02x08 - The After-Party

[bunniefuu]

[♪ mellow music playing]

[Murphy Collins] Paige, the only
real mother you've ever had died.

- Oh, God.
- You have a lotta work to do.

Yes, like transcontinental

- railroad-level work.
- You wish.

No, railroad is a straight line.

Grief is more like a-- it, it zigzags.

Ya have to take it in, swirl it around.

Are you telling us to gargle our grief?

- [Paige Alexander] Mm.
- [snaps] Exactly.

At least you're doin' okay, huh, Edwin?

And you're basing that on what now?

We just found out that Sadiiq,
one of his associates, just got 23 years.

Man, that boy's life is done now.

[Murphy]
Hell of a week, huh?

Finn, your dad was supposed to show up
and he stiffed you, that sucks.

- No, yeah, it's whatever.
- [Edwin Alexander] It really messed him up

and now he spends
all his time in his room.

Finn, I think you might be backsliding.

Regression is part of development,
as you know, Paige.

I hate to, uh, cause more stress,

but today's your last session.
I'm leaving town.

- What?!
- Yeah, I'm going to India on a Rumspringa.

- You're not Amish.
- It's sort of a spiritual awaken--

It's a six-month thing.
No talking.

It's just [sighs]
I'm in this office every day,

and everybody comes in
and they dump all their sh*t on me.

Yack-yack-yack-yack-yack
in my ear and it's exhausting.

- No offense.
- So, you're saying that we gotta

- zig and zag and do all that...
- [Murphy] Yeah.

...and we all f*cked up,
and you are goin' off to India.

Good for you, Doc,
but let me tell you somethin'.

Slide over.
My grandson has not driven a car...

- Oh.
- ...since the accident.

And this family is
nowhere near fixed, Doc.

I got bad news for ya.
You're never really fixed.

Murphy, my best mom died, in my room.

So, now you need me?

- Kind of.
- Yes.

Maybe you guys have grown a bit.

You never would've said that day one.

Loss is inevitable.

The key is what you do with it.
That's what matters.

So, I'm gonna ask you
all three this question.

What will you do with your grief?

And you gotta feel it, man.
Ya gotta feel it here.

You've got to feel it here.

- And you've got--
- Don't, don't, man. Just don't.

At least...

Well, took 'em long enough
to approve the claim.

Thank you so much, Nadine.

Well, you're the one who paid
the premium 17 years in advance.

Still can't believe the news about Carole.

Paige is havin' folk over
after the funeral,

and I, I told 'em I'd cater.

Do they know you cook with spices?

[both chuckle]

- I told Paige I want you to come.
- Mm.

I don't wanna do anything to upset Paige.

Don't worry 'bout that.

I'll just stay home
and eat a dry pot roast

in honor of the woman
I could never live up to.

[Edwin hums]

I'm sorry about Sadiiq.

Fox okay?

[softly]
I don't know.

- Are you okay?
- Hell no, I'm not okay. [chuckles]

- Man, this is so f*cked up.
- [softly] I know.

But I still had choices. [inhales]

And I need to be doing more, Nadine.

I gotta go after it.

Well...

now... you can go after it...
in a brand-new Baby Bentley.

The funeral's gonna be
all hymns, no SKIMS.

- I want the after-party to be fun.
- It's not called an after-party.

Whatever, the reception.

I just wish we knew that she was sick.

Then we could've planned a real rager,

but knowing Mom,
she just didn't want us to feel bad.

Well, too late for that now.

- For real though...
- Yeah.

- ...why haven't I cried yet?
- What?

I don't know. Am I broken?

You have a few cracks,

but [stammers] do you think
maybe you're having some

- regret about your last conversation?
- Uh-uh, no-no, I--

No, I don't wanna talk about this.

You are the one who loves
to talk about feelings.

Oh, maybe if you
talk about your feelings,

I'll recognize what
one looks like in the wild.

[both laugh]

- Okay...
- Mm-hm.

...I'm trying to figure out
how to metabolize my grief.

And I feel like I just wanna run out

and tell everybody that I love
how I feel about them.

By every single person you mean Mal?

I mean, he's one of the people.

[scoffs]
He's your person.

[softly]
He's with someone.

Okay, I'm not telling you
to go all Ariana Grande,

but what if Mal dies tomorrow?

That is so dark.

Do I have to tell him?

I think you get to tell him.

[knocks on door]

- Hey.
- Um, I just--

I know this is
crazy and unexpected,

- but I just--
- [Ava] Hey, Paige!

- Oh, hi, Ava!
- Oh, my God!

You're here! Of course.

Just watchin' Family or Fiancé.
[chuckles]

Black love, baby.
Look, I gotta pause it.

They're about to do
the blessin' ceremony.

- Ooh.
- That's a good part.

So?

Uh, I, I came by because [inhales]

Finn is starting to look
at colleges and, um, it's exciting,

so I-I wanted you to maybe think about
writing him a letter of recommendation?

Yeah, of-of course.
Um, do you need it soon or?

Yeah, yeah, in probably eight months.

- Ah, okay.
- Yeah.

- Uh, well, thanks for the heads-up.
- Yeah, it's a long time,

you know, so it can be really good.

I-Is that it?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Um... so, how are you and Esti doing,
Carole's death?

I know it must be really hard.

- I'm sorry.
- [Ava] I'm sorry, too.

Oh, th-thank you, Ava.

You should, like, watch your show,

- your Fiancé and Family thing, yeah.
- [Mal Kennedy] Yeah.

- [Ava] Bye, Paige! Bye!
- Okay, bye, bye!

- Peace.
- [both chuckle]

[♪ "Escape [The Piña Colada Song]"
instrumental playing]

[singing]
♪ If you like piña coladas ♪

♪ And gettin' caught in the rain ♪

[voice echoes]
How do I sound?

Loud, woman, loud.

I didn't even know Carole liked karaoke.

Oh, she did not.
Carole did not drink, swear, or party,

so let's celebrate a woman
who lived a perfectly sober life

by turning the f*ck up.

Yeah, I thought
that funeral was kinda sad.

- Mm.
- You know, sistergirl, I gotta say,

I think you zigzaggin'
kinda in your grief,

so you need anything... I'm here.

You know what I need?

What?

Ice.
I'm gonna go to the store.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I got a, I got a better idea.

Hey, Finn?!

Been hidin' out in his room ever since...
his daddy didn't show, you know,

regressing instead of progressing.

Yeah, you yelled?

Yeah, I need you to go
to the store, get some ice, okay?

Uh, give him the keys.

Yeah, this would be a good way

for you to get your driving
sea legs back under you.

You want me to drive there?

- Yeah.
- In the car?

- Yes.
- [Finn chuckles]

- Go on, man, you got it.
- [phone ringing]

- I believe in you, bud.
- [Edwin] I do, too.

Hello.

Uh, you said I can handle this next week.

No, I will be there. No.

I, uh, gimme a c-couple hours, okay?

Yep.
No, I will see you soon.

- Sistergirl.
- Mm, mm-hm.

- A couple shakes of this.
- Mm-hm.

Top on, in the refrigerator.

- Don't mess up my food now.
- Got it, got it, got it.

- Shake, top on, don't mess it up.
- Okay.

There you are.

Hi.

Finn, how are you doing?

Just 'cause I know funerals
can be kind of intense.

I didn't really know her.

I'm just glad that
she didn't die in my room.

- No offense.
- None taken.

Honey, do you think that
maybe you could come down

for just a little bit
when people get here?

Uh, yeah, maybe.
I just-- I kinda prefer to backslide

in the privacy of my own room.

- So, no?
- No.

Honey, I--
When I said backslide, I was not--

- Baby.
- Yes?

Um, I got the brisket on cruise control.

- Everything else, ready to go.
- No, where are you going?

We have people coming here after church.

I know, somethin' came up
and I gotta handle it, like, right now.

- No.
- Nadine gon' give a ride and, uh--

- What, Nadine?!
- Don't gimme a hard time, baby--

I thought that that was done.

- It's a ride, baby.
- Okay.

- That's all it is, a ride.
- Okay, but where are you--

[fake chuckle]

- [person sighs]
- Good afternoon.

- Hello.
- Yes.

Uh, so, in here, I have my written test,
my, um, proof of residency,

my travel letter,
and my birth certificate

I went all the way to Alabama to get,
but that didn't work out.

I just do the wr-- driving test.

I apologize.

This was a last-minute appointment,
so I'm... a little nervous, you know?

Well, let's just start.

You are going to drive forward,

and then you'll just make
a left at the stop sign.

- Gotcha. Okay.
- [engine starts]

- [Edwin sighs]
- [engine revs loudly]

Ooh. Ah, I'm sorry.
This not my vehicle.

I borrowed it from a friend.

Actually my ex. [chuckles]

You know what, I'm just gonna go.

- [tires screech, engine revs]
- Oh, whoa!

This baby got some giddy-up... uh.

- [pen scratches paper]
- Actually, I--

- [turns off engine]
- I need a minute, yeah.

I was at a funeral... earlier today

and, and I was supposed to be
catering the reception and--

but my driver's license...

is my next step.

This is totally inappropriate, but, um...

they don't make it easy
for formerly incarcerated

to get their lives back together.

So that's why you haven't
had a license since 2006?

Yes, ma'am. I lost a lotta life.

'Til right now, you know?

My brother did time.

Oh.

Uh, how's-how's he-- how's he doin'?
Is he, he doin' okay?

It ain't easy, ma'am.

Well, uh, Mr. Alexander...

I want this for you too,

so just don't run over
any cones or flags or people.

- I really am an excellent driver, ma'am.
- Okay.

And I am ready to progress.

[engine starts]

[doorbell ringing]

I'll get it. I'll get it.
Esti, I'll get it. I got it.

[Esti Nelson]
Oh. Ice, ice baby. Busted.

Anxiety takes another W, huh?

What's going on?

Esti, did you grow up in a barn?
[chuckles]

- [Mal] Wait, wait, wait. Hold up!
- Oh, Go-- Sorry. I'm sorry.

- Come on in.
- I-I'm sorry.

I, I wanted to pay my respects.

Carole was a wonderful person

- and she raised an amazing woman, so.
- Yeah, Esti is amazing.

- Paige.
- Sorry. Thank you.

Look, I know you're hurting,

okay, but there are people
that care about you.

I want you to know that.

- Mal, how 'bout a duet?
- Um--

Um, can you please distract Esti so she
doesn't make Pastor Nelson sing again?

Because he's very tired and very sad
and he can't hold a tune.

[singing off-key]
♪ Did you ever know that you're my hero? ♪

- Sure. Mm-hm.
- Thank you.

Oh, wow!
Look who's back from their secret errand.

- [Paige chuckles]
- Babygirl, I didn't have a choice.

- This is somethin' I had--
- Dad, it's fine. We survived,

but you do need to get more mac and cheese

- on the table though, ASAP.
- Okay. I'd be happy to.

- Thank you.
- Oh, now, Nadine...

thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Thank you.

Okay.

[Pastor Nelson singing]

Do you wanna take off
your coat and stay awhile?

- Really?
- [chuckles] Yes.

There's plenty of food, obviously.

Ah. How 'bout eligible bachelors?

Any of those?

Uh... Pastor Nelson?

♪ 'Cause you are the wind ♪

- ♪ Beneath my wings ♪
- Too soon.

[chuckles]

- Uh, hello, everyone.
- Oh, oh. I think we're gathering.

Ah. Yeah, before we continue
the karaoke portion of the after-party,

and, yes, everyone must sing,
I thought I should say a few words.

My mom always had my back.

Like, when she wrote
my third grade teacher, Mrs. Rice,

a devastatingly passive aggressive letter

saying that my times tables
were just fine, thank you.

- It was a gentle aggression.
- [Esti] That's just who she was, a saint.

And I...

I suck.

I'm serious.
The, the last time Mom saw me,

I-I was spitting into a tube

like I-I wasn't related
to the mother I had right in front of me.

A-And I will never get to hug her again.

And guess what?
I haven't even cried yet.

Right? Like-like-like-like
if this were a movie,

I would be crying right now, right?

- Like, mm, mm-hm.
- [softly] I'ma step in.

Nope, I am aaall spit and no tears.

- Nope. No, not today. Uh-huh?
- [whispers] ...take a break.

- No, no. I-I haven't sung my song yet.
- There'll be time for that.

- There'll be time.
- Okay. Okay.

Thank you, Esti, that was so beautiful.

If I could just add a word or two?
Okay. Thank you.

I think part of what Esti
was getting at is that, um,

our mother really... lived to love.

And-And I-I don't mean
love like the-the feeling.

I mean, love as a verb, right?

Because love as a verb, is what you do.

And, um, she... she did everything.

She took us in.

And she had a heart that was just so

open, and vulnerable, and generous.

Probably a lot of times
when it-it would have felt

much less scary not to be, um.

But, you know,
love as a verb is about knowing

that there's no after-party in life,

so you, you just have to love now,

while you can.

Um...

[♪ light music playing]

before it's too late.

I think that's something
that Carole really understood,

and... [inhales]

I think it's something
that I am starting to understand now.

♪

Um, so, thank you so much,
everybody, for coming.

I really appreciate it.
And-And, um, for karaoke,

maybe everybody can just
line up in this room.

Um, thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, wait, please. [sighs]

- Paige, that was beautiful, but, like--
- Just hear me out, okay?

I have been doing
all of this work on myself,

and I think that it has really allowed me

to see you for who you really are,

and you are amazing.

You're such a good friend,
you're a grounded partner,

you see me, I think,
like, really Into-Me-You-See,

and I feel connected
to you in all the right ways.

Like, here and here and here.

Paige, I don't think you really know
what you're saying right now.

I'm completely certain of what I'm saying.

I'm, I'm sorry.

- What does that mean?
- I gotta go.

[door closes]

[indistinct chatter]

- [microphone squeals]
- Oh! Oh, God. [mouths] Oh, God. [sighs]

[video game sounds]

Heard about the ice.

Hey, Finn...

one thing I learned about love, family...

the... disappointment,
it's unavoidable, man.

'Cause all folks, they are just...

f-flawed as hell.

- You're not.
- [laughs] Come on, man.

I know I've let down
the folk I care about.

I let your mama down,
over and over and over again.

And all kind of folk have
let me down, believe that.

But it doesn't affect the love, Finn.

Now, I know it didn't
work out the way you wanted.

I am so proud of you
for reachin' out to your dad.

For somebody who's so-called
scared of everything,

Finn, you did the hardest thing possible.

You put yourself out there.

Now you can do that?
You can do anything.

- Oh... should I help?
- I got it. [chuckles]

My condolences again.

Okay. Thank you.

And I liked your speech.

- Thanks.
- To Mal.

Carole would've been proud.

And I'm proud.

Well... I don't think Mal liked it.

- I mean, he just walked out, so.
- You know what, Paige?

You're kind of unforgiving,
somewhat judgmental,

- and a bit of a know-it-all...
- That was rude.

...but Mal would be
a fool not to be with you.

I'm glad you stayed.

Well... I am kinda
the only mom you have left.

Oh, God.

- Oh, that's kind of true.
- Hm. Mm-hm.

[♪ "So My Darling"
by Rachel Chinouriri playing]

[sighs]

[softly]
Rawr.

Hey. I'm sorry I put you on blast
with the whole ice thing.

Nah, it's cool.

Just, um... you know, sometimes,
my brain makes small things impossible.

Even though I've done much harder things
than drive two blocks for ice.

Eh, I shouldn't put ice
in my chardonnay anyway.

Makes me look trashier than I am.

I just feel bad that I disappointed
you guys, you know?

But, uh, Grandpa said that part of being
in a family is disappointment.

But he made it sound way more hopeful.

Yeah, he was all like...
[clears throat]

[mimics Edwin]
"Finneas James,

"part of love,

"part of family is disappointment.

Because all folk flawed as hell."

♪

[chuckles]
You know, it doesn't mean that, um...

doesn't mean that you don't love them

and it doesn't mean
that they don't love you.

Or somethin' like that.

[chuckles, sniffles]

[emotional] You're s--
You're so right. I, um, I loved Mom.

And she loved me.

W-Was, was she disappointed
I-I wanted to find my birth family?

Yeah. Yeah, she was. [inhales]

But, but then she died
and... she died feeling terrible.

But-But that doesn't mean
I-I shouldn't follow through

because she's gone now.

And me not sending in a tube of my spit
isn't gonna bring her back.

- Oh, God. Um.
- [Esti sobbing]

Aunt Esti, are you okay?

Totally! No-no-no-no-no.
C-Crying was the goal.

- [softly] Okay. Yeah.
- Thank you.

[♪ gentle music playing]

[typing]

[Edwin]
How you doin', babygirl?

You mean because of
my very public humiliation?

You know, it actually led to a revelation
with my book proposal,

so it's not just about
dating with daddy issues.

It's about
Living and Loving and Losing...

with Daddy Issues.

You know how they say, um...
you know, "It'll be alright in the end"?

If it ain't alright...

that means it ain't the end.

That's good.

- [Paige chuckles]
- Hm.

- Can I add that?
- You know, I'ma charge you.

[both laughing]

- Hey, um, if you got a minute, baby--
- Oh, it's not a good time.

- Dad, I'm, I'm right--
- Just a, just a...

- Okay.
- And it's only a few miles away.

- I have to drive?
- No.

I'll be drivin'.

[♪ "Groceries" by CARRTOONS
& Nigel Hall playing]

Yeah, I know my timing wasn't great,

but... I was in a bidding w*r
on this baby.

Owner almost gave it to the other guy.

And that's why I had to get
my driver's license today.

I'm takin' that next step, y'all.

I ain't holdin' back.

I'm gonna be the father
ya always needed me to be.

Did you give up your steady job

- with decent pay for this next step?
- [Finn scoffs]

- What?
- I got you, babygirl.

As a matter of fact, no, I am not.

I'm workin' two jobs...

'til I know I got this.

Then I support you, Dad, 100%.

- This is dope, Grandpa.
- Right?

- You're following your dream.
- Yeah, I am.

- [Edwin play fighting]
- [laughter]

[Edwin grunts, laughs]

Man, you guys have been doin'
all kinds of stuff with your grief.

You know, I'm wondering,
if maybe I could... drive us home?

- You think you ready?
- Yeah. I mean, it's not about waiting

for the anxious thing to go away, right?

It's about doin' sh*t while anxious.

- Come on now. Go 'head, man.
- Oh, oh, no. No-no-no-no-no.

I, I love you both so much.
Super proud of you.

But I think that maybe you should start
with the Volvo and not Grandpa's truck.

- It's--
- Deal.

- Oh, did I just get had?
- Go. Go.

- Did he--
- Go to the Volvo, brother.

[♪ "I Got Sunshine"
by Avery*Sunshine playing]

[Paige]
Today has been [chuckling] a tornado.

But I learned recently that you
are supposed to gargle your grief.

You have to sit with it
and swish it around and... [sighs]

let it heal you on the inside,
I guess, I don't know.

But [laughs] maybe that's
how grief works, right?

It-It is-- it's here
to teach us how to live, today,

as if the after-party is now.

So...

yeah, go a-- go ahead and...

sing Baby Got Back
at your [laughs] mom's funeral,

and buy a food truck,
and go on a Rumspringa.

Do the thing that you are afraid to do.

You know, tell people that you love them.

Even the ones...
that don't feel the same.

Because, in the end, you could--

- [Mal] Paige.
- Hey. Hi.

Um, what are you doing here?

I, um, I just needed time to process.

I know, I put you on the spot.
It was a hard sell. I'm so sorry.

- I didn't mean to dump all my--
- Sold.

- I'm sorry, did you say--
- Sold.

I needed time to think,
and I needed to break up with Ava.

- Did you do that?
- I did because

how I feel about you was not fair to her.

Mal...

[sighs]

I wanna try again.

I gotta be honest,
that sounds pretty terrifying.

[laughs]
I know. I'm terrified too.

But I feel like...

we could do it differently this time?

Maybe we just take it slow.

I've never done slow a day in my life,

- [chuckles] but...
- Mm.

...I could try...

for you...

for us.

You know, for this. [chuckles]

[♪ soft music playing]

[Paige moans]

- [Edwin] [whispers] Paige.
- [knocks on door]

Nope. No.
No! [laughing] Dad.

Come on. [laughs]

What's wrong?

Somebody's here.

Who?

Your mom.

Wait. What now?

♪ Baby ♪

[♪ "All I Ever Wanted"
by Lenny Kravitz playing]

♪ Can't keep on runnin' ♪

♪ All I want you to do
is to feel with me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We both are hurtin' ♪

♪ And it's gonna take a little time ♪

♪ To heal all the wounds
and save our family ♪

[spray paint can hissing]

[speaker]
Woo-hoo!