01x05 - Keeping Secrets

[bunniefuu]

Hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Hmm. Best dressed? Please.

The girl's got hips
like snack trays.

Mmm. Catch me if you can.

What?

No acceptance speech?

You didn't thank your manager,

your agent, your assistant,

your shrink, the Dalai Lama.

I'm a witch.
What can I tell you?

So you had some sudden need
for a paperweight?

Or is there a big market
for stolen cable TV awards?

Okay, first of all, spandex?

You might want to rethink that.

Second, not everything's
about money, sweetheart.

If it's worth something
to them,

it's worth something to me.

And third...

Damn it!

Okay, that was humiliating.

And this is so not spandex!

Line's forming, buddy.

Are you waiting for a message
from the mother ship,

or are you gonna jump?

Never mind.

If you need some inspiration,

I'm getting naked down here.

Huh.

I don't know who you are,

but I think I'm in love.

Who makes up these nicknames?

These newspaper guys
read too many comics.

Where's Harry?

I thought he was gonna honor us

with his presence
this afternoon.

Wouldn't bet on it.

It's like he's
turning into you.

Hmm. I don't know
what he's up to.

He's never home.

He says he's at
the library or something.

Like he even knows
where that is.

Think we should be worried?

Worried about what?

Your disappearing act.

Afraid I was off somewhere
running up a bar tab

the size of the national debt?

It's not like you
couldn't afford it.

Yeah, well, you guys can call
off the intervention, ok?

I met someone.

Wow. Who's the lucky
babe of the week?

It's like they have
an expiration date

stamped on their forehead.

Guys, I know this
is hard to believe.

Trust me.
Even I'm having trouble

wrapping my brain around this,

but I think I actually
like this one.

He's not kidding.

I don't think he is.

Wait a sec.

If you're so hot on this girl,

how come we haven't met her?

You embarrassed of us
or something?

That's what it is.

We're not good enough for her.

Well, that's true.
You're not.

But, that's not the reason.

I just wanted to take my time
with this one.

I didn't wanna
rush into anything.

Huh. Go figure.

Man, that's great.

So can I ask you a question?

Who are you, and what have you
done with Harry Osborn?

If you keep acting like a jerk,

I'm not gonna let you
meet her tomorrow night.

I thought I'd make dinner
for the four of us.

You?
Cook?

Yeah.
Whoa, whoa.

As in "preparing food for human
consumption by means of heat"?

Just shut up and be ready at 7.

So where'd she grow up?

I don't know.
Upstate someplace I think.

Where does she work?

I mean, you said she's not
in school. What's she do?

Wait. Did she
already graduate?

Ooh, maybe she's, like, 40,

and that's why
he's been hiding her.

Guys, enough
with the third degree.

You're giving me
a headache. Oh!

Whoa, take it easy, buddy.

We're just kidding around.

I know, but do me a favor
and back off, ok?

I mean it.
I'm a little bit freaked here.

Hey, Harry, it's gonna be fine.

Yeah, don't sweat it,
all right?

We'll try not to chew
with our mouths open,

or spit when we talk
or do anything else

that might ruin your potential
happiness. Promise.

Thank you.

Okay, this is too weird.

He's wigging out over a girl.

I feel like we're trapped

in some kind of
alternate universe.

But I guess that's
a good thing, right?

He's been such
a train wreck lately.

I know. It's kind of
a miracle, actually.

I mean, can you even
remember the last time

Harry got close to anybody?
You know, except for us?

I'll get it!

Hi, I'm Cheyenne.

Um, is Harry here?

Hi, yeah. Come on in.

Welcome. I'm M.J.,
and the mime here is Peter.

It's really great to meet you.

Ok, she's not that cute.

Yeah, fine. Whatever.

Harry, come on.

I was just asking
a simple question.

Yeah, I mean,
who knew it was chicken?

Really. I've just
never seen it this color.

Go ahead. Mock.
Please. I insist.

Aw, don't pout, honey.

So, Cheyenne,
did you know Harry's rich?

Mmph.

Peter, what the hell...
Actually, I did know,

but I decided to go out
with him anyway.

I'm a trust-fund baby
too.

Money's not really
an issue for me.

Yeah, she's rich, and she comes
from a screwed-up family.

We're perfect for each other.

What?

Anybody up for a late movie?

Oh, I can't.

I gotta get up for an early
flight, remember?

Where you going?

Heli-skiing in Utah.
Girl trip.

Wow, that is so cool.

You gotta try it sometime.

The head rush is
completely insane.

Yeah, but seriously,
when you think about it,

who needs all that
fresh air and scenery?

Why don't you stay here
with me instead?

I've got a much better way to
get your adrenaline going.

Tempting,

but as cute as you are,
can't do it.

Aw, come on.

Me or a bunch of chicks
in a helicopter?

I'm thinking
the choice is clear.

Harry, I'm not gonna
ditch my friends

just because I've suddenly
got a guy in my life.

A great guy.

Hmm. If you think so.

Seriously, I gotta go pack.

I think I'm gonna take off too.

If you're headed uptown,
we could share a cab.

Yeah, sure.

Dinner was fabulous.

Mmm. I'll call you
when I get back, ok?

It was great
meeting you, Peter.

You too.

Last chance
to change your mind.

What'd I tell you?

She legendary, or what?

Yeah. Absolutely.

I know this is gonna sound like
a totally lame pick-up line,

but haven't I seen you
someplace before?

I thought we talked
about that outfit.

Huh.

Yeah, well, not all of us
can wear leather.

Don't you find it
kind of... chafing?

I never get that hot...

with this on, anyway.

Listen,
I don't want to be rude,

but you're irritating me,

so what do you want?

Didn't you get your a*s kicked
enough last time?

Okay, the bitter
and hostile routine...

it's getting a little old,
but, hey,

as long as we're getting
to know each other,

what are you doing here?

You mean a nice girl like me?

Uh, no. Clearly not.

If you wanna know the truth,

I'm doing this article
for Crime Fighters Monthly

about the inner psyche
of the criminal element.

You know what they say,

it all goes back to the mother.

That your story?

Don't you have anybody
that means anything to you?

If you get hurt,
you get caught,

what would that mean?

I never thought...

I'd hear anything
so full of crap.

I mean, did you really think
this Oprah moment

was gonna give me
some kind of epiphany?

Come on!
Two seconds!

I just wanna talk.

Don't need therapy, pal.

Tell you what I do need,
though...

a date.
Hmm.

Tomorrow night, 9:00 sharp.

It'll give you a chance
to see what I can really do.

Don't wanna miss that, do you?

Great.

Hey, so what's up?

Don't tell me
you're packed already?

You need five pairs of shoes

to go pick up a newspaper.

Don't exaggerate.
I only need four.

I decided to postpone.

No snow?

No... you.

I gotta tell him.

I'm supposed to be supportive,

tell him how great she is,

how happy I am for him.

That's my job, right?

I'm his friend.

Easy for you to say.

You don't know what
this guy's been through,

but this girl...
he's gonna get hurt.

I know it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and just deal
with the consequences.

I hate consequences.

Hey.
Morning.

There's coffee if you want it.

Great. Uh, Harry, can I
talk to you about something?

I just...

Hi, Peter.

Hi.

So what's up?

Uh, nothing.
No big deal.

It can wait till later.

Did you ask him?

Well, I was just gonna.

Cheyenne decided
to leave tonight instead,

so we thought it would be fun

if the four of us could hang out
together this afternoon.

M.J.'s already
on her way over.

Uh, yeah.
I don't know.

I kind of have
a lot of work to do.

My butt's dragging in chem lab.

Come on, Peter.

Harry says you're a genius.

A few hours of sunshine isn't
gonna k*ll your grade point.

Don't try to argue.

Better men than you have tried.

Remind me again why we decided
not to go roller blading.

Because I'm so much better
at rollerblading.

Losing steam there, buddy?

Yeah, I guess all work
and no play

makes Peter a slow boy.

Oh, yeah? Bring it on.

Aah!

Gotcha.

Oh. Almost
lost it there.

Thanks.

Like her any better now?

I mean, she did save my life.

Your life?!

Good thing somebody's
majoring in drama.

There's something about her.

I just... I don't trust her,
you know?

No, I don't.

Cheyenne seems like
a totally great girl.

She's smart. She's funny.

She's nuts about Harry,

and he's completely
crazy about her.

Yeah, and maybe
somebody's jealous.

Me? Of her?

Well, she's taking up
a lot of Harry's time,

which he used to spend
hanging out with you.

Listen, Peter, I know this might
be a new concept for you,

but some people
actually have social lives.

Maybe you ought
to try it one day.

A date, 9 sharp.

Hey, um, you up
for a pizza or something?

I thought maybe
we could hang out.

You know,
watch a movie or, uh...

Oh, man, Harry,
I can't right now.

I've got plans.

Oh, come on.
Can't you break them?

I don't know if I could handle

this thing with Cheyenne,
you know?

I mean, one minute
everything's going great,

the next it's like
a wall slams into me...

sheer freaking terror.

I just really need to talk.

Listen, I've really gotta
take care of something,

but if you want,
I'll be back in about an hour,

if you wanna wait.

Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

No big deal. I'm probably
blowing this all out of...

Whatever, right?
I'll see you.

This year's
tech show convention

featuring the next generation

of data communications
technology,

an unbreakable encryption
security system

that can be used on any device
from anywhere in the world.

Sorry I'm late.

Couldn't do a thing
with my hair.

Yeah, that's why
I have the mask.

So... why am I here?

Need help shopping for some
nice encryption software?

Well, the holidays always seem
to be right around the corner.

Yeah, fine.

Now that we've done
the whole witty banter thing,

can we just cut to
the Freudian chase?

This can't really be what

you want to do
with your life, is it?

Because trust me,
most of the guys

I run into
in this business... idiots.

I'm talking morons, okay?

You're not like that.

You're way too smart.

What is your problem?

Why do you care?

I just do, okay?

You seem better than this.

Yeah, well, here's a little
career advice for you...

stick to
the crime-fighting act,

because you suck
as a social worker.

And by the way, that thing
about me being way too smart?

I am.

Stay where
you are! You're under arrest.

They're firing at us!

Call for backup.

This how you set up
all your dates?

Because I'm thinking
candy and flowers

might win you more points.

Aah!
Cheyenne!

How did you know my name?

Stay where you are.
Put your hands up.

Cheyenne!

Let me help you!

You don't know me!

Don't even think you know me!

Wait. Wait. Slow down, okay?

What are you talking about?

I thought we...

No, I don't. I...

Then just tell me why.

I think I deserve...

So I'm just supposed to...

Cheyenne, don't...

That didn't sound good.

She's not coming back.

Until when?

I don't know.

Never, maybe. She's moving.
Just like that.

No explanation, no nothing.

Just... just... she's leaving

and has no idea
if she'll be back.

Damn it!

Listen, why don't we go down
to Monty's Doughnut House,

scarf down
about a dozen glazed?

We can talk, if you want.

No wonder
I never get too close,

because this? It sucks.

I know. Believe me.

What about half glazed,
half jelly?

You've got a deal.

And by the way, you're buying.

Think of it as payback for you
blowing me off earlier.