07x01 - Kentucky Nightmare

[bunniefuu]

Greetings.

Welcome to the show.

Tonight my guest is Corey feldman.

Hey, what's with the shark?

That's been there For over a year.

Oh.

Well, I don't remember it.

Well, it was one year ago today I brought it in and said,

"here is the shark.

I'll place it right here."

What did I say?

You said you were so excited about

this merger that you couldn't speak.

What merger?

The merger between this talk show and that shark.

I know I told you this.

Well, I don't remember.

Look, that is ol' Kentucky shark and he has been there, ok,

zorak and Moltar?

Are we clear now?

Yeah.

You don't want me to play you to the desk?

When have we ever done that?

We've never done it that way.

And if you think you're going to get sympathy from the shark,

well, then you won't.

Stupid.

Now let's welcome Corey feldman.

Hello.

Or Willie Nelson.

It really doesn't matter.

Thank you.

Maybe it does matter.

Hello, Willie.

Do you know ol' Kentucky shark?

Gosh, I don't know.

Well, allow me.

Ol' Kentucky shark, this is Willie Nelson.

Willie Nelson, ol' Kentucky shark.

My pleasure.

See?

Ol' Kentucky shark is the brand ol' Kentucky shark is the brand

new mascot of the failing liquor chain that bought us.

Oh, so now there's a liquor oh, so now there's a liquor

store involved.

Look, in the heat of conversation, zorak, I may have

said certain things I don't believe to be true.

So you lied.

Are you slow?

The alleged lie that you might the alleged lie that you might

have heard me saying, allegedly, moments ago, that's a parasite

that lives in my neck.

Mars will never put up with this.

What planet are you from?

What planet are you from?

Planet of Hollywood.

Boy, you can order a hamburger with "predator" braids.

You ever been there?

I don't-- I probably have, but I don't, you know--

you would know if you had been there.

Your guitar would explode in your hands.

That's neat.

Where do you get them clothes?

I don't know if you would know them.

Kurt Russell and Goldie hawn, they made them for me.

Now that's a hell of a deal.

Oh, yeah.

The tag says "made in Malaysia by Kurt Russell and Goldie hawn."

Don't you think that's weird that the tag would say that?

And yet it does.

See?

Do you all have cape houses in spaceville?

What's that bear doing?

He's walking around.

He's probably going South to mate with birds.

Bears are crazy, Willie.

They'll bite your head if you're wearing steak on it.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, yeah, that's-- those are neat.

Yep.

How you doing?

This next question is brought to you by ol' Kentucky shark of

Kentucky nightmare talk show liquor corporation.

You might remember him.

Yep.

He's the fish you met earlier.

He's my friend, too.

I like him.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

All right, am I supposed to ask you

this question or do you ask me?

How does this work?

Ok, I'll just jump in here.

Willie, who wrote the extremely

"A shark on whiskey is mighty risky.

A shark on beer is a beer engineer."

Ha ha ha.

Uh Give up?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The answer we're looking for, Willie, is "Dr. worm."

Who's Dr. worm?

Nobody, so shut up.

You're a good-looking cowboy there, you know, and-- yes, I am.

You're a space cowboy is what you are.

2, 3, 4.

Some people call me the space cowboy

Do you have a second line in mind?

Dumb people haul trash around

I'm still working on it.

I think it's got some potential there.

That's good, because it's done.

Zorak.

Damn shark!

Zorak, you must be secreting something

that's attracting this bear!

I haven't done anything.

Heh heh.

Except for this.

Merry Christmas!

Zorak, take your glands outside.

Ok.

Phew.

God, crack open a window.

Wow, Space Ghost.

Man, crack a window, will you?

Ha ha ha!

Crack a window, Willie, huh?

Ha ha ha!

Crack open all the-- ow!

Moltar, what's the bear doing here?

Here, let me show you.

Ah, yes, my documentary.

Bears and sharks always travel together.

Just look at them, walking through the wooded forest paw in fin.

It's on account of their teeth

that makes them "nature's best friends."

I made this for public television, but they told me it

was stupid and grossly inaccurate.

You been smoking?

No.

I can smell it in your hair.

Crack a window, will you?

Ha ha ha!

Hey, look at this.

That's going to carry all the way to the village.

There ain't no village.

Moltar, zorak's secretion will certainly wipe out the

village's sandwich shop.

There ain't no village.

The village!

There ain't no village.

Hey, moat.

Hey, Willie.

I'm going outside for a smoke.

I was too late.

This is all that was left-- their 6-foot party sub.

Their king Randy made it for me while I waited.

No one will ever know their way of life.

Hey, look over here.

Give me that sandwich!

Zorak, get back in here.

I didn't give you permission to go outside.

Moltar's out here smoking.

No, I'm not.

Shut up!

Ow!

Shark, help.

This is is b.S., man.

I'm going to go see Dr. worm and reevaluate this merger.

Beef, chicken, malt liquor daddy's headbeet ticket.

Yes, I know.

Hey, how you doing, Tex?

You know, that bear's a yankee.

Well, Him.

That's right.

I just talked to Dr. worm,

and he had some interesting things to say.

You get away from me!

Ok, then.

Willie, I'm just going to do the show from over here.

Good luck.

Oh, no!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Shark, help!

Ow!

I'm so drunk, I'm liable to do anything to you, boy.

Well--

now get out of here before I put you

in the worst headlock of your life.

Moltar, we need more shots of the shark.

Shake the camera.

Make it look like he's swimming.

Is that good?

Yeah, it's great.

Where's the shark, you know?

I don't know.

Is he around somewhere?

God, I hope so, or that worm's going to go crazy.

Moltar

Willie, will you entertain that bear for a few minutes while I

go look for the shark?

Oh, I think I probably over-spoke.

Just wave some meat around.

Zorak, where's the shark?

He's outside.

Ol' Kentucky, you shouldn't be out there in that sun.

You need to come inside and put on

some sunblock and a wide-brimmed--

oh, no!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Moltar.

No.

No, it was not us.

But it is funny.

Then how did it happen?

Here, look at this.

Ah, yes, my documentary.

Why do sharks explode?

This is because sometimes their brains and sexual organs are

made out of m-80s.

Sometimes, to attract mates, a shark will explode.

And sometimes they explode just to attract giant k*ller bees.

Well, no bees are going to get in here,

not in my air-tight fortress.

Yeah, well, all the windows are cracked open.

Hey, man, crack a window open.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, no!

To the crib.

Let's talk about what went wrong with tonight's show.

Ok, first off, who invited Willie?

You know, I left my jacket back there.

Moltar, it's gone.