05x01 - Sam Says 2

[bunniefuu]

Get ready for a game changer tonight's guests.

A mystery wrapped in an enigma, it's Sakoyama.

A pair of scissors ironically wrapped

in a difficult to open package, it's Jacob Waissaki.

And an untamed spirit wrapped in an Allie Beardsley.

It's Allie Beardsley.

Ooh.

And your host, me.

I've been here the whole time.

This is Game Changer, the only game show

where the game changes every show.

I am your host, Sam Reich.

I am joined today by these three lovely contestants.

Now, you all understand how the game works.

No, no, no, that's the point.

It's not a good.

That's right, our players have no idea

what game it is they're about to play.

The only way to learn is by playing.

The only way to win is by learning

and the only way to begin is by beginning.

So without further ado, let's begin

by giving each of you 25 points to start.

That's gonna go a long way.

Sam says, touch your nose.

Sam says, touch your ear.

Touch your other ear.

Easy, right?

I mean, it's a kindergarten game.

I'm being babysat right now.

Sam says, touch your elbows together.

That counts, Jake.

This is hard.

That counts.

This is hard.

Well done, players.

Do as I say, not as I do.

Now, reach for this guy.

Sam says, reach for this guy.

This guy.

Sam says, reach for the ground.

Sam says, between the four of us,

let's make the YMCA.

Oh, oh, okay.

You gotta be the young man.

I thought we were, you know, not necessarily an orator.

Took you a while to wake up to your responsibility

to the group there, Zach.

Just hang on just like this for a moment.

That is a point away from Ally for hanging out

just like this for a moment.

Sam says, clap once.

Sam says, clap twice.

Sam says, clap the lowest prime number amount of times.

No.

That is points away from all three of you.

The lowest prime number is in fact two.

Oh.

Dude, math sucks, dude.

Sam says, bow to your neighbors.

Sam says, pat your neighbors' backs.

Thanks.

Sam says, shake your neighbors' hamstrings.

How's it going?

Hey, cheers.

That is points away from all three of you.

I said hamstrings.

Sorry.

Players, you're doing great so far,

but let's make things a little more challenging

by taking it a player at a time.

Zach, Sam says, say something that's never been said before.

Chicago is flying up into the sky.

Wow.

Chicago is flying up into the sky.

Or actually, something that's never been said before.

I like both the tabs.

I'm gonna put the first one on the record

as we head over to Jacob.

What you got for me?

And the Oscar goes to Jacob Weissachie.

A little bit self-deprecating there, Jake,

but I like it.

Allie, Sam says, say something that's never been said before.

It's from Garden State.

This has been Garden State energy for me.

In other words, Allie, you heard the prompt

and specifically said something that has been said before.

Take my points, you f*cking tweet b*tch.

Take my points away.

Well, on a technicality,

I got to take points away from Allie and Jake

because I didn't say Sam says.

I heard the difference and I wasn't gonna rat you out.

Sorry, Jake, you gotta be careful.

Dude, I thought it was different.

I will get some.

So I thought it was different, Sam.

Sam says, give me an S.

S.

Sam says, give me an A.

A.

Sam says, give me an M.

M.

What is that?

No.

f*ck.

When it hits you, it sucks.

That is a point away from Zach, I'm afraid.

Sam says, create a fan art worthy tableau.

All of you together.

She's got to be in it.

I mean, I could grab her real quickly if you want her.

Oh, it's really heavy, my dude.

Oh, that's fine.

I'm huge.

We're coming in.

Oh, Jake.

Hey guys, this is Trish.

She's number four on the call sheet.

That's great.

Oh, fantastic.

Thank you for the help.

I think I'm gonna throw some energy this way.

Okay, yeah.

And I'll be kind of like.

And I'll be the guy taking the picture.

Oh, great.

Great, now stay just like that

so our cameras can get it.

That is points away from Jacob and Allie.

Well done, Zach.

It's like the game never stops.

This is what I'm learning.

God damn it.

All right.

Dan, do you think you might help us?

Oh, yes.

Sorry.

Sam says, stuck your face.

What?

I have to pick too many of these off the ground.

Chug me, bunny.

Chug me, bunny.

Chug me, bunny.

Chug me, bunny.

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Yeah, I'm gonna say that passes for all three of you.

If we could get buckets for our contestants, please.

We don't need it, we're good.

Ha!

Woo!

Woo!

Come on.

Sam says, show some real vulnerabilities

starting with you, Jake.

Oh!

And they...

Allie.

I'm not gonna fall for this.

Sam says, show some real vulnerability.

Well done.

I just, I...

Really coming up with nothing.

You know, I'm just an empath

and I'm still thinking about Jacob, honestly.

That's me being vulnerable.

I won't accept that as an entry.

Zach, Sam says, show some real vulnerability.

This sounds like a joke, but it's kind of real.

I am named Zach

and I'm just gonna keep getting older.

Do you know any Zachs who are 40 or 50?

I don't, that's a really good point.

So I'm gonna be like, one day,

I'm gonna be like a 70 year old man named Zach.

No, but that's so real, like my grandpa Braden.

It's like, yeah, wow.

This point in particular is going to go to Jake.

Bringing Jake back up to par with Zach O'Yama.

Sam says, repeat after me.

Repeat after me.

That is points away from Jake and Ally.

Hmm, interesting.

You got to really decide when that starts.

Yeah.

And we made a decision.

That's fair.

And we made a decision.

That's totally fair.

That's totally fair.

And there were different decisions.

And Zach got that.

That's totally fair.

No, same, you said it so tentatively

and I was like, you're gonna fry.

But that's right.

Uh, so, Sam says.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm sorry, I say this.

So, I stopped it now.

Stop it now.

I like this a lot.

I like it a lot.

Oh, holy.

Points away from Zach and Ally.

I'm gonna say for that little stunt, Jacob.

Yeah, absolutely well done.

Well done.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Sam says you can stop now.

Thank God.

Sam says, make this face, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, sh*t, c*ck, piss, a*s, c**t, sh*t.

Sam says, make this face, Sam says, make this face.

I'm doing their darnest. All right, Sam says you could stop that.

Whatever that was. Little memory exercise.

Can you do face number two again? sh*t, f*ck.

That is a point away from Zach. The first curse was you doing it, and the second was realizing it was done.

It's now Zach's turn to run the game with the trigger phrase,

Zach says, whatever you would like to be the challenge, Zach.

Zach says, um, give everybody a round of applause.

Oh, that's so nice.

That's really sweet. Thanks for the hard work, guys.

Sam says, dedicate the episode to someone starting with Ally.

I dedicate this episode to, uh, Joe Biden.

We're all rooting for you, baby.

Zach, you got a dedication for me?

Sam says, dedicate the episode to someone, Zach.

I'm going to have to dedicate this episode to the crew here.

Oh, how nice!

Sam says, dedicate the episode to someone, Jake.

Uh, this is a very special episode,

and I'd love to dedicate it to Nems, the guy from Side Talk NYC.

Bing-bong! Uh, sorry you're trapped, my dude.

It seems like you're not going to really be able to move

beyond the Bing-bong bubble,

but it seems like the people want you in your box,

and that ain't cool, Nems.

Wow.

Jake knows my audience.

Real tempted to give you the point for that one,

and I will. Congratulations.

Damn. Oh, my God.

For this next one, players, before I say Sam says,

I'm going to ask you to make a wager.

You're going to start with you, Zach.

Do you need to say Sam says, make a wager?

Before I say Sam says,

I'm going to ask you to make this wager.

Huh.

Uh, let's say 15 points.



Quite a few points there, Zach.

Jake, what about you?

Four.

Coward. Four points.

I'm not doing anything.

So what does that mean, Ali? Zero?

I'm not even going to make the wager.

That is 15 points away from Zach Oyama.

Four points away from Jake,

and zero points away from Ali Beardsley.

You get that. It sucks.

Who's who?

What sucks is that? Like, I clarified.

Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, though, brave.

You know who'd really like that?

How brave you were? Joe Biden.

Sam says, Loser says what?

What?

That is a point away from Ali Beardsley,

because I said Sam says, Loser says what?

Sam says, make me blush starting with Jake.

Oh.

Sorry, boy.

Sorry.

What is it?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

He's a little pink.

Oh, my God.

He's a little pink in the cheeks.

Jake, phenomenal entry.

Ali, it's going to be tough to beat.

I just...

You know, Sam, you look so pretty in your glasses.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Zach, Sam says, make me blush.

It's the same thing.

Are you going to do the same thing?

Because, my God, uh-oh.

That was pretty cute, Zach.

Pretty darn cute.

I just sort of blew in his ear.

That particular point is going to go to Jake.

And also, let's take a point away from Ali Beardsley.

I knew it.

Sorry about that, Ali.

That's OK.

Sam says, say Sam.

Sam.

Sam says, say Sam says.

Sam says.

Say Sam says, say Sam says.

Sam says, say Sam says.

That is a point away from Jake.

OK, I'll get shocked.

The energy of this episode is, um, actually,

but every single one is, like, a technicality, um, actually.

Sam says, say Sam says, say Sam says.

Sam says, say Sam says.

Try saying that three times fast.

Sam says, try saying that the lowest

prime number of out of times.

Sam says, say Sam says.

Sam says, say Sam says.

Sam says, de-escalate.

Oh, you want to f*cking go?

Let's go!

Go!

Boys!

Hey, boys!

You might have to get in the middle of this.

You might have to get in the middle of this.

Hey, call your dad.

You might have to get in the middle of this.

Yeah, call your dad.

You also call your dad.

Just stop.

Yeah, call your dad!

Call his dad.

Hey, dude, what's today?

He'll tell you all about how you betrayed the family!

Oh, you're related.

That's crazy.

You're going to k*ll you!

It seems like everybody cares about their family a lot.

Definitely.

I'm going to need to see some IDs.

All right, we'll say that's a good de-escalation.

Oh, my god.

Hey, hey, hey.

You're okay.

Good luck.

See you guys.

See you guys.

Yeah.

f*ck you.

Come on.

Apparently those guys straight up know Jake.

Yeah, those are old friends.

Really?

Yeah, those are old friends of mine.

Totally no way.

Don't coincidence.

I think that point is going to go to Zach.

I think he got in the middle.

I think he had some nice things to say.

Sam says it's Jacob's turn to run the game with a Jacob says.

Jacob says, bring me any bills under $5 that you have in your pocket.

Under five.

Under five.

I don't want to be rude.

Have my wallet.

No wallet, huh?

Yeah, nothing.

Nothing?

Do you have change?

No, it's got to be under a $5 bill.

Hey, there's no cash.

There's no cash.

That was smart, Jake.

I like that a lot.

I'm here for money, bro.

Sam says, propose a visual effect to go here starting with Ally.

Kind of like a Times New Roman goes across your face.

Wait, my face or your face?

Your face.

My face.

Sorry, what does it say?

It just says Sam says.

And then it goes do do do do do.

Is that the music?

The effect would maybe have like a music component.

But it just scrolls across my face.

It says Sam says and then goes do do do do do do.

You keep doing this and this implies motion to me.

So the whole screen kind of shrinks down and flips around after Sam says.

Just being clear.

Sam says Times New Roman and then I shrink.

And it goes do do do do do do.

And you spin around and then it's boom.

Zach, propose a visual effect to go here.

I think I'm stupid.

I'm sorry, Zach.

Sam says propose a visual effect to go here.

Okay.

It's just like one little tiny beam that charges between my forehead.

Yeah.

A little nose bleed.

And then it goes.

It's sort of, it's almost like 11 from Stranger Things moment.

I'm trying to power up, but there's not really that much power there.

It charges.

And it falls.

Jacob.

Sam says propose a visual effect to go here.

So it can be anybody's head, but I'm happy for it to be my head.

Yes.

And it's like eight bit versions of Nems coming into the screen.

And he's like bang bang.

And then the older guy is an eight bit and he's like,

take me out to dinner.

And then that little nine year old kid's like, we outside.

And they're kind of coming in and kind of like, you know,

Mortal Kombat, like whoopsie.

And it's like bang bang, take me out to dinner.

We outside.

That point's going to go to Jacob.

Damn.

Now players, are you familiar with the rules of red light, green light?

Sam says red light.

Green light.

That is points away from that.

Oh my God.

And Jake.

This sucks.

Wow.

I'm an idiot.

This is literally edging.

I feel like if you could bottle how I feel when I beef it like,

and give it to people,

they'd give it to people in Guantanamo who are having a good day.

It's like, oh, we got to make it worse.

Sam says green light.

Red light.

Sam says green light.

Sam says green light.

That is a point for Ally Beardsley.

For this next prompt, I am going to require the assistance of Nico.

Nico, if we could have the kazoo's, please.

Players, would you please take a kazoo from Nico?

Honestly, I just like Nico so much.

I'll take the point away.

That is a point away from Ally Beardsley.

Thank you so much, Nico.

It was bright color.

It would have been fun.

It would have been great.

I would have loved to grab a kazoo, but that's not why we're here.

Oh my God.

Sam says harsh the vibes starting with Zach.

I'm so freaking tired.

Oh, I like that, Zach.

I got up like too early today and I've just been so busy.

A set doesn't love a complainer.

Jacob, Sam says harsh the vibes.

We're staying long, everybody.

We're staying long, okay?

No OT.

I don't want to see anything wrapped up until I'm out of the building.

I don't want to see any lenses in boxes, okay?

I don't want to see lights turned off.

And as long as I'm here, you guys are working, okay?

I take my job seriously and I want you guys to take your job

as seriously as I'm taking my job.

Can I hear a yes, sir?

Oh my God.

I need to hear a yes sir before we move on.

Jig, tough competition.

Allie, Sam says harsh the vibes.

There is a island of trash off the coast of Texas right now

that is just collecting and leaching into the water.

And this is my third water bottle today.

So you're a part of the problem.

There is a water machine that I could easily refill this with

and I do nothing.

Allie, that sure was depressing,

but that point is going to go to Jig.

Now say yes, sir.

Players, Sam says don't flinch.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

What is this Mr. Maguaz f*cking?

Let's see if we get any more action.

There we go.

There's a little more.

Wow.

Glorifying.

That is going to be a point away from Allie.

Why?

I think that Jake and Zach both stayed pretty stoic through that.

This is crazy.

Your eyes are so wide.

This is so crazy.

You could all do me a favor, just poke me back down.

Bye.

Thank you so much.

That is a point away from Zach.

I'm bringing Zach.

Oh my God.

Sam says go ahead and poke me back down.

Thank you so much.

Players, Sam says watch this.

Sam says do the robot.

Oh, that was Adam's voice.

Yeah.

That was Adam Conover's voice.

Well done players.

That was in fact Adam Conover's voice.

We now take you behind the scenes.

Okay, we ready?

I'll give you a couple in a row.

Here we go.

Sam says do the robot.

How was that?

That is points away from Zach and Allie.

Not quite fast enough, Zach.

That was in fact me ducking over Adam Conover.

I didn't get tricked.

That was you doing an Adam impression.

It was.

Oh my God.

That felt great.

We now take you behind the scenes.

Okay, you ready?

I'll give you a few in a row.

Here we go.

Sam says do the robot.

That is points away from Zach and Allie.

That was me ducking over myself.

Doing an impression of Adam Conover.

If a man can do an Adam Conover impression,

that shouldn't be held against me.

That just sucks.

The only time this game doesn't suck is when it doesn't

and it feels awesome when it doesn't suck.

Closing in on the end of our game,

Sam says give us a group instant replay

to something that happened earlier in the episode.

The picture?

Yeah.

Oh no.

I'll go get it.

Oh no, I feel bad for him.

All right, slow mo.

Okay.

We got to put her together.

Yeah.

So we could do.

Why?

Because we don't have this.

Hold it from now on.

Yeah, top wall.

So maybe we got to take the picture.

Okay.

And then he was like something about,

how do you guys hold there?

Sam says, let's see this in reverse.

I'm going to take the picture.

All right, first.

This is no more national.

This is no more national.

And then you said, oh, the beating footage.

Why does this feel a little different in reverse?

You got to hit this.

Oh my God.

Oh, yeah, nice.

The picture.

I got to say that point goes to Jake giving Harley a special

effort in that second knock into the wall,

which really made me laugh.

Sam says it's Ali's turn to take over the game with the

trigger phrase, Ali says.

Ali says, ask if you can give one of your points to me.

I really like that, Ali.

Can I give you one of my points?

Can I possibly give you one of my points?

I mean, my hands are tied on the production end,

but let's ask if you guys both are willing.

Yeah, I'm going to say let's take a point away from Zach

and give it to Ali and a point away from Jake.

That was really smart.

I didn't say I was going to.

I admire the ingenuity.

Any minute.

I know that this is going to jump back out.

Of course not.

I would never do that to you.

I hate you.

The scores at the end of our game.

Zach with one, Ali with 15, Jake with 19.

There is one more prompt left and it's worth 30 points,

making the rest of this game completely irrelevant.

Players, Sam says go.

Go.

Hey, thanks for your fun time, guys.

Appreciate you.

Thank you.

I don't know where I'm supposed to go.

I might just go home.

You better skedaddle, Ali.

Okay, okay.

I'm going to win, b*tch.

Zach is running down the street.

He's just in a full-on sprint.

Jake has gotten in his car and left.

What about Ali?

Any sign of Ali?

Okay.

Attention, all passengers.

Here I am in a beautiful, deserted New York City.

Ali Beardsley is on their way to the airport,

going where we don't yet know, but that's got to win,

meaning Ali wins 30 points, bringing them to 45.

Ali Beardsley is the winner of this episode, Ali.

You win a Roomba.

Have fun with that, Ali.

That does it for us here at Game Changer.

I am your host, Sam Reich, reminding you

don't just blindly follow orders.

Uh-uh-uh.

I didn't say Sam says.

All right.

I win.