02x12 - Hands of the Mandarin, Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Hey, hold it right there!
Back off, pal! This ain't Halloween.

The Security Council's
in session in there!

[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING IN FEAR]

- The man is mad!
-Remove him immediately!

- MAN: Guards!
-Take him away!

The time has come
to save this much-maligned world

from the corrosive evils
of runaway technology.

No. No, no, let him have his say.

Like the great Genghis Khan,

who once purged Asia
of corrupting influences,

I will solve our crisis

by eliminating any and all technology
from this endangered planet.

My price?
Simply that the nations of the world

hand the unequivocal reins of power
over to me!

[GASPS]

Guards, remove this madman!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

You will learn to respect

the demands
of The Mandarin's new world,

or you won't live
to enjoy its glorious darkness!

I...

lam...

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

By your silence, I assume the
Security Council has rejected my offer?

Very well, then. Prepare,
as you and the entire city of New York

experience my response!

TONY: [ON RADIO]
Cross your fingers and toes, kids,

one test surveillance m*ssile underway!

[CHUCKLES] All systems up
and anxious,

you overpaid, high-flying hunk.

- Got goose bumps yet?
-Hold it, Tone!

You're not gonna believe
who's raising a ruckus down at the UN.

[SIGHS] Let me guess.

The Norwegians and Swedes are
playing hacky sack in the halls again.

- Try The Mandarin.
- Bad joke, Rhodey.

That scumbag
is six feet under, somewhere.

In your dreams, Tin Man.

TONY: Stark One
to JFK Ground Control.

Request landing instructions.

All communications with New York City
proper are completely down.

There are times
when that could be a blessing.

But somehow,
I don't think today's one of them.

HOMER: My inference exactly.

MAN: What's going...

[CLAMORING]

JULIA: Holy blackout of '68, Tony!

HOMER: Satellite probes
are not registering

even minimal
electrical power signatures

anywhere on the entire
island of Manhattan.

Hey, wait a minute!

That clinking, clanking, clattering
collection of caliginous junk I hear

wouldn't be the esteemed Mr. Rhodes
armoring up, now, would it?

I'm not much on the fit
of this cast-iron girdle, Mr. Wizard.

TONY: But hurry on in.
I'm sure the water's fine.

Any thought as to what pile of horse
puckey you're stepping into this time?

TONY: Hmm. HOMER's piping me
some mega-weird readings

on the moisture in this fog.

It could be causing
mass short-circuiting at Con Ed,

but Hydro Armor
should keep me high and dry.

The man leaves me waiting at the altar
without a second thought,

but give him half a chance
to k*ll himself,

and he'll break his neck to get there!

Yeah, the Lone Ranger rides again.

IRON MAN: Uh-oh. Power's gone!

Typical! Just typical!

See? Hydro Armor
would have been a good idea.

Department of Defense confirms

that an undefined anti-technology field
is wreaking havoc in New York City.

There is no power.

Where does this anti-tech zone
leave Iron Man?

Without power or life support.

Given Mr. Tony's
life-threatening ailments,

I would estimate
a two-hour survival window.

w*r Machine!

w*r MACHINE:
Yes, Ms. Corporate Assets?

JULIA: Change of plans.

New York City is not very user-friendly
to the tech-powered right now.

What we need is non-tech help.

I better put out a wake-up call
to our old Force Works buddies.

Who's closest?

Clint Barton. Hawkeye.

That king-sized pain in the... No way!

JULIA: Listen, Rhodey.
You have two hours,

or Tony stops breathing!

[CROWD CLAMORING]

JANITOR: You're one of those
superhero-type guys.

Why don't you do something
about this mess?

[SIGHS]

Truth is, my plan is to go after the joker
responsible for this mess.

But without power,
I'll be lucky to make it to lunch.

I'll need to wait for the posse.

What the...

Man, even the friendly skies aren't safe
from you foil-wrapped turkeys!

No way, bolt head! I don't buy anything
from air-to-air salesmen!

Somebody is gonna pay
for bringing me down!

All right, let me guess.

The high-and-mighty Iron Man finally
fessed up to needing someone's help.

Yeah, looks like even deserters
can be useful.

Okay, Rhodes. You take off
that coffee can you call a hat,

-and try saying that again!
-How about using your head

for something other
than just moving your mouth,

and save those slings and arrows
for a real enemy, like The Mandarin!

The Mandarin?

w*r MACHINE: Okay, Robin Hood,
Tony's in there somewhere.

Of course he is.
He goes in alone, gets in deep,

we save his bacon,
then he goes off alone again.

Now there's the makings
of a great leader!

w*r MACHINE: Yeah, the MO is
so old, the mold's got mold on it.

HAWKEYE: An iron needle
in a skyscraper haystack.

It's nice
not having a clue where to start.

[CHUCKLING]

Should have figured.
The needle just found me!

[WHISTLES]

Taxi!

Taxi this!

IRON MAN: Oh! Cute.

Remembered smoke signals
from my Boy Scout days.

It's supposed to be Apache
for "Please save my butt!"

Read more like a bad laxative ad.

How did you know
it'd be me coming for you?

With no vehicles working,

your new high-flying hobby
was the only other logical way.

What if I'd logically
told Rhodey to stuff it?

What, and let The Mandarin
conquer the world?

No, not the over-adrenalined Hawkeye
I know and love.

Once we slam The Mandarin back
in the hoosegow where he belongs,

the Hawkeye I know and love
doesn't want anything to do with you,

or any of your self-starving,
spineless friends, ever again!

Now get in!

And no lip about my flying!

Wind shear!

What was that about your flying?

[GROANS]

Pull up! Now!

HAWKEYE: [LAUGHING]
Hey, Shellhead!

Finally found a use for you besides
cracking walnuts with your rusty head.

[MODOK CHUCKLING]

MODOK: Like they say, my Mandarin,

"if you can make it there,
you can make it anywhere."

But ever since your amusing rock there

purified New York
of technological power for an afternoon,

has anyone offered
to hand the world over to you?

The wretched masses of humanity
are always slow to embrace greatness.

Which is why the world
so sorely needs a leader like me.

A well-armed leader.

As I recharge, and strengthen
my glorious Heart of Darkness,

I will be able to project its lovely mists

over more and ever-larger pieces
of the planet,

using the power-draining fog
to cleanse it

of unnatural, mechanically
and electronically based technology.

The entire planet? But what about me?

But, until that time comes, my ten rings,

which I have painstakingly recovered,
one by one,

have brought the four of you here.

Now take your new Exo-Armor

and lay waste to that open sore
of the Pacific Rim, Hong Kong!

But surely you can tell me,
why this attack now?

Well, the answer,
my annoying little Modok,

is that to extend the Heart's power
to cover the Earth,

the Heart must be fed living power,
superpower.

Like those possessed
by the members of Force Works.

And the acquisition
of such a prize catch

will require using the proper bait.

NEWSCASTER: Hypnotia, Whirlwind,
Blacklash and Blizzard.

Tonight in Hong Kong,
terror has a human face.

Four faces, in fact. Armor-clad
t*rrorists believed to be members

of a clandestine group
known as the Hand.

You don't have to be a cartoon writer
to figure out

The Mandarin is behind all this.
But his motive is nothing if not unclear.

Wanda, it's good to have you
and your hex powers back on the team!

Well, the way it all ended, Tony,
I wasn't sure you'd want me back.

Just remember, Wanda,

if he asks you to marry him,
have backup plans for the evening.

Oh, what is this,
Praise the Deserters Day?

Hey, listen, our fearless leader
is the one who deserted us!

Just because you suck-ups
stayed behind...

- Hey, listen, pal...
-Hang on, Rhodey.

Look, I'm no prince.

Hawkeye's reasons for leaving
were warranted.

Yeah, well, so what does that make me
for staying? An idiot?

No, a true friend.

Oh, gosh, why don't we all just
link arms and sing Kumbaya?

IRON MAN: Anyone who sees that
gray fog rolling in on little cat's feet,

yell like your life depended on it,

because Rhodey's and mine
certainly will.

Let's nail that blow hard
with both barrels!

[w*r MACHINE LAUGHING]

w*r MACHINE: Whoa! These lowlifes
got themselves a new tailor!

w*r Machine!

Sorry, Rust Bucket. Your pal
just signed up as a Sidekicksicle!

Nice try, frosty,
but I don't chill out so easy!

w*r MACHINE: I'm claiming me
an assist for that slam dunk!

IRON MAN: Glory hog!

Destroy each other.
You know you want to.

Hey, chairman of the board,

there's some of that fog stuff
coming in from the bay, fast!

- Destroy him!
-IRON MAN: No! Can't let her make me.

- Destroy!
-w*r MACHINE: No! I won't!

HYPNOTIA: And now,
finish each other off.

[GROANS]

Shellhead! Move it!

[IRON MAN GRUNTING]

IRON MAN: Bad move.

Our powers are homegrown
and natural, no technology!

So while you
SPAM-in-the-can boys squirm...

WHIRLWIND: We're gonna blow you
from here to eternity.

BLACKLASH: In pieces!

[MENACING LAUGHTER]

Didn't your mother ever tell you
it's not nice to play with whips?

[HYPNOTIA LAUGHING]

You shall all do my bid.

Ah! I have finally arrived!
I must say I miss parallax.

Without my depleted staff,
time and space are rather daunting.

[MUFFLED GROANING]

If you don't let me go, I'll have you all...

Tsk, tsk, tsk...

A smile gets you more than a frown.

IRON MAN: Century,
up for a little mind link?

Certainly.

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

w*r MACHINE:
I'd settle for him just shutting her up.

Man, I've got to get me
a set of those powers.

CENTURY: It is the Crystal!

Her mind revealed to me
the Heart of Darkness Crystal,

an evil force far greater
than The Mandarin's rings!

IRON MAN: So that explains how he's
cooking up that anti-technology hoo-ha!

With the intention
of blanketing the entire Earth.

Once the Crystal has accumulated
sufficient energy,

Mandarin can permanently
de-power all society.

w*r MACHINE: [LAUGHING] Hey!
Power's on!

Give me a few minutes,
and I'll be as good as new!

Anybody got a penny
to stick in my fuse box?

Sorry, Rhodey, but that would be
a bad short-term investment.

IRON MAN: Oops! Got places to go,
people to fight and fog to avoid.

Hey! Where do you think you're going,
leader man?

- Crystal hunting.
-What about us?

You see, Modok?
My little Hong Kong enticement worked.

And how appropriate. The very one
I have awaited these long months,

the one who used me to defeat
the dragons and left me for dead!

Hmm! Redirecting my negation field
from Hong Kong

to surround this citadel
would be a sensible precaution.

Mandarin, no! I beg of you!

- If my electronic life support fails...
-Modok, Modok, Modok.

I wouldn't dream
of jeopardizing your life.

Not as long as you can assist me
in defeating Iron Man.

IRON MAN: Nice digs for a dead man.

Think I'll knock
and see if Lurch answers.

[SCREAMING]

Mandarin.
HOMER, get some reads, quick-like!

HOMER: Alien technology which
appears to feed on bioenergetic fields.

Tremendous destructive potential.

Wait, Mandarin! Let me try again!

Silence, slug!
Your window of opportunity has closed.

HOMER: Improper use
of the Crystal could...

IRON MAN: Typical.

- This is most unpleasant.
-IRON MAN: Tell me about it.

My apologies, Modok.
Your sacrifice will long be remembered.

In the meantime, do try to stay alive.
There's so much still to be done.

Pray I'm never in a position
to do it to you, slowly!

And now, the unveiling.

What do you think, Modok?
Shall I go for the helmet?

[LAUGHS]

If you wish, my lord.

I do wish! Iron Man is finally mine!

Now I shall finally see
the face of my enemy,

before I destroy him!

[IRON MAN GROANING]

After all our battles, all my frustrations,

after I was forced to crawl
through all the gutters of the world

to regain my rings.

Tony Stark?
How glorious! How perfect!

How obvious. And now for his friends.

Delicious! The superhuman fuel I need
for the Heart of Darkness

is now within range.

Vengeance against you

is only one, albeit a very sweet,
part of my plan.

A plan you are about
to help me advance.

Come closer and hear for yourself.

[LAUGHING]

w*r MACHINE: Wait a minute!
The radio! Listen!

IRON MAN: w*r Machine,
Force Works,

I need your help!
The anti-tech field is down,

so come in blasting
and we've got a fighting chance!

No! w*r Machine!
For once don't listen to me!

[CLICKING TONGUE]

And disobey a direct order
from his beloved commander?

Besides, they only hear what I wish.

w*r MACHINE: Just hold on, Tone.

Hey, wait a minute.
What's all that fog doing

around The Mandarin's hoity-toity
boathouse? I thought Tony said...

Whoa! Everyone,
hold on to what you got!

No!

w*r MACHINE:
This isn't looking pretty!

I...

lam...

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

'