01x07 - Deadomutt (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

Did you see?

They put an ampersand
up on the wall in reception.

Yeah, an ampersand.
The thing that goes like this.

You know what that means.

Gosh, l don't know, Harvey.
They're gonna make you partner?

And why not? l'll tell you one thing.

They're adding someone's name...

to that obscenely expensive
walnut burl paneling out there...

and this time it's gonna be mine.

Yeah, Harvey, l'm sure that's it.

Phil wants to see you.

Of course he does.

B-l-R-D....

Sit down.

How old are you?

Not a trick question, Birdman.

-Thirty-six.
-Thirty-six.

That's the age l was
when l founded this law firm.

Like hell, l was. l was 26.

Which brings me to my point.

l'm only 34, Birdman,
two years younger than you...

and already l've done so much...

while you haven't.

You just get older ahead of me.
What are your plans?

Where are you going to?

Do you like the things
that life is showing you?

Well, l work hard.

You work hard,
and as a reward for hard work...

-people get--
-Promotions!

-Promotions!
-And raises!

-Promotions!
-Promotions!

Everybody get in here.

l'm sure you've all been wondering
about the ellipses in the waiting room.

-Ampersand.
-Sebben & Sebben is growing.

Growing like a big old gangly teenager...

with long arms and smelly gym socks.

Sebben, Sebben & Birdman.

Everyone, l'd like you to all give
a warm welcome to our newest partner.

Thank you, Phil.

And newest hire....

Señor Antonio DeRivera...

Garcia Azul Falcone!

Garcia.

Sissy European lisp thingy.

My friends call me Azul...

but you can call me Blue.

Yes, l think l can safely say
that Blue brings something to the firm...

we didn't have before.

Not this. This is something
here before not we have.

Gracias, Phil.
Know that l am very excited...

to be joining you in your endeavors,
as is my assistant.

ln my culture, love is.... How you say?

The life. And when we show appreciation,
it is with gift.

Expensive indigo silk scarves
for everyone!

And now, we make party!

No, wait a second.
He gets partner and l'm--

Look, we all knew
you weren't gonna get the promotion.

After all, it's you.
Besides, did you see his client list?

Big Falcone deal.

Someone's feeling down.

Someone needs his lucky mug.

No.

Okay.

All right, look.
Phil speaks only one language:

Threat-English, okay?

So if you want something,
you'll have to get up...

march in there, wrap both hands
around his neck...

and shake him up a little bit.

That's how you communicate with Phil.
You shake!

-You think?
-Yes.

Really? You think?

Yes.

-Phil, l demand that l be made--
-Pull!

Turks are fighters, but lndonesians...

now there's a nation
of scrappy little sons of--

What is this?

-The ficus?
-No. This.

That's just Birdman.

-He is employee, no?
-For now.

You, Birdman, this is the place where l....

Carpeting? Floorboards? Mango chutney?

-Disposable panty liners!
-Procure.

This is the area where l procure
pencils and papers and such?

God, l love your accent.

Bi-curious.

You will help me in my legal career, no?

He will do no such thing!

Oh, office supplies.

l thought it was something legal. Fill this.

Come on. Let's check out
the executive pissoir.

We're out of coffee filters!

l've got some office supplies.

-Yes?
-Office supplies.

-Heavy.
-ln the credenza.

-You wanted to see--
-Birdman, get in here.

-Have you two met?
-No.

No, l would remember this one.

Birdman, Blue needs some help.

You'll take some of his caseload
so he can keep thinking the big thoughts.

-You know, paradigm shifts....
-You will share in my success...

my continuing success.

Winning isn't a sometime thing.
lt's an all-the-time thing.

And now, we make party!

That's a man-kiss.

We'll need your office, Birdman,
for the ponies.

You're in....

-1 13-A.
-1 13-A?

Mr. Falcone needs more indelible markers.

Now.

Falcone? Yeah, Mark, Chicago office.

l was wondering
if you thought the corporation...

will indemnify them,
or is that our problem?

Let's see. ''lndemnify.''
What does that one mean?

''Protect against.''

Yes, l think we would protect
against legal damage...

and to make compensation for damage,
loss or injury suffered...

for them.

Kid's meal.

He uses crib notes.

l won't even tell you where he keeps them.

And this morning, l walk in on him...

l'd like to order
the Napoleonic bumblebee footstool.

...and he's on the phone.

Plumped and gimped.

-Reducto?
-l'm multitasking!

His assistant does all the work,
and Falcone takes the credit.

-He'd be lost without that dog.
-So k*ll it.

That's with the bullion fringe?

k*ll it.

Can't we make this guy
anything bigger than partner?

-There's got to be something.
-k*ll the dog.

Demigod.

Out!

Some lunch.

You get that thing l sent you?

Yeah, l got it, fat boy.

Peanut! You?

Yeah. Excuse me, last week,
some of us still have a career to consider.

Lucky mug?

That does it!

Phil, Blue Falcone is a complete--

Birdman, good. We're out of gherkins.

Freudian.

Law school, blue chip, splash dancers....

What the....

-He tells me....
-Employee! Birdman!

Copying his resume.

What the....

My God, Birdman. What have you done?

-lt's his bolts, and--
-Nuts.

You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say....

You'll hang for this, Birdman.

l'll see to it personally
that you'll hang for this!

And you're fired!

Next time on
Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law:

We find the defendant not guilty.

And now, we may party!