03x07 - Duh, Truth, Uh-Huh

[bunniefuu]

ominous music) (people chattering)

- I'm a wanted felon.

(people chattering) (faucet dripping)

(dog barking)

(ominous music)

- [Male DJ] And a good Thursday morning.

(static crackling)

- There's a caller out there with a really big problem.

You know who you are.

But just call me, and let's talk about this.

Please.

- Oh, yeah. Right.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here.

(static crackling) (ominous music)

(wolf howling) (ominous music)

- Hey, this is Monday morning, and we're live.

You're listening to Doctor Truth.

Call me and let's talk about life.

What's bugging you?

Who's bugging you?

There is no problem too small.

And remember, all of our callers' voices are disguised,

so this is a safe place to talk.

(phone rings)

Hello?

- [Male Caller] Yeah, is this Sid's Pizza?

- No, it's not.

(dial tone)

(rock music) - Hey, Caitlin.

Here. I think you should play this.

- "Duh, Love, Uh-Huh?"

- Yeah. The band made a demo.

(rock music)

- Some guy from chemistry asked me to play

this really bad CD that he made, and I said no.

- So? This one rocks.

- Yeah, but if I play this,

it'll look like I'm giving you special treatment.

- What?

- You know, because we share the same address?

- Oh. Okay.

Well, I have news for you.

Bad Hygiene doesn't need Doctor Truth.

(music stops)

(music restarts)

- Dr. Truth is supposed to be helping people

with their problems, not doing favors for friends.

I mean, maybe I should have played Griffen's song.

Nobody would have been hurt.

But how can I help people figure out what's wrong or right

if I'm doing something that I think is wrong?

(rock music)

♪ There's a devil standing on my tail ♪

♪ But I don't have to beat him ♪

♪ And there's an angel that is tempting me to fail ♪

♪ But I don't really need him ♪

♪ And the waves just keep rolling along ♪

♪ We can drift if the current prevails ♪

♪ Here we are in this slow boat ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪ ♪ A sail, a sail, a sail ♪

♪ A sail, a sail ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ For a sail ♪

♪ Duh, love, uh-huh ♪

♪ We're really through ♪

♪ Duh, love, uh-huh ♪

♪ You'll hurt me no more ♪

♪ Duh, love ♪

♪ You left me so ♪

♪ Duh, love, uh-huh ♪

♪ All over you ♪

- Hey. ♪ Duh, love, uh-huh ♪

- Get off! ♪ Duh, love, uh-huh ♪

♪ Not gonna do that dance ♪

♪ Duh, love ♪

- Aw! - He scores!

See you later, boys.

Hey, do you play much?

- Yeah. I was just trying to make you look good.

- Whatever.

- Oh, check this out.

I downloaded the band's email.

These Japanese girls

started a Brett Stevens fan club, dude.

(both laugh)

- Man, posting "Duh, Love, Uh-Huh" on your website

was one the best ideas you've ever had.

- I know. The band's getting international exposure.

- Hey, maybe I can get Akira to teach me Japanese

so I can write to my fans.

- Well, you know, we've gotta promote the whole band.

- Right. Right.

We've gotta get people to hear our music.

- I got it!

We download really cool songs,

and then we burn CDs with them,

and on each CD, we put Bad Hygiene songs.

- So we give kids a CD with top bands,

but they ended up listening to us?

- Exactly. And you know what?

We sell the CDs.

- That's excellent!

With the money, we can make a new demo!

(Brett laughs)

(horse whinnies)

- Hey (chuckling)! (horse whinnies)

- Hey. I figured you'd be out here.

- Wow!

You never do this.

What, did you smash up my truck or something?

- No. (Dori laughs)

No, but there's something I have to tell you.

They just found out that a baby born

at the High River Hospital

was mistakenly given to the wrong parents.

- Two babies switched at birth? That's awful.

- Yeah.

They know the identity of one of the boys,

but they still can't identify the other one.

- Can you imagine how shocking that would be

to find out that your child is not really your child?

- Honey, this happened 16 years ago, in February,

between the fifth and the seventh.

- Griff was born on the sixth.

He was born in our car.

They took him away from us

as soon as we got to the hospital.

I don't remember seeing them

put an identification bracelet on him.

Did you?

- No.

- But we have to get DNA tests done.

That'll prove that Griffen really is ours.

How many other babies were born on those days?

- Four.

(upbeat music) (students chattering)

- Hey, Caitlin.

Check out these great compilation CDs.

- "Breaking Up?"

- Yeah. All the songs are about breaking up.

- You included "Duh, Love, Uh-Huh?"

- Only the greatest breakup song of all time.

Hey, but if you're not into breaking up,

we got Ricky, Enrique, and Mark Anthony.

- You downloaded these songs from the net?

- Yeah. The sound quality is great.

- You included "Duh, Love, Uh-Huh" on the Latino CD.

- Yeah, it's caliente.

- Okay, So you're using really hot bands to push your music?

- Isn't that brilliant? And it only costs you seven bucks.

- But the songs didn't cost you anything.

- Griff and I have to charge

for the time it took, and the CDs, and-

- Okay.

So you're charging for music that you got for free

to promote your song?

♪ Just give me one more chance ♪ I don't think so.

(bell rings)

- Hey, you guys wanna hear great CD?

- You're listening to Doctor Truth,

and this is a phone-in show, so phone in.

(phone rings)

Hello? - Hey, Sid.

I'll have a medium with extra anchovies.

- Why don't you get a life?

(dial tone humming)

Speaking of life, you know,

if you're like 99.9% of the population,

your life can be pretty messed up.

So let's talk about it.

(students chattering)

Okay, fine.

If you guys have nothing to talk about, then I do.

You know, today some guy tried to sell me

a CD for seven bucks.

It's a pretty good price, except for him and his friend

were downloading the songs off the internet for free.

(train whistles)

You know, on this show we talk about

what's right and what's wrong,

so do you think this is wrong?

(train whistles) (Brett speaking Japanese)

- So you wanted to say

"I'm invisible and I play basketball"?

- No, I wanted to say, "I'm tall and I play basketball."

- Do you think this is wrong? I do.

I mean, they're stealing someone else's music,

taking something that doesn't belong to them.

(Caitlin sighs)

You know, it's exactly the same

as breaking into a record store and stealing a CD.

- Oh, man. I don't believe it.

Caitlin's dissing us on her show.

- What?

- Who's got a phone? Akira?

- For some hacker to steal their music from the net

and sell it for their own personal gain.

(phone beeping) The phone lines are open.

(phone rings)

Dr. Truth.

- Yeah, hi.

First of all, you're wrong.

Compilation CDs are all about people swapping music.

- Yeah, but you're not swapping them if you're selling them.

- The minimal cost we charge is to cover the time it takes

to download the songs from the net.

- Tell her kids are paying us for our good taste.

We're like DJs.

We're just giving out samples we think kids'll like.

- Okay, but by copying these songs,

it means that the kids don't have to buy the CDs.

You're ripping off artists.

- You're wrong. We're in a band ourselves.

Do you know it's something like 2% of all musicians

have record contracts?

So how do hot young musicians get their music heard?

- Through the net.

- Alright. Thanks for calling in.

- No, we're not finished.

- I want other opinions.

- Oh, wait 'til we get home.

(phone beeps)

- So do you think that downloading and selling music

is right or wrong?

Give us your opinions. Call 555-0100.

- The coffee smells good.

- I got Griff to swab his throat for this DNA test.

- Did he ask you why?

- Yeah.

I said that the doctor needed to have it on file.

You know, I feel really uncomfortable lying to him.

Jim, maybe we should just tell him.

- Look, we'll know in two days.

- He doesn't even look like either one of us.

- He's got your brains and my-

(phone rings)

charm.

- Mm.

(phone rings)

Hello?

Oh. Hi, Ken.

How are you?

Yes, he is.

It's Principle Pettigrew for you.

- Hi, Ken.

Mm-hm.

Really?

Okay, I'll be right over.

- 11. Let's play to 21.

- How much humiliation do you think I can take?

- I beat you every time, man.

- No, I'm not just talking about you.

I mean Caitlin.

Because of her stupid show,

a kid stopped me in the hall today

and said I was a ripoff artist.

- This is helping us, man.

- What do you mean?

- I sold 30 CDs since she started this whole debate.

- Really? - Yeah.

- So that means if we keep this subject hot-

- We'll keep selling our big hit.

(speaks Japanese)

That's "Duh, Love, Uh-Huh"-

- [Both] In Japanese!

(Oriental music)

- [Male Caller] I don't think I want her

as a girlfriend anymore.

- Yeah, well, if you can't trust her, I think you're right.

(phone rings)

Dr. Truth, you're on the air.

- I don't agree with what you said yesterday.

- Oh, yeah? What's that?

- That selling music from the net is wrong.

- Why not?

- [Griffen] CD sales are up from last year.

That means that artists' profit is up from last year.

- [Jim] Caitlin.

- I'm on the air.

- I know.

- Selling compilation CDs isn't having

any effect on musicians' income.

- Um, I'm kind of busy right now, but thanks for calling.

- What? I have something to say.

You are gonna be so sorry.

- I've been listening to the show.

- Oh, yeah? Do you like it?

- Principle Pettigrew asked me to investigate.

(rock music) - Investigate what?

- Some kids at the school have been downloading songs

from the net and selling them.

- Yeah, so?

- It's a copyright violation and a federal crime.

(rock music)

- You're kidding?

(rock music)

Look, I don't know who's selling the CDs.

- Are you sure?

(Caitlin sighs)

- Every caller's voice on the show is disguised.

- Caitlin, these kids are committing a crime.

- You know, I really have to get back to the show.

- I'm very disappointed in you, Caitlin.

But my investigation still has to go ahead.

- What do you mean?

- Your show is taped.

I want to take the cassette and review all the phone calls.

- Fine.

But I'm telling you all the voices are disguised.

- Thank you.

You know, When rustlers steal cattle,

ranchers lose money, people get hurt.

- Yeah, and you catch'em,

and you make the world a better place.

- Yeah, is it really gonna be a better place

if I charge a couple of kids

who are selling internet songs?

- Mm. Thanks, Akira.

What, you don't think they're doing anything wrong?

- Well...

Thanks.

A few multimillionaire rock stars might lose a few bucks,

but I've got no choice.

If I find these kids,

I'm gonna have to make an example of them.

(bell jingles)

- Five more sales and we have enough for a demo!

(Griffen laughs)

- Griffen!

Your father is, uh, catch you.

(Akira speaks Japanese)

Selling songs. Your father knows.

- My dad knows?!

(horse whinnies)

Dad knows?!

- Pettigrew called him.

I guess what you're doing is a federal crime.

- Oh, man!

- And he took the tape from the show.

- What?! Why'd you let him?

- I couldn't stop him!

(horse whinnies)

Look, he can't identify you, so don't worry.

Your voice is disguised.

- Yes, he can!

Remember when I called the show and you cut me off?

I said, "Wait 'til we get home."

He'll know it's me.

And the feds! Come on.

They go nuts over computer crime.

Remember that hacker?

He got four years in jail.

- Well then we have to get the tape back.

- No. No, I don't need your help.

You wanted me to get caught all along.

- No, I didn't!

- Yes, you did!

Because it would prove you're right, Doctor Truth.

- The tape is in his briefcase,

and he and Dori are in the barn.

- Briefcase.

(Griffen panting)

Where is it?

- Look, just don't worry.

Everything's gonna be all right.

- Yeah, and what if he's not our son?

- Honey, Griffen is our son.

- Yeah, well if that DNA test shows that he's not,

I am not giving him up!

(Griffen gasps)

(ominous music)

- [Dori Voiceover] What if he's not our son?

If those DNA tests show that he's not,

I am not giving him up! (heart pounding)

- Well, I've looked everywhere for Griffen.

He's gone.

- What do you mean he's gone?

- His closet door was open,

some of his clothes are missing, and so is his suitcase.

- His suitcase?

- This is all my fault.

- Caitlin, why would you say that?

- We had a fight.

- Well, maybe that wasn't what it was.

Jim, what if he found out?

- Found out what?

- Two babies got switched at birth

at the High River County Hospital 16 years ago.

- And one of them was Griffen?

- We don't know that.

They're doing DNA testing now.

- Well, that's probably why he ran away.

- Who am I?

(water dripping)

Whoever I am,

I'm a wanted felon.

(people chattering outside)

(Griffen sighs)

- [Male DJ] And a good Thursday morning-

(static crackling)

- You're out there with a really big problem.

You know who you are.

But just call me, and let's talk about this.

Please.

- Oh, yeah. Right.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here.

- (sighs) Everyone is really worried about you.

Your parents are going crazy. (siren wailing)

But I promise you, everything is gonna be okay.

Well, now I'd like to play a very special song.

(Love, Duh, Uh-Huh)

- Finally! ♪ It didn't matter ♪

♪ Except her love was a charade ♪

♪ It's just for a guy in the ♪

- I'm sorry. That's not the song I wanted to play.

Here at High River High Radio,

we promise you the edge, and we deliver the edge.

(phone rings)

Dr. Truth.

- Hey, I liked that song.

It was edgy. Bad Hygiene is a great band.

- I knew you'd call.

- What do you know about edgy anyway?

(dial tone humming)

- Griffen?

(phone beeping)

(phone rings)

- [Operator] You have reached the High River Hotel.

Please listen carefully to the following options.

(knocking on door)

(ominous music)

(knocking on door)

(ominous music)

(whimsical music)

- What are you doing here?

- You've gotta come home.

- How do you know it's my home?

Nobody knows who I am.

Just leave me alone.

It's bad enough my identity's been stolen,

but now, because of you, Dad's gonna bust me.

- No, he's not.

This is the only way he can find out that it was you.

When he asks where the cassette is,

I'll just tell him that I took it

and destroyed it to save the show.

- You will?

He's really gonna punish you.

- I know.

- Do you know what? You should?

I mean, you started this whole thing

to get better ratings on your show.

- Yeah, but Brett told me

that you guys continued this whole thing

to get more exposure for your song.

- Yeah, so?

(knocking on door)

- [Jim] Griffen?

- The cassette!

(whimsical music)

(ominous music)

(gentle music)

How'd you guys find us?

- I'm the sheriff.

- Honey.

Oh, come home.

- By home, do you mean...

- Yep.

- He's your son?

- (chuckles) You bet he is.

Aw, son. - DNA doesn't lie.

- I don't know. I don't really see a family resemblance.

- Oh. (parents laughing)

- I just found out that due to

some excellent sheriffing in this town,

the kids downloading and selling the music

from the internet have been stopped.

But now I'd like to pass the mic over to Bad Hygiene.

- Okay, this song is actually dedicated

to our English-speaking and Japanese-speaking fans.

♪ Duh, love, uh-huh ♪

♪ I'm so over you ♪

♪ Duh ♪

(sings in Japanese)

♪ Duh, love, uh-huh ♪

♪ You won't hurt me no more ♪

♪ Duh ♪

(sings in Japanese)

- I thought I had it all figured out,

the difference between what's right and what's wrong.

I knew what Griffen and Brett were doing was wrong,

but I couldn't see the bigger truth,

that I was using their crime

to get people to listen to the show,

and that was just as wrong in a completely different way.

♪ Just for a guy in the 11th grade ♪

♪ Duh, love, uh-huh ♪

♪ For a guy in the 11th grade ♪

♪ Just give me one more chance ♪