way!

TRANQUILITY HOTEL

Where did it go?

Where are we going?

You have no patience, Saltouh.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Hello?

Are you Darwish?

- That's him!
- Shut the f*ck up!

Yes, sir.

Where's my Cadillac?

What Cadillac?

Don't play dumb! The Cadillac!

That junk you gave me!

- I wanted to give it to Luqman!
- Fayadh gave it to you!

- Stop lying!
- Enough!

I swear to God,

I have a homemade cluster b*mb for you

if you don't shut your holes!

This b*stard promised me a Cadillac

and said you gave him a piece of junk.

And he told Fayadh,

"How can we trust an Abu Ghadra?"

I'm a saint compared to you, jerk! Shame!

Hey!

Luqman!

What size is it?

What?

Your a*s!
He wants to blow up your a*s, bro!

Am I supposed to answer that?

Better safe than sorry.

- Calm down! Sit still!
- Shut up!

No!

Luqman, my man, come on! No!

No!

Luqman, please, man.

- Luqman! Hey!
- Luqman!

- Luqman! Why?
- Think this through!

Laqumi, please, man! I don't want to die!

Think of us as your cats!

Or as your kids!

Think of us as cats, Luqmeow!

Please, no!

Luqman!

Man! Please, man!

- Man! Please, man!
- Please!

I'm begging you!

LATIFA - QUEEN OF DIAMONDS

- Queen of Diamonds!
- Latifa?

Put that sh*t out,
or I'll tie you up with them!

Why would you want to blow them up?

Ma'am, they promised me a car,
but it was a scam.

- Money.
- Yes, it's just business!

Nothing personal.

And you? What's your story?

No story. I just came to see Luqman
to give him the money I owed.

But I forgave him.

- I forgave him.
- Thank you.

- I don't want it.
- May your face shine brighter.

Or may your face grow darker.
I won't associate bright with grace.

- No, it's fine.
- My dear friend. I love you, you know?

- I love you too, man.
- Shut up!

A bunch of th*gs
who would do anything for a few riyals!

And you.

Did anyone in Bathaikha see your face?

No.

Hello?

Jack of Diamonds?

Who are you?

I sent you my pic yesterday morning.

- What do you want?
- To marry your daughter.

Today, after Friday prayer, my house.

I'LL BRING SOME FRIENDS.
BE PREPARED. THERE'S A LOT OF THEM.

I'll bring some friends. Be prepared.

There's a lot of them.

Looks like Azrael
is working overtime today.

O' groom

God's Eye is watching over you

The moon and the stars are following you

O' groom

God's Eye is watching over you

The moon and the stars are following you

O' groom

God's Eye is watching over you

The moon and the stars are following you

Who are you?

Hey, listen! You're not my first,
and you won't be my last!

If I don't get that 5,000 back today,

your photos will go viral!

No, please, Jouj! Please!

Consider me like your sister, please!

You wish! Like my sister?

She's pure and virtuous,
unlike you, b*tch!

You know
who you're trying to extort, Casanova?

- Lolita.
- It's the Queen of Diamonds!

Diamonds?

Her father doesn't know yet.

But I swear, you as*h*le,

if you don't go ask
for her hand in marriage within one hour,

I'll blow up your a*s.

Half will be in Dammam,
and half will be in Jeddah!

You'll be walking around
farting gunpowder! Understood?

I'm here to restore
your daughter's honor, sir.

Open the gate, kid.

- Why should I let you in?
- I'm here to deliver some goods.

Eat sh*t and piss off!

Get lost!

Dear God!

Who are you people?

Stop! You're hurting me!

Speak!

Sir, your father is at the warehouse.
He wants to see you there now.

Hey, go free the hostages.

- I gotta get something. I'll be back.
- Okay.

Move.

CUSTOMER'S NAME: JACK OF DIAMONDS

Oh sh*t...

That's not the color of TNT smoke.

- I added some ammonia.
- How much?

A little less than a ton.

But what about global warming?

It's crying in a corner!

f*ck, Luqman!

Hurry up! Come on! Hop on!

Hop on!

Hop on, Darwish!

Hey! Darwish!

Darwish!

- Darwish!
- Let's Just leave him.

That Latifa is driving him crazy!

Darwish! He went back for her?

- Yes!
- Damn that friend of yours.

- She'll end up leaving him.
- You want us to leave him behind?

Latifa, we have to go.
We're running late. Come on.

Let's go!

"Exalted honor remains unscathed

unless blood is shed around it"!

I'm your savior, Lolita!

I told you not to speak to her!

I have bigger problems than you!

- Go, Latifa! I'll be right behind you!
- Hey!

Keep Latifa out of this!

Latifa?

What's in your hand?

Give it to me.

Give it to me!

I should've buried you with your mother.

Trouble with her father?

Don't worry. It'll be okay, my friend.

Put on some music, please.

CAT SHELTER