01x11 - Mole Man

[bunniefuu]

And Paris thrills

to this gala parade of new fashion

representing the avant garde of style.

It's a quake! Oh, my God!

Oh, dear!

We came all the way from

California to be in another earthquake?

Oh, dear! Oh, my!

Now a word from

His Royal Highness Prince Charles.

First and foremost, I would like to

summarily dispel the ugly rumor

that I have in any way become involved

with Roseanne Barr, and that

Run for it, Charlie.

It's a monster!

Oh, crumbs!

Reed,

we'll be late for the dance.

Hmm? Oh, that's wonderful, sweetheart.

Ben and Alicia are waiting and Johnny

will be here with Melinda any second.

Reed!

Sorry. It's just that

I've been triangulating

the source of those

strange landmark sinkings.

And if I'm right, New York City

could be the next target.

Oh, Ben,

you're so light on your feet.

Yeah,

just call me twinkle toes.

Hey, hoofin' is thirsty work.

You like something cold to drink?

That'd be lovely.

Here, choose your beverage, baby.

Oh, Ben, you're so gallant.

Good evening, Ben, Alicia,

I understand Johnny is bringing Melinda.

- Yes, so I hear.

- That's nice. Who is she?

- Our landlady's niece.

- Your putting me on.

Just because

Miss Forbes is a pill

don't mean the kid's a lemon.

Besides, the little hotfoot's

crazy about her.

Let me put a chill on that, Alicia.

Warm soda tastes like garbage.

Just the sort of tasteless vulgarity

I'd expect from you, Mr. Grimm.

Quick, tell Dorothy and Toto to hide.

It's the Wicked Witch of the West.

When Melinda told me

who her escort was to be

I didn't know whether to accompany her

as a chaperone or throw up.

- You look like you did both.

- Stay close to me, child.

If you're not alert, he'll flame up

and raise your temperature.

Hey, Forbesy,

don't be a wallflower.

Well, then let's

give them something to stare at.

Good grief!

Relax, babe, we're a smash.

Cool, huh?

I mean, the lights of the city

stretched out all around

great music and

and, and you in my arms.

It's very nice,

in an unsophisticated way.

Dancing on the Champs Elysées

in Paris is much more romantic.

Er, yeah, right, the Champs Alisa,

that's my favorite hang-out.

And now, folks, a surprise treat.

The Human Torch himself, Johnny Storm

performing his own song!

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh

Uh, uh, uh

This is for you, Melinda

Uh, uh, uh

I hope you like it

Uh, uh, uh, yeah

Uh, uh, uh

They oughta teach this in school

It's not always cool to be cool

You tried to play me for a fool

Like you see a girl who's unique

It's a dream 'cause she's sweet

And she really seems

to knock you off your feet

You wanna say hey but you don't

You don't

Your mom says

tell her how you feel, but you won't

'Cause you're just too cool

to tell her truly

That your feelings are getting unruly

Don't try to school me

So she passes you by in the hallway

You're staring at the wall

trying to play

While I say, man, you're cool

Really cool, slick, just like ice

But you didn't realize

You never get this chance twice

So you're busy playing cool

now she's gone

Gone onto another

while I sing my funky song

I never passed up a chance

I know this story seems long

But when I know the time

is right for me and you, I just

Flame on

Flame on

And on, and on, and on

Flame on, yeah

Yeah, flame on

And on, and on, and on, and on

Flame on

I just flame on

Keep calm, everyone. Don't panic.

Flame on!

Whhh What's happening?

We're sinking

into the center of the earth!

Wow, we're miles beneath

the surface of the earth, Sue.

In some bizarre series of caverns.

Yes, but how? And why?

I don't know, but it's clearly tied

to the disappearance

of those other landmarks.

The building seems

to have stabilized.

Everyone must maintain

your composure and remain here

while my colleagues and I

address this predicament.

He means hang loose,

we're working on it.

Sheesh, can't you ever

talk plain English?

I want to go home, Aunt Lavinia.

So do I.

If you'd gone out with Leland Armbruster

as I wanted you to

we wouldn't be in this ghastly pickle.

But Leland Armbruster is a dork.

Better a rich dork

than an inflammable weirdo.

Alicia, I'm leaving you in charge.

Try to keep them calm.

One, two,

one, two, three, four

Oh, Susanna, don't you cry for me

The explanation to all this

lies somewhere out there.

Hey, wait for me, will you?

Melinda?

I'm afraid to stay

with Aunt Lavinia and the others.

I want to come with you.

We've got to get started.

- Coming, Reed. Hang on.

- Ahh!

- Did you have to do that?

- Heck, yeah. Now, come on.

Oh, Johnny!

Melinda! Johnny,

I specifically requested

I'm sure she'll be no trouble.

And we've no time

to take her back.

Oh, with your yadda, yadda, yadda.

Let's get going already.

We get hassled underwater

by Prince Namor

bugged in ancient Greece

by Doctor Doom

and now we're stranded

in a c*ck cavern!

Gee, just once I'd like

a problem that took us to Vegas.

Reed, what can be causing this strange

light so far under the earth?

Phosphorescent minerals

in the cavern walls.

But they're gaining their intensity from

some incredibly powerful energy source.

Almost like an underground sun.

Oh, great,

now that you've explained it

we're still up the creek

without a paddle.

I think it would be best

if we split up here.

We can use our communicators to keep in

touch. Johnny, you and Melinda, with me.

Sue, you and Ben

try that tunnel. This way.

Gas! It could be expl*sive, Johnny.

You'd better not flame up

until we're clear of it.

Ahhh!

Must flame up, Reed.

No! Hold tight.

I think I can ride the geo-thermal

updrafts. There.

Oh, it's so dark

and it smells bad. I hate it.

Look, this isn't

anybody's idea of Fun City

so shape up, Melinda,

we've got a job to do.

Johnny, Melinda, there seems

to be a light source up ahead.

I Feel dizzy.

- What's happening?

- Don't look.

- What on earth?

- Or under it.

Unbelievable.

Diamonds as big as boulders.

And we're not alone

in this crystal-encrowded kingdom.

Look out.

They're some species

of belligerent troglodyte.

Bye-bye, baddies!

I am the Mole Man!

Supreme ruler of the worid

within the earth.

All that is here is mine!

Then this is your doing?

The Arch of Triumph, the pyramid

Parliament and now Rock Center?

Ha ha! Rock Center is now

at the center of this rock.

Ha, ha, ha! Ironic, isn't it?

- Crazy's more like it.

- Not crazy! Brilliant.

By bringing the worid's landmarks

into my domain

I have displayed the awesome power

with which I will seize control

of the surface of the earth as well.

And none will dare stand against me

because I have defeated you.

Reed Richards! Johnny Storm!

You and your colleagues,

the so-called Fantastic Four.

Then you took Radio City just to get us?

Of course! You are

the only surface beings

who might have challenged my power.

Reed Richards.

The only scientist who is my equal.

And you have been neutralized!

We're not quite neutralized yet!

Flame on!

Watch out for his staff, Johnny.

It's some type of power generator.

He's using it on those stalactites.

The next one will pin her

to the floor of the cavern, permanently.

- No, that won't be necessary.

- I knew you'd respond to reason.

Follow me!

Johnny, make them stop.

Leland Armbruster would sue them.

Reed, can you hear me?

Something must be wrong.

Yeuch! Icky clay.

It's like walking in glue.

- Yeuch.

- The clay is alive! It's a monster!

All right. I ain't

never clobbered clay before, though.

You did it. It seems to have returned

to wherever it came from.

Yeah, lucky I got it off so easy.

Come on, let's blow this dump.

Ben, look, an underground ocean.

It's incredible!

Sheesh!

And me without my rubber ducky!

Holy baloney!

The entire cavern

is alive with clay monsters!

Head for that island.

Water dissolves clay.

They won't be able to follow us.

Yeah, for once,

we'll do it the easy way.

Way down upon the Swanee River

Do you hear her everybody? Now,

come along and sing along, all of you.

Far, far away

All right! Scratch that.

That's quite enough gloom

and doom for one evening.

When I was a child

we British came through the Blitz

with a song on our lips,

and that song was

Remove their protective garments!

- Hey, careful!

- Don't mess my hair, you creep!

Your initial sensitivity

to the mineral brilliance

of my kingdom has passed.

It is now safe for you

to look upon my wealth without harm.

Why are you doing this, Mole Man?

We've never harmed you.

You and all who live above these caverns

harmed me, Reed Richards!

And now my masterpiece

an Earth Suction Generator.

I used it to bring down the pyramids

Parliament and the Rockefeller Center

using only a fraction of its power.

And tomorrow morning,

the great cities of the worid

will sink into my domain!

And the reign of Mole Man shall begin!

Oh, don't let him drop me!

Please, don't!

Back off, or I flambé the valley girl.

The only chance we have now

is Sue and Ben.

I pray they're all right.

Stroke, kick. Stroke, kick.

Sheesh, what a drag!

Let's get to the top of the ridge. Maybe

I can get through to Reed from there.

Well, it ain't Coney Island,

but at least it ain't clay.

Hey, funny. It felt like

the whole island just kind of twitched.

I felt it too. And, Ben,

Reed's homing signal.

I've locked onto it. Oh!

It's twitching again, Susie.

Oh, boy! Look, it's a blasted turtle

as big as the Bronx!

Hey, I ain't dinner, honey.

I'm a passenger.

Which way to Reed, Susie?

- There!

- Giddy up, horsie.

Ride 'em, cowboy! Yee hah!

Once the process has begun,

it cannot be reversed.

I leave you now

to take my post beneath Washington.

When the White House sinks,

I will be there to take control.

Upon my return as all-powerful

ruler of the surface worid

I will deal with you and the other

two members of the Fantastic Four.

If they've survived

my guardian monsters!

Farewell!

The Mole Man's Suction Generator is

fuelled by power from the earth's core.

Even if we get free, we can't turn it

off without splitting the planet in two.

Oh, what's happening?

I'm getting seasick.

Here's Benny Boy!

Hey, look out below!

Hey, thanks for the ride, ol' paint.

Take a hike.

Sue, I knew you'd find us.

I never gave up hope, darling.

It's good to see you both.

Get me down.

I can't stand heights.

Bring her down

with your invisible force shield.

- Johnny and I have work to do.

- Right, Reed.

When I give you the signal,

inject a flame into that circuit.

But you said

you can't stop the suction process.

I'm not going to stop it.

I'm going to accelerate it.

- Now!

- I don't get it, but okay.

Quick, everyone back to

the rainbow room. We haven't much time.

I don't understand.

I never understand

nothing he says.

Hurry.

Ouch! Can't you turn down the barbecue?

Will you, huh?

Ooh, ow, ow, ooh!

Miss Forbes, we're back.

Melinda, Doctor Richards

Mr. Grimm and whatsisname.

Shut up, Foo Foo. What's happening?

I'm a busy person. I have no more time

to waste on this folderol.

Then you'll be glad to see

we're returning to the surface.

But how?

Well, it was impossible

to turn off or reverse

Mole Man's Suction Generator.

But it was a simple matter

to reprogram the target of its power.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, spray that again, big brain.

I simply aimed the Generator's

power on the Mole Man's kingdom.

You mean he goes down

as we go up?

Better than that, dear.

It means he stays down.

Ha ha! No one bests the Mole Man!

My power is irresistible!

- Hey, we're going down again.

- No! Reed!

Help! Dial 911!

Not to worry. The Mole Man

created the Suction Generator.

It's ironic, but not even he

has the power to stop it.

Oh, what? No!

It's not possible! Aggghhh!

It looks like a bright new day.