01x09 - The Uncertainty Principle

[bunniefuu]

[WEB sh**ting] SPIDER-MAN: 'Twas the night

before Halloween,

and all through Manhattan,

not a criminal was stirring,

not even Green Goblin.

Might as well enjoy

the peace and quiet

while I can.

"Manhattan," "Goblin."

They sort of rhyme.

MAN: So, Colonel Jameson,

any early trick-or-treaters

up there?

Hope not.

We're fresh

out of candy.

But seriously,

I still remember

my first Halloween.

I was an astronaut.

Big surprise, right?

[SIGHS] As much as I love

the beauty and tranquility

of space,

I'm glad

we're landing

tomorrow

to see the costumes

of the next generation

of dreamers.

Plus, this year,

my astronaut costume rocks.

[ALARM RINGING]

Life support's still up.

Otherwise

Otherwise, it's

"Houston, we have

a problem."

Livin' on the edge

Fighting crime

Spinning webs

Swingin' from

the highest ledge

He could leap

above our heads

Villains on the rise

And the city's victimized

Looking up

with no surprise

Arriving

in the speed of time

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

JOHN: Heat shields

are fairly trashed.

Anyone know

a good body shop up here?

TV REPORTER: Although

Colonel John Jameson

maintains

his sense of humor,

the real question remains.

Will the shuttle be able

to land safely?

The damaged heat shield

coupled with the loss

of the shuttle's

navigational computer

greatly increases

the hazard.

We heard from Foswell?

Already

in California,

awaiting

the shuttle's

landing.

[WHISPERING]

Assuming it does land.

We'll just get out

of your way,

Mr. Jameson.

Shout out

if you need anything.

[WHOOSHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[SINISTER LAUGHTER]

[GROANING]

[LAUGHING]

Keep laughing, Kermit.

I hear green's

the new black and blue.

GREEN GOBLIN:

You should be green

with envy,

because you lack

my fashion sense.

[COUGHS]

Oh, and

built-in gas mask.

[LAUGHS]

[GROANS]

Goblin, I know

you're out there.

Out there.

In here.

Everywhere.

Yes, this will soon be

my town, Hammie,

and I could use

a good right-hand

flattop.

Not going to happen.

You think I'm afraid

of a goofball dressed

for Halloween?

Can't be afraid

of what you don't respect.

And I've only ever respected

one man enough to fear.

The Big Man, alias

L. Thompson Lincoln.

See, I've already

peeked under his mask.

Lincoln is the mask.

The Big Man is Tombstone,

'cause that's

all that's left

when you cross him.

Well, if that's true,

then a man like you must

surely have acquired

life insurance.

TV REPORTER:

The astronauts have

done all they can

to repair the damage.

Now, Colonel Jameson

has only one chance

to bring his crew home.

He must manually

pilot the craft

to reenter

the Earth's atmosphere at

precisely the right angle,

or they'll burn up

on reentry.

What's that, Harry?Nothing. A new soda.

Then you won't mind

giving me a sip.

No!This is why you were

passed out the other night!

Harry,

whatever that stuff is,

you need help!

This is the help.

4.0 GPA,

football stud,

in-crowd,

all thanks to the green.

Harry, no!

A few blackouts are

a small price to pay.

So spare me

your concern.

My life's great.

Dial Hammerhead.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, I'm sorry,

Hammerhead can't come

to the phone right now.

He's a bit tied up.

[LAUGHS]

You got to love

the classics.

Hammerhead can

take care of himself.

And you as well,

apparently.

He had a portable

jump drive with enough

incriminating evidence

to put dear Mr. Lincoln

behind bars forever.

Not to worry.

The drive's

in little old Gobby's

possession now.

Uh, uh, uh.

I don't have it on me.

But I will

have it tonight.

When tonight? Where?

Believe me,

you'll know.

I know a trap,

when I

But that's

what makes it fun.

Besides,

what choice

do you have?

Oh, and come alone.

SPIDER-MAN: [SIGHS]

How does she do it?

One look,

and next thing

you know,

I'm swinging cross-town

to have a talk with Harry.

Look who's finally shown

his ugly rubber face.

[EXCLAIMS]

Landed me a big one!

Who's landed whom?

[LAUGHS]Whoa!

SPIDER-MAN: Where you been,

Greeny? Vacation?

Been looking for you.

[GRUNTS]

We both want Tombstone

out of the picture.

For totally

different reasons!

Details, details.

And speaking of details,

I've got a jump drive

that can take Tombstone

down for good.

Great. Fork it over.

I'll take you both in.

Uh, uh, uh.

I don't have it on me.

But I'll have it tonight.

When tonight? Where?

Anyone else

getting deja vu?

Oh, well,

let's run with it.

Believe me,

you'll know.

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHING]

SPIDER-MAN: If Gwen's right,

losing Gobby will seem

way less painful

than talking to Harry.

[WHOOSHING]Huh?

Not even sure

if Gobby came in here,

but he wouldn't be

the first wackadoo

to target Harry's dad.

Whoa.

Been coming here for years,

and I've never seen

that door before.

Nah. I mean,

so the guy

likes masks.

But that doesn't

mean that he

Besides, Gobby keeps

stealing OsCorp tech,

so unless those thefts

were staged

to throw off suspicion

Hey, Dad, I'm home!

SPIDER-MAN: Oh, great.

Now Harry's got

two problems.

How can I

talk to him

about either

with Green Gosborn

in the next room?

Dad?

[SIGHS]

I'm not kidding, Harry.

We need to talk.

HARRY: Then come on up.

Not a good idea.

Just come down.

Oh, so you can give me

an earful for Gwen?

[SCOFFS]

No thanks.

Besides, I need

to get in costume.

I'll meet you in an hour

at the Bleecker street

carnival.

Thanks for supporting

Midtown High,

and happy Halloween.

I mean, argh, matey,

enjoy the cookie!

MARY JANE:

Uh, it's Gwen, right?

GWEN: Um, hi, hi,

Mary Jane.

I need to find Pete.

Have you seen him?

I was going to ask you.

He went to talk

to Harry, but

BOYS: Lean to the left,

lean to the right,

stand up, sit down,

fight, fight, fight!

Go Mustangs!

[WHOOPING]

Shake those

pom-poms!

Yeah, shake Wait.

Are they mocking us?

Trick or treat,

smell my feet

Give me something

good to eat ♪

Come on, you're not going

to break up with me

over a cookie.

Uh, are you?

So, you as dangerous

as you look?

[HISSING] Wouldn't you

like to know?

You haven't complimented

my costume.

Trying to get the latest

on the shuttle.

Which matters

to me, why?

Maybe 'cause

John Jameson's like

an older brother to me.

And 'cause

he may not make it.

TV REPORTER: I'm told

that as the shuttle enters

Earth's atmosphere,

NASA will likely

lose contact.

Whatever happens,

Foswell, you give it

to me straight.

FOSWELL:

Sure, J.J. Straight.

Fasten your seatbelts,

it's going to be

a bumpy night.

FOSWELL:

Nothing yet, boss.

Nothing, nothing.

[SIGHS]

J.J., I'm sorry

Wait! There it is!

It's landing!

[CROWD CHEERING]

They're safe!

[ALL CHEERING]

All right!

He did it.

My boy did it.

Hey, hey!

I'm not paying you bums

to watch television!

Get me a new layout

in 17 seconds

or you're all fired!

Go, go, go!

Congratulations, boss.

It's great news.

[GRUNTS]

It's the news.

What are these?

A couple of freaks

in costumes. Worthless!

The Bugle's

celebrating

a real hero!

My son John!

But what do I do with

Sell them

to the Globe

for all I care.

[CHUCKLES]

That rag will

print anything.

Mr. Osborn.

Didn't expect to

see you back tonight.

And through

the front door

no less.

You want to rule the world,

you don't punch time clocks.

[expl*si*n]

[MAN SCREAMING]

Mr. Osborn!

He took it!

Stole it!

A thief? Here?

What did he steal?

The inhibitor prototype!

Freeze, dirt bag!

[GRUNTS]

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Gwen? GWEN: Oh, Peter, finally.

I've been calling and

What's up with Harry?

He's meeting me

at the carnival.

I'm already here.

Where are you?

Pete?Nice costume, huh?

FLASH: I'm going

to cream Osborn!

The little wimp

was supposed to be

the top of our pyramid!

[CHUCKLES] Hey, look,

it's the spectacular

spider-geek!

[LAUGHS]

[ALL GRUNTING]

Got to say, tiger,

you fill out

that costume nicely.

Very nicely.

You can web me up

any time, Petey.

Puny Parker?

He looks nothing

like Spidey!

I should have been

Spider-Man!

Don't worry, Flash,

you fill out

your costume

nicely, too.

[FIRECRACKERS BURSTING]

[CROWD EXCLAIMING]

Goblin.

Pete, we really

should find Harry.

Pete?

So, Gobby offered you

the secret toy

surprise, too.

Trap?Trap.

Figured.

Race you inside.

[EXCLAIMS]

Always with the drama.

This is

so embarrassing.

LINCOLN:

And disappointing.

Did you really think

you needed a jump drive

to protect you?

Did you really think

a jump drive

could protect you?

Aw, come on, boss.

You can't have fallen

for that.

There's no drive,

no incriminating evidence.

There never was.

GREEN GOBLIN: Yes, yes,

I'm a big fat liar.

Like we didn't all know

this was a trap.

GREEN GOBLIN: Welcome

to the Green Goblin's

house of horror!

Or should I say

refinery of revulsion?

[LAUGHS]

[SNARLS]

[GRUNTS]

Uh, thanks.

Take down the Goblin

or at least unmask him,

and we'll call it even.

Uh, excuse me,

who rescued who

from the molten steel?

GREEN GOBLIN: [LAUGHING]

Wipeout!

[GRUNTS]

Next time

you throw a bash, Gobby,

leave out snacks.

Your guests

will stay longer.

Oh, how embarrassing.

But at least

I brought party favors.

FLASH: Terrifying, huh?

Or is nothing scary

after seeing me

in a skirt?

The skirt's cool.

I know you lost a bet,

but you made

the best of it.

Glad you feel that way.

I mean, now that me and Liz

have split up

Whoa, pom-poms

to yourself, big guy.

I like you, but I won't

be your replacement girl.

This redhead's

a free agent.

Plans to keep it

that way.

No Harry. No Pete.

Someone is

so getting

the look.

[GRUNTS]Oh, why don't you

just give up?

'Cause

I know your secret.

I know whose face

is behind that mask.

We all wear masks,

Spider-Man.

But which one is real?

The one

that hides

your face,

or the one

that is your face?

I know

you're Norman Osborn!

[LAUGHS]

GREEN GOBLIN: Am I?

Impressive webbing.

Now try mine.

So what do you think

of my gob-webs?

[LAUGHS]

Now, let's see

what cracks first.

My gob-webs,

or your bones!

[GRUNTING]

Well,

that taught us

nothing.

Perhaps a more drastic

experiment is required!

Happy landing,

Spider-Man!

This better work!

Okay. All this pain

at least proves

I'm still alive.

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

Oh, right, kind of

used it all up.

SPIDER-MAN: Go ahead.

Run. I know

where you live.

I knew it!

[GRUNTING]

[GASPING]

SPIDER-MAN: You're

the Green Goblin?

No! This isn't

my costume!

I'm a cheerleader!

I

[GASPS]Harry? Spider-Man?

What is

You're not limping!

Why would I be limping?

Why is Harry wearing

Where did this come from?

Dad, I canWhat is it?

Globulin Green.

An early stage,

experimental

performance enhancer,

highly unstable

and addictive.

You stole it from OsCorp,

didn't you?

Why would you do something

so dangerous? So stupid?

For you!

[GRUNTS]

You told me to man up!

So I took the green

to become the son

you always wanted me to be.

[POLICE SIREN WAILS]To become a man,

like you.

[GROANS]

I must have

blacked out,

again.

I don't remember anything.

But I can't be

the Goblin, can I?

[GRUNTS]

I never

should have

taken it.

I've ruined everything.

I'm sorry.

So, so, sorry.

This makes no sense.

If Har If this kid's

the Goblin,

why would he

attack the Big Man?

Why attack OsCorp?

I've had dealings

with the Big Man.

But when I tried

to extricate myself,

I was threatened

by his stooge.

HARRY:

Hammerhead.

Harry must have overheard.

Under the influence

of the green,

his subconscious

created someone

who could take

the Big Man down.

Now, as to why

he attacked me

Maybe I've got

some anger issues.

[GIGGLES]

I will not allow this.

I'll say

I was the Goblin.

After all,

I invented the green.

I'm the obvious suspect.

No. He needs you.

And what good

could you do him

locked away

for a crime

you didn't commit?

Didn't I?

This is all my fault.

I drove Harry to

I will get him help,

I swear.

If you'll let me.

Me?

If you turn him in,

if the Big Man learns

Harry was the Goblin,

he wouldn't

survive the night.

Please.

He's my only child.

SPIDER-MAN:

And my best friend.

The Goblin

disappears,

forever,

leaving a mystery

that never gets solved.

Thank you.

And why should I care

what the Globeruns

on its front page?

Because their

Spider-Man scoop

and Parker's pictures

of it slaughtered

our space shuttle coverage

at the newsstands.

The people have spoken.

Get that traitor Parker

in here and lock him

to an exclusive deal.

If they want Spider-Man,

we'll give 'em

Spider-Man.

Here's tomorrow's

front-page headline.

"Spider-Man,

threat or menace?"

MARY JANE: Hey, tiger.

Oh, hey, M.J.

M.J.?

What are you

doing here?

I go to school here now.

Midtown's theater magnet

accepted me.

I wanted to tell you

last night,

but you disappeared,

as usual.

Uh, sorry,

I went looking for Harry,

but I never found him.

Then you probably

haven't heard.

Harry's taking

a leave of absence

from school

to travel abroad.

And get the help

he needs.

And that makes it

a happy ending, right?

So, Colonel Jameson,

good to be home?

Yep. Back

on solid ground.

[BOTH GASP]

Where it's nice

and safe.