03x02 - Coma

[bunniefuu]

- Daddy's home.

- So, darling, how was
your canoe trip?

- Oh, that, yes.
Uh, that was a lie.

There is no prince momumbakop.

- What? Why would you
lie about that?

- I didn't want
to be followed, mother.

I've spent the last

The secret purchase of
the most fantastic device

Ever produced by man
or beast alike.

- How you guys doin'?

- It's all good, z-man.
All good. Hoo, now!

- So, uh, mom...

Hello.

- I heard that! Hoo, now!

- How you doin', mom?
- Zorak, did you know
you're on fire?

- The metamorphosis is complete!

[Laughing maniacally]

[Doorbell]

- Ah, my purchase has arrived!
Everyone, shut up!

- Ooh, what's this?
I love surprises.

- Me, too. It's like
wonder bird always says.

- ♪ I like ladies
big as can be ♪

♪ I like it much better
when they're bigger than me ♪

Ha ha ha! No.

No, that's not
what I always say.

I always say this.

Every day is a chance to be
surprised in a brand-new way.

[Yowling]

- He's right.

[Laughing maniacally]

- Hi, zorak.

I'm taking this gasoline
to my grandmother.

Aah! Granny!

- [Laughing maniacally]

- What's that
there thing, daddy?

I don't reckon
I ain't ever laid eyes

On nothin' like that there
in my entire born life.

Whoo!

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Say hello to this wonderful
and mysterious marvel
of the future!

- It's just another
vacuum cleaner.

- Exactly! Now we'll
have time to get married
and start a family.

Don't you want that, baby?

- We're already married,

And this is
the sixth vacuum cleaner
you've bought this month.

- Just think over my proposal.
The deal's good for
the next 20 minutes.

- I'm going to the store.

- I love you!

[Door closes]

- Say there, crazy dad.

- What is it, crazy son?

- What do you think of...

This!

[Grunting rhythmically]

- Mm-hmm. Yeah,
take that outside.

- Ok!

[Continues grunting]

[Door slams]

- Now to write a love poem
for that woman who just left.

Uh, let's see, ok,
uh, let's see.

Living underwater,
the common eel finds a woman

Who also is an eel.

Tchh! No, too scientific.

Uh, how about this?

"In an ancient castle ruled
by romantic apes

Wearing sexy headgear
and scented capes"--

Yeah! That's the one!

Somebody write that down.

- Where's zorak?

- Uh, you're on fire
there, scooby.

- I know it. Ah!

[Romantic music playing]

Ah!

Ah!

[Crash]

Who is that sweet piece
of technology?

- So, you like
the merchandise, do you?

- Yes. Will she impassionate
with me, all night long?

- Whoa, now! This is
a lady...vacuum cleaner.

You have any experience
with lady vacuum cleaners?

- I can answer that
better tomorrow.

You know what I mean.

After the impassionation--

- Yeah, I get it.
- I don't.

Please introduce us.
My drive is spinning.

- Yeah, sorry.
She's powered down for
her beauty sleep right now.

Anyway, she's not your type.

- Impossible!
They're all my type! Yeah!

- All right, but this baby doll
has expensive tastes.

You need to buy her
a gift, baby,

Like, I don't know,
maybe a solid-gold necklace

With a tasteful but enormous
monogrammed "d."

- Why a "d"?
- For the date, baby!

Don't you find her
delightful or delicious?

Pick a word, brother!
They're all starting
with "d" now.

Welcome to the modern-day
future, where letters are
the new numbers.

- And this will result
in a firmware upgrade
for thundercleese?

- I almost guarantee it, maybe.

- Yeah! To the ...!

- Mmm, baby, you are
so impassionate.

♪ If I were a vacuum cleaner

♪ And you were
a vacuum cleaner too ♪

♪ We would so get it on

[Singing vibrato]
♪ so-o-o-o

♪ Get it o-o-o-n, baby

- What have you done
to that vacuum cleaner?

- Oh, this?
Um, th-this is my mother!

Ahem. Yes, she's in town
for the wedding.

Say hello, mommy.

[In high-pitched voice]
I wish you two kids
the best of luck.

You are going to make
a beautiful bride, honey!

[Door closes]

That could have been
embarrassing, but it wasn't.

- Ah! Darling!

You are more beautiful
than ever!

I brought a gift for you.

- Uh, sorry there, chief.
She's in a coma.

Tough luck, guy.

- No!
- Oh, yeah.

But don't worry.
It's not a serious coma.

She'll probably come out
of it someday.

- And that will be
a glorious day
for thundercleese!

Glory!

So anyway,
I have the necklace.

Do you think she will like it?

- What I think is that you
just brought a necklace

To a chick in a coma
with no neck, dude.

That is totally insensitive.

- It is?
- H-yeah!

Why didn't you just buy her
a plasma screen tv
like I told you?

- You said get a necklace
with an enormous "d!"

- ♪ That is a lie

- No, it's not!
Watch this!

- [Roaring]

- Ok, ok, you got me.

You want to spend the whole day
showing me cartoons

While the other 14 guys are out
buying her plasma screen tvs,

That's your business.

- What other guys?!

- The plasma screen boys,
of course.

- Are you making this up?
Because I heard of them.

- So you know
what they're capable of.

- Impassionometry?

- Yup.
- Ha!

What size screen
should I get?

- Oh, 90-hundred should do it.

Oh, and leave the necklace.
I'll hide it for you.

- Thank you. Away!

I'm back.

[Panting]

Have the plasma screen
boys been here?

- The who?
Oh, yeah, that.

I don't know why
I said that to you.

- Why are you wearing
her necklace?!

- What are you talking about?
My mama gave me this, soul man.

Prove she didn't.

- Aah!

- [Grunting rhythmically]

♪ Diggy diggy diggety--

Hold on!

- That better not be broken.

- Why is brak smashed
into the ground under
a television?

- Brak, huh?

That's a good name for a son
if we ever have one.

Write that down, somebody.

- I'm ready to meet her now.
- Me, too.

- Her!

- The vacuum cleaner?

- Yes! I love her!
She's in a coma!

- What?
- Attention, vacuum cleaner!

You may not
be able to hear me,

But I wrote a poem for you.

"1-0-0-0,

"1-1-0-0-0-1,

"0-0-1-1-1,

"1-1-1-1.

"0-0-0!

"1-1-1.

"0-1-0-1.

"0-0-0.

"1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1...0.

"1-1-1-0.

"1-1-1-1-1...1-0...0.

Love, thundercleese!"

- This is just a bad dream.

- Open your eyes, lollipop.

Can't you see that
thundercleese is in 1-0-0-1-0

With my comatose
vacuum cleaner, mother?

They are to be married,

Right after my speech.

[Slow piano playing]

You know, mother,

I realize now that machines
are the only life forms

Capable of true love,

So I must rescind
my proposal of marriage

Until the day comes

When a horrible
atomic accident requires

That my vaporized body
be reconfigured

Using super-titanium
polymer fixtures

Beyond our comprehension.

Isn't that wonderful?

- And so,
brothers and sisters,

We gather to witness the union
of my new grandparents,

Metal as they may be.

And I'd also like
to welcome back
my wife crustacea,

Who is no longer in the navy!

Hello, baby.

Blah, blah, blah,
by the city...

[Blabbering]
...fire.

And then down comes
the rain and blah...

[Blabbering indistinctly]

- [Whispering]
hey, mother,

How do you think they're
gonna "do it"?

Blink if that turns you on.

Come on. Blink, baby.

- And now I must ask now
if there is anyone now

Who objects to
this marriage, uh, now.

- I do!
Stop this weddin'!

- Ronald!

- Hi, boys.
I made some cookies
and homemade milk.

How about if you eat it?

- How about if you stuff
that order and make me
a highball?

- Ah, I'd like a highball.
Brak, highball?

- Actually, a highball
would hit the spot.

- Brak is not having
a highball.

- Brak never gets
to have a highball!

- I'll take his highball.

Uh, I'm gonna smoke.
Brak, smoke?

- I'd like a smoke.

- You don't smoke.
It's a filthy habit.

- Yes, but I'm thinking
of quitting not smoking.

What, do you expect me
to live my whole life
like johnny clean cheeks?

- Johnny clean cheeks?
- [Beat-boxing]

- [Rapping]
♪ johnny clean cheeks,
he roam the land ♪

♪ Makin' sure that everyone
be washin' their hands ♪

♪ Ridding all

The countryside of disease ♪

♪ Bringin' mr. Germ master
to his knees ♪

♪ Johnny clean cheeks,
he the man ♪

♪ He is what he believes
and he believes what he am ♪

- Say what?
Say what? Say what?

Say what?
Say what what?

- ♪ Johnny clean cheeks,
mr. Spick-and-span ♪

♪ He done clean the land

- Here come the funky beat.
Say what what?

[Beat-boxing]

- ♪ Johnny clean cheeks

♪ He scrubs a lot!

- [Blabbering incoherently]

- Ronald!

- [Singing incoherently]