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05x05 - Warren

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Aired: May 30, 2006 – May 31, 2008.*
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Uses a subverted talk show format hosted by Space Ghost as he interviews live-action guest stars, whom Space Ghost believes to be fellow superheroes, appearing on a monitor beside Space Ghost's desk.

05x05 - Warren

Post by bunniefuu »

And now back to The Warren Show.

Oh, I love Warren.

Tell us, space, what are your super powers?

I've developed a few of my own.

I, for example, can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I jump over buildings.

I also have X-ray vision, and I can make change for a dollar.

Hee hee!

Ha ha!

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

I don't remember-- I can also bend my thumb, by the way.

I've never been on Warren.

That guy's a replicant.

I can bend a spoon with my mind,

but it has to be a plastic spoon.

Whoa.

Hee hee!

Ha ha!

I can't do the real spoon.

This is such bull.

I am superunsatisfied to be replicated

in this way, superunsatisfied.

I need to get to the bottom of this.

Come on, boys.

Let's take a ride.

Pick me up a hitchhiker, would you?

You're coming with us, zorak.

We'll go see Warren.

Then we'll swing by the department

store and get you some new slacks.

And a hitchhiker?

We'll see.

Shotgun!

Shotgun!

Yes!

Stop it.

Stop it.

Space Ghost, "I Have X-ray vision,

and I can make change for a dollar."

Stop it! Stop it.

I can make change for $5.00 if I had to.

Quit it.

Is this it?

Quit it!

Yup.

It's just like I remember it.

Oh, look, they put in a Mr. winters over there.

You see, boys, Warren was my mentor.

He was the wind beneath my cape.

I learned so much that summer, perhaps too much.

Hmm, let's go back.

What am I doing?

I love Warren.

I need to see him.

But he hurts me.

But I've been replicated.

But he hurts me.

But I have been replicated.

They were closed.

I want to see.

There's nothing to see.

Now, who wants new slacks?

I don't wear pants, and I don't know anyone who does.

Yeah. We want to see Warren.

All right.

Welcome, Space Ghost.

Warren is expecting you.

My power bands.

You know the rules-- no weapons.

Hey, you live here?

Oh, I see you brought a mantis.

Ahem.

And a fireman.

How lucky.

Where's the tub?

Can I have this?

Uh, that was broke already.

Zorak.

Somebody boiling vinegar?

Zorak!

What?

Shut your beak.

Before you close it with medical sutures?

No. Before I seal it using a powerful

space-age adhesive, which I keep

in my Fanny pack.

You know the rules, no Fanny packs.

My breakfast bars!

Ladies and gentlemen of the arena, I give you Warren.

Well, it's been a long time.

Yeah.

Warren, I've been replicated, man.

Hmm, do I know you?

You tell me, pal.

No. I don't know you.

Warren, you had me on your show last night, but I wasn't

on your show last night.

I was right there in my living room

watching you having me on your show.

Nice bush.

Ah, that's funny, man.

Just, ah, funny bugs like you, ah,

talking like that in my castle

end up looking for their teeth 2 blocks away on queen street.

Zorak, let me handle this, please.

Nice bush.

Listen, I can burn you like the crazy world of Arthur brown.

Zorak.

Nice bush.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

We're both green, aren't we, zorak?

But I got rays, don't I?

Don't I?

Don't I?

You better answer him.

Don't I, zorak?!

Ah, go fertilize yourself.

Aah!

Warren, I have come many Miles.

I present myself before you today

to find out why you've betrayed

our sacred covenant.

Do what, now?

Who was that you had on your show?

Because it wasn't me.

Oh, yeah.

That was just Gary.

Gary, huh?

Gary.

Yeah. Hee hee.

Gary Yup.

Are you trying to shuck me?

Listen to me.

Over there in the corner, you'll find a mystical cauldron.

Conjure up Gary, and he will appear before you.

He knows the answers to the questions that vex you so.

Now, I must adjourn to my sunny spot.

Wait. You didn't answer my question.

I didn't come here to talk to a cauldron.

Warren, wait.

He seemed like a good enough guy.

Yeah. Very personable.

Come on. Let's hold hands and conjure up this joker.

GaryOm

Hey, you guys have to do it, too, or it won't work.

Oh.

Om Om Gary Gary Om Om

Gary Gary Gary Gary.

Gary Om Gary Om Gary

Om Om GaryOm Om Ok.

Om Got it.

Om We're good.

We got it.

Ha ha! Thank you.

It's him.

Whoa.

It's Space Ghost.

It is indeed.

It is not indeed.

Do you know who am, Gary?

Take a good look.

I'm Space Ghost.

You're what?!

That's right, Gary.

I'm the real Space Ghost.

So am I.

No, see, I'm the one who flew around

the galaxy saving planets, not you.

Where do you get off being me?

In the early days, back when Space

Ghost was first born, they let me

play Space Ghost, and that was-- what a thrill.

Who's they?

Mr. Joe barbera and Mr. Fred silverman,

the gentlemen who chose me

to play you.

Nobody plays me, Jack.

I play me.

Hey, Gary, who played me?

Moltar, Moltar, I have a picture of you.

I have a picture of zorak over there

when he was just a mild mutant.

Hey, remember when I smashed your camera with that rock?

Oh, yes.

What wonderful days.

Gary, can you come home with us and be our new dad?

Now, wait just a second.

Can't you see?

Are you all blind?

Moltar, zorak, this is all just some demented mind trick

brought on by Warren.

I still have got the invisi-belt.

I've got that in the trunk of the car right now.

Listen up, you deluded old freak,

don't make me use my power bands on you.

Space Ghost, uh, you don't have your power bands.

Stay out of this, Moltar.

The time has come for me to put a lid on this cosmic crackpot.

This looks like real trouble. Hand me that veeblefetzer.

Here you go, buddy.

You're counting on hitting me with

that veeblefetzer, aren't you?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Because then you will become me, right?

Oh, yes.

That's just what I thought.

Well, here's something you hadn't

counted on, Gary This set of

auxiliary power bands that I had hidden in my space cavity.

Prepare for one of my harmful rays.

Hold on a second.

You're going to regret having messed with me.

Turning it on.

Prepare For one of my harmful rays.

Hey, sock it to me.

Pucker up, Gary.

Moltar, haul that to the phantom cruiser.

No! You've destroyed my creation.

Warren, you used that greasy replicant

to lure me back here, didn't you?

Yeah. You know it.

But why, Warren?

Well, ha ha.

Never mind why.

The past is just the future that already happened.

Now, come on over here and I'll cradle you.

Not you You.

I don't understand, Warren.

Often we fear what we don't understand, Space Ghost.

Come closer to me.

Closer.

I must be out of my nut.

What am I doing here, and why is Warren smelling me?

How are your folks and all them?

They're all kind of, uh, uh

Why don't you take your cape off, huh?

No, please.

Listen to me.

Love and fear are often the same thing.

Ok. Well, thank you.

Don't thank me.

Just hold me.

Mmm. Prime rib.

Oh, wait. Wait a second.

Coast to coast theme music playing]

Greetings, citizens.

Hey, what the-- I'm Warren.

Is everybody getting enough carbon dioxide?

Aha. That's why you brought me here

So you could steal my show.

But you already have a show.

Why, Warren? Why?

Well, you know

I just felt like it.

Well, you greedy manipulating yard shrub, I'm not going to let

your Warren impost-sonator steal

my show right out from under me.

But, Space Ghost, how do you know

that I'm not the impost-sonator?

Well

You've lost me there, Warren.

And now you must pay, you hateful hedge.

Aah!

You've destroyed Warren. I'm telling.

You've destroyed Warren.

I'm telling Tell him this I'm tell

When you see him in Poland.

That was good.

What else is on?

That was good.

What else is on?