02x01 - Poppy

[bunniefuu]

Narrator:
it was another perfect day.

The sky was blue.
The grass was green.

And the general lee was runnin'
like she never had before.

Meanwhile, up in brak's room,
he and his buddy, zorak,
were watching television.

That's brak on the left.

Man on t.v.: That's what
a p.i. Does, mama--

Solve crimes
and get it on.

Oh, schnozzo,
how can I ever...
Thank you?

How 'bout puttin'
your lips on my lips

And lettin' them
stay there for a while.

[Kissing]

Man, that schnozzo
sure has a way
with the ladies.

Oh, that was wonderful.

Not so fast, baby,
schnozzo wants more.

[Kissing]

What's he
doin' now, zorak?

Hmm, are you sure
you don't pay
for this channel?

Ah-ah. I don't think
I can kiss any more.

Think again, dude.

[Kissing]

Eh, that show sucks.

What do you mean, dude?
It's awesome!

Where's the violence?
Where's the blood spray?

Well, how about when
schnozzo took the b*ll*ts

Out of the bad guy's g*n
and hid them under the couch
so he couldn't find them?

Remember that?

Yeah, it sucked.

Then he called
the bad guy later,

And he said,
"where's your
b*ll*ts, dude?

Looks like your
a*mo-havin' days
are over, dude."

What do you think
about that?

Sucked.

Ahh. And then,
when he kissed
that beautiful lady.

Dude, do you think
I could get a beautiful lady
like that to be my lady?

'Cause I'd like it.

Eh, you want
some action?

You know it, dude!

Then cram
all that dude crap.

But, it's cool, dude.
Schnozzo says it
all the time.

Shut it!

I want some action!

Help me get
some action, zorak!

Ha ha ha!
Yeah, that's not
gonna happen.

You don't have
what women want.

What are you implying?

Women don't want that...
♪ Yu-duh-do-duh-do

"My name is brak" slop
you're always serving up.

They don't?

No! Don't you remember
the bus stop
this morning?

Narrator:
brak remembered, all right.
And here's what happened.

♪ Luh-duh-do-duh-do
hee hee. Isn't that funny?

Hey! Do you like suckers?
'Cause I do.

♪ Bluh-duh-do-duh-do

You wanna go
to the sucker store?
It's open till 9:00.

Get lost.

Ha ha!

Ok, bye-bye.
♪ Do-do-duh-do-do-do

Ahh. You're right.
I'm such a loser.

Women hate that
screwball b.s.

They want something
with a little
hair on it.

A little
of the zap!
Pow! Baby!

They do?

Yeah, you know,
a little [imitates
engine reving].

Yeah...

Oh, yeah...i...
Don't get it.

Ha! You mean,
your old man

Hasn't given you
the talk?

The talk?
Hee hee...

Talk...puh...
The...no. Can you
tell me about it?

I'm not your daddy...
Or maybe I am.

But either way,
you need to go ask
the man downstairs.

You mean the devil?

Ha ha.
You're stupid.

And because of that,
I'm leaving.

[Glass breaks]

Narrator: and just like that,
zorak was gone.

Leaving brak alone
with his loneliness.

[Disco music plays]

Ooh, that's a hot beat!
I feel a song comin' on.

♪ Brakie wanna get
himself a lady ♪

♪ Brakie want a lady now

♪ Needa wanna gotta
have a lady ♪

♪ Someone gotta
show him how ♪

♪ Got to get
a la-hey-hey-hey-adyyyy, yow! ♪

Narrator: and that's when brak
decided to go talk to his dad.

[Spanish accent]
"lucky penny proves unlucky
to elderly daredevil."

Ah, it's getting
so I don't even want to steal
the neighbor's paper anymore.

It's all bad news.

We need you
to be brave, dear.

When did that start?

Good morning,
sniggle-fricks!

Hello, mom.
Hey, um, dad?

What?

What do
women want?

You're lookin' at it,
little man. Next question.

Ok, how do I get a girl
to go out with me?

Well, let's see,
hmm...oh, uh, try this:

Rent a baby.
Take it to the park.

And when a beautiful woman
approaches to admire the baby,

Tell her your wife
has just melted
and start crying.

You'll be married
that afternoon.

You mean that wasn't
your baby?

What kind of man
would take a baby
to the park and try to--

Excuse me, darling.

Brak, why are you
so interested in women
all of a sudden?

Because I'm full
of love, dad.

And I want to
unleash it on some
unsuspecting honey.

Like a piano falling
all the way
from heaven.

What are you
trying to say, brak?

Sounds to me like
the boy's ready

For a little
yu-yu-yu-yu-yu-yungh.

So!

Oh, dear!

Now, mother, we both knew
this day would come.

I know, i...just hoped
it wouldn't come so soon.

Should i...
Go get it?

Ahh. Yes,
go get it.

What is it?
What's mom
going to get?

It is a gift from
your kind and generous
grandfather...poppy.

Narrator:
that's when brak found out he
had a grandfather named poppy.

Wow! Poppy!

But, of course,
he's dead.

Narrator: and that's when brak
found out poppy was dead.

Oh, poppy!

He was so full of life
when he was alive.

[Sobbing]

Calm down.
You didn't even know him.

He died 40 years
before you were born.

What's in
the box, mom?

It's something your poppy
wanted you to have, brak.

It's been passed
from his face to this box

And now on to you.

Aah!

Get it
away from me!

That's
somebody's nose!

Not just someone, brak.
This is poppy's nose.

He wanted you to have it

So you could smell the world
the way he smelled it.

Also so you could
attract the ladies
the way your poppy did.

Oh h*! That poppy,
he could work the ladies
like siegfried and roy.

But only when he had
his finest nose on.

You mean,
he had more
than one?

Oh, yes, this is just
his formal nose.

He only wore it
when he was courting.

But why does
he need fake noses?

Didn't he have
his own nose?

Well, no, honey.
Poppy was just like you and me.

He didn't...
Have a nose.

Narrator:
it was then brak realized
he didn't have a nose!

Aah! Noseless!
Can't breathe!
Need air!

Walls closing in.

Swim, brak.
Swim towards the light.

Oh, hello,
mr. Jellyfish.

Ouch! Stinging!

Ow, burning!

Oh, still no air,

Suffocating, oh--

Brak!

What?

You're not suffocating.

You haven't had
a nose your whole life,
and you've been fine.

That's right, dad.
I have been fine.

Super fine, in fact.

So why,
all of the sudden,

Do I need
to start wearing
a dead man's nose?

Because, brak, for a man,
the nose is like

The fleshy hood ornament
on the car that is your head.

You drive around,
you run a light,

Maybe you honk
at the ladies,
and they say,

[Falsetto voice]
"hey, chief,

Where'd you get
the new ride, eh?"

And you say,

[As brak]
"it's paco's, man,

"I'm just keeping it
for him while he's
in the joint.

See you later, man."

Then you drive away,

So proud to be
a nose-possessing man.

I'm sold, dude!

Why don't you put
your new nose on

And take it
for a spin?

Hey, strap that
fat honker on

And go make
a run at the talent
in the neighborhood, uh?

How's it look,
mom?

Does it go
with my head?

Oh, brak,
you look so handsome.

[Sniff]

Just like poppy.

Actually, you look
like the private d*ck
on the tv.

What's his name?

You mean
schnozzo?

No, no.
The straight one.

What?

Cajun daddy
ribadeaux?

That's the one.

I'm gonna go find me
some super foxy ladies

To call me big papa.

'Cause I love it
when they call me that.

Oh, go on, brak.
You go get you some!

I will, dude.
Catch ya on
the flip side.

Announcer:
so, brak went out into the world

With a face full of nose
and a mouth full of song.

♪ Brakie gonna get
himself a lady ♪

♪ 'Cause he got
a nose on now ♪

Oh, look, there's
the girl that told
me to get lost.

Well, let's see how
she likes me now.

♪ Loop-a-doop-de-do

How d'ya like me now,
girlie?

Drop dead, creepo.

Narrator: that's when
I decided to step in

And give brak
a helping hand.

Brak,
I'm here to help you.

Wh-who-duh-duh!
Who said that?

It's me, sonny.
Your own precious poppy.

Poppy? I thought
you were dead.

I am dead...
As dead as your chances
of scoring some action

Unless you do
what poppy tells you.

Now, let's get you a date.

You got any money?

No.

Well, that's gonna
make it tougher.

Ooh, look.
Here comes another
fine filly now.

Aww,
she don't like me.

She's gonna
like you, charlie.

Now, just do and say
everything poppy
tells you to.

First off, bid her,
"a pleasant good day
to you, my dear."

A pleasant good day
to you, my dear.

Go...away.

Excuse me
a minute.

Dude,
it's not working.

Sure it is,
you're doing great.

Now ask her if she's warm
for your form.

What?

Listen, do ya want
this chickie-baby or not?

Well, yeah,
but I don't think

Sayin' that's
gonna work.

Then squeeze her butt.

I can't do that.

Well, sure you can.
Reach around and
give it a squeeze.

I will do
no such thing.

Who are you
talking to?

Oh, it's my
dead grandpa--
poppy. Heh.

Yeah, he wants
me to squeeze
your butt.

Don't tell her that!

She'll think
you're crazy!

Come on, corky.
Give that sweet saddle a rattle.

Squeeze her butt!

I'm not squeezing
her butt!

Ouch!

Argh! Nose overboard!

[Bark]

I hope
you're happy.

You just whacked off
my grandpa's nose.

Come on, pick it up,
little stevie!

That's
valuable property.

You come
back here

With my poppy's
nose, doggie!

[Angry barking]

Was that
huckleberry hound?

That's it I'm outta here.

Nice knowin' ya, tony.

[Bark]

Aw, dude.

And you're sure
it was huckleberry hound

Who picked up
the nose?

Well,
he had on his hat
and bow tie.

Was he blue?

Of course
he was blue.

It was
huckleberry hound,
mother.

What did
he say to you?

Nothin'.

He just barked
like a dog,

And then
he swallowed
the nose.

So, you're telling me
that huckleberry hound,

A dog who has held
several jobs

And can tie
his own bow tie,

Has now,
for reasons unknown,

Reverted back to primal,
dog-like state.

Yep.

And he's taken
to eating noses.

That's how
it happened,
dude.

Say, did you ever
get a date, hon?

Mom, at this point,
does that really
matter!?

Schnozzo: not so fast, baby,
schnozzo wants more.

Get it on.