01x36 - Lethal Goofin

[bunniefuu]

Ah-hyuck.

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

-♪ You're always number one ♪
-Yes!

-♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪
-Yeah

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

-♪ A real good time ♪
-Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

-Gawrsh.
-♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[Max] This is the city-- Spoonerville.

This is the school, and this is me.

My name's Max. I carry a badge.

O.K., O.K. I didn't always have a badge.

That day, all I had was three quarters

and a serious problem named Tooth.

Big for his age?

This guy would've been
big for the Stone Age.

His motto-- pay up or get beat up.

Lunch money, allowance.

He wasn't picky. Just so it was cash.

But that day I had a plan.

All I needed was my best friend P.J.

and his kid sister. Her name was p*stol.

Oh, boy, you guys, I can't hardly wait!

This is gonna be
so much fun! I can't wait!

Aw, this plan's stupid.

That's O.K. So's he.

[growls]

So the doctor says "drink lots and lots

and quarts and gallons of milk,

and it'll help you grow."
but who would have guessed?

p*stol, sit still.

Hey, lardo,
where's your pal, the little goofball?

Huh?

[gulp] You mean the goofball

whose money you always steal? Uh...

Haven't seen him. Later.

Yeah. Yeah, later, Tooth.

So long, sucker. Oof!

You can't do this

every time that bully comes after you.

Tell me about it.

My dad ought to give him my allowance,

cut out the middleman.

Nah, that would take
all the fun out of it.

This jerk needed to be taught a lesson.

Nobody messes with a Goof...

Except maybe Tooth,

The-the kind of kid

who started shaving in the first grade.

O.K. I admit it. I needed...

Help!

Hang on. I'll get the safety.

Melvin! Help!

The Safety-- The Swift Sword of Justice,

The long Arm of the law.

[tweet]

[growls]

The only kid around more scared than me.

I kissed my cash goodbye

and said hello to the concrete.

Another shakedown,
and nobody could stop it.

Nobody except my partner P.J.--

Pete Junior if you're nasty.

You'd better give
my friend his m-money back,

or I swear I'll-- I'll...

Ooh, lardo, I'm real scared.

You dropped one.

It was the match-up of the century--

Rump vs. Chump.

Uh, Tooth?

Aah!

Who cares if it was an accident?

It was still awesome.

Way to go, Peej!

Huh? Tooth must have
changed his mind, Max.

-Here's your money.
-Don't you get what you did?

P.J. beat the bully!

♪ P.J. beat the bully,
P.J. beat the bully ♪

I what?

My big brother is a bully-bumper!

Cheer him or fear him, folks!

Cut it out, p*stol!

I didn't beat up anybody!

Beg to differ, pal.

But I didn't mean to do it, man.

Oh, I-I just want to go on record

as being more than willing

to both cheer and fear you, uh, sir--

P.J., sir, sir.

Ah Melvin, get a grip.

Right, dude. Hands off the hero.

Maybe it was the word "hero,"

or maybe it was how Peej

struck a blow for the little guy.

But suddenly all I could think about

was the battle for justice.

And we were the heroes for the job.

But first I had to convince

the chief safety to let us join.

He was a know-it-all
named Douglas Twinkmeyer.

In gym class, they called him Twinkie,

but here he called the shots.

Yeah. Like there's really
a crime wave, right?

Look, Chief! This racket is too organized!

We all know that tooth is a total spud.

I got a hunch somebody's
behind the scenes.

A Mr., uh, a Mr...

Mr. Big.

Oh, hey, I just noticed--

Don't need any more safeties.

Oh, well, too bad. Maybe next year. Ciao.

It's O.K., Max. I told you

I only beat that bully by accident.

I mean I probably couldn't
do that again to save--

Unless we were official safeties.

Tsk tsk. You know,

I'm not so sure you two
are safety material.

The force is made up of
spoonerville school's finest.

The few, the proud, the--

[Melvin] Hi, chief.

Hmm. One look at that lineup of macho men

told me they were no match for any bully.

Hey, they were afraid of--

Oh, the kid with the deadly rump.

Deadly?

Chill out, Melvin.

Oh, yes, indeed, please do chill.

These wannabes were just leaving.

So the chief didn't think
we had what it takes.

Time for a demolition demo.

Peej, shoe's untied!

Aah!

Chief, wouldn't it be better

to have him with us rather than again' us?

O.K. O.K. Meeting adjourned.

Report to Maple and Main
for your first assignment.

Ohh!

You won't regret this, Chief.

Maple and Main-- our first assignment,

and we were ready.

O.K., kids, listen up.

We stop, look both ways,

then we cross single file.

Aw, what a great assignment, Max.

Did the chief realize

he had stuck his two
best men in Dullsville?

Oh, sure. P.J. said that he enjoyed this,

but he meant that
crime fighting was in his blood.

I just had to remind him.

You want to hang out here, Peej? O.K.

But think about the kid who can't buy milk

'cause a bully stole his lunch money.

You want to just hide here?
I don't blame ya.

I guess that kid would hide, too,
if he could.

Who's hiding? I'm ready!

[sobbing] Ready as I'll ever be, anyway.

So P.J. and I went down
to the local Pizza Palace

to check out a few leads.

[P.J.] Well, everything looks
under control here.

-Let's call it a day.
-Not so fast, Peej.

I smell a shakedown. Bingo!

[grunts] Hey, poindexter,

got a little business proposition for ya.

Oh, I know. I know, Tooth.

If I pay ya, ya won't beat me up?

No, nothing like that.

If you pay me, he won't beat you up.

Meet my new pal Nails.

Nice to meet you.

They're not gonna get away with this!

Right, Peej? Peej?

Uh, well, I assumed my partner
was acting as a lookout

to survey the b*ttlefield

and assess the enemy's weaknesses.

Make a wish.

Peej. Peej!

[snap]

Whoa!

It's that lardo kid again!

Whoa!

He can't be human.

That's why they call him the bumpinator.

Aah!

Whoa!

[crash]

I'm your worst nightmare--

A Goof with a badge.

That's it, Max! No more.

I'm not cut out for this.

Thanks for saving me, bumpinator.

Have a pepperoni plus on me.

Wow. Don't mind if I do!

P.J. already had a taste for pepperoni.

Now he was developing
a taste for crime fighting.

[cheering]

We were heroes. Correction, superheroes.

O.K., O.K. We were legends.

We were...

Bumpinators! Bumpinators!

Bumpinators! Bumpinators! Bumpinators!

Y-You tell him.

No way. You tell him.

[Mr. Big] Tooth, Nails, boys.

Listen, just leave the quarters
from the Arcade Job

and boom, get outta here.

Uh, had a little problem.

What kind of... problem?

[panting] It's those new safeties.

Yeah. The B-b-b-b...

-Bumpinators.
-Bumpinators?

You two are the biggest,
toughest bullies in this school.

You can't handle a couple
of rookie safeties?

So Max and P.J. want
to turn up the heat, huh?

Good. The time has come to play hardball.

I want shakedowns every day all over town.

And if the bumpinators get in our way,

eliminate 'em.

3:41 p.m.--

P.J. and I were working the day watch
out of the after-school division.

Uh, mobile after-school division.

You see, I tricked out my old bike

so my partner could rode shotgun.

They told us that we couldn't
be everywhere at once.

They were wrong.

P.J. and I were patrolling,
keeping the peace.

We came across a local donut shop.

Hey, heroes got to eat, too.

P.J. couldn't make up his mind

between the powdered or the glazed donut.

Just then, we heard a disturbance.

[chatter]

[burp]

Cough it up, swivel neck.

Drop him, Nails!

Max! Tooth and Nails have wheels!

I don't care if they have wings.

Preying on a fellow champion of justice--

No, sir! Not on my beat.

[laughs] We call this the speed bump.

Look out! Look out! The cart! Aah!

Follow that cart!

Aah! Aah!

Seems they hadn't counted
on our nerves of steel

or a bum wheel.

Tooth got lucky, but Nails was ours--

Right where he belonged.

O.K., Nails, let's start with

the easy questions.

Lights, Peej.

We borrowed a spotlight
from the boys in A.V.

I had him right where I wanted him.

Finally, I hit him with the big question.

Who's Mr. Big?

Wha-- wha--

O.K., O.K.!

I'll tell ya!

Just please ask him to sit down!

Mr. Big is--

Talk about leads, P.J...

The weapon! Even better,

the gumslinger had a mondo gob
stuck to his shoe!

What are you doing?

Chief, we were this close
to nabbing Mr. Big!

You're working too hard, safety.

Take a few days' R & R.

There's no time for reading and writing.

We caught one of his g*ons!
Come on! He'll tell you!

[P.J.] gone!

We had Nails,

and he was ready to spill his guts!

Honest, Chief!

The Chief knew we were on to something,

and he was behind us all the way.

Go home. Take a nap.

As for Nails, I'd bet my allowance

that Mr. Big had something
to do with springing him.

Y-you wanted to see me, sir?

I'm very disappointed

that I had to get personally involved.

Sir, you see, I-I can explain
about the store.

It's those bumpinators!

No self-repulsin' bully can have any fun!

No matter. I have a way

we can avoid making the same mistakes.

You see, I possess all the quarters I need

to begin phase two of my plan.

Best of all,

those meddling fools
can't do a thing about it!

It'll all be perfectly legal.

I will own this town!

Here's all of the shakedowns.

I just know we're missing something.

-A pattern?
-Yeah.

Listen. Why don't you two take five
and let me have a crack?

It was great to see the Chief

taking a personal interest
in our investigation.

He found a pattern, all right--

Southside Spoonerville,

The corner of Bleak Street
and Nowhere Avenue.

[munching]

I said stakeout, not "pigout."

You said to prepare
for a long night. [chomping]

P.J. ate and ate, until finally...

[snoring]

Hey, hey!

That was my last piece, man!

Shh! Look. They got Melvin!

Wow!

Melvin's Mr. Big?

No! It's a shakedown.

All right!

I got this new aerial maneuver
I've been working on.

Maybe you ought to cut down
on the chocolate milk.

Viva bumpinators!

It was a perfect bust.

Too bad there was no crime.

Freeze! Where's Melvin?

-Ugh! What... are... you... doing?
-Saving you.

It wasn't a shakedown!

I was just sellin' them my Lefty McGuffin.

A baseball card?

Huh. Yep. All nice and legal like.

Lefty was a south paw pitcher

for the Spoonerville Sparrows.

Hardly all-star material, though.

Heck, everybody had a Lefty.

The card wasn't worth a dime.

We paid him a quarter for it.

[laughs] Hey-- hey, fellas.

What do you say we just
forget about this whole thing?

The front page of the
school paper said it all--

"Renegade Safeties."

Y-you wanted to see us, Chief?

Read the news lately?

What? You believe that rag?

-I'm the editor!
-Oh.

You two are a disgrace to this force!

You don't deserve to wear these badges!

No, no! You're not gonna--

He did. Seemed to enjoy it, too.

Oh, yes! Yes! Ha ha ha ha!

Yesterday we were heroes.

Today we're just a couple
of no-badge nobodies.

I thought a little free pizza
might clear our minds.

Surely we'd still be heroes
at the old haunt.

Ow! That hurts.

With the bumpinators badgeless,

the bullies were free

to resume their reign of terror.

This line is for five Leftys or less only.

Don't shove! We've got plenty
of quarters for everyone.

All right, all right. They were treated

like they were doing a public service

buying up all those Lefty cards.

P.J.!

The reaction was always the same.

Heck, Max, everybody's got a Lefty.

This stunk like last week's lunch
in the back of your locker.

Nobody would look at us.
Nobody would talk to us.

Nobody would... Buy us pizza. [sighs]

It just doesn't add up.

Yeah. You think we would've gotten

one more freebie for old times' sake, huh?

No! I mean, why would the bullies
swipe all those quarters

just to buy the world's most
worthless baseball card?

P.J.'s a star! P.J.'s a star!
Look! Check it out!

Look at this!

Can't you see we're moping?

But lookie, lookie!
Douglas got your good side.

Douglas?

Douglas Twinkmeyer, the school newspaper's
editor-in-chief

and reporter, copy boy,

astrologer, photographer!

"Picture by D. Twinkmeyer."

Douglas took that picture?

W-What was he doing in that alley?

Yeah! What was he doing in that alley?

Unless it was a set-up!

It hit me with the force of
a Monday morning pop quiz--

Twinkmeyer's odd reluctance

to accept us as the ultimate

crime-fighting force...

The bubble gum trail

that led to the coincidental encounter
at his locker...

His so-called "help"

in choosing the location for our stakeout.

Douglas Twinkmeyer is Mr. Big!

Oh, yeah, right.

I mean, he's the most respected kid
in school!

You can't accuse the Chief
of the Safety Force!

I'm not a safety anymore, Peej.

Now it's... personal.

[rattling doorknob]

Oh, you best be right about this, Max.

Aha!

You are Mr. Big!

Touche.

Too bad no one will believe you.

I am the most respected kid
In school, after all.

Lunch money was bad enough,

but messing with baseball cards--
This is low.

Look familiar?

A Lefty McGuffin.

So? Everybody's got one.

Oh, really? Where's yours?

I-I sold it... to him.

Oh.

Aw, don't you get it, Peej?
He's cornered the market!

Hey, so quick for a Goof.

Pity you're too late.

What's that supposed to mean?

That you're not on time.

I take back what i said about "quick."

So you got a ton of Lefty cards.

Try one...

One very valuable rarity.

You wouldn't!

Perhaps not...

But my mother would.

Let me paint you a little picture.

The laundroplex...Mom...

The leftys...

And a heavy-duty large-capacity
washing machine.

Heh heh heh heh.

At any moment,

the cards will be washed, rinsed,

and agitated into oblivion! Ha ha ha!

His plot sickened me
worse than liveroni day in the school caf.

Stop them!

Mrs. Twinkmeyer?

The Leftys! The Leftys!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Try the back door next time.

[Max] you disgust me, Twinkie.

Ah! That's a cheap shot, mister!

What kind of spineless wimp

hides behind somebody else's brawn?

Get 'em, Peej.

Ball Bannanars away!

[crash]

[Max] Yep.

Don't worry, Twinkie--

They'll be ready by Monday.

Take 'em, Peej.

Slight problem here.

I'm stuck!

Lose something... Like your nerve?

But without P.J., how could I--

That's when I realized we were a team

and now it was my turn.

Douglas, your mother's calling you!

Mommy?

Ha!

My Leftys! Nooooo!

Yes! They're mine!

This is not fair!

[glub]

When the suds cleared...

The baseball cards were A-O.K.

[kids cheering]

Peej and I were heroes again

and back on the force.

Tooth and Nails were sentenced

to two weeks of hard time
in detention hall,

clapping erasers.

[both] [coughing]

Douglas Twinkmeyer
paid the ultimate price--

Detention? Suspension?

No. He was reassigned

to the most dangerous turf of all--

p*stol's pre-school.

Oh, wow, far out!

What's shakin', Twinkie?

[mumbling]

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!