01x25 - The Return of the Kingpin

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[narrator] Spider-Man.

[inaudible dialog]

[meows]

[inaudible dialog]

[roars]

[narrator] Spider-Man.

What's he got in the wallet?

Driver's license, auto club.

Nothing!

OK, pal,

how about what's in the briefcase?

The... The briefcase?

There's nothing in the briefcase.

Ah, there isn't?

Really, just socks and underwear.

Check the case.

No, please, wait.

Easy, buddy, easy.

Socks and underwear, huh? [Chuckles]

This a private party,
or can anyone join the fun?

Spider-Man!

Let's get out of here!

A stitch in time...

[grunting] Come on!

Will hold you fine,

until the police get here.

Thanks, Spider-Man.

I've got a fortune in rare cut gems here.

No kidding.

Yow.

Thanks again.

I'll call the police.

Boy, a fortune in gems.

[man 1] So where are the cops already,
man?

[man 2] Yeah, man.

So, you save a fortune in gems,

- and all you get is thanks?
- Huh?

Hal Hunter's the name.
Talent and careers, my game.

All your talent,
and what do you get out of it?

I catch muggers. I'm a good guy.

Ha! Big deal.

You're wasting your talent,
giving it away.

There's good money for what you can do,

and a future for you and your loved ones.

Yeah, well, thanks anyway.

Plan for the future! And keep my card!

You're going to need it!

[man on TV] Come. Fly with us.

Aloha Airlines offers you
two fun-filled weeks in Hawaii.

Bet you'd love a Hawaiian vacation.

Mmm, I surely would,
if only it didn't cost so much.

Happy Birthday, Aunt May.

Oh, dear. Uh, uh, it...
it's lovely, Peter.

My favorite talcum powder.

I, uh, couldn't think
of anything else you could use.

That's all right, Peter.

[man on TV] And that, of course,
brings us to Spider-Man.

Yes, Spider-Man, who,
for the last 10 years,

has been one of the key guardians
of the Big Apple,

fighting such menaces as the Green Goblin,

Doctor Doom,

and the dreaded Lizard.

Once again, Spider-Man cut short
the careers of many villains

who threatened our people and our city.

To Spider-Man, our debt of gratitude.

And that's the way it was yesterday
in New York City.

I think Spider-Man's just a big phony.

He does it all for the money.

Even you think that?

Well, maybe that's just what he ought
to do.

No. Well, yeah.

Maybe a little?

Attack.

[exclaims]

Ahhh!

- [exclaiming]
- [thuds]

[shouting and grunting]

- Time?
- Uh, 15 seconds.

That wasn't even a workout.

Get me eight karate masters next time.

The only other pleasure I never tire of
is toying with Spider-Man.

Hmm. Sixth floor.

Hey, hey!

I knew you'd come back.

Need the money, right?

Sure. All I ever get is a pat on the back.

But also I need direction,
a sense of purpose.

Yeah, leave it to me.

I'll help you make money
and start a new career.

How about this?

He's taking the bait.

A photography job. Great. I like cameras.

OK.
Brandt Publications wants unusual photos

of the Golden Boy
at the Graham Arts Museum.

This camera's one of the best.

Hey, what paper are you representing?

The Web Head Gazette.

These photos ought to be unusual enough
for them.

[man] Hey! What do you think you're doing?

[people clamoring]

Get down! Get down! Come on!

Good job, Spider-Man.

Come back tomorrow,
and I'll have another assignment.

You got it.

That's why I'm the King Pin.

I get other people to do the hard work,

like Spider-Man.

Hmm. If he only knew.

The King Pin's smart, all right.

Getting Spider-Man
to take these infrared photos

that show up all the detectors and alarms

was pure genius.

Look out! There's a beam right there.

Move slowly.

Easy. That's 200 pounds solid gold,

courtesy of Spider-Man.

All right, Parker!

Before I send you
to the unemployment office,

explain this!

Uh, how did the web-slinger get there?

And why didn't you get a picture of him?

They've got him dead to rights.

He was casing the museum
for the crooks who robbed it last night.

- Casing it?
- What else?

I thought he was just taking pictures.

That's what you should have done!

I have two tickets here.

That new quiz show, Bank Bonanza,

is having $1 million
in cash on stage tonight.

Just in case something happens, be there!

With camera, with film in it,
and without excuses!

Hey! They loved the pictures, Spidey baby,

but I told them you quit.

- But why?
- Oh, they didn't pay enough.

Now here. How would you like
to carry $1 million

across the rooftops to Bank Bonanza?

- A million dollars?
- Cash.

And this can be a brilliant
new business career.

Listen, executive courier.

Mmm. Tell me more.

OK. You pick up and deliver.

Who can stop you?

You're much cheaper than trucks
and guards.

I am?

Hey, you're a walking gold mine.

You pick up the money
after it's delivered to the bank

and take it right to the studio.

Oh, and for 15 minutes' work,

this is your fee.

That much?

I told you. I'll make you rich.

It's depressing how easily
I've hooked him again.

Hmm. Five minutes early.

- [steam hissing]
- Uh-oh.

Guess the early bird does catch
a few worms.

Spider-Man!

Oh, you've heard of me.

I'll be right back.

You want the money, wall crawler?

Go get it!

Phew.

I'm Warren, the bank agent.

My associate, Mr. Fosdick,

will be waiting for you at the studio.

Uh-oh. Betty.

How will I explain
why Peter Parker didn't show up?

- Hello?
- Well, about time.

I thought you guys said
this dude was fast.

Hey, wow.

Nothing like looking at $1 million.

Uh, I'm Fosdick.

I'll need your signature.

Whoa. What?

Huh? What's going on here?

These bills are counterfeit.

Hey, wait a minute.
I got those bills at the bank.

Not from my bank, you didn't.

I say I did. I'll be right back.

[siren sounding]

A high-voltage electronic cage,

just in case some jerk should try a heist.

You're under arrest
for stealing $1 million, jerk.

Cut that line! Stop him!

Don't let him get away!

Stop him!

[camera shutters clicking]

No doubt about it, Chris.

I've been played for a sucker.

Hal Hunter set me up, but why?

Well, only one way to find out.

There's always something attractive
about money,

even when you don't need it.

Take it away.

That was real smart of you, King Pin.

Me driving away with the phony money

and the other guys taking the real stuff.

Fooled Spider-Man.

You don't understand, do you?

Intellectually,
Spider-Man is no match for me.

I can toy with him,

or, when I am tired, eliminate him.

But even then I'll give him

a one-in-a-million chance to escape.

I got pictures!

Of Spider-Man stealing that money?

Proving Spider-Man stopped some thieves
from taking it.

Hey! Stop the presses!

We got pictures proving Spider-Man
took the real money

and switched it!

Hey! What's happening, baby?

Don't suppose you can use me anymore,

now that I'm a fugitive.

Well, you blew your fee,

but maybe I can still help you.

The Diamond Exchange.

A perfect setup for confusion.

The Hapsburg Clock is on top
of the Diamond Exchange.

Our web walker friend

will accidentally trigger
the earthquake alarm.

Downstairs, panic, confusion.

The diamonds will be ours.

Hunter Careers.

The Hapsburg Clock is not working.

- Can you fix it?
- Why, yes, sir, I can.

Just like Spider-Man.

Enough pressure,

and... he'll break.

Here's all you need to know
about the Hapsburg Clock.

It just needs a few minor adjustments.

Repair a clock?

It keeps you out of sight for a while,

and it pays good.

Look at 'em. Largest private collection
of cut diamonds in the world.

Yeah. Glad when they auction them off
and get 'em out of here.

Ring the gong, win a teddy bear.

[James Cagney imitation]
So you won't talk, huh? You dirty...

Now wait till the alarm goes off.

The people will panic,
and the diamonds are ours.

Reminds me of my Erector Set.

I wave to wait till the clock strikes,

and these guys move out on the track.

Hmm. I've seen that car before.

That's the same bozo who had the briefcase
at the bank.

This is what I was waiting for.

That's close enough.

I don't want to be
in the way when they panic.

[gong sounds]

Hey, that's not supposed to happen.

Three strikes, you're out.

The earthquake alarm.
The vibrations from the clock set it off.

[alarm sounding]

Help!

Don't want to rip up this old beauty,
so...

Of course.
It's all a setup to steal the diamonds.

This time, I'm ready.

King Pin. Now it all makes sense.

This is what I've been waiting for.

[motor grinding to a halt]

Phew.

There's something to be said
for a wristwatch.

[ding]

Hal Hunter is the only link
between me and Spider-Man.

Take care of him.

What? No!

What career do you think
I should tackle next,

Hal old pal?

The wall crawler.

Get him!

I think maybe you should be a superhero,
please?

Does it require experience?

Everybody to the showers.

Have a nice get-together.

As for you, Hal, you're going
to have lots of time,

time to decide what you want
to be when you grow up!

Taking the elevator's too slow.

[men exclaim]

[Spider-Man] Well, kung fu to you, too.

We'll take you on one at a time, web head.

Ichi!

Aw, let's do it all at once.

Uh... OK, back to one at a time?

[men grunting]

- [Spider-Man laughs]
- Huh?

[grumbling]

OK, chubbo, it's you and me.

How about stopping by twice a week

for my regular workout, wall crawler?

No. When I visit a prison, I get a rash.

[both screaming]

Now I think I'll go play volleyball
with the Girl Scouts

and get a real workout.

Get me out of here!

A token of our appreciation
for returning our money.

And from the museum trustees
for returning Golden Boy.

From the boys at the Diamond Exchange,
Spider-Man.

Diamonds?

No.
A bill to repair the old clock you busted.

Uh, settle for half?

Well, under the circumstances, OK.

You've just made a wonderful old lady
very happy.

Ah. Thank you, Peter,

and that nice Mr. King Pin,

whoever he is.

[theme music playing]