01x17 - Wrecks, Lies & Videotape

[bunniefuu]

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both] Yes!

♪ There's buddies
There's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

Gawrsh!

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[TV host] And welcome to America's
Most Painful Home Videos.

[Goofy humming]

Go ahead. Make me laugh.

I'm sorry, Max.

Ah, it's OK, Peej.

Same thing every summer.

Your dad takes you guys
someplace hot like Hawaii.

My dad can't afford to go anywhere.

If I had the bucks,
I'd buy him a real vacation.

[meows]

Aw, are you hungry, kitty?

OK, got just the thing.

[engine revving]

...our grand prize trip
to glorious Hawaii...

Have a dish of fish and some ham and jam

and a side of cream and a jellybean.

Oops. Almost forgot the olive loaf.

Here you go, kitty.

...our grand prize trip
to beautiful Hawaii.

Let go, you!

[yelling]

Aaaahhh!

Wait a minute.

Painful videos!

Free vacation!

-Your dad!
-My dad!

Mail before midnight tonight

to The World's Most Painful Home Videos,

Contusion Tower, Ohio, 4270119...

[Goofy] One... two...

One... two...

One... two...

One... two...

One...

Hurry up, Peej!

Gotta be ready when
something funny happens.

Wait till my dad catches us
with his video camera.

With my what?

Whoa! Whoa! Max!

You boys got some serious grovelin' to do!

D-- D-- Don't k*ll us, Dad.

We swiped it for a good cause.

Yeah. Every summer,

you take your family
on a mondo expensive vacation--

France one year,

Egypt the next--

While my pop can't afford anything

but bucket fishing
for minnows in the backyard.

Yeah, yeah. It's a cruel world. So?

So, Max is gonna win his dad
a $10,000 vacation...

-for free!
-For free!

That doesn't give you
any excuse to swipe my--

Did you say 10,000--

For free?

Yeah. All I need is my pop, your camera,

and the World's Most Painful Home Videos.

Free vacation, eh?

Guy who gets trashed the worst wins, eh?

Yeah. But no chance at this rate.

My video's got to be at the TV
station by midnight tonight.

Oh, what a son,
givin' his father a free vaca--

Listen, if you're gonna
wrap this thing by tonight,

you need some professional interference.

Case in point-- What do you do

when your star lays down on the job?

Just wait for something
to happen, I guess.

Wait for--

Does corned beef
just wait for cabbages to happen?

Now watch me and learn.

Ahem.

Hey!

Big storm coming, pal.

Better clean out your rain gutters.

Huh?

Aw, piffle. Ah-hyuck!

There isn't a cloud in the sky.

[thunder rumbling]

Gawrsh!

OK, kid, roll 'em!

Whoa! Pete was right.

Heh heh heh.

Hey, not bad.

Not exactly a winner, but not bad.

You kidding?

I'm just warming up.

[Pete] Goof, buddy!

Don't use that rickety old thing.

It ain't safe.

Here, use mine.

Oh, gee, thanks, Petey.

Mighty thoughtful of ya.

Think nothin' of it, pal.

[Goofy humming]

Hey, Pete, gimme a hand?

What? Oh, why, sure, neighbour.

[chirping]

What you need, pal?

Hold this, would you?

I wouldn't want to hurt
the little fellers.

Huh?

[screams] Stop! What are you doin'?

Gimme a break! Let me...
Ow! That hurt!

Get him, not me! Him!

Ohh!

Ow!

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

You getting it, Max?

Yeah, but your dad's
doin' all the funny stuff.

You wanna be a winner,
you gotta think big.

[yelling]

Aah!

Mama!

Well, if he isn't back down by midnight,

we go with the hammock stunt.

[Max] Evel Boll Weevil's
t*rture ramp of death?

Your dad thinks big, all right.

Yeah. Old Eev's gonna ride
it as a publicity stunt

as soon as he gets out of the hospital.

So my buddy Boll Weevil says
he needs a racing stripe

down the middle of the ramp.

And I think to myself,
"self, bet my old pal Goofy

would like to pick up a few spare bucks".

Ah-hyuck! I sure would.

I got my eye on a new fishing bucket
over at the hardware store.

Yeah, right. Whatever.

Don't forget your, uh, safety harness.

Uh, Mr P,
do you think we're goin' too far?

Kid, a son can't go far enough

to show how much he loves his dad.

Wanna deny your own father

the very thing he'll need
after a stunt like this--

A vacation?

Ready when you are, Petey!

OK!

Easy does it now!

[Goofy humming]

[screaming]

-Wow!
-Wow!

Roll 'em! Roll 'em!

Oh, uh, yeah!

Whoa!

Solid gold!

Aah!

Ya-hoo!

Awesome!

Whew!

Uh-oh!

Aah!

[humming]

Bodacious!

Well, pal,

you did a great job.

I did?

Here, buy yourself that bucket.

Ah-hyuck! Thanks, Pete.

Have we got a winner or what?

What a kid.

Wish I had a son that'd do that for me.

Sure thing, Pop.

Be happy to blow you to smithereens--

Yeah, fine, right, swell.

I'll drive this down
to the TV station myself

so we'll, uh, beat the deadline.

Thanks, Mr P.

Don't mention it.

Just learn to think as big as I do,

and some day you'll be as
big in this town as me.

Free vacation, here we come.

Heh heh. You said it, kid.

You said it.

Hello, all you wild and wacky people,

and welcome to the World's
Most Painful Home Videos.

[cheering]

Thank you. Our runner-up video

is really thumb-thing. Ha ha ha ha ha!

So take it away,

Mrs Bruce Bruce of
Keosquawkett, Southwest.

Oh!

[crowd laughing]

[crowd laughing]

I don't get it.

I haven't heard word 1 from that show.

That tape was grand prize stuff.

Well, maybe they wanna surprise you.

I hope so.

Don't wanna be bucket fishers

the rest of our lives.

Hey! Lookie look!
They're announcing the winner!

Everybody pay attention! Lookie lookie!

And now, the winner of the $10,000
Hawaiian vacation--

he takes a thrashin'
and keeps on dashin'--

he's the rocket roller!

[cheering]

-[laughing]
-Yay! Yahoo!

We won! We won!

We're going on vacation!

Oh, gee. And here he is in person

to accept his prize.

Huh?

[Pete] Stupid head.

Can't see a thing.

[crowd laughing]

[Goofy] Ah-hyuck! Hey, look! It's me!

No, it's not.

I'd know that jelly roll anywhere.

That's Pete!

But he-- We weren't-- He was...

I gave him my tape!

He delivered it himself.

But whose name did he put on it?

Congratulations!

And whoa!

I see we've added a little ballast

in the last week, huh?

What do you mean?

I mean, ah-hyuck.

Yeah. Gawrsh, I guess I did.

Hyuck, hyuck.

Consumer rip-off!

Pete stole my dad's vacation!

Well, enjoy your vacation in Hawaii, sir.

-Just don't break the island, OK?
-[crowd laughing]

No, really,
I'd love to go there myself someday,

if it's still there. Ha ha ha ha!

Of all the two-faced, no-good...

Low-down, doody-daddy...

Pot-bellied, melon-headed...

You... you... you... Hawaii stealer!

Vacation stealing clods!

You forgot slimy.

You mean we don't get to go to Hawaii?

Aw, Dad.

Now don't give up yet.

You just wait until lardo gets home.

[chuckles] I'll use my secret weapon.

What's that?

My mouth!

OK, Houston, we have ETA
in approximately...

Four... three... two... one...

[Peg] You miserable,
cheese-eating pile of flab!

Your own neighbour's never
had a decent vacation in his life!

His kid tries to give him one,
and you go and steal it from him!

Of all the low-down, miserable, no-good...

But, dumplin' dip,
I did it for you and the kids.

I wouldn't luau with you
if my hula hips depended on it!

You give those tickets
back to Goofy and Max,

or you're going on vacation alone!

Hmpff! Well, maybe I just will go alone.

[grumbling]

Busted my buns.
Trashed my own property.

Crashed into cactus.

I earned it fair and square, see?

I can't believe--

I'll go to Hawaii all by myself

if I have to.

[doorbell rings]

Mom, you were really awesome!

That was very well done.

Thanks, p*stol.

I'm sorry, guys.

I gave it my best shot. No luck.

Hey, does corned beef depend on luck?

Gather around, everybody.

This con game just went into overtime.

If there's one thing
I learned from Pete,

it's that we gotta...

-think big.
-Think big.

So here's what we're gonna do.

Sleepin' like a baby.

OK, Let's get to work.

And... action!

[Goofy] Peeete!

Ohh, Peeete!

Howdy, Peeete.

G-- G-- G-- G-- Goofy?

B-- B-- But you're a g-- g-- g-- ghost!

Yup. Drowned in my own fishin' bucket.

Some say I done myself in,

that I couldn't face

another vacation in the backyard

while my neighbour flew off to Hawaii

with my ticket.

Uh, uh, n-- n-- now look, pally,

i-- it isn't like that at all.

Ohhh, you did it, Pete!

Guilty!

Guilty!

Stand by for scene two.

[babbling]

Well, I meant to,
but I didn't really mean to.

Oh, but I was only the first victim

of your villainy, Pete.

Travel now behind
the raveled curtain of time

and into the future!

[Pete babbling]

Lights!

Huh?

The biggest used car dealer in the world.

Junk heaps as far as the eye can see,

and they're all mine!

That is, until I unload 'em

on all the suckers of the world.
Ha ha ha ha!

Uh, uh, Mr. Max, uh, sir?

Buttercup?

You aren't here to beg
for another raise, are you?

Because you won't get one, see?

Oh, but you pay so little,

I can't even buy food.

Should've thought of that

before you let me steal Pete's car lot.

That kid took over my business?

Oh, you tricked him!

You pretended to be Pete's friend,

and then you stole it from him!

[sobs] It was cruel.

Just thinking big.

Little trick I picked up
from your late husband.

L-- L-- L-- Late?

And now I have to work
as your cleaning lady

for only 3 cents an hour.

What? Why, that's 2 cents
less than I pay my ma.

I'll rip that weasel limb from limb.

By the way, too bad about your kids.

[gasp] You mean?

Yep.

Well, ah-hyuck,

the streets are safe for tonight.

Yep, the police have
kiddie criminals Scarlet P.J.

and p*stol-packin' p*stol cornered

in the corner of a sleazy alley

and are about to let 'em have it.

[crying] Oh, the shame of it!

My kids, crooks?

You're surrounded, Scarlet.

Throw down your g*ns.

You'll never take us alive, see?

Yeah, stinkin' coppers, uh, see?

[g*nf*re]

Oh! Ooh! Aah!

They got me, see?

Oh! Hoo!

Aah! Ooh! Uh!

They got me, too! Uhh!

[sobbing]

[wailing]

All right, all right,
all right, all right.

You got 15 minutes off next week

for the funeral!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[screams]

Why? Why did you become crooks?

[gasping]

Just followin' in your footsteps, Dad.

Like father... [cough]...

like... son.

[wailing]

Oh, my baby boy! Gone!

And it's all your fault, Pete.

None of this woulda happened

if you hadn't stolen my vacation from me!

I'm sorry! Please!

Just give me one more chance.

I'll make it up to everybody!

I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

I-- I-- I'll take you all to Hawaii!

I'll wait on you hand and foot.

I'll give everything back--

the tickets, the surfboard,
my hula skirt--

Well, maybe not the hula skirt but

just don't let these
horrible things happen.

Well, got to consult with the spirits,

but, uh, I guess that can be arranged.

[whimpering] It can?

Ah-hyuck! You're right, Max.

This sure beats bucket
fishin' in the backyard.

Yep.

Uh, Garcon, more lemonade.

Why should I do all the work

just because of some stupid
promises to some stupid ghost?

Well, I quit, see?

Let them get their own drinks!

[ghost voice] Oh, Petey!

Icy-cold lemonade comin' up, pal.

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!