03x05 - Turner Classic Birdman

[bunniefuu]

Hi. I'm robert osborne.

You may have heard of the
animated show "harvey birdman,

Attorney at law."

In fact, if you're persistent,
you can sometimes still catch it

Late at night on cable, but did
you know that birdman had a

Career before he was a lawyer?

That's right.

Birdman's first career came
nearly 40 years earlier as--get

This--a superhero in a saturday
morning animated series called

"Birdman and the galaxy trio."

Well, tonight we have a real
treat for you.

We have a rarely seen short with
birdman tangling with not just

One, but with several villains,
all of whom later make

Appearances in the series
"harvey birdman, attorney at

Law."

Here's 1967's award-winning
short "busy day for birdman."

[Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group]

Birdman!

They evacuated the pentagon.

There must be a madman who has
threatened to shrink it to a

Very small size.

Iced creams.

Iced creams for sale.

Quiescently frozen confections.

All right.

Who's ready for some soft serve?

I have chocolate, vanilla,
coffee, strawberry, maple

Walnut, pistachio nut, butter
pecan, chocolate chip, mint

Chocolate chip, mocha chip,
cherry vanilla, mud bog, peanut

Butter cup, chocolate decadence,
black raspberry, french vanilla,

German chocolate, and pina
colada but only available in one

Size--small.

Back off.

He shrunk the pentagon.

I bet that g*n doesn't dispatch
any kind of ice cream at all...

Or if it does, only one flavor.

Back up. Form a line.

No cutting.

Please have your money ready.

I shall now return the pentagon
to its original size.

I want mine with sprinkles.

Which looks better to you--
this or this?

This or this?

I can't tell anymore.

I'm all mixed up.

What is it that you want?

What I desire is power, just
a tiny bit of it, though, not a

Lot, but I must have birdman out
of the way.

You will send him to me.

Birdman, we need your help.

Reducto threatens the entire
populace and demands to see you.

I have no choice but to go to
him.

Actually, before you go
there, I was wondering if you

Could swing by here first.

Why? What is it?

Well, I can't move my right
arm.

Oh, god. Ohh! Ugh!

Gah...ooh...g-god.

Nope. Could be lockjaw.

I'll be right there,
falcon 7, after I deal with

Reducto.

Wait, birdman.

I said come here first.

Come on, avenger.

No handle or doorbell to
speak of.

That leaves me with just one
choice.

Hmm, almost there.

Just a few more seconds.

Should melt any minute now.

[expl*si*n]
that was an automatic door.

All you had to do was step in
front of it, and it would have

Slid open.

Look behind you.

If I look, he might blast me,
but there could really be

Something behind me.

Oh, god, there's something
behind me, isn't there?

Is there? Aah! Shrinkie dink.

Now, how did that hit my
shrinkpack, and not me?

What's this? Ants.

It appears they can only move
their antennae, but just to be

Safe...

[Shriek]
now to recharge my powers by

Getting to the sun.

Oh, no.

[Ping ping ping]
yes?

Birdman.

Little busy, falcon 7.

Oh.

Thought you'd be done by now.

Nope, and now I'm trapped in
a spider web.

Stop dawdling, birdman.

A winged madman named vulturo
has hidden a hydrogen b*mb in

The observatory.

Here comes a spider...

With only 6 legs.

So I should finish up here first
and then--

Let me see here--hydrogen
b*mb or gimp spider?

Hydrogen b*mb or gimp--
I'd say hydrogen b*mb.

I'm on my way.

The mighty birdman.

[High voice] are you going to
tell me where you've hidden the

Hydrogen b*mb, vulturo?

Ha ha ha!

Drat. I shall try again.

Do hold still.

Oh, dear.

I've been struck in the
[indistinct] pack.

Now tell me where you hid the
hydrogen b*mb.

It is hidden in the head of
the [indistinct] right next to

The [indistinct].

Uh, I'm sorry.

Didn't catch that last part.

[Sigh]
it's in the head of the

[Indistinct] next to the
[indistinct].

One more time.

Now back to reducto's to enlarge
myself.

My, but that took a long time
to fix, all those teensy screws

And tiny gears, but thankfully,
nothing can hurt it now.

I think I shall just hold it up
here in the air so I can admire

It.

Oh, great. Sure.

Fly away so I can't smash you
like a wasp.

Aah! Giant eagle.

[Normal voice] was I this
size of a little bigger?

I can't remember.

I believe you were wee.

Oh, sweet teensy bliss.

Good-bye, large world.

I don't see reducto anywhere.

Do you?

Wait. There he is.

No. That's a piece of licorice.

All right.

Well, now time for some
well-deserved r&r.

Lower. Lower, old friend.

Ahh, that's it.

Birdman, some fiend is using
a contro-ray to take the minds

Of world leaders.

We've traced the source to
somewhere in these volcanoes.

See if you can pinpoint which
one and put an end to this

Treachery.

I don't know, avenger.

Something tells me it might be
that one there.

Birdman, as I expected, for I
am mentok the mindtaker.

Can you step a couple of inches
over to the left?

Uh, no, the other left.

There you go. Ok.

If you wouldn't mind holding
still...

You're doing great.

Thanks a lot.

Just stay right there, birdman.

You are no longer in control of
your mind, and your wings are

Missing, too.

I am no longer in control of
my mind, and my wings are

Missing, too.

Uh, you don't have to repeat
what I'm saying.

I don't have to repeat what
you're saying.

Uh, I mean it. Stop it.

I mean it. Stop it.

You mean it. Stop it.

Ok. Let's try this.

You only do it when I say,
"mentok says," ok?

Ok. Good.

Ok. Good.

I didn't say, "mentok says."

You didn't say--
all right.

I'll tell you what.

Mentok says go to the capital
and present my list of demands.

"Lifetime supply of tab,
mentok's face on the dollar,

Dinner with mamie van doren..."

Birdman is under some kind of
spell.

That's why I don't have to fully
cover my mouth as I talk in

Front of him.

Tell mentok we can do that all
for him except the tab part.

No tab. Diet rite. No tab.

[Caw]
following bird.

Following pretty birdie.

Huh? What?

What am I doing here?

Why am I not wearing any
underpants?

The sun's ray must have helped
me break mentok's hold over my

Mind.

[Caw]
thank you, old friend.

Now to finish a score with
mentok.

Breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9.

Big bird, did you get my diet
soda, over?

No, I didn't, mentok.

Oops.

Somebody got his mind back.

Well, don't bother coming back,
then.

But I am, to destroy your
contra-ray.

Hey, as of yet unseen
scientist person, you, fire the

m*ssile.

I need more power, more solar
power.

Just about all charged up.

That should be the last we hear
of mentok.

Birdman, a madman has stolen
a sensitive military test

Rocket.

But, falcon 7, I'm
decoupaging.

If I leave now, it may bubble.

We need you, birdman.

Ohh!

Oh, look. Here he comes.

I'll open the door for him.

Or he can use the ceiling.

I want answers, mr. "X."

Why have you destroyed the cargo
rocket?

Um, to get you here?

Hold still.

With my vice ray, I've--
ok. Hold on. Little stuck here.

With my vice--ugh!

It won't budge. I guess it--
I guess it rusted while I was

Sitting around waiting for you
to show up, mr. t*rd.

Say, you wouldn't happen to have
any wd-40.

Oh. No, no. Here we go.

With my vice ray, I shall hold
you powerless whilst I grab the

Crest.

Got to run.

Threepio, threepio.

Shut down all trash compactors
on the detention level, will

You?

Shut down all trash compactors
on the detention level.

Any longer, and I would have
been a lot thinner, old friend.

[Caw]
hey, you dropped the rope.

What's this?

Ooh, I think I just wet myself.

Well, at least I can air-dry.

The coast guard will take
care of "x" the eliminator.

Hey, birdman! Hi!

I'm on a poop deck.

Little help. Glub!

Taking on water. Taking it on.

Birdman, a madman is causing
earthquakes.

Ohh!

Birdman, a pirate is looting
some booty.

Argh.

A neanderthal is leaving
doody.

Ugg. Ooh!

A drag queen is singing some
judy.

媻 ah
uh ♪

A mad scientist is freeze--
aah!

Ha ha ha! Ing.

That's it, falcon 7. I quit.

Quit? And do what?

I don't know, a regular job
like normal people have, a desk

Job with normal clothes and
regular work, work you get paid

For.

[Buzz]
birdman, get in here.

A mr. Peebles is suing
mr. Dibble.

Sigh.

And that was 1944's "double
indemnity" with fred macmurray

And, of course, the glorious
barbara stanwyck.

Now, later, frank capra would
confess in his autobiography

That he fell in love with
stanwyck and--had he not been

More in love with lucille
reyburn, whom he eventually did

Marry--he would have asked
barbara stanwyck to marry him

After she called it quits with
frank fay and before she married

Robert taylor.

Well, that's it for tonight.

Thanks for watching, and I'll
see you next time.