01x02 - Good Neighbor Goof

[bunniefuu]

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both]
Yes!

♪ There's buddies
There's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

Gawrsh!

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[dog barking]

[humming]

[rattling]

[thudding]

[humming]

[sleepily] Ah, a little early
for this, isn't it, Dad?

Well, got a lot of work to do, Max.

Place doesn't get to look
like a dream all by itself.

Well, I'm getting pretty good
at this hammering thing.

Been over an hour and haven't hit one...
[screaming]

-[thumping like heartbeat]
-...finger.

still got seven more good ones, anyway.

-[hammering]
-[Goofy screaming]

Six more.

-[hammering]
-[Goofy screaming]

Five more.

I can't go on like this.

-[hammering]
-[Goofy screaming]

Three more.

[Pete shouting] Quiet!

-[thumping]
-[crashing]

Lose more hammers that way.

[Goofy straining]

Almost got it open, Max.

[straining]
Must be one of them loose screws

or stuck-up latches.

Say, did some idiot...

[straining]

[both scream]

[crashing]

Oof! Hiya, Pete.

-Ah-hyuck!
-Thanks for breaking my fall.

Get off me, you tapioca brain!

Here, to welcome you
to the neighbourhood!

Gawrsh, Pete.
Just what I always wanted. A box!

It's an earthquake kit!

I, uh, I guess you know
your house is built

on one of the largest and most actively
dangerous earthquake faults

in the world!

Gawrsh, our very own fault.

[laughs]
Doesn't get much better than this!

Well, it's time to send the goof

flying off the Richter scale
and out of my life!

[laughs]

[door opening and closing]

[snarling]

I'll just set her for a 6.0.

And it's showtime!

[rumbling]

Indigestion!

[rumbling]

[Max] Help!

Come on, Maxie, this ain't
no time to take a snooze!

We still got a lot of unpacking to do!

[crashing]

Gawrsh, looks like you can
take that nap after all, son.

[Pete] Howdy, neighbor! Thought you might

want some help packing up your...

-Like I said, sure are lucky...
-[sobbing]

...to have our very own earthquake fault.

[mumbles] Why, that no good...
Think he could pull the wool...

[humming]

[straining] Can't have this
thing cluttering up the basement.

We got our own clutter for that.

[screams]

I'll just rev up my do-it-yourself
quake-maker for a 9.6!

[rattling]

[rumbling]

[crashing]

[Pete screams]

Heads up, P.J.!

One state-of-the-art,

top-secret communication system coming up!

Ready!

P.J., are you communerating
with that goof kid?

[clanking]

[groaning]

Whoa, uh, nice catch, Dad.

-[mumbles]
-[sizzling]

-[humming]
-[clamouring]

Max, have you seen my dental floss?

Oh, never mind, this'll do.

-[grunts]
-[thuds]

[straining]

[gasping]

Just where do you think you're going?

Uh, next door, sort of.

With those crazies? Forget it!

You've got cans to crush, remember?

What?

A hundred and fifty thousand
aluminium cans!

Why, at 0.5 cents a can,
your two percent of the profits

could amount to thousands
and thousands of cents!

[straining, laughs]

The family boots.

Passed down through the generations.

You see the secret's
in the 300-pound cement soles.

[chuckles]

There, fits like a glove!

Here. Now you want
to use caution on account of

because sometimes those cans
ricochet when you crush them!

Aw. Daddy's little boy...

[sniffs] isn't a little boy anymore.

[sobs]

Make me proud, son!

[wobbling]

[straining]

[laughs]

That'll keep him away from the little goof

until the tricentennial.

-[screaming]
-[crashing]

-Family boots, huh?
-Yes.

Bummer. You know, there is an easier way.

Uh-uh, uh-uh! Get your mitts out of there!

-This is for Goofy!
-Ow!

But I haven't eaten a thing
in hours, muffin tin!

Well, for you, I made
a nice low-cholesterol mush!

Oh, boy, yum city.

[slurping noisily]

-[thumping]
-[coughing]

[Pete chuckles]

Well, maybe a little hot sauce,

a little mustard, a little hot sauce,
a little chili peppers, and a little...

No, no, no. A lot of hot sauce!

[cackles]

And now for the Pete
de résistance,

pure jalapeno consecrate.

-[dripping]
-[sizzling]

[boiling]

[exploding]

[laughs] Yeah, this is guaranteed
to incinerate his innards!

Gawrsh, Petey. It's a work of art!

-Dig in!
-[munching noisily]

Like it?

[sniggers]

[gulps] Not bad.

[laughs] You got any hot sauce?

Give me that!

[slurping]

[fire alarm ringing]

[screaming]

[yells]

[splashing]

[hissing]

[clinking]

And then we add a dash of nitro.

Count to 10 and good-bye, Goofer!

[Pete laughs]

Here you go, neighbor.
I thought you could use a little help.

Oh, gawrsh, Pete.

Ah-hyuck! It sure is fun
having you as a neighbor.

[laughs] Believe me,

it's even gonna be more fun for me.

[laughs]

-[engine sputters]
-[straining]

Almost had it that time.

-[engine sputters]
-[straining] Hmm.

Must be one of them fool-injection models.

[grunts]

[grunts]

Give me that!

You got to pull it hard like this!

[engine revs]

[Pete screams]

Take your time, Pete!

I'll borrow it when you're done!

[P.J. straining]
You sure this will work?

I'd stake your life on it, dude.

OK. Guess that's good enough for me.

OK. We hoist Boulder
over tree limb, then kersmash!

It crushes the cans for ya.

[Max straining] Just a little more.

Hey, wait a second, Max.
I wanna spit on my hands, OK?

No, P.J., don't let...

[both scream]

[crashing]

[whimpering] Oh, man, if I lose
those cans, dad will kick my can!

[mumbles]

[both] Whoa! Whoa!

[P.J.] OK. I lied to my parents once.

Oh, yeah. And I tore the head
off my sister's doll.

[splashing]

[Max] P.J.,
why are you telling me all this?

[P.J.] In case we don't make it, I want to
go with a clear conscience, you know?

[ducks quacking]

[both screaming]

-[both screaming]
-[free-falling]

[splashing]

[panting] P.J., you OK?

[laughing]

What's so funny about almost dying

before getting your first zit?

Look, Max! The cans are flat!

[both laughing]

Oh, hey, that was way cool, man.

-Let's do it again!
-Cool.

I'd recognize those tracks anywhere! P.J.!

Oh, man. I'd recognize those
footsteps anywhere! Dad!

OK, he can't catch you in here!

Quick! Out on my balcony!

Wait a minute.
I do have a balcony, don't I?

-[Max screaming]
-No.

P.J.!

What happened to you?
Nobody gets that dirty crushing cans.

[stammering] Well, I, um, uh,

OK, all right, the truth,
Dad, was, um, uh...

What exactly was the question, air?

[sniffing] What's that funk?

I'd recognize that
paint-stealing stench anywhere.

I smell a goof!

I knew it! Goof mud! And it's fresh!

You've been hanging around
that goof kid, haven't ya?

Well, don't you know what'll happen
if you get their germs on you?

Why, your brain will shrink
to the size of a mustard seed!

Strange words will start
creeping into your vocabulary,

words like "gawrsh"
and "ah-hyuck, ah-hyuck."

Ooh. And then you'll do
dumb things and then

when you try to remember them, you can't

because you're too dumb.

-[P.J.] But...
-No buts, boy!

You just steer clear of that kid.

And get out of those
goof-infested clothes! Now!

[P.J. sighs] Oh, well. At least I had
one day of fun in my life.

Twenty-four wonderful, happening hours.

[sniffling] And I'll always have this can
to remember it by.

Can it, P.J., I have a plan!

-What'd you say?
-My plan is,

-we'll come up with a plan!
-Of course, Max, that's it!

-Do you really think that'll work?
-Trust me, Peej.

[Pete] Forget it, Peg,
I'm the man of this house,

and I say I'm not going
anywhere dressed like this.

Hurry it up, Pete!

Coming, toucan lips.

[Goofy] Aloha!

That there is Hawaiian for "aloha".

[mocking Goofy]
"That's Hawaiian for 'aloha'."

The boys went to a lot of trouble
over this,

so you be good and enjoy yourself.

[muttering] Yeah, enjoy myself.
Like having a root canal.

[conga line music playing]

[thumping]

[squeaks]

[barking]

[clanking]

[meows]

Your turn, Goof!

Whoa!

[squeaks]

[guffawing] Not half-bad for a goofball!

Looks like it's working, Peej.

Now me, mommy. Throw it to me.
I'm right here, here, here.

I got it. I got it.
I got it. I got it.

[all] Go, Pete!

-[Goofy cheers]
-[Pete] Look out!

[clattering]

[flapping] Did you see that?

That's the same thing he did 25 years ago

back in the big game!

Oh, gawrsh, Pete, I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to...

If it wasn't for you,
I'd have won that game,

and I'd have my own fish pond,

instead of a bunch
of goofs living next door.

Uh, hey, what do you say me and Max
serve the main course now, huh?

[Pete] Now, what do you say you get away

from that dumb little goofing crud!

Little? Why, my son's twice as tall

as I was when I was only half his size!

Come on, Max, we're leaving!

Oh.

Forgot we live here.
Ah-hyuck. You get out!

With pleasure! Ah-hyuck!

[banging]

All right, here's the rules, Son.

Learn them, love them and live them.

Number one. No associating
whatsoever whosoever

with any goof or any relative thereof,

living, dead, or whatever otherwise.

Number two. No setting of either one
of your feet on Pete's property.

No walking on the same sidewalk
or breathing the same air as a goof.

No bird watching of the same birds,

no wearing of any of their clothes,

and no doing Pete impressions.

And last, most and utmostest,

no mention of the "g" word
in this house at any time,

under any circumstances. Understood?

And lastly, but not leastly,
never stick peas up your nose.

Is that clear, Maxie?

[Max and P.J.] Yes, sir.

[Max] Get over here, P.J. We got to talk.

[P.J.] No can do, dude.
My dad's watching me.

-He's got all the exits covered.
-No sweat.

-[groans]
-[glass shattering]

Here, Peej. Smash this muffin in my face.

OK, but why?

It's the only way we can be friends!

Oh, I don't know. I can't do that, Max.

You're gonna have to, P.J.

It's our only hope.
If you don't do this, we...

I think you're getting the hang of it.

Careful, son.
Don't get downwind of any goof germs.

Get her spotless, Maxie.

Don't want it looking like
that eyesore next door.

Don't worry, Dad. I'll show them

we don't take no guff off no goofs.

What say, you make your tree drop its
leaves on its own yard, goof!

Ooh. That's not bad.
I got to remember that one.

What say, you keep the dust off the grime
on your house off our property!

That's telling them, son!

-But don't forget to say please.
-Oh, yeah?

Well, if I ever caught you over here,

oh, man, you know what I'd do?

That's Papa's boy.
Show them what you'd do, son!

I'd take this anchor, this very anchor,
and then I'd...

Uh, uh, your heart's in the right place,
son, but not the boat,

just not, not the...

I'd smash it on your littlest toe!

[sobbing]

Oh, yeah? Well, if you were over here,
I'd take you and...

Whoa! Careful, son.
That hat saved my life once.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

[Max] Nobody's mailbox ought to be
higher than our mailbox!

Oh, yeah? There's not gonna be no goofs

that has a mailbox
that's higher than ours.

[banging]

What a boy! Why, my P.J.'s nobody's fool!

Oh, yeah? Well, my Max is twice the fool
of your son and then some!

Well, I'll lay you even money,
double or nothing,

that my kid tops your kid before supper.

[Goofy] Deal!

[Goofy] Ooh! Ow! Oh, ow.

[chuckling] Like father, like goof!

[straining]

[clanking]

Ha! Score another one for our side!

And one for ours!

-Two for us!
-Three!

-[Pete] Four!
-[Goofy] Five!

[Pete] Six!

Oh, boys! Anyone for blueberry pie?

Thanks, Mrs P.

Now, Maxie,

you don't want to overdo this.

I mean, P.J.'s got a few
good features, you know?

Yeah, and I'm not stopping
till I've hit all of them!

Now, now, P.J., ow!

I think you're letting this...

-[clanks]
-...get out of hand.

The Goof's...
The Goof's not that bad.

You're absotively right, Dad.

He's even worse!

Why, you lame-brained goof...

[muttering]

And another thing.

Your TV antenna's interferinating

with our reception, you got it?

Yeah? And your chimney's
blocking our view!

Yeah? Well, your weeds

are germinating
and growing into our grass!

Yeah, right. Well, your sprinkler system's

dripping on our property.

We got to do something, Goof,

before them boys fight us
out of house and home!

You're right, Pete.

Maxie, you're getting too grown-up

to be acting like a child your age!

You kids got to show some maturity.

Like me and Lamebrain, uh, Goof!

Why, uh...

[chuckles] the old goof here

has a lot of good qualities like, uh...

He's never overthrown
a foreign government.

Pete, you're a swell guy.

Why, you'd even give me the shirt
right off my own back.

Why, thank you, Goof.

You see, you two ought
to follow our example.

-OK.
-Hey, no problem.

You see, Goof. To understand a child,

you have to think like a child.

Mission accomplished.

Come and get it, everybody!

Well, what about me?

Well, here we are.
Finally all together and all happy.

Isn't it wonderful, Pete?

[gulping]

Oh, yeah, wonderful.
Pass the relish, will you?

Hold it, everybody!
I wanna get a picture of this.

Here, let me get that barbecue
out of the shot!

Ah-hyuck!

OK, now. Everybody say, "cheese".

-[All] Cheese.
-[P.J.] Brie.

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!