03x11 - Fish Taco/Freshwater Lives

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

-[SONG BEGINS]
-One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

[SONG ENDS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-[MAN SCREAMS]
-[CAT GROWLS]

[MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING]

[WOMAN GROANS, COUGHS]

[MAN MUMBLES]

And I was all... And then, like, he called
and I was, like, "Really?" Like, you know?

I was totally like that the other night.

I know. I didn't think
he was gonna call, but he did.

-[SIGHS]
-[SIGHS]

Man, nothing ever happens in this mall.

It's like the same thing
day in and day out.

Well, who knows? [CHUCKLES]
Maybe today will be different!

Yeah, fat chance of that.

[FINBERLEY GRUNTS]

FINBERLEY: Okay, it's done.

Uh, excuse me. Excuse me?

I... I have an order ready.
Uh, it's a taco. Number 85.

[MIC FEEDBACK]

Uh, number 85?

Hello! My name is Fish Vartan.
I believe you have called my number.

-Oh, great! Here you go!
-Oh, many thank yous!

I will enjoy this meal with the strength
of one thousand men. YOLO!

May the beans be with you!

-Hola!
-Uh, yeah, I... I'm number 85.

Uh, no. Number 85 already
picked up his taco.

But I have the ticket right here.

[GASPS] I must have given out
the wrong order!

This is gonna come out of my paycheck!

[WHIMPERS]

Oh, I cannot wait to eat this taco

and then tell my girlfriend, Sarah,
that I ate this taco!

-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-Hello, I am Fish Vartan.

[DOG BARKING]

But angry boss man,
can I please eat my taco?

I'm only on minute four
of my five-minute break!

-The union says...
-[DOG BARKING]

Yes, sir! I... I will be there right away.
Please don't fire me.

Michael, look, a free taco.

Oh, awesome! Not every day
you find a free taco.

I'm gonna take it.
I'm gonna put it in my purse.

Yeah, you should.
You should just put it in your purse.

Michael, we are so on the same page,
it is sickening.

Don't get emotional, babe.
Let's go buy jeans.

Babe, I was thinking the same thing.

I want some hot, acid-wash, boot-cut,
super skinny, straight leg,

double stitched, extra flare jeans
with a cherry on the butt.

-That would be so hot.
-Yeah, I know.

-Do you work here?
-Yeah.

I want some hot, acid-wash,
boot-cut, super skinny, straight leg,

double stitched, extra flare jeans
with a cherry on the butt.

We don't have them in your size.

-Could you look, please?
-Yeah. We don't have them.

-Get me your manager!
-Okay.

-Hey.
-Yeah.

I want some hot, acid-wash,
boot-cut, super skinny, straight leg,

double stitched, extra flare jeans
with a cherry on the butt.

And your princess employee here
won't get them.

We don't have them in your size.

-Ugh, you're going down, mall workers!
-Babe, wait.

-I want my jeans, Michael.
-We'll get you your jeans, Shellsea.

Just gotta be smart about how you do it.

These mall people?
They're stubborn, stubborn people.

One time, I was at the swimsuit store

and they were trying to withhold
my swimsuit

because they said
they didn't have my size.

-[IMITATES CAT GROWLING]
-Yeah. But guess what,

I had a free taco on me that day, too.

And guess what? The one thing
mall workers can't resist, is mall food!

So I threw my free taco at them to create
a distraction and I got my swimsuit!

OMG, Michael, your insights
are changing my life.

Don't get emotional.
I'll create a distraction.

-What are they talking about?
-I don't know.

OMG, it's a mall taco!

[MALL WORKERS GRUNT]

Okay, run, Shellsea, run!
Run for your jeans!

Ahan! I knew they had my size!

-Quick, Michael! Get them to the register!
-Okay.

[MALL WORKERS GRUNT]

Okay, fishes, ring me up.
Ring me up and you'll get your taco.

-Okay, here you go!
-Okay, thanks.

Hey, where are you going with that taco?
You promised a free taco.

We lied! You were rude,
therefore, you get no taco!

-BOTH: We did it!
-MALL WORKERS: Get back here!

Babe, we're gonna have to ditch the taco.
It hurts too much to run.

-Michael, no! We have worked so hard.
-Babe, they'll destroy us.

You, me, the jeans, everything
to get their hands on that taco.

-BOTH: Come back here!
-Oh, Michael. Do what you have to do.

Ain't no mall workers gonna tear us apart.

Don't get emotional, babe.
On the count of three.

-One, two, three!
-One, two...

[SING-SONGS] Cla... Clamantha,
my name's Clamantha!

My name is Clamantha!

All right, here's where I told
my little cousin to meet us.

In front of the candle store.
Because we're gonna get some candles.

Hey, Nikki, there you are!
I like your outfit.

[WHALE MOANING]

Come on, let's go get those candles!

Let's go, Nikki!

Cousin Clamantha told me to wait here.
I guess I'll wait next to this stain.

Yeah, angry boss man
is always doing this to me.

I did not get to eat my lunch.

-It is t*rture, I say! t*rture!
-[BELL DINGS]

I have to go, boo.
Some customers just came in.

Wow! Look at all these candles, Nikki!
I feel like a queen in a wax palace!

It's all just so beautiful.

-Which candle should we get?
-I'm a little overwhelmed.

Please, allow me to help!
I am Fish Vartan.

Welcome to the magic
that is Homestead Candle! [LAUGHS]

Perhaps, I could interest you

in a candle-scented-like
strawberry shortcake,

or perhaps cheeseburger
or pepperoni pizza, oh!

So hungry.

Yeah, so anyways,
we're shopping for my cousin Nikki.

It's her Clamceañera and I wanted
to get her something really special.

Oh, my lunch, you have returned to me.

Please, follow me over here.

A special customer like that deserves
a special chair to sit on!

-That looks like a plate.
-No, no, no. It is a chair. I promise.

What the heck?
That guy is about to eat Nikki!

Let's get him! [SCREAMS]

Give me back my cousin!

[PANTS] I just want to eat my lunch!

[PANTS] Oh!

-You're trapped, dude.
-I'm sorry, but, no.

I'm Fish Vartan and I must eat! [GRUNTS]

-[BOTH SCREAM]
-[CRASHES]

-[SCREAMS]
-[GROANS]

[VARTAN SCREAMS]

-I wonder where Clamantha is?
-[VARTAN GRUNTS, GROANS]

Sorry that guy tried to eat you, Nikki.

Come on, let's go get
your ears pierced instead.

My taco! Where did it go?

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

Jumbo! Let's pop into the pet store!
I love petting the bunnies.

They're so cute. Aw!

JUMBO: Yeah, bunnies are really soft
and furry.

Although it begs the question.
How can bunnies survive underwater?

ALBERT: Elementary, my dear Jumbo!

These are water bunnies. We covered all
this in advanced biology.

I am a mathematician,
not a bunny-matician.

-Hey, Albert!
-Good to see you, Angela.

Now, I'm gonna have
to ask you two to leave.

My manager doesn't really allow food
or drink in the store.

He's right. I do not allow it.

Well, that's cool, because we don't have
any food or drink!

Then why is there a taco on your head?

[LAUGHS] There's no taco on my... Oh!
Hey! Where did this thing come from?

-[GROANS] Get it off!
-ANGELA: Wow, it's really stuck on there!

It must be the sour cream!
When that stuff dries, it's like glue!

Guys? I really am going to have to ask you
to leave.

-Or else my manager is going to fire me.
-It's true. I fire him.

Uh, this isn't fair!

-I got it!
-Oh, thanks!

-Wanna go check out the Video Game Barn?
-Absolutely, milady!

-Hey, Bo Gregory!
-Howdy, y'all.

I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave the store.

There is no outside food or drink allowed.

But, my good man,
we have no outside... Food?

-It's in my hair!
-Angela, wait!

-[GRUNTS, GROANS]
-No! Stop struggling! [GRUNTS]

-How did I get one in my hair, Jumbo?
-I don't know. But you're clear!

Cosplay in the photo booth
make you feel better?

Yes, it will!

CHORUS: C... C... C... Cosplay!
T... T... T... Today

C... C... C... Cosplay!
Hooray!

How do we look? Are we awesome?

I need you to look at these, Angela.

I need you to look at these
and tell me what you see.

Well, I see... [GASPS] Whoa!
I thought we got rid of that taco.

We did. The fact that it came back
is impossible.

What are you saying, Jumbo?

I'm saying that
these are not tacos at all!

They're aliens who are dressing like tacos
so that they can take over the world!

[SCREAMS] It's on you!

-[ANGELA SCREAMS]
-[JUMBO GRUNTS]

-Whoa! Angela! [GRUNTS]
-[SCREAMS]

There it is! k*ll it!

No! Don't touch it!
It might have hot sauce for blood.

Quick! Let's get some protective gear.

Oh, Billy, the taco came back!
It's a miracle!

-Hallelujah!
-Uh, Billy,

Billy, we have to eat it, Billy.

Wait, Mandy, there's rules.
We have to eat mall food properly.

In the mall food court.

-Sweet! Let's do it.
-Okay.

[WHIMPERS] I still can't believe
I gave away the wrong taco.

And there's no way I can afford
to pay for it out of my paycheck.

[GASPS] Oh, God!

Oh, Billy, I can't wait to eat
our free taco.

[SNIFFS] Whoa!

My taco! It has come back to me!
I am coming for you, taco!

-I miss that taco, Michael. I really do.
-[SNIFFS] Babe, wait.

-I think the taco has come back to us.
-Okay

I can't wait to eat a bite of this taco.

-Yeah! Mall workers, don't eat my taco!
-Don't you put that taco in your mouth!

No! No! No! That's my taco!

Don't put the alien in your mouth!
You will die!

-ANGELA: Yeah!
-[ALL SCREAM]

My taco came back! Yay!

Uh, number 85? Number 85?

-That's me.
-Here you go.

-Never mind.
-No! You're gonna take it!

This thing is not coming out
of my paycheck!

-Oh, jeez!
-Thank you. Come again!

[SIGHS] Nothing ever happens.

-[DOLPHIN TRILLING]
-[LAUGHS]

Really, Sarah?
You're making tacos tonight?

Oh, that is the best news
I have heard all day.

YOLO!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-[BUTTONS BEEP]
-[HUMMING]

[GASPS, GRUNTS]

And so that's why rock
could never beat scissors,

although paper will easily cover rock.

But kids, what covers hand?

The answer, glove!

-Whoa!
-Psst! Oscar,

I got something important
to tell you!

-What?
-I love you.

-Ugh.
-Now that I've flattered you,

-can I have a dollar?
-No way, Milo!

What happened
to the last dollar I gave you?

[LAUGHS] I spent it.

Already? On what?

-On this new app for my phone!
-[PHONE BEEPS]

It's called Upset Fish.

You use your finger to sh**t a fish
across the screen. [IMITATES sh**ting]

Over some logs and into a hole!

All while the same song plays over
and over and over and over again.

So what do you need another dollar for?

So I can get the sequel,
Upset Fish in Space.

See? They changed the background
this time. [LAUGHS]

-[DEEP VOICE] I want it.
-Leave me alone.

-I don't have any more money.
-Hmph!

Money. Pfft, man, I wish
I had some money.

Hey, Mr. Baldwin, can you teach me
how to be rich?

If I could do that, Milo, I wouldn't be
teaching these miserable kids.

But since this is history class,

how about I teach you all
about the richest fish in history?

-No.
-Ezekiel Freshwater!

-MILO: No!
-Milo, just watch!

TV NARRATOR:
The Fishtory Channel presents

the fish-biography of Ezekiel Freshwater,
The Richest Fish in the World.

Richest fish in the world,
that was him? Dang!

If I could describe Ezekiel Freshwater
in one word, it would be

chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga!
Woo-woo!

He really liked trains.

NARRATOR: Yes, from an early age,

Ezekiel Freshwater
built his entire fortune

-in trains.
-[TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTING]

He made his first million
with the light bulb, powered by train.

Followed by the telephone for trains.

Richest fish in the world did that?
Dang!

NARRATOR: With his vast fortune,

Ezekiel Freshwater
founded the city of Freshwater

which was to be the hub
of train transportation worldwide.

But alas, that dream never came to be.

For in 1969, Ezekiel Freshwater
mysteriously disappeared

during the sealing of his time capsule

at the newly built
Ezekiel Freshwater Prison

for Train-Hoppers, Stowaways,
and Undesirables,

which, today, we know as Freshwater High.

All that is left of this titan of industry
is a time capsule

with a simple last request:
"Do not open until it is the future."

And until that future arrives,

we will remember the legacy
of Ezekiel Freshwater

with every toot of a train whistle.

-[TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTING]
-NARRATOR: The end.

Richest fish in the world
left a time capsule

at Freshwater High? Dang!

See, Milo? A little hard work
and some trains

-and you can be a millionaire, too.
-[DESK CLATTERS]

-Milo?
-MILO: Hey, guys! Out here!

Looky what I found!

[KIDS CLAMORING]

Oh, relax, guys! All I'm gonna do is...
[GRUNTS]

...take a peek and... [GRUNTS]
...see what's inside.

-[GRUNTS]
-ALL: Milo, no!

[COUGHING]

What the...

Man, there's nothing in here.

Except for this old top hat
and this giant frozen fish stick.

Well, Milo, that'll teach you to mess
with the time capsule.

Yep. It's like my father always said,
"Only a fool

-"would mess with a time cap-sool!"
-[MILO GRUNTS]

-MR. BALDWIN: Milo!
-Woo-hoo!

-Milo, put that back right now!
-[MICROWAVE BEEPING]

Oh, Mr. Baldwin, you can't expect me
to let a perfectly good

hundred-year-old fish stick go to waste!

It's what Ezekiel Freshwater
would have wanted.

Probably.

[STEAMING]

[SCREAMS]

Hey, am I going crazy
or is that fish stick screaming?

-[SCREAMS]
-Stop that microwave!

-Oh.
-[MICROWAVE BEEPS]

-Uh, good day, gentlemen.
-[THUDDING]

Oh, my gosh, talking fish stick man!
Are you okay?

Young lad, tell me, what year is it?

-Uh, two thousand, present day!
-Two thousand the present day, you say?

[CHUCKLES] Zounds! I've done it!

I have awakened from icy slumber
to the warmth of the future.

Oh, fortune smiles
upon Ezekiel Freshwater this day!

-Hip, hip, huzzah!
-Wait a minute! You're Ezekiel Freshwater?

Oh, my gosh! You're the dude
from the video. Now where the treasure at?

Treasure? [LAUGHS]

-Why, the treasure is here, in my head!
-In your head? For real?

Okay. You just... just close your eyes,
this won't hurt a bit!

-Hush, little baby...
-Milo, he doesn't mean literally.

Yes, lad, the treasure
is my genius intellect

which I used to freeze myself.

-Why?
-"Why?"

Why, to see the future!

I froze myself in the capsule
that I may espy with mine own eyes

how I, Ezekiel Freshwater,
changed the world with trains.

And other train related gadgetry.
But mostly trains!

And, since it appears my arms
have frozen off, I will need an assistant!

What say you, unsanitary youth?

Oh! Oh! Can I, Mr. Baldwin? Please?

Gee, oh, I... I don't know, Milo. I...

You know, there's, there's just so much
we don't really know about...

Milo? Hey, where did you go?

So, you're the richest fish
in Freshwater? Cool!

-Can I have some monies ?
-Uh, show me how the trains work here

in the future, lad, and you've got a deal!

Well, all aboard the Milo Express!
Next stop, the future!

-Trains, ahoy! Toot-toot!
-Toot-toot!

-Chugga, chugga, chugga.
-Oh, this won't be good.

Milo, my ward, show me
the wonderful future that awaits me!

Okay, so over here we have
what we call "The Mall."

Oh my. The train that powers it
must be extraordinary.

Oh, no, no, no.
There's no trains in there.

But just wait until we get to the train
that we're gonna see.

I cannot wait! Tallyho!

-Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.
-A portable telephone?

-Yeah. Sure.
-Tell me, how does one fit the train

-that powers it inside?
-Uh-huh. Yeah.

No, no, no. There's no train in there.

But the train we're gonna see
is gonna be way more awesome!

A flying train?

No, no, no. There's no train up in there.
[LAUGHS]

I'm taking you to the number one
train spot in all of Freshwater!

Yes! Yes!

No! No!

-[TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS]
-MILO: Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

-This is fun! Oh, go faster! Go faster!
-What is the meaning of this?

Is this what all my hard work has led to?
"Baby Toot-Toot Town?"

Whatchu talking about, man?
This is great!

I get to ride on this train three times
for a dollar.

-Can I have a dollar?
-[GRUMBLES]

Stop this train immediately!

Alas, my trains. They are no more.

The fish of Freshwater have forgotten
where they've come from.

But more importantly,
they've forgotten about me. [SOBS]

Nobody forgot about you,
but you know what?

At least you're still rich, right?

Rich? I'm afraid without trains,
I have no fortune!

-No monies!
-"No monies?"

But... but... but what about my phone?

What about my apps? I need my apps!

Child, both our dreams are dead.

Oh, man! I'm never gonna be rich.

[MUMBLES] It's like... it's like,
we'd just have to get a lot of trains

and... and train tracks.

And you'd have to put them
all over Freshwater

and then people, well,
they could use the trains

and they'd pay us money
and we'd get the money and then we'd...

My boy, I know a way,
an ironclad way,

to make us rich beyond our wildest dreams.

I like the sound of that.
Whatever you say, rich man.

-Huzzah!
-Huzzah!

Wow, ever since Milo disappeared,
the tank smells so much better!

-You... you... you should come by!
-Milo mysteriously disappeared?

Oh, it's okay. He does it every week.

-[CRASHING]
-What was that?

MR. BALDWIN: Kids! Look out!

-Mr. Baldwin, what's happening?
-I'm afraid my worst fears have come true.

It's Milo and he's got a bulldozer!

Milo, what are you doing?

Oh, hey, guys! Don't mind us.
We're just remodeling.

-You're destroying the school!
-What? No.

All right, maybe a little.

ALL: Milo! [CLAMORING]

Hey! How come there's a train
where my Hokey Poke used to be?

And what happened to my car?

How am I supposed to go to work
in this thing?

It'll totally mess up my hair!

There are train tracks going through
the Slow Waters Retirement Home

and my grandkids still won't visit me.
Gosh, darn it!

ALL: Milo! [CLAMORING]

Oh, do you hear that, Milo?

Once again, the people rejoice for trains.
Huzzah!

-Get that bulldozer out of here!
-[ALL CLAMOR]

Milo, something tells me
the people are a little upset.

"A little upset"? We're gonna die!
Let's get out of here.

Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast.

You boys are under arrest
for the destruction of property.

And unlawful use of a top hat.

I just made that up. Why?
Because I'm a cop!

-Oh!
-Oh!

All I wanted was a future with trains.

And all I wanted was an app for my phone.

-Trains.
-Apps.

-Trains?
-Apps?

-Trains?
-Apps!

-Trains and apps!
-Apps!

-Trains and apps!
-Apps!

-Trains and apps!
-Trains and apps!

-Whoo-woo!
-Whoo-woo!

Trains and apps! Trains and apps! Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Get off my bunk.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

[LAUGHS] High score.

-[GRUNTS]
-[GRUNTS]

-Sure. I know!
-Well, I've got to hand it to you, Milo.

This Upset Trains app
you co-invented is amazing.

Yeah, I know!
Man, who would've thought

using your finger to sh**t a train
across the screen... [IMITATES sh**ting]

...over some logs, and into a hole

all while the same song plays over
and over and over

and over and over again
would be such a huge hit?

-[LAUGHS] Yeah!
-[LAUGHS] Yeah!

Now, if there was only an app for farts.
[IMITATES MUSIC, BLOWS RASPBERRY]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Hey, Mouse, get any bites yet?

-No, it's been pretty quiet around here.
-Maybe you should try some different bait.

Patience, Snake. It's all about...

-Whoa! I got a bite!
-Ooh!

[GASPS] I think it's a big one.

-What the...
-[GASPS] Look, babe, it's a free taco!

It's a stinking miracle!

-Drop it! Drop the taco!
-No one's gonna eat that taco!

Yuck!

Maybe I will try some different bait.