01x08 - Psychoklahoma

[bunniefuu]

It's on! It's on.
Oh, too late!
Got to make it!

Oh, my feet, walking so fast.
What do you say, feet?

"I say we go, brak."
I say ok, feet.

Ok, let's go.
- Halt!

What is your hurry,
neighborhood brat?

Are you fleeing
a razor-toed spine masher?

- No, sir, mr. Thundercleese,
but I've got to go, go, go,

Or I'm going to miss
the best show ever

Of any show to be shown
on the show shower.

- Television is for the weak.
A warrior's mind must be sharp.

Ha! Huh! Ha!
- Right.

Say, what--what time
you got there, partner?

- Time is an abstract
concept created

By carbon-based lifeforms to
monitor their ongoing decay.

A warrior--

- Sorry, mr. Thundercleese,
but I've got to go

Or I'll never forgive myself.

So long, "t," baby.

- Hi there, my name's mike.
I'm a razor-toed spine masher.

Want to be pals?
- Negative.

- Aargh!

- Well, hello, brak,
how was your--

- Mommy! No talk.
Daddy--tv now!

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Oh, hello, zorak.
Brak's in the, uh--

- I am very attracted to you.

- I can hurt you.

- Oh, wakachika wow!

- Am I late?
- No, my boy,
you're just in time.

- ♪ His name is senor science,
science is his name ♪

♪ So now great senor science
would also have to be
also his name ♪

- Hola, chicos y chicas.

- Bring on the woman!

- Let's say hola to
the fabulous chiquita!

[Applause]

- Coochie,
coochie, coochie, ah!

- Aah, yes.

- Let's watch as chiquita
demonstrates buoyancy.

- Coochie,
coochie, coochie, ah!

- Wow, how did she do that?

- I don't know,
but keep it coming.

- Thank you, chiquita.

And now, my friends,

You may have noticed
that my latest experiment

Has left me frozen in
this block of frozen ice.

- Oh! No!
- Oh, boo hoo.
Show the woman.

- I can't very well do a show
when I'm 90% frozen,

But you can use
science to save me.

Listen to find out how.

- Save senor science
by purchasing the senor science

Scientific melting kit,
available now for only $19.99.

That's not much, is it?
I don't think so.

Order now or say goodbye
to the senor and chiquita. Ay!

- So cold.
So very cold.

- ♪ His name is senor science
and he will surely die ♪

♪ Unless you run
right to your phone ♪

♪ And senor science
melting kit you buy ♪

- Dad, I need $20!

- Yes, and I need
a prehensile tail

So I can grab onto
things like a monkey.

- So can I have the money?

- Brak, I haven't had $20
for a long, long time.

But I'll tell you
what I do have.

- A hat made out of lemons?

- No.
- A watermelon boat?

- No. I have an idea.

Why don't you put on a show
and charge admission?

- What kind of show?

- I would say something
with music and comedy.

- And m*rder.
- Now you're talking.

- We could make costumes
and build sets.

- And use real blood.
- Sky's the limit.

- Heh heh heh!

- Dad, will you be in my show?
- Sure, I will.

But I want my own trailer
stacked to the hilt with
exotic creams and lotions.

- Deal.

- Say, fellas,
can I be in your show?

- You bet, mama jama.
- Hot damn.

- It'll be a show for
everyone who loves music.

- And m*rder.
Ha ha ha!

- Come along, old chaps.
We got us a show to do.

- Well, tonight's the big night.

Remember, people, the future
of senor science is at stake.

- And don't forget
chiquita. Grrr.

[Howling]

- Oh, give it a rest.

- So let's give it all we got.

And when we don't have any more,

We'll take out a second
mortgage and give that, too.

And when that's gone,
we'll go from door to door

Selling the latest candies,

Some of which we'll eat
ourselves, of course.

- Will there be taffy?
- How do I know?!

- I like taffy.
Sue me, why don't you?

- Oh! No!
That's my cue! I'm on!

[Piano playing]

Man, oh, man,
it's great to be a cowboy.

Makes the cowboy want
to sing the following
assortment of words...

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, my goodness ♪

♪ What a beautiful
morning it is ♪

♪ With the prairie heat
on my cowboy feet ♪

♪ Have I mentioned
I'm a cow...boy? ♪

Oy!

[Applause]

Oh, look. Who's that
I see with my cowboy eyes

In that building
way over yonder?

- Admiral rutherford b. Marbles,

Owner of marbles marbles,
incorporated.

♪ When you need marbles...

[Piano accompaniment]

♪ Trust marbles

[Applause]

Sister christian.

Come to me and we
will speak together.

- Here I am.
At your service, admiral.

- Ms. Christian, this is
a sack of $10,000 money.

Please go put it in the bank
without stealing it, my darling.

- I will do that
and you can be sure.

♪ Even though the money
may be nice ♪

♪ It belongs
to admiral marbles ♪

♪ But I'd like to buy
some very fancy things ♪

♪ So maybe I'll
steal it after all ♪

[Applause]

- Oh, my goodness.

♪ Somebody's going
to get in trouble ♪

♪ Watch with me, won't you,
as the plot thickens? ♪

- $10,000 Money.

I know I shouldn't have stolen
it, but I did and now it's mine.

Ha ha ha.
Oh, look! A motel.

- Welcome to
the painful acres motel,

Where our motto is,
"watch your frigging back."

- ♪ Danger, danger,
watch your frigging back ♪

- Can I help you...

To die?

Ha ha ha ha!

- I need a room for the evening.

- I'll put you in number one
because "one" stands for m*rder.

- Oh, great.

I happen to have
$10,000 money in my car.

I'll go get it presently.

- Yeah, you do that.
Ha ha ha ha.

♪ Yeah...

♪ Guests who stay
at the painful acres ♪

♪ Won't stay long
so I rent by the hour ♪

♪ They'll know why when
they try to take a shower ♪

♪ With the spigot on hot

♪ See my silhouette
through the curtain ♪

♪ Why I'm wearing
a dress is uncertain ♪

♪ When I steal your dough,
you'll be hurting ♪

♪ From the stabbing
in the shower ♪

♪ With the spigot on hot...

[Applause]

- You're not stabbing
anyone, perpetrator.

Not if the mighty thundercleese
has anything to say about it.

- You're not thundercleese,
thundercleese.

You're sheriff buck sagebrush.

- But my name is thundercleese.

Uh-yah!

- h*!

- Maybe you should let him
do it his way, dear.

- ♪ I'm the law, I'm the law,
I'm the law ♪

♪ I'm the law, I'm the law,
I'm the law...law ♪

[Applause]

- That's not how I wrote it!

But I like it.

- I know what this play needs:

A little more daddy.

You just wait.
I've got some plans here.

- You are under arrest

For conspiring to
terminate sister christian.

- Cram it, jerkwater.

- That is not your line.
Only thundercleese improvises.

- Look! The spaceman
have arrived.

- Dad, you're not in this part.

- Shall I destroy him?

- Heavens, no, he's my husband.

- I don't speak your language.
I am the spaceman!

Ohhh...where is your leaders?

I come in peace.

- Dad!

- Brak, let your father
be the spaceman.

- All right, fine.
He actually makes
a good spaceman.

Oh! It's the finale!

♪ Oh...oh, my goodness,
what a beautiful evening it is ♪

♪ Our play's a smash,
hope you paid in cash ♪

♪ So we can save
senor science... ♪

Science!

[Applause]

- Listen to that applause.
They love the spaceman.

- How, uh, how was i?
Was I all right?

- You were a serendipitous
treat, my friend.

Delicious.

- I was nervous at first,
but then I started feeling it.

Instinct took over,
just like in battle!

Hoo-ha!

- Phew, doggies, I left it all
out there on the stage.

I'm pooped.

- Speaking of doggies, mom,
where did you learn to sing?

- I've blown sweeter notes
from my assophone, ha!

[Mom gasps]

Shaka zulu! Wow!

- ♪ Boom-ba-ba-boom-ba--

Oh! Look at the time!
I need to send away

For the senor science scientific
melting kit tout suite!

- Hello, again, children.

I've had quite a week
since our last show.

As you can see, I'm no longer
frozen in a block of frozen ice,

So you won't be needing
your senor science
scientific melting kits.

- What?! What is this bullcrap?

- And now, a word about
this week's experiment.

It seems that live wolves do not
make comfortable footwear.

As a matter of fact,
they're eating their way

Up my leg as I speak to you now.

Oh! Ay! Won't you
please--oh!--Help me?

Oh! Listen to find out how.

- Save what's left of
senor science by purchasing

The senor science
scientific carnivore

Footwear reversal device--
only $24.99.

Your parents will pay for it.
They've got the cheese.

Call now.

- Aw, man. I guess we're going
to have to do another play.

- Hiya, hiya, hiya.
Did someone say "play"?

You know, I did summer stock
in the redyular quadrant.

♪ Here we go, here we go,
here we go ♪

♪ Put me in the show,
in the show, in the show ♪

♪ What you know,
what you know, what you know ♪

♪ How you like,
how you like my razor toe ♪

♪ Razor toe, razor toe,
h* wo wo, whoo! ♪