01x16 - Take Me Out of the Ball Game

[bunniefuu]

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both] Yes!

♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now, gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

♪ Oh, we're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're callin' everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[Goofy] Here you go, max.

Your best birthday present ever.

Even tops the 10 pound slab
of bubble gum

I got ya last year.

Hey, waffles, must be that

hot new skateboard I wanted.

Or a video game
or a--

Baseball bat.

And ball and glove.

Very same ones your dad used.

Ever tell you I used to
strike out every batter in little league?

Only about 100 times.

Well, now I'm gonna teach you
to play as good as I did.

Hey-o, Daddy-o, that's okay.

I'm not really the most sports-oriented
guy in the world, you know?

All it takes is practice, practice,
and more practice.

First, I'll teach you to bunt.

Now, you got to fool
the pitcher and the catcher,

and even yourself.

[honk]

Then you gotta take off
like a fly with a swatter on its tail.

A good base runner's
gotta have coordination...

Stamina...

Whoa!

Persistence...

A keen eye!

But most important,

he's gotta know when to slide.

Simple, huh?

Just look at the time!

I clean forgot. I'm having my teeth
drilled in 20 minutes. Later!

Oral hygiene's important,

but 20 minutes is all I need
to teach you to hit a home run.

[grunting]

Please, Dad. It's been six hours.

Can't I take a break?

Weeds don't take breaks.

They turn into jungles.

Want your mom to get et by a tiger

in our own backyard?

Dad, I'm just not sure
baseball's really my thing.

Oh, it's a cinch.

Just keep swinging, and sooner or later

the ball will get in the way.

Huh? Hey, what?

Anybody seen Maxie's ball?

Your kid hit this?

Yup. Going to be the next Mickey Mantle.

Dad!

You don't say?

Come on, junior.

If that chip off the old Goof-up
could do that,

you could be the next DiMaggio.

Baseball? Oh, Dad.

You know I'm no good at sports.

Okay, the next Koufax.

But...the weeds!

Yeah, the weeds. What about
the weeds, Dad?

I mean, it is a jungle out there.

You can see it's a jungle.

You want Mom to get attacked by a gorilla?

You don't want that, do you now, Dad?

[Pete] Did I ever tell you
how I used to be

a catchin' ace in little league?

Caught anything that moved--

Pitches. Popped fouls. Field mice.

You're gonna be as good as I was.

You got my talent, see.

Oh, I just forgot. Didn't you want me
to wash the car?

Oh, and floss. Gotta floss.

And clean my room? Paint the house.
Gotta paint the house.

What? The future greatest ball player
in the world work

when you could be having fun?

Now, come on. Let me see ya
catch one.

[yelping]

That's putting your mouth
where your mitt is.

Now let me see ya slide.

No, no, no, no, no!

I got a method that could even teach
mud to slide.

[screaming]

Ptooey!

Ah, dude, not you, too?

[coughs] Yeah. Welcome to
baseball boot camp, bud.

Well, did you see that, Goof?

Nothing stands between my major leaguer
and a big play.

He's gonna be one of the greats!

A great water boy

if he plays like you did.

Ha! If your kid plays like you did,

they wouldn't let him be a bat boy.

-Water boy!
-Bat boy!

-Bat boy!
-Water boy!

[Pete grunts] Come here, ace!

Show 'em your stuff!

Whoa!

What'd I tell you? Water boy!

Pete, you couldn't teach a surfboard
to catch a wave.

Show 'em, slugger.

Bat boy! Ha ha ha!

You couldn't teach
lightning to hit a tree.

Ow!

Here you go-- Vita-slime!

Health goop of champions.

Makes you run a mile in a minute flat.

[bubbling]

[laughs] Even the smell works wonders.

Now, every catcher's
got to know signals, see.

Lost a game once

'cause some dodo pitcher mixed them up.

Are you ready?

Okay, sinker.

Slider. Curve ball.

Fast ball. Screwball.

Bowling ball. Hair ball. Got it?

[stammering]

Good. Now, let me have this.

Home run ball. And the kid
wasn't even batting.

Nuh-uh. That was a breakin' ball.

Oh, you couldn't tell
a meatball from a cheese ball.

That's why you lost us that championship.

You the one that got us
kicked out of little league.

I pitched what you signaled--an odd ball.

What? I signaled a screwball!

-[bickering continues]
-Those two were teammates?

That's like putting a dog on
the same team with his fleas.

We're settling this score
once and for all.

[laughs] Would I have got that
for losing the game?

Nope. It says "for best attendance."

But feast your eyes
on what the coach gave me.

"Mr. Congeniality"? Ha ha ha!

A smile a day don't keep the ball in play.

And a Goof ball don't win games.

Says who?

Oh, man. This one's going extra innings.

Maybe not. Come on. I got an idea.

What are you talkin' about?

You wouldn't know
a sourball from an eyeball.

Well, you wouldn't know a cue ball--

[kids] Aah!

-Aah!
-oh, the pain!

Freak fieldin' accident. Oh, pain.

Sprained every muscle in our bodies.

Oh!

I won't be able to practice for
at least a year.

No, two! It's gotta be--oh!

-Maybe-- Maybe 20.
-Yeah.

Nah. My secret liniment
will fix ya up in no time.

Well, my secret stretching cure's
faster than that.

[P.J.] Ooh! Golly, Dad!

♪ Patty cake, patty cake, healer man ♪

♪ Cure this kid as fast as you can ♪

♪ Scrunch 'im and crunch 'im ♪

♪ And mark 'im with a "p" ♪

♪ And put him in rehab ♪

♪ For Babe Ruth and me ♪

♪ This is the way we stretch our bod ♪

♪ Stretch our bod, stretch our bod ♪

♪ This is the way we stretch our bod ♪

♪ So early in the morning ♪

[both] We're cured!
We're cured!

[dads] Then play ball!

Ah, we're doomed, Max.

They're gonna make us practice
Till we're as good as they were.

Or till they think we are.

Okey-doke.

Let me see a real sizzler.

[snorts] Sizzler, eh?

Okay. This baby's gonna burn leather.

Whoop-ti-daisy-mae.

Pete! Petey! Look at this!

Yo, Pop!

Go on out front, and I'll hit one
clear over the house.

That a boy, P.J.

Put that puppy in orbit.

You heard the man.

Orbit ball in the side pocket.

Look what Maxie's pitchin'
did to my glove.

Look what P.J.'s hittin' did to the ball.

They're better than we ever were.

Yeah. No point in making them
practice anymore.

What'd I tell ya?

[gasps] I bet old Coach Roach
just begs them to join the team.

Join?

Wha-what team?

Why, our old little league team--

The Spoonerville Sluggers.

You'll even have our old coach!

Didn't we tell you? Tryouts are tomorrow.

[both] what do you think
we been teaching you for?

Come on.
Gonna be late for tryouts.

Never mind chewin'. Just swallow.

[Pete] Relax! Hurry up! Don't panic!

What am I doing?

Dead meat doesn't need a last meal.

Something's gotta happen to save us--

A flood, earthquake, alien invasion, pox.

Don't forget what we taught ya.

-Know your signals.
-Read your ball.

-Hug your bases. Cover your 'nads.
-Bat your bat.

Boys! Boys!

You two make mother hens
look like absentee parents.

Why don't you just let them go alone?

[gulps] A-a-a-alone?

W-w-without their dads?

[both] but they need us!

What they need is a break.

Okay, sugar cube.

Maybe you're right.

Now, break a leg.

Break two.

[P.J.] I'll see what I can do, Dad.

[Max] Yeah.

Just think, our boys...

In our old uniforms...

Trying out for our old team.

[Max] Maybe this
won't be so bad.

You were saying?

I got a fuzzy feelin' I've seen you two
bleacher bums before.

Don't think so, Coach.

Must be a case of misshapen identity.

Okay, show me what you got.

[coach] Yugh!

Go try bowlin' or somethin'.

[Goofy] I've dreamed of Maxie

making little league all his life.

I know what you mean.
I dreamt of P.J. making it.

Wished on all my birthday candles,

lucky stars, chicken wishbones...

Why, I'd give my car dealership
and your house

for P.J. to make that team.

Can we tell your dad first?

I'm still writing my will.

Come on, Peej. We just gotta face this
head-on.

Hey, hey, hey, there, Goofer.

Do you see what I see?

Gawrsh! All I'm seein'

is stars!

[both] Welcome home, aces!

You knocked 'em for a loop, right?

Well, I wouldn't exactly say that.

Ah, you hear that modesty, Goof?

He must have smacked one
out of the ball park.

Not as such, Dad.
You see, it's kinda like this--

Know what? Must have struck out
the whole team... twice.

Dad, there's something we gotta tell ya--

Ooh, let me guess.
They made you a pitcher, just like me!

Made you a catcher, huh? Just like me.

They did it!

-I can't wait!
-[cheering]

[laughing]

-Oh!
-Oh!

Oh, man, in the soup without a ladle.

Why didn't we just tell 'em?

How could we, P.J.?

We woulda broken their hearts.

Yeah, but they're gonna find out anyway

when they go to next week's game.

You mean if they go to next week's game.

Let's go, slugger.

First game of the season.

Oh, boy, Dad. I can hardly wait.

[engine sputters]

[choking]

Gosh, Dad,
What's wrong?

The car's sick. Give us a lift,
and I'll treat you to slugger dogs.

Mine's sick, too. Musta caught it
from your car.

Golly! Sounds like a car virus
is goin' around.

We better take our bikes. See ya later.

What the-- Look at this!

Somebody put cement in our tailpipes.

The Spoonerville Sluggers

win the first game of the season 9-0.

When I catch that son
of a two-headed rattlesnake

that kept us from seein'
our boys play, I'm gonna--

[Maxie] Hey, yeah!
The sluggers won!

What a game!

It was awesome!

[both] They did it!

-What'd you bat, 1000?
-2000?

You probably struck 'em all out.

-Uh, sort of like that.
-Well, uh...

[overlapping chatter]

Modesty! Ha ha!

Well, we'll just read all about it on
tomorrow's sports page.

[both] Sports page.

Aw-hyuck!

Unh!

What?

My star pullin' weeds?

Forget them chores.

As a reward for being a baseball ace,
no more cleaning--

But, Dad, that's okay
I'm not really an ace. [stammering]

Whoa! I'll do that.

Can't have you battin' a 1000
with dishpan hands.

Comfy, boys?

You pick the program.

We'll change the channels.

[gulp]

I can't stand it.

The guilt's giving me a migraine.

Triple migraine. We gotta keep 'em
out of 19 more games.

Ohhh.

[squeaking]

[revving]

[cheering]

[chirping]

Last game of the season,
and we're home free!

[Goofy] Oh, boys!

We may have missed your other games,

But we ain't missin' this one.

And this time, you're goin' in style.

[Goofy] Got a surprise.

You boys have been playin' so well,

after this game, we're takin' you out
of little league...

And puttin' ya in the big leagues!

[both] Yikes!

Called every major league scout
in the country.

Organized a media blitz!

Even got the astronauts
to watch it on satellite TV!

Got a few words for our TV audience?

Well, um...

Play ball!

Sorry. Gotta go!

If we can just stay inconspicuous
for 9 innings.

Batting first, Claude Harper.

What? They're not puttin' our kids
in first?

Maybe savin' the best for last?

Well, okay. We'll wait.

[ding]

[Goofy] we've waited
long enough.

Yeah. How come
your star pitcher and catcher

ain't seein' any action?

Stars?

Hey, didn't I kick these two
outta baseball?

No. You kicked us out... 30 years ago!

These are our sons.

I guess when you get to be my age,

Everything runs together.

Yeah, all right, let's see
what they can do.

Okay, Maxie,

let's see you fire a few strikes
into P.J.'s glove.

Now, don't panic!

Relax.

Take it easy.

Don't forget everything I taught ya!

What's got into you two?

We musta lost our stuff.

Yeah, and I don't think
we're gonna find it anytime soon.

They've hit a slump!

That's okay. It happens to
all the greats.

Gonna miss their big shot at the big time.

No, they're not.

And so, in the bottom of the 9th,

Sluggers lead it 7-3.
2 outs and the bases empty.

Ready-- Ahem. Ready, coach.

Sinker, Goof. Gets 'em every time.

Winker blinker it is.

And the pitch is... Well, anybody's guess.

-It's mine!
-Mine!

-Let go.
-You--you...

A home run!

But...

Wow. And we thought we were bad.

Knuckle ball, you goof.

Fire ball, it is.

Lead's been cut to 7-4.

Things could be heating up.

They don't get hotter than that.

High fly down the third base line.

Going, going...gone!

Slugger lead slips to 2.

Plier ball, you brainless beanpole.

Head ball.

Foot ball.

Hand ball.

He walked 'em all!

Screwball in the hip pocket,

and this time get it right.

Side ball in the corner pocket?

I hope he knows what he's doin'.

The pitch is... Up, up, and away!

You fizzbrain!

Curve ball in the shirt pocket?

Or was it the pants pocket?

That wasn't the pitch I signaled!

...scores!
The winning run is rounding third.

[Pete] No!

Grand slam, wild pitch!

And the sluggers come from
ahead to lose it 7-8.

Only know two guys
who could Goof up like that.

Goofy and Pete.

You're banned from baseball forever!

Don't even watch it on TV,

or trade baseball cards,
or chew bubble gum!

[both] Unreal!

Gawrsh! Now I know how
Shoeless Joe Jackson felt.

Aww, Dad, who needs baseball?

There's better things to play.

Yeah. Like football.

Hey, the season's just startin'.

Football!

[Goofy] Used to be a star
quarterback myself.

[Pete] Best wide receiver
in the league!

[Goofy] Gonna teach you
everything we know.

Okay, boys. Back for the pass!

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!