03x01 - Mother of the Year

[bunniefuu]

(raining)

- So, are you going to help me or not?

You didn't signal.

- I know that.

- Look, if Dori finds out that I failed math,

she's gonna ground me, you have to help me!

- So, what's in it for me?

- What do you want?

- I told you, I want help with the contest.

(sighs)

- The Mother's Day contest is so lame.

I can't believe you're actually serious.

- And I can't believe you're failing math.

Look, if I make you a phony report card, and mom finds out,

I could get in big trouble.

- But she won't find out.

(water hose splashes)

- Mom, it's private!

- Nikki's on the phone.

- Oh, why didn't you say so?

- Hey, my report card?

- If you help me with Mothers day.

- Fine.

- Deal.

(acoustic music)

- Contests. They're so phony.

How can you measure love?

I mean, how can there be only one perfect mother?

Kind of like there being only one best kid.

That's just plain stupid.

(upbeat music)

♪ There's a devil standing on my tail ♪

♪ But I don't have to beat him ♪

♪ And there's an angel that is tempting me to fail ♪

♪ But I don't really need him ♪

♪ And the waves just keep rolling along ♪

♪ We can drift if the current prevails ♪

♪ Here we are in this slow boat ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ A sail ♪

♪ A sail ♪

♪ Wishing ♪

♪ Wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing for a sail ♪

(upbeat acoustic music)

- [Dad] Griffen, are you sure you want to do this?

- A brief interview with each member of the family,

describing the special moments

they've shared with their mother.

- A videotape of the family?

- The winning entry's gonna be aired on cable.

- I don't know.

Mother's Day means a lot to your mom.

When she had you, her life changed profoundly,

and I think her feelings about being a mother

are pretty private.

- That's why I want to do this!

I show her how much I love her every day.

This is a chance for the whole world

to see how great she is.

I could tape her doing something amazing in the clinic,

like a...like a heart transplant.

Mother of the Year gets prizes.

- A barbecue?

(fast rock music)

(fast rock music)

(fast rock music)

(fast rock music)

(fast rock music)

(fast rock music)

- Why does Mother's Day have to come once a year?

Just reminds me of how much I miss her.

(upbeat rock music)

(upbeat rock music)

Why can't everything be this easy?

(horse galloping)

- Hey! Thought I might find you here.

- What did I do now?

- Nothing. Just thought you might like some company,

So, I bet you can't wait for summer vacation, huh?

Did you get your report card?

Griff gave us his yesterday.

- Uh...Yeah. Yeah.

I must have just forgot.

- How'd you do?

- I got an "A" in English.

- That's great!

And math?

- I'm passing.

- Good for you! So no summer school.

- No.

- Well, if you need some extra tutoring in math,

I'd be happy to help you out.

- Well, look Dori, you're a doctor. All right?

I'm an artist.

What does it matter what grade I get anyway?

- Well it matters if you want to go to college.

- Who said I wanted to go to college?

- Well-

You love helping me out at the clinic,

and you're great with the animals.

I mean, if you want to be a vet,

you'd have to go to college.

- But I want to be a photographer.

So why do I need math anyway?

- Hard over, now!

- I know, I know.

- Wow Griff, easy on the gas.

Check your side mirrors, and watch the-!

Hay bales.

- Oh man.

(doors open)

- You'll get the hang of it.

- It's my first time.

- Okay. Turn hard when the right edge of the back window

lines up with the left side-

- Hey dad.

You learned to drive like what, 20 years ago?

- Thought I could pass on some of the tricks

my dad taught me.

- Dad, look, I know you're going

for a father-son moment here,

but, forget your way all right? It just doesn't work.

(melodic bass music)

(Griffen tries to start car)

- My theory is that Griffen's body

has been occupied by aliens.

(Dori laughs)

They slipped in, snatched the real Griffen,

left that mouthy know-it-all in his place.

- I take it the lessons are not going so good?

- We may have to replace the Jeep.

- I thought it was supposed to get easier as they got older?

- What books have you been reading? (chuckles)

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, you know?

- Oh, I haven't forgotten.

- This is Caitlin's first with us.

- You talked to her about it?

- No, but I know that something's going on with her.

So let's go easy with it this year. Okay?

- If that's what you want.

- Race ya?

(laughs)

♪ Bad grades ♪

♪ Bad grades ♪

(door knocks)

- Don't come in here!

I'm working on it.

- All right.

Don't mess it up.

- I'm a perfectionist,

especially when it comes to forgery.

Hey, you got an "A" in English!

- Yep.

- Ooh, too bad about the math.

All right, so what grade do you want?

- An "A".

An "A" minus?

- Too obvious, a "C".

- A "B".

- B minus.

- I'm worth more than a B minus.

- You failed!

All right, a "B".

(keyboard clicks)

This will just take me a minute or two.

- Mother's Day is such a rip off.

- You've obviously never spent one here before.

It really means a lot to her.

- Oh, you just wanna scratch, don't you?

Yeah. Well, that's the worst thing you can do.

(dog whines)

- Hey Dori. I have my report card.

- Ah.

- Oh, does he have a hotspot?

- Hey, good diagnosis.

Can you grab me that antibiotic cream

over there in the tray please?

- Yeah sure.

- I can put it on.

- Oh. All right.

- Hi there! Yes, you are a good boy.

Yes, you are.

- Caitlin, this is great!

- Yeah. It's all right.

- You got a B minus in math, that's a huge improvement.

- B minus?

- I am so proud of you!

I can't wait to show this to Jim.

I'm going to save this, I have all of Griffen's saved-

- That is so dorky, Dori. It's just a report card.

(upbeat rock music)

(upbeat rock music)

- Felix. I really need some advice.

How is it a mother supposed to be with a daughter?

Instead I'm talking to a dog.

- And of course she's wonderful with animals.

She's the, beat cat-

- All right, stop.

- I can't read what you've written here.

- She's the best vet in the county?

What'd you feel reading too?

- Yeah right after you failed handwriting.

- Just say the words, okay?

- Yeah.

She's the best vet in the county!

And of course, when my horse Bandit

got attacked by a rabid wolf, mom saved him.

What? Cut, I can't say that.

- Why not?

- Because Dori didn't save Bandit.

Bandit saved me, and I saved Bandit.

- A technicality!

- And I can't call her mom.

- Why not?

- Because she's not my mother.

- I got it!

We'll push the foster parent beat.

You know how mom took in a poor distant cousin,

who was in trouble with the law, and gave her a home.

- So you're going to use my life to promote Dori

for Mother of the Year?

- Well, then make something up. A mother daughter moment.

Being part of a family means committing forgery

for the ones you love, remember?

- Look, the only mother-daughter moments I've ever had

are with my real mother.

If Dori's so special,

then you don't need my help to prove it.

This whole thing is so stupid!

You know, if my mother were alive,

she'd win Mother of the Year, I know it.

- Caitlin, we're really proud of you.

To go from failing math, to a B minus in one semester is-

- Really great.

- Well, thanks.

Could've done better though.

(phone rings)

- Hey maybe we should celebrate.

How about dinner and a movie?

- Sure!

There's a 6:30 and an 8:00 showing

of the new sci-fi flick at the Wales Theater.

Or we could drive to Longview and see Hell 4?

- Oh.

No. I didn't realize.

Of course, I'll talk with her.

Thank you, bye.

Well, that was Principal Pettigrew.

And he wanted to know

why you hadn't signed up for math tutoring.

Since you failed the class.

- You faked the report card?

- You missed the deadline for tutoring.

So now I'm going to have to do it.

We'll set up a schedule for every day, starting today.

- No!

- You know what Dori,

I don't have to listen to you all right?

You're not my mother!

- You know, you use math in photography.

Every time you take a photograph,

you're calculating distance.

Like if you're sh**ting at F4,

then the size of the aperture

is a quarter of the focal length.

I just don't understand why you did it!

You knew that it was going to hurt you.

So now on top of everything else, you're grounded!

I mean, why?

- I don't want to go to summer school.

I thought that maybe I could figure out the math on my own.

And then you wouldn't have to find out.

- Of course I'm going to find out Caitlin.

We don't exactly live in a vacuum.

- Well, you don't exactly get me, either.

- I'm trying to!

Every time I reach out to help you, you put up these walls.

- Well, I don't need your help Dori!

Stop trying to turn us into the same person.

- This isn't about me. This is about us.

It's about trying to connect like a mother and a daughter.

- Well, you can't do that can you?

See, I've had a mother,

but you've never had a daughter.

- Where are you going?

- I'm going to study on my own.

I can never learn anything from you anyway.

Hi there.

I'm sorry, I can't ride you, I'm grounded.

Maybe you can do my math for me, huh?

I just don't get it.

You know, I can be good at some things,

but I can't be good at everything.

I don't want to fail.

I'm just not as smart as Dori.

- So?

- I didn't tell them, if that's what you're wondering.

- Thanks.

I have a really great idea.

- What?

- You can apologize to her,

I can videotape it,

and we'll include it with the Mother's Day presentation.

You know, showing how together we are as a family.

- You're demented.

- It could really work in our favor!

You know, showing all sides of the family, working it out!

And action!

- Dori was building up her vet practice,

and I was a new deputy with a wife about to give birth.

- Tell them how incredible she was.

- I just got a new car,

trying to get the feel for it.

And suddenly this skunk-

- Deer!

- Skunk was laying in the middle of the road.

Well, Dori insisted we take it to the hospital with us.

We didn't make it in time,

and when Griff was born, he smelled of skunk for days.

- Don't you want mom to win?

- Yeah, but we don't have to make up stuff to do that.

- This is impossible!

Mom won't do any heart transplants for the video.

You're exaggerating the truth.

I did not smell like a skunk for days.

And Caitlin won't even take part.

Fine, but you know what?

All right, fine.

I tried to enter her, she is going to be so disappointed.

- No she won't.

What she cares about is that we love and respect her.

- Yeah, you're probably right.

So, what kind of a car was I born in?

- Reconditioned Ford Mustang.

Mag wheels, four on the floor. I loved that car.

Veer into the skid Griff. Look, you-

- What?

- Steer into the skid, Griff.

- I was.

- You turned the wheel in the wrong direction.

- I'm not gonna need any of this for my test!

- The point is you should know what to do just in case.

Let's go for a drive.

- Great!

- Around the yard.

You forgot to signal.

- I don't see any of the cars around!

- Remember to check your mirrors.

- I know, I know.

- [Griffen] Tell them how incredible she was.

- I just got a new car, trying to get the feel for it.

And suddenly this skunk-

- Deer!

- Skunk, was laying in the middle of the road.

Dori insisted we take it to the hospital with us.

We never made it in time.

When Griff was born, he smelled of skunk for days.

(Dori laughs)

- Dori didn't save Bandit, Bandit saved me,

and I saved Bandit.

- A technicality!

- And I can't call her mom.

- Why not?

- Because she's not my mother!

The only mother-daughter moments I've ever had

are with my real mother.

If Dori's so special,

then you don't need my help to prove it.

This whole thing is so stupid!

You know, my mother were alive,

she'd win Mother of the Year, I know it.

(soft instrumental music)

(soft instrumental music)

(soft instrumental music)

(soft instrumental music)

(soft instrumental music)

- You can speed up a little Griff.

Wow!

- Oh, sorry.

- Maybe not quite so fast.

- Make up your mind!

- Well, you're doing better.

Let's practice a three-point turn.

- How long is Caitlin grounded for?

- As long as we say.

- I forged her report card.

In exchange for her help with the video.

- Well that wasn't very smart.

- I know.

I'm sorry.

- Find a place to turn this around.

(upbeat piano music)

(upbeat piano music)

(upbeat piano music)

(upbeat piano music)

♪ Here lies you ♪

♪ Here lies me ♪

♪ A forgotten lamb lays in between ♪

♪ I'll spy on you ♪

(hose splashes window)

- You missed a spot.

- So does this mean no more driving lessons forever?

- For at least a month.

And I want this nice and shiny

for when I take your mother out for dinner tonight.

(soft piano music)

(soft piano music)

(upbeat piano music)

(upbeat piano music)

(upbeat piano music)

(soft piano music)

(soft piano music)

(soft piano music)

- I'm sorry.

I've never seen you cry before.

It's just that I didn't want to help Griffen

with the contest because...

I didn't want you to win.

- This isn't about the contest, Caitlin.

It's about how we treat each other and what we feel.

- I know, I was just angry with you about the math,

about how I failed,

and I didn't want you to find out.

And because it was Mother's Day.

You know, when my mother was alive,

I thought that she was the best mom in the world.

I never ever thought that I could ever find anyone

to replace her.

And then I found you.

And that scares me.

- Caitlin.

Now I'm going to cry again.

- Do you think it's possible to have two best mothers?

- Aw, of course it is.

For me, my mom was the best.

I so wish you could've known her.

(soft piano music)

- Do you hate me?

- Of course not.

I love you.

- I love you too.

- Things are not always perfect in families,

but, when you love someone,

you try and work it out.

- Yeah.

Even if I'm messed up?

- Oh Caitlin, you're not messed up.

You're a, free spirit.

- You think so?

- (laughs) I think so.

- I thought that Dori and I had nothing in common.

But I know that that's not true anymore.

We both miss our mothers.

I guess it's one reason that I sometimes push her away.

Don't give up on me Dori.

I'm trying.

Happy Mother's Day.

(upbeat rock music)

(upbeat rock music)

(upbeat rock music)

(upbeat rock music)

(upbeat rock music)

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail a sail a sail ♪

♪ A sail a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail a sail a sail ♪

♪ A sail a sail ♪

♪ Well all right ♪

(upbeat rock music)

♪ I'm a sail ♪

♪ I'm a sail ♪

♪ I'm a sail ♪

♪ I'm a sail ♪

♪ I'm a sail ♪

♪ Oh I'm a sail ♪