01x01 - Bawk Ba Gawk

[bunniefuu]

- Oh, boy.
It says here that

Giganticon has destroyed
the city again.

- Well, I suppose
they'll just rebuild it
like they always do.

- Not with my tax dollars,
I tell you.

Giganticon is a jerk.

- It must be hard being
an 80-foot-tall lizard creature.

- You know what?
For a top hat
and spangled briefs,

I would kick that big, green
pepperoni right in the --
- hey...everybody!

- [Cheering and applause]

- Good morning, pumpkinhead.
Did you sleep all right?

- Actually, mom,
I had the most amazing dream.

I was riding on
an ice cream donkey

With none other than
mr. Dean martin.

- Wow.
- And even though
the donkey melted

Just outside of walnut city,
dean didn't care,

'Cause that's just the kind of
man he was.

- Ah, he was the dean
of martins.

- Amen.
- Ah, here is my other son.
Good morning, sisto.

- [Passes gas]
- eh, right back at you.

- Brak, the big game
with jerkwater high is tonight.

Oh, you must be all excited.

- I sure am, mom.
I really think this is
learnmore high's year.

- Ah, the year of
the lowly worm, huh, son?

- You said it.
- Yes, I did.

- I heard him.
- So did i.

- Ooh, how does that
fight song go again?

- ♪ We dig in dirt
and hide from birds ♪

♪ That's a life of
a lowly worm ♪

- ♪ We only come out
late at night ♪

♪ That's our time to squirm ♪

- ♪ Run and hide,
you crimson worm ♪

- ♪ We're the learnmore
lowly worms ♪

- Oh!
- Oh, but that was fun.

- Huh, what could possibly ruin
a day such as this?

- Hubba-dubba-doh!
- [Cheering and applause]

- Oh, hello, arthur.
- His name's not arthur, mom.
- He's zorak.

- Now we all know each other.
Let's go.

- Where are you taking me?
- I think he means brak.

- I know that.
You think I'm stupid
or something?

- So what do you boys plan to do
with your saturday?

- We're going to go make
papier mache gorillas,
right, zorak?

- Uh, yeah.
We're not doing that.

- Why not?
- Because it's stupid.

- I thought that was fun.
- Let's go!

- [Sigh]
ok.

- Bye, mom.
Bye, dad.
Bye, mom and dad.

- Good-bye, my son.
[Door closes]

- It's nice that brak has
such a good friend.

- Let's go get some beer.
- I don't know, zorak.

I don't think my folks
want me drinking beer.

- That's why we're doing it.
- Oh, all right.

Oh, look. There's my neighbor,
mr. Thundercleese.

- He's won prizes
for his landscaping.

Hello, mr. Thundercleese.

- Are you here
to destroy my lawn?

- I beg your pardon?
We would never do that.
Would we, zorak?

- What's that?
Can't hear you.

- [Sigh]
you're going to blow him up,
aren't you?

- Affirmative.

- Wa-hoo!

- Hee hee hee.
Target sighted.
Commencing attack.

- Uhh. That all you got?
[Cough]

- Actually, no.

- [Sniff sniff]
darling, are you
cooking diapers?

- Ay! Oh!
[Boom]

- Man, I don't think
mr. Thundercleese likes you.

- Nobody does.
That's the way I like it.

- I like you.
- Well, quit it.

- I can't, zorak,
and I'll tell you why.

♪ Friendship is like
an ointment ♪

♪ When you've been stung
by 50 bees ♪

♪ Wherever you rub it,
you know it feels better ♪

♪ Because it's
a topical analgesic ♪

♪ I'm singing fri-- ♪
- shut up.

- Why?
- We're here.

- Hey, what are we doing
at the rival high school?

Are we going to put
peanut butter
in their jockstraps?

'Cause it'd be funny.
[Laughs]

- That's not bad.
- Oh, well, you know.

- But I have a better plan.

We're going to kidnap
the jerkwater high
fighting chicken.

[Laughs]

- You mean mr. Bawkbagawk?

- Yes.
[Laughs]

- Pretty good plan, huh?
- I don't know.

- You want to be popular?
- Well, yeah.
Wait, I'm not?

- Heh heh.
Not at all.

- Well, ok, then.
[Sigh]

If it'll make me popular,
and make people say my name
at parties,

Then point me in the direction
of that chicken

And I'll steal it,

Or my name isn't
gil schwartzman,

Which is now my new
popular name.

- Go get him, brak.

- You really need to be
calling me gil.

The sooner you get used to that,
the better.

- Beat it!
- Geronimo!

- Ok, I stole the chicken.
Now what?

- Now you're in big trouble.

- Aw, man.
We need to hide him.

- You need to hide him.
You did it.

- Aww!

[Door closes]
- dad, I'm home.

- Brak, I'm so glad
you're home safe.

There is a band of
chicken nabbers on the loose.

- Hey, old man.
- Hey, yourself,
you green devil.

- This is going to be
your hideout, mr. Bawkbagawk.

Let me show you around.

♪ This is my bed,
this is my clock ♪

♪ This is my
underwear collection ♪

♪ Here's a letter from a fan ♪

♪ And over there's my bogeyman ♪

- Same time tonight, brak?

- It's a date, phil.

♪ Welcome to my room ♪

- All right, let's eat him.

- We can't do that.

- Sure we can.
Get a hatchet.

- You don't understand, zorak.

This chicken is not just
a hostage anymore.

He is now officially
my new best friend.

- Yeah? Well, your best friend
just crapped on your bed.

- Aw, man.
- Brak, is arthur
staying for dinner?

- What are you having?
- Well, I thought I'd
whip up a vegetar--

- Make me a bowl of
fried chicken.

- Oh, ok.
- I need meat.

- Oh, I'll give you
meat, arthur.

- We're going to go eat dinner
now, mr. Bawkbagawk.

Will you be all right up here
by yourself, buddy?

- Nice.

- We better go wash our hands.

- Yeah ,you do that.
[Glass breaks
and chicken clucks]

- Man, that's one
pissed-off chicken.

- I knew I couldn't
leave him alone.

He misses me already.

- Well, how about this?
We eat him.

- Wait a minute.
I got an idea.
[Chicken clucks]

- Are you sure you won't
have some chicken? Hmm?

- He'll just have a salad, mom.

- Excuse me. I don't think
we've been properly introduced.

- Mom, dad, this is, of course,
your, uh, your cousin--

- Uncle.
- Cousin.

Your long-lost cousin--

- Earl.
- Toadman.
- Right.

- A long-lost cousin?
- Earl.
- Toadman.

[Rrowr]

- Of course.
Dear old cousin earl toadman.

He burned down a shoe store,
you know.

- No, dad, that was
merle toadman.

- Oh, yes, of course.

Ahem. Earl, I see that
you haven't married.

Or perhaps you're
recently married?

And how are the children?

If there are any.

Don't do that!
Mother, he's pecking
at my dinner.

- He's a guest, dear.

- But he has his own
plate of food.

Unbelievable.

- [Gobbling]

- Um, say, earl, do you remember
those summers at the lake?

We used to take off our pants

And run all around--
- [burps]

- [Gasps]

- What is the meaning of this?

- Uh, I have no knowledge
of this incident.

Uh, hubba-dubba-doh!
[Door closes]

- Brak, do you have something
you would like to tell me?

- Do you want the truth
or my side of the story?

- I would like the truth,
please, son.

- All right.
The truth is, we stole
mr. Bawkbagawk

Because we thought
it would help the team

And make us popular at school.

But instead, I sit here
in my own shame,

Hoping against hope that
the stench of guilt

Will soon fade like heat
from a delicious waffle.

[Sobbing]
- so what you're telling me is,

This is not my cousin earl.

- Don't wear your hat
at the table, dear.

- I'll do what
I damn well please.

Brak, there is a lesson
to be learned here.

You can't go around
stealing mascots,

Or the next thing you know,
we'll have so many mascots
at the dinner table

Passing themselves off
as relatives
and family members

That there won't be room for
the real family members to sit,

Should they stop by for a visit.

Do you understand, son?

- Well, dad, i--
- good.

Now, for your sentence,
you will no longer be

Allowed to ride inside the car.

- You mean I have to
ride on the hood?

- Oh, but dear, isn't that
a little harsh? I mean--

Now, mother, the boy has to
learn to take his punishment.

Maybe the fresh air will
clean out his head.

- I'm going to get bugs
in my teeth.
Then I'll be sorry.

- That's the price you pay, son.

Now, I want you to
take the chicken back

To his rightful home
at the jerkingwater high school.

- Ok, dad.
Let's go, mr. Bawkbagawk.

- Good-bye, cousin earl.

[Door closes]
- ah, mother.

It's so nice
having family around.

- Well, here we are,
back at your little cage.

Now you'll be at the big game
like you're supposed to be,

And everything will be
back to normal.

So go on.
Go on in there.

Go on, now.

I told myself I'm not
going to cry.

Go on in there.

Good-bye.
Good-bye.

♪ I wish I had
my friendship ointment ♪

♪ I feel like I've been
stung by 50 bees ♪

♪ But if I had my ointment ♪

♪ I wouldn't know
where to rub it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got a hole
in my heart ♪

♪ In the shape of
mr. Bawkbagawk ♪

[Sobbing]

- Well, I see here that
the jerkingwater high schoolers

Are losing the big game
last night.

- [Cluck, cluck]
- hey, brak,

I thought I told you
to return the chicken.

- But I did.
This is a different chicken.

Introducing
miss sadie mcclucking.

- Welcome, miss mcclucking.
Will you join us for breakfast?

- Fresh eggs all right
for everyone?

- Mother, wherever did you get
fresh eggs?

- [Cluck]
- [all laugh]

- Oh, boy.
- [All laugh]

- [Laughs]

[Crunch]
aah!

- Giganticon!
- [Roar]

- Oh, well.
Time for a song.