02x21 - Depths of a Salesman/Detective Odie

[bunniefuu]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[joyful music]

Odie, there's supposed to be food on this table.

Do you see any food on this table?

[Odie muttering]

I have a horrible feeling.

I know what Jon's doing instead of making our lunch.

[Hal on TV] And if you act right now,

this lovely possum waxer can be yours!

Finally, you can wax your possum

with the possum waxer the professionals use!

Oh, no!

He's watching the All-Buying-Stuff Channel again.

I don't have a possum.

But if I did, I'd certainly make sure it was professionally waxed.

I've got to stop Jon from wasting all his money on junk like that.

Money he could be putting to better use, like...

feeding his cat.

Hello, All-Buying-Stuff Channel?

I'd like to order ten possum waxers.

[tuba]

[Jon screaming]

[Odie muttering]

Where did I get the tuba?

Jon bought it from the TV channel.

He also bought an automatic on-off machine.

It turns itself on, then it turns itself off.

Then it turns itself on, then it turns itself off.

Then it turns itself on...

This is all it does. Then it turns itself off.

Here's a two-year supply of helium-filled sweat socks.

That's useful.

And this is a life-size statue of Harlow P. Entwhistle,

the inventor of the waterproof sponge.

Oh! Thanks for stopping me, Garfield.

I almost bought something useless and expensive.

-And not even edible. -[Odie barking]

I'm going to do something to make sure that never happens again!

I'm going to turn off that channel!

And you'll love our next item.

It's a cooling device that requires no electricity!

I don't have a cooling device that uses no electricity.

Too hot?

Just use your portable cooling device

that uses no electricity.

Call now to order yours!

I must call now to order mine.

No! No!

You must resist! Stop!

And remember!

You still have time to order

this exquisite diamond-studded flea collar!

[barking]

[Odie muttering]

[Garfield] No, stop!

You can't buy every stupid thing they offer on TV!

[screaming] [crashing]

They sell junk! They sell garbage!

[Hal] How would you like to press a button and have a fresh and hot pizza

in less than thirty minutes?

Meet

the Magnificent Mozzarella Machine.

They sell the greatest scientific breakthrough in the history of mankind.

Press this red button,

follow directions, and in just one half hour,

you'll be feasting on pizza just the way you like it.

Magnificent Mozzarella Machine.

Isn't science wonderful?

Must have Magnificent Mozzarella Machine.

That's right, I want to order a cooling device

that uses no electricity.

Oh, and a Magnificent Mozzarella Machine.

-[Odie barking] -Oh, right!

And for my dog, a diamond-studded flea collar!

I'll give you my credit card number.

Now, Odie,

it takes time for these things to arrive

so don't get impatient.

[Odie muttering]

Where is it? I want it!

Why isn't it here?

I want it now, now, now!

[sighing]

[Odie moaning]

[Garfield sighing]

-Oh! -[truck door slamming]

[Garfield laughing]

Here's my cooling device that uses no electricity.

Gee, I wonder how it makes things cold.

Oh! All it is is a giant ice cube!

[Odie growling impatiently]

[disappointed moaning]

Odie, where's your exquisite diamond-studded flea collar?

[Odie muttering]

What's this?

"Instructions for exquisite diamond-studded flea collar:

Put collar on flea."

A flea collar that goes on the flea?

That's a rip-off.

[Odie angrily muttering]

Hey, you guys are just mad because you ordered the wrong things.

I'm going to use my Magnificent Mozzarella Machine

to whip up the pizza of my dreams.

"Press red button, follow directions.

In just one half hour,

you will have pizza just the way you like it."

Woohoo!

Here it goes.

"Call Vito's Pizzeria - -.

They deliver."

Excuse me.

I have to go register a serious complaint!

[dramatic music]

I've seen their ads.

They promise that if you're not satisfied,

they'll cheerfully refund your money.

[laughing] A refund! He wants a refund!

[laughing loudly]

[laughing] He thinks we'll give him his money back!

[laughing loudly]

Well, at least they're cheerful.

There must be someone here who'll take this junk back.

[laughing loudly]

Hey, that cat went inside!

He expects a refund!

Nobody's ever gotten a refund around here!

[show tune]

Don't delay, folks!

Hurry right now and order this spectacular

Internet-ready cheese straightener!

[duck cackling]

Are we off the air? [music stops] Good!

Sold another couple thousand pieces of junk, boss.

Good work, Hal.

Hey, what's going on?

Some cat got into the studio.

He wants a refund for something.

[both] Refund?

[laughing]

There he is!

[chase music]

[screeching]

[screaming] [bowling strike]

Here's the only thing this is good for.

[rock music]

"Shipping department."

Let's see what's in here.

I've got to find whoever's in charge of this TV station.

Maybe he can... [gasping]

Oh, no!

Bubble wrap!

It's impossible to see bubble wrap and not do this.

[bubble wrap popping]

[screeching]

I think he went into the shipping department.

[bubble wrap popping]

So, what's the next bit of overpriced garbage I get to sell?

This, I'm calling it the Awesome Audio Appliance.

It records and plays any music or speech.

You'll say it's computerized

and digital and high-tech but really,

it's an old tape recorder.

I bought a ton of them from a junkyard.

They'll record and play but not for long.

But basically, it's another piece of junk.

Everything we sell on this station is a piece of junk.

-The idiots out there never catch on. -[wooden floor cracking]

Hey! There's the cat they're looking for!

[upbeat music]

[bowling strike]

[screeching]

[bubble wrap popping]

[rock music]

I think I lost them!

[screeching] [screaming]

I think they found me!

Ah, got him!

Let's take him to the boss.

You can't live without one of these Awesome Audio Appliances.

Odie, if I've learned one thing,

I'm never ordering again

from the All-Buying-Stuff Channel. -[Odie barking]

They sell shoddy merchandise and they lie and...

Gee, that audio thing they're selling looks awfully cool.

[Odie muttering]

-We caught the cat, boss. -What should we do with him?

Throw him out, and don't give him his money back.

I never give anyone their money back, and you know why?

Because people are stupid.

They never catch on that the stuff I sell is garbage.

This Awesome Audio Appliance

plays the most beautiful music.

Listen.

[recorded Hal] But basically, it's another piece of junk.

[recorded boss] Everything we sell on this station is a piece of junk.

The idiots out there never catch on.

I have a feeling they'll catch on now.

I'll give you a refund, cat.

Just get out of here.

I'll go.

But there's something else I want.

The police received so many complaints

about the All-Buying-Stuff Channel, they're investigating.

The owner must refund everyone or go to jail.

[Odie barking]

Oh, it was nothing.

The only thing is, well...

I kind of enjoyed watching that station.

Now that it's off the air, I don't know what to do.

I wouldn't leave 'til they gave me a year supply of bubble wrap.

[bubble wrap popping]

This is more fun than watching the All-Buying-Stuff Channel.

[Garfield] And a whole lot cheaper.

[bubble wrap popping] [Odie barking]

-Odie you just did two! -[Odie moaning]

[bubble wrap popping]

[upbeat music]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[soft music]

[Jon snoring]

[snoring]

[sigh]

[sniffing]

[snoring]

[intriguing music]

[sniffing]

[Odie mutters]

[Odie moans] [snoring]

[joyful music]

[intriguing music]

[joyful music]

Yeah yeah,

that looks like a fair swap...

-[door opens] -Oh!

[Mrs. Shmidlap] I just called the exterminator, Marge.

-I've spotted a mouse in my home. -Uh-oh.

I want to put away all my valuables

before the exterminator gets here.

I left my bracelet right here on the table.

[shrieking] Oh!

My bracelet! It's gone!

My priceless jeweled bracelet!

The one grandma left me!

Missing!

No, it didn't fall off the table.

There's nothing on the floor except...

Marge, you won't believe this!

I think the thief who took my bracelet

dropped his wallet!

[snoring]

[crash]

[Jon whines]

I'll be down in a second, Garfield.

Let me just put my watch on and I'll make you breakfast.

It's about time I had breakfast.

It's also about time I had some lines in this episode.

[muffled barking]

It's not about time for that.

It's never time for that.

I've been practicing.

Let's see if I can get this into the next county.

[grunts]

[Odie barks]

[sigh]

Now, maybe I can enjoy

my coffee in peace. -[quack]

[gasp]

This isn't my coffee!

My coffee doesn't quack!

[angry] All right! Who took my coffee?

Something missing, Garf?

Somebody took my coffee and left this....

-[quack] -...in its place.

Not again?

Packy!

Packy!

My cousin Packy!

He's visiting from the house he lives in down the street.

He's a packrat.

Loves to trade stuff.

-[Packy] Yeah, yeah! -[Garfield] Oh!

Hey, that's a great rubber duckie.

You wanna swap it for something?

How about a yo-yo?

How's about a genuine th century Ming Vase?

How about an autographed photo of TV food critic Eddie Gourmand?

How about my cup of coffee?

Deal?

I probably have time for a quick nap

before Jon has my breakfast ready.

Packy, will you knock off all this trading stuff?

I'll just curl up in my bed and... [gasp]

Packy!

[crash]

[doorbell]

[insisting knocking and doorbell]

I'm coming.

Yes?

Jon Arbuckle?

We're detectives, Mr. Arbuckle.

I'm Special Agent Frick, and this is Special Agent Frack.

-[police siren] -Oh!

Mr. Arbuckle, do you have your wallet?

My wallet? Sure. It's right... here?

Did it look anything like this?

Why, yes! That's my wallet!

I wonder where I lost it...

Maybe while you were stealing a bracelet.

A bracelet belonging to Mrs. Ophelia Shmidlap,

just down the block.

[stuttering] Stealing a bracelet? That's ridiculous.

I don't have any bracelet, I don't know where there's any...

Any...

[crying] Any...

[together] You'd better come with us, Mr. Arbuckle.

[Jon whines]

[Jon] Wait! No!

There's been a mistake! I didn't steal this bracelet!

This bracelet was on my dresser.

I put it on, thinking it was my watch!

Good story, Arbuckle.

But you'll have to do a lot better.

[Jon crying]

[Odie moans]

[Jon] It's the truth!

Somebody help me!

[Odie mutters]

[Odie barks]

Oh...

Okay, okay, there's your bed back.

You sure you don't want...

I'm not trading it.

Just let me sleep!

[urgent barking]

[grunts]

Leave me alone. Whatever it is, I'm not interested.

[Odie mutters]

This bracelet was on my dresser when I woke up.

[dramatic music]

[sniffing]

[surprised moan]

[Odie mutters]

[sniffing]

I'm telling you,

I never went near this Mrs. Shmidlap's house.

So how'd her bracelet get in your house?

On your wrist?

For the millionth time, I don't know.

[Mrs. Shmidlap] Lock him up!

Well, what are you waiting for?

Lock him up.

That man stole my bracelet.

[struggling] But I didn't!

Won't anybody help me?

[Odie sniffing]

[intriguing music]

[Odie moans]

Oh yeah, yeah! It's a simple deal.

You give me the peanut,

I give you this electric razor.

[chirping]

No? Okay.

I'll throw in a set of snow tires.

[Odie mutters]

[fighting sounds]

My final offer!

The razor, the tires and ten free dance lessons!

[sigh] I wonder where Jon is.

More important, I wonder where my breakfast is.

[news jingle]

Breaking news to report.

Police are holding a cartoonist on suspicion of stealing a bracelet.

Authorities theorize that Jon Arbuckle needed money.

An investigation determined that he spends an awful lot each week

feeding his cat.

I'm...

I'm a motive!

[Squeak] Jon wouldn't steal some old bracelet.

Of course not.

I wonder who done it.

[grunting]

[Packy moans]

[Odie barks]

[together] He done it!

[action music]

[Jon whines]

I keep telling you! I didn't take Mrs. Shmidlap's bracelet!

Then how did you wind up with it?

I'm staying here until he confesses!

Talk, Arbuckle.

What did you really need the money for?

[Jon gasps]

I can't believe anyone could spend this much to feed a cat.

[frightened gasp]

All right, I believe you.

Garfield!

Get me a lawyer!

I've got someone better than a lawyer.

Ta-dah!

[shrieking] Ha!

That's the mouse!

That's the mouse I've been seeing around my home!

That's not a mouse, ma'am.

That's a rat.

A packrat.

A packrat!

The kind that takes objects from one place

and switches them with other objects.

[Frick and Frack] Hmmm.

Hey, Garfield!

You got something you want to swap for a stapler?

Don't worry. I'll get him to stop.

Hey hey, how about this detective's briefcase?

I'll take that.

Looks like that explains how your wallet wound up in Mrs. Shmidlap's house.

And how her bracelet got to yours.

Well,

I can see I'm not going to get satisfaction here,

so I'll just get my hat and go.

You're free to go, Arbuckle.

Just stay out of trouble.

That's trouble.

Come on, guys, let's get out of here.

Now, remember.

No more trades or swaps or taking stuff.

Promise?

I promise.

Okay, I'll see you back at home.

[cheerful music]

Hey, hey! You out there watching this!

You want to trade that remote control next to you?

How about that bowl of cereal?

You only buy it for the prize!

Hey, I've got some nice police station furniture here.

[upbeat music]