03x16 - I Have This Friend/Milo in a Cup

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve
Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail
School's out, ring the bell!

Hey, fishes out there in internet land!

This is Bea Goldfishberg,
and you are listening to Deedly Do,

the official podcast of me
and my friends,

where if something's got us down,
what do we say, girls?

Deedly Do!

Okay, first hot topic: hot boys.

Topic like it's hot!

Let's round-table it.
Me, Brandon Bubbler.

-Finberley?
-Cody.

-Koi?
-[GRUNTS]

-Esmargot?
-Albert.

-Clamantha?
-Oscar.

-And Shellsea.
-Football team.

Deedly Do!

Okay, next hot topic!

Topic like it's hot!

Music. I'm into Brandon Bubbler.

-Brandon Bubbler!
-[GRUNTS]

Brandon Bubbler!

Brandon Bubbler!

Brandon Bubbler, mama!

Deedly Do!

And now the part of the Deedly Do
podcast where things get real.

And we talk about personal issues.

Who's got one?

-[COUGHING]
-[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

-Come on...
-Okay, I'll talk!

-Last night, I found out that I have...
-Okay, fine, I have one.

-You do?
-Well, no, not me.

There's nothing wrong with me.

I have this friend.

Oh!

Is it me?

No. My friend is way hot, and cute,
and like, pink,

and fashionable and like, really hot.

-Oh, that sounds like you.
-Shyeah,

except it's not me, it's my friend.
Because I don't have any problems.

Oh! Well, how come
we've never met your friend?

Because my friend, like,
goes to a different school.

Like, for hot fish.

Because my friend is like, way hot.

But here's the deal!

-My friend is so hot...
-Yeah?

...it is intimidating.

And my friend can't get a date.

[ALL GASP]

Yeah, tragic.

But what is my friend supposed to do?
Suppress the hotness?

I told my friend, no way!
Friend, you keep doing what you do.

You need someone who is worthy!

You should settle for nothing less!

You are beautiful!

You are a beautiful friend!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

-Shellsea, are you okay?
-I'm fine.

I told you, I don't have any problems.

I just get so worked up about my friend.

It's my friend. Deedly Do.

Okay, folks, thanks for listening.

[CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMES]

-Okay, is somebody gonna say it or not?
-Say what?

Hey, ladies! Is it me,

or was Shellsea totally talking
about herself on that podcast last night?

Uh, not that we were listening
or anything.

Shh! Keep it down! She's right over there.

I said I want extra fries, Latoada.

I paid my money; I want my fries.

I know the only power
you have over me in this world

is to withhold my extra fries,

but it makes you a sad, sad woman.

Man, she is in a mood.

It's hard to watch what spinsterhood
can do to a woman.

Spinsterhood? Milo, come on.

We don't have any proof
that she can't get a date.

She did say it was her friend.

Nah, nah, nah, nah. She lying.

Me and Oskie talked about it
all night over bonbons.

-Yeah.
-And we realize we've never actually

-seen Shellsea with a boyfriend.
-Nope. Never.

Oh, come on, that's ridiculous.

There was that time at the Burger Bunny.

Bea. Get here. Bored.

Okay, well, there was that time
at the amusement park.

Bea, get back here. Bored.

Oh... um... Wait, I know! How about prom?

Bea, Mama wants a burrito.
Let's get out of here. Bored.

Darn it! Okay, fine, you may have a point.

-But how can you be sure?
-I'll test her. Here she comes.

Hey, fishes.

Can you believe Latoada was trying
to withhold my fries?

I guess I can't blame her,
it's the only power she has in this world.

What? Why are you all,
like, looking at me weird?

Shellsea, I'm gonna hold up
a piece of paper,

and you tell me what you see, okay?

-Who is that?
-Me.

-Good, good, okay. How about now?
-Sad.

Aha! Me? Sad? See?
She said she's sad.

What are you talking about?
I'm not sad!

But I'm out of here.
You guys are acting weird.

I gotta go find a place
to eat my fries in peace!

Well, I, for one, am convinced.

Milo, that test didn't prove anything.
We need to help her.

I think we gotta find that girl a man.

But she scares people.

Well, then it's up to us to find her a man
who can put up with it.

Okay, crew, this is probably
the most challenging challenge

we will ever face
in our young fishy lives.

Approach every eligible male
and find our girl Shellsea a match.

Go team!

Churros! Get your red-hot churros, dude!

-Hello.
-Hey, would you like a churro?

Why, yes, por favor.

Uh... There you go.
Anytime you need a churro,

you just call Chuy Pescado
and I'll hook you up, homes.

-[CHUCKLES]
-Why, thank you.

Oh, hey, we forgot to ask that guy
if he'd go out with Shellsea.

-Nah, nah, nah, we ain't gonna ask him.
-Why?

Because if that guy were dating Shellsea,

when would he have time
to make my churros?

Yeah, baller style!

[LAUGHING]

Hello. I was wondering
if you could help us.

Yes?

-Okay, great. So, are you single?
-Yes.

-Do you like fashion?
-Yes.

Awesome. Okay, would you like
to date our friend Shellsea?

No.

-Oh. Well, then, are these shoes on sale?
-Yes.

Yeah, girly style!

Hello, my friends!
My name is Fish Vartan.

Can I interest you in some elegant items
for your home?

Perhaps a lamp made of horsehair
and babies?

Actually, we were looking
for a boyfriend for our friend Shellsea.

No, no, how about a silk toilet
from India? Very nice!

Or an original 17th-century tapestry
depicting an ancient cellular telephone.

-[CHUCKLING]
-Everything available with LED lights!

[LAUGHING]

What kind of nightmare is this?

You only live once! YOLO!

I wonder how everybody did.

Well, we got a bunch of shoes.

We got a brass cheetah.

Oh, man! So, nobody had any luck
finding Shellsea a boyfriend?

What are we gonna do?

I feel like we're gonna
keep hitting a wall

unless we find, I don't know, like,
an exact clone of Shellsea.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, like those exist.

Hey, I said I wanted extra fries.

I paid my money; I want my fries.

I don't believe what I'm seeing.

I know the only power you have over me
in this world

is to withhold my fries,
but it makes you a sad, sad man.

Guys, I think we found the holy grail.

That guy could be
a perfect match for Shellsea!

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe that guy
was trying to withhold my fries.

Guess I can't blame him.
It's the only power he has in this world.

Hello.

-Hey.
-What's your name, kid?

Michael.

Michael. Michael,
I have been looking

-for a man like you all day.
-'Kay.

Would you mind answering
a few questions?

-Maybe.
-Great!

Okay, number one, if you were trapped
in a desert island tank,

what is the only item of clothing
you would take with you?

-Shoes.
-Yes!

Next question!

Do you like girls who are hot
or girls who are not hot?

-Hot.
-Yes!

Okay, last question.

I'm gonna have my friend Oscar
tell you what he did last night

and you tell me the first thing
that pops into your mind.

Okay, well, I was engaged in a battle

with a level 53 elf lord who only had
a level 52 sorcerer ability...

Nerd! Nerd alert!
Oh, my gosh! It's a nerd!

-Yes!
-Okay.

So, as a thank you for taking our survey,

we'd like to give you a coupon
for a free milkshake at the Hokey Poke.

Okay, thanks.

But you have to redeem it
at exactly 7:00 tonight.

Okay. I'll be there.
Never pass up a free milkshake.

Okay, the mood should be all set
for Shellsea and Michael to hit it off.

We have romantic saxophone music,
soft filtered lighting,

and free milkshakes for Shellsea
and M...

Milo, that's for Michael.

Shh! Here he comes!

-Hey.
-Hey.

-What are you doing here?
-I have a coupon for a free milkshake.

I'm not gonna pass up a free milkshake.

Oh yeah, I got a coupon too.
Can't pass up a free milkshake.

Look at them together, it's perfect!

Quick, Milo, get over there
and give them their milkshakes!

Hello.

As promised, here are your milkshakes.

-Hot.
-Been waiting for this all day.

So, Michael, how was the rest
of your day at the mall?

That's a funny story, Shellsea,
pay attention, you'll like it.

So, at the mall,
this one said he likes shoes.

Isn't that right, Michael? You like shoes?

I don't know, I just said what I needed
to say to get my free milkshake.

Sweet, Michael, high five.

You two are getting along.

'Course we're getting along.
She's hhh-awesome.

Did you hear that, Shellsea?
Michael said you're hhh-awesome.

Yeah, I heard it, Milo.
I think he's awesome too.

Oh, boy! Michael, you're not intimidated
by that, are you?

Why would I be intimidated by her?

Shellsea! Michael isn't intimidated
by you!

Isn't that wonderful news?

I'm so excited. I'll be right back.

What is wrong with him?

Guys! Guys! It's working!

But if we really wanna seal the deal,
we gotta step up our game!

Oscar, hit it!

[ROMANTIC SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYS]

Oh, look at you two!

Looks like we might have a little love
connection happening, maybe.

What? No, Bea, no.

This is Michael. This is my friend!

The one I was telling you about
with the personal issue.

Get off me, Michael! You're sweaty.

She didn't make it up?

She was telling the truth the whole time?

Okay, someone explain to me why you guys
were trying to set me up with Michael.

We just assumed when you were talking
about your "friend" on the podcast,

you were talking about yourself.

You know, as in, I have a "friend"
who is super into "hot dogs"

-and has a brother named "Oscar."
-Hey!

But then secretly I'm talking about me,
see how that works?

See why we might misunderstand that?

Yeah, and, well, we wanted to help.

Guys, sweet.

But after all your efforts,
Michael still doesn't have a date.

Okay, well, it seems like
you two are pretty compatible.

Why don't you try dating Michael?

Yeah, sometimes the best thing to do
is date your best friend.

-Nothing.
-Oh, weird.

I never thought of that.

Hey, Michael, you wanna go out?

-Maybe. Are you intimidated by my hotness?
-No. Our hotness cancels each other out.

Cool. Let's go get a pizza.

-Hot pizza.
-Sweet.

Well, yay! That worked out.

No. Shellsea was my ride home.

Okay, let's review. Four plus four is?

Conga line!

[CHEERING]

[SIGHS] Here we go again.

Party, party, party
Party, party, party

Oscar! Jump on in. The conga is on fire!

[STAMMERING] I think I should wait
until the lesson's over, Milo.

-Oh, trust me, it's over.
-Come on, Oscar!

Party, party, party
Party, party, party

Okay, just review what we've learned.
Never mind.

Milo, Milo,

Awesome job, party man!
You are crazy!

-ALBERT: Milo parties hard!
-[CLAMORING]

Good times.

So, why no conga, brother dear?

-How do you do it, Milo?
-What? The conga?

-You just grab a lady and...
-No, no! The...

The piñata? You just grab a bat,
then you....

Partying. You made a party out
of thin air!

-What party?
-The conga line?

You just started a conga line.

No, Oscar, that was simple mathematics.

The study of the unknown.

No. That was a party.

I guess I just don't think
about it like that.

See, that's what I'm talking about.
Everything comes so naturally to you.

There's no worrying or second guessing.

You just start parties
and people love you for it.

It would feel so good to do what you do.

OSCAR:
It would feel so good to do what you do.

I know what to do!

Oscar!

-Oscar! Oscar! I made something for you.
-You, you did? What is it?

The answer to all
of your social weirdness.

Now, just close your eyes
before I wet myself.

Okay.

Now you keep them closed
like a good boy, okay?

Okay, you can open your peepers.

-What is it?
-It's me.

-What?
-That jar contains everything

that makes me me. It's Milo in a cup.

It just smells like apple juice, man.

You are now me.

Or at least a piece of me.
The "party" piece of me.

And it'll help you when you get scared
of doing fun stuff.

You know, it, like, turns your brain off.

It's a genuine magic amullah.

-A magic what?
-Magic amullah.

-Magic amulet?
-Magic amullah!

Milo, thank you for the gift,

but I think my problem might be
a little more complicated than this thing.

You know, you might just be surprised
at what a little magic can do.

-Oh, all right. If it'll make you happy.
-It does!

But I'm only gonna wear it
for a couple of days.

That's gonna be all you need.

But you've gotta actually believe
that it works, okay?

It's not gonna work if you don't believe
in the magic.

-Promise me you will believe in the magic!
-I promise?

The transformation begins.

Now, to get you excited for partying,

I'm gonna have Brian funnel
pureed broccoli into my mouth.

Okay, Brian, go when I say go.

Brian! Gosh darn it, Brian!

[QUACKS]

Okay, now back to yesterday's lesson.

Four plus four is?

Hey, Oscar. Now is the perfect time.
You gotta party up!

-What? Now?
-Yeah, now! Party up.

Milo. I... I can't.

Yes, you can.
Let's tear this mama down!

Party up!

Mr. Baldwin, I gotta go to the bathroom.

No, you don't! You said you were gonna
believe in the magic amullah!

It's just apples and spit!

But it's my spit. That I spit. For you.

Now, I'm gonna kiss you on your forehead,
and you're gonna go to the bathroom

and when you come back,
you are gonna [WHISPERS] party up.

Just believe in the magic amullah.
And don't forget to wash your fins.

Okay, Oscar. Maybe Milo's right.
I just gotta believe in this magic amulet.

This is stupid.

No, it's not. Milo made this for me
and I promised that I would believe in it.

So, I just gotta believe.

So, then I said to Rebecca, "Conga?
I don't even know you."

Did somebody order a party?

You've gotta be kidding me.

Conga time!

Party, party, party!
Party, party, party!

-You having a good time, Bea?
-Heck, yes!

I thought Milo was the only one who could
pull off a conga line like this.

What's gotten into you, Oscar?

I don't know, it just seems like
a little magic is starting to work.

I just feel like a new Oscar.

Hi, brother dear!

This is the proudest moment
of my fishy life!

Party, party, party!

Oscar, that was the best class party
I've ever had.

Whatever's going on with you, I like it.

Well, then, maybe we should meet up
at the Hokey Poke tonight.

We can party up a little bit more.

Yeah! That sounds great.
I'll see you tonight, Oscar.

[CHEERING]

-Oh, my gosh, it works.
-It works, it works, it works!

I just put apples in a jar.

I just had to believe in it!
This means that all magic exists.

I don't know how to repay you, bro.
I don't know how.

Well, that's what brothers are for.

I'm gonna go home now.

You know, I'm so happy for Oscar.

I think I did a really good thing.

Hey, Milo! You wanna have
an awesome water balloon party?

No thanks, guys. I'm gonna go home.

Oscar is having the time of his life
and it's all thanks to me.

Hey, bro! You look like a party guy!

You wanna juggle tamales
and dress up these cats?

No, thanks. I'm much too tired.

Yeah, suit yourself.

You've done a great deed, Milo.
And for that you deserve a nice long nap.

Oh, Brian. It's your birthday today,
isn't it?

[QUACKS]

You know, I'm sorry, Brian,

but I'm not really in the mood
for a birthday party today.

Maybe next week.

Happy birthday, Brian.

Wait a minute. I've never passed up
on all that stuff before.

What, what happened to me?

No! Maybe I don't like partying
anymore.

It's because
I gave all my party power to Oscar!

I gotta get that amullah back!

I'm so turned around, I don't remember
where the door is!

Boy, this place sure is dead.

Hello. Care to dance?

-Um... Oh, okay.
-Just take my hand.

-Oh, I had the bestest night ever
-[LAUGHING]

And I never wanted it to end

Oh, my gosh, Oscar!
I'm having the best time ever!

This is magical!

Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!

I don't like partying anymore!
What's happening to me?

-What's going on?
-Nothing!

Hey, Milo, can we talk over here
for a second?

Okay, now just calm down.
What's happening?

The magic amullah.
It took all my partying away.

Milo! The magic amulet
didn't take your partying away.

Oh, yeah! Watch this!

Hey, macaroni.

Milo, can we please just figure
this stuff out later, man?

But the magic amullah took away my party.

I don't feel like Milo without the party.

I'm sorry, Milo,
I just can't give it back right now.

Okay.

So, what was that all about?

Nothing. Just Milo and one
of his crazy problems.

He has been looking a little down lately.

Are you sure he's okay?

Yep. I'm sure.

Well, if you're saying it,
I'm not worried at all.

I know how well you two
look after each other.

You are a real sweetheart, Oscar.

I'm sorry, Bea!

But I gotta go give something back
that doesn't belong to me!

-Give me that amullah!
-Milo, Milo, just...

Oscar, I'm sorry, but I need it!

-Give me that amullah!
-Milo, I'm trying!

You're trying to keep it for yourself!
Now, give it to me!

Pinch! I'm Randy Pincherson!

-No!
-No!

Milo, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.

No, no. I should've never messed
with magic in the first place.

Guys, what's going on?

-Nothing.
-None of your business.

Guys! I was just standing right there.

I saw you tackle each other

and then scream when Randy broke
your little apple juice thing.

-What's going on?
-All right, fine, Mrs. Detective.

I gave Oscar a magic amullah
that made his life better but ruined mine.

And now it's broken, and my life is over.

There, Mrs. Detective solves
the crime again.

Whatever.

Hey, what's that?

"Believe in yourself."
Believe in yourself.

Milo, is that the note
that you wrote to me in the jar?

-Just "believe in yourself"?
-Yeppers!

But you kept saying to believe in magic
and stuff.

Well, yeah, the magic
is believing in yourself. Duh!

So, I didn't become a party machine
because of the magic amulet?

-I had it in me all along?
-Yes, siree.

Then, if you wanna get
your party powers back,

maybe all you have to do
is just believe in yourself.

-[PHONE ENGAGED TONE]
-[CLOCK TICKING]

Hey, I got my party back!

And now I must go right a terrible wrong!

Happy birthday, Brian!

Happy birthday, Brian!

[QUACKS]

Hey, Snake! I got a great joke for you!

So, a monkey, a lion, and a turtle
all walk into a barn,

and the monkey says...

[MONKEY SCREECHES]

And the lion's all...

[LION ROARS]

So, the turtle says...

[DOG BARKING]

-I don't get it.
-You know...

[DOG BARKING]

[CHUCKLES] Oh! I get it!

-I know, right!
-That's a good one!

I still don't get it.