01x08 - Games of Doom

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Look, up on the building!
It's Spider-Woman!

NARRATOR:
And this is Jessica Drew who,

as a child while visiting
her father's laboratory,

was bitten by a poisonous spider.

Forced to try an untested spider serum,

Dr. Drew not only saved
his daughter's life,

but unknowingly gave her
incredible spider-like powers.

Dedicated to fighting evil

while weaving her web of justice,

it's Spider-Woman!

[LIGHTNING CRACKING]

[GROWLING]

JESSICA: Bruce, tell the readers
of Justice Magazine

what you feel your chances are
of winning the gold medal in your event.

Well, Miss Drew, the Russian pole-vaulters
are gonna be hard to beat.

But I've been practicing hard for months,

so I feel I've got a pretty good chance.

How's that?

That'll make a great cover photo for our
article on the World Athletic Games.

[STAMMERING]
Say, uh, when we get to Moscow,

if you're not busy one night,

I know a great place to get some caviar.

Oh! This is my boyfriend, Timmy.

Uh, on second thought, I'm sure
you'll both be far too busy. [CHUCKLES]

[CLEARS THROAT] Nice meeting you.

Hey, watch where you're going.

[LAUGHS] Looks like
Jeff's been disqualified in his event.

Very funny.

I can't wait to get to Moscow,
Aunt Jessica.

Covering the World Athletic
Games is gonna be great.

[THUDS]

-What was that?
-I don't know.

Hey, something's taken control
of the plane.

[WHIRRING]

MAN:
What's happening? I can't breathe.

JESSICA: My shallow spider breathing
is protecting me from that strange gas.

I better lay low
until I find out what's going on.

Sizzling spider bites.

Those two hoods are taking
the U.S. team's star athlete.

I think it's time
for a little spider action.

Now to take care of him
just like the boss said to.

But not before I take care of you.

MAN:
You ain't taking care of no one.

[WHIRRING]

I've got to get back to the jet
before it's too late.

Come on. Let's get rid of this guy.

A venom blast will take care of them.

Uh-oh.

-Where am I?
-Oh, no.

I'd better make a fast spider-change
before I'm caught web-handed.

What happened?

I'm not sure.

Hey, where's Aunt Jessica?

Are you all right, Aunt Jessica?

Yeah, I think so.

Uh, this is the captain speaking.

We experienced a slight loss
in cabin pressure,

which may have caused
some of you to doze off.

But there's nothing to worry about.
Everything is under control.

JESSICA:
I hope you're right.

Wow! What a jump!

No one's gonna beat that height.

MALE ANNOUNCER:
And now, for his third and final jump,

Bruce Thompson of the United States
will try for 18 feet.

What's going on?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Bruce Thompson has requested
the bar be raised to 25 feet.

Seven feet above
the current world's record.

But that's impossible.
No human can jump that high.

[CROWD CHEERING]

MALE ANNOUNCER: It's incredible!
Bruce Thompson has done it!

A new world's record!

I don't believe it.

JEFF:
That guy must be part grasshopper.

Excellent.
We just won our first gold medal.

Make ready for number two.

[LAUGHS]

Rumor has it that you've had
some back problems, Alexis.

How do you think that will affect you
in the weightlifting event?

Back okay.

Alexis strong as bull.

-See?
-Okay, okay. Put me down.

Alexis, practice time over.
Get ready for event.

Looks like that weightlifter
mistook you for a dumbbell.

-[BOTH LAUGHING]
-Ha. Ha.

JESSICA:
Uh-oh.

I'm getting a strong spider-sense.

It's those two athlete nabbers.
They're at it again.

-I'm hungry, Aunt Jessica.
-Good idea, Billy.

I'll be right back
with three borscht burgers.

BOTH:
Borscht burgers?

BILLY: Yuck.
JEFF: Ugh.

[JESSICA TRANSFORMING]

Let's finish him off, Morton.

SPIDER-WOMAN: Looks like
you two haven't learned your lesson yet.

-It's that spider dame.
-I'll take care of her.

[CLANKING]

[THUDS]

After a rough workout like that,
you could use a cold shower.

SPIDER-WOMAN:
You're next, pal.

Gregor, let's get out of here.

Are you all right, Alexis?

Alexis okay. Me strong as bull.

MALE ANNOUNCER:
Zambia's entry in the weightlifting event

has made his final lift.

Here you go. Two borscht burgers
with the works.

Uh, thanks, Jessica.

MALE ANNOUNCER:
Next up in the weight lift,

Alexis of the Soviet Union

will attempt the world record
at 1000 kilograms.

[CROWD CHEERING]

-One hand!
-I don't believe it!

JESSICA: That's funny.
Both of the athletes I saved

won their gold medals with ease.
I wonder...

Say, I got a great idea.

In order to get a better story
on the games,

I'm gonna disguise myself as an athlete.

That way I'll find out
what's really going on here.

Great thinking, Aunt Jessica.
You'll get the inside story.

You've got to be kidding.
What sport could you possibly enter?

MALE ANNOUNCER: First up,
Greta Neuberg of West Germany.

Are you sure you want to
go through with this, Jessica?

Sure I'm sure. I think.

Telephone for you, Miss Drew.

Thanks, coach.

Hello? Hello? Hmm.
There's no one on the line.

Uh-oh. Looks like trouble.

This'll stop her.

Quick, open the box.

[BEEPING]

Perfect. No one will ever know
that this is an android athlete.

Right. And she'll win
just like the others.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

MALE ANNOUNCER: Next up,
Miss Jessica Drew, United States.

Hurry, Aunt Jessica, you're up.

What's the matter with her?

Oh, she's probably just upset
because she knows she's going to lose.

MALE ANNOUNCER:
Jessica Drew is now in position.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Jessica?

JACQUES: I've done it.
I have won all the medals.

Now every country in the world
has an android athlete

with a gold medal around their neck.

Phase one of my ingenious plan
is complete.

Now for phase two.

[CHUCKLES]

But first,
we'll have to get rid of the evidence.

Right, boss. We know what to do.

The damaged bridge should be just ahead.

Get ready.

[LAUGHS]

Now!

What? Where am I?

Great arachnids!

This truck is headed
for the bottom of the gorge.

This is a job for Spider-Woman.

Open sesame.

It's time for some
super-speed spider-spinning.

[BRIDGE CREAKING]

-Everybody out.
-What? What happened?

-Who are you?
-Never mind who I am.

It's all of you who are
far more important.

Whoever went to the trouble
of capturing you,

must be up to something really big.

I want all of you to stay out of sight

until I find out just what it is.

Wow, what a jump!
It was incredible, Aunt Jessica!

Can I take a look at your medal?

No.

I don't understand it.
What's the matter with her?

Looks like success has gone to her head.

Sizzling spider-senses.

This jet is filled with android duplicates

of all the gold medal athletes!

Including a duplicate Jessica Drew.

I'd better follow them back
and get to the bottom of this mystery.

[JESSICA TYPING]

Here are the proof sheets of the photos
I took at the games, Jessica.

Just put them on the desk.

Thanks. You can go now.

[TYPING CONTINUES]

I don't get it.

That Jessica android
hasn't made a suspicious move yet.

[BEEPING RAPIDLY]

Status report.

[BEEPING]

Computer scan indicates
all androids are in position.

Excellent. Prepare satellite antenna.

As soon as I activate
the hypnotic medallions

I substituted for the real gold medals,

my master control medallion
will allow me to take over the minds

of everyone on Earth!

Then I will rule the world!

[LAUGHS]

Activate medallions!

[ENERGY CRACKLING]

[SATELLITE BEEPING]

WOMAN: Thank you for inviting me here
to the Imperial Palace.

Winning this gold medal
is very important to me.

With it, I control you all.

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

Bruce Thompson has something
he'd like to say.

Listen carefully.

You will obey the commands
of the mind medallion.

Your thoughts are under my control.

There is nothing you can do to resist.

SPIDER-WOMAN:
The counterfeit Jessica hasn't moved.

But if my spider senses are right,

something's about to happen and soon.

Come on, Aunt Jessica,
you've been typing for hours.

Yeah. Put the story to bed.
You can finish it in the morning.

Uh-oh. She's leaving the office.

I'd better spider-tail it
down to the street level and follow them.

Oh, come on, Jessica, what's the matter?

You're acting like you don't even know me.

I know you. You're Jeff Hunt.

We ought to get your Aunt Jessica
to a doctor.

I think she's got an acute case of jetlag.

BILLY:
Aunt Jessica, what are you doing?

I think those jumps went to her head.
She's flipped.

You cannot escape me.

-[RUMBLING]
-[CRACKLING]

Oh, no. We've stopped.

Hi, Jessica.

Sizzling spider venom!

That mechanical maniac
is trying to take over the whole city.

Play time's over. Put down your weapon

or I'll venom blast you
into surplus parts.

Oh, no.
This is no time for a spider-sense.

SPIDER-WOMAN:
Snapping spider lines!

If I don't get to Jeff and Billy
in a spider second,

their elevator will drop
into the basement.

And the Justice Building has no basement.

Sorry to threaten and run,
but I'll have to take care of you later.

[ELEVATOR CREAKING]

I think I just left my stomach
on the tenth floor.

I wish Spider-Woman were here.
She'd get us out of this mess.

Spider-Woman, Schmider-Woman.
If she can handle it, so can I.

BOTH:
Whoa!

Oh, no. I've only got a few seconds.

JEFF: Oh, no. It's too late.
We're gonna crash!

We made it! We're alive!

Of course. I told you I was
as good as Spider-Woman.

I knew we'd make it all along.

-[SIREN WAILING]
-We've got you surrounded, Miss Drew.

There's no way out.
Put your hands up and surrender.

Now, where were we?

Two can play at this game.

[CRACKLING]

I guess that makes me
the fastest venom blast in the west.

JACQUES:
World takeover is complete.

All android leaders return to stadium.

Trembling tarantulas! That's it!

Now I know just how
to get to the bottom of this evil scheme.

Android leaders, I, Jacques Le Rod,

am your creator.

Together, we have conquered,

and I am now king of the world!

To honor your new king,
you shall gather for me

all of the Earth's riches

and a thousand followers to do my bidding.

JESSICA:
We'll see about that.

You've given your last royal order,
King Jacques.

You're about to be dethroned.

No one speaks out against the king.

All androids, stop the Spider-Woman!

Uh-oh. I think I'm outnumbered.

Ah, I don't suppose, being athletes,

you believe in good sportsmanship?

[SPIDER-WOMAN CHUCKLES]

I didn't think so.

I guess I short-circuited their plan.

Very clever, Spider-Woman.

It looks like I'll have
to defeat you myself.

With a venom blast behind it,

this shot put will pack
a wallop of a cannonball.

[CRACKLING]

Jumping spider eggs! They're all androids!

-[WHIRRING]

No, don't touch me!

So you're the little villain
behind this big mystery.

Yes, and if it weren't for you,

I would have succeeded
in taking over the world.

Well, you'll soon be a ruler
of a world just your size.

A prison cell in a state pen.

JEFF: Hey!
Somebody let us out of here.

Aunt Jessica!

My, this elevator's awfully slow.
What took you so long?

Are you kidding? We barely escaped alive!

And with no help from you.

Why, if it weren't for my courage
and quick thinking,

we'd have been flattened!

Look out, Billy!
She's going berserk again.

Here. You deserve this more than me.

For your quick thinking and courage.

[BOTH LAUGHING]