01x05 - Party Animals

[bunniefuu]

SPIDER-MAN:
You ever have one of those days?

You get out of bed, you take a shower,

you air-dry by swinging through the city,

and then out of nowhere,
some jerk in a robo suit attacks you?

[GRUNTS, GROANS]
[BOTH GASP]

Ow! Well, this is definitely
one of those days.

Oh, plus I think I forgot
to brush my teeth.

ROBOT:
Taking you down will be easy, Spider-Man.

Okay, hotshot.
That sucker punch surprised me,

but now you've got my attention.

-What I want is your life.
-Sorry!

I'm actually using it right now.

Seems like every joker in town
wants to be my archnemesis these days.

Increase exo-thermal volts.

[ELECTRICITY ARCING]

Whoa! [CHUCKLES]
That's a neat trick.

Have you seen this one?

[PHONE BEEPING]

Hello?

Hey, Pete. You on your way?

Yeah, Harry, uh...

No. Sorry. I'm not gonna make it.

My schedule kind of blew up today.

Oh, that's too bad.

I've got some news I wanted
to share with you in person,

but I guess I can tell you
over the phone.

Yeah, but can it wait?

I would really like to give it
my full attention.

I guess so.
I just thought you should be

-the first to know that--
-Great! I'll call you back later.

Yeah. Whatever.

Who are you talking to?

-That's for me to know... [GRUNTS]
-[CAR ALARM BLARING]

and you to stand still while I rip
the wiring from your power pack.

[GRUNTS]

-Hey, what are you...
-Ha!

Without those power circuits,
looks like you can't pull off

that little anti-web trick, can you?

Now let's see who you really are.

[COMPUTER VOICE]
Self-destruct initiated.

One minute to self-destruct.

-Fifty-nine, fifty-eight...
-[GASPS] Countdowns are never good.

-Okay. Think, Spidey. Think.
-Fifty-eight--

This thing's too complicated
to diffuse here.

-But if I remove the dangerous part...
-Fifty-six,

-[GRUNTING]
-fifty-five,

-Spidey feels the pressure.
-fifty-four,

-He's going for the gold!
-fifty-three...

He spins, and...
[GRUNTS]

Fifty-one...

Yes! He's done it!

[IMITATING CROWD CHEERING]
Spidey wins the gold!

He-- And why is
my Spidey-sense still tingling?

[ONLOOKERS MURMURING]
[BEEPING]

-Thirty-eight, thirty-seven--
-Oh, come on!

The head was just the countdown clock?
Who makes these things?

Okay. That thing probably weighs


If I want to propel it
out of harm's way

against an average wind speed
of 12 miles per hour,

-the trajectory should be--
MAN: Hey!

You're Spider-Man, right? Cool.

Hey, can you leave a message
on my friend Phil's phone?

Little busy at the moment.
Carry the one...

-...sixteen, 15, 14,
-And... got it!

-thirteen, 12, 11--
-[GRUNTING]

-Where does your friend live?
-Jersey.

Phil, this is Spider-Man.

-Shut your windows.
-...six,

-five, 4, 3,
-[GRUNTS]

two...

[YELLING]

And that's the power of geometry.

MALE VOICE:
Alert. First period in ten minutes.

Nice. With this new alarm system
I created,

I won't ever be late for class again.

[CAR ALARMS BLARING]

Maybe a little late. I'll clean it up!

[BEEPING]

[YELLS]
I had him!

Relax, young Smythe.

You control my slayers
as well as your father does.

Welcome to Osborn Academy.

[LINE RINGING]
[CHATTERING]

Come on, Harry. Answer your phone.

HARRY: Hello?
-Harry, it's Peter.

What did you wanna tell me?

I've been cleared of all charges.

I'm back, baby!

-Yes! Harry is in the house!
-[LAUGHTER]

Sorry, buddy. I tried to tell you.

No. I'm just... happy
I didn't miss the celebration.

We should celebrate.
Harry's a big part of this school,

so we should do something
the whole school can take part in.

Any ideas?

Let's have another science fair.

No way. A physics tournament.

All good options.

But maybe something different this time.

Aleksei, how do they celebrate
in your country?

Mathlympics, baby! Loser shovels snow.

Phew. I was afraid
you were gonna suggest a dance.

A dance! That's perfect!

-We'll have a dance this Saturday night.
-[STUDENTS GASP]

-Great idea, Peter.
-[STUDENTS GROANING]

-Come on.
-Excellent!

I was award-winning dancer
at old school.

[GRUNTS THEN GASPS]

Oh, no!

Is that... pimple?

But I have to look best for Saturday!

[GROANS]

-[GRUNTS]
-Ow!

MILES: Aleksei, wait up!
-Anya!

A dance?
[SCOFFS]

Thanks a lot, Parker.

And that's how Horizon High
decided to have its first-ever dance.

I didn't want a dance.

I don't even know how to dance.
I'm a scientist.

Relax, Peter. My Uncle Raymond
is a renowned scientist,

and he taught me to two-step
in an afternoon.

It's all about angles.
And you've got till Saturday.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYS]

[GRUNTS]
Ugh!

It's Saturday, and I still don't know
how to dance.

You hungry?

I figured you need to carb up
if you're gonna boogie down

on that dance floor.

I don't like any of the words
in that sentence, Aunt May.

I don't even wanna go tonight.

But this is Harry's comeback party,
so I can't miss it.

Dancing isn't so bad, Peter.

You just need to find your rhythm.

Uhh...

Where's a super-villain when you need one?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come on in, Peter.

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

This stupid tie
set me back half an hour.

The tying of bow ties
is a dying art, Pete.

That's why you have to embrace
the modern age.

You didn't design a bow-tying machine,
did you?

-No. I bought a clip-on.
-[BOTH LAUGH]

I'm really glad you're back
at Horizon, Harry.

How mad was your dad when you told him
you were leaving Osborn Academy?

[GROANS]

We haven't spoken about it yet.

But he wants to see me
when he's done with his meeting.

Why have you returned, Raymond?

I told you, there's nothing available
for you at Oscorp.

Yes, but with the creation
of the Osborn Academy,

I thought you might need
some... faculty.

In exchange for what?

No more spider experiments, I hope.

Oscorp's board of trustees
is still shaking from that one.

We were forced to confiscate it
from you, if I remember correctly.

I've created something new,
something bold.

My new serum will change
how we think of hybridization.

I'm listening.

In two hours' time,

one of Horizon High's students
is going to undergo

some significant... changes.

-Have a good day, sir.
-Oh, I plan to.

Thanks, old dude! Ow! Hey!

I plan to be on hand
to record the results.

Interesting.

Get me proof of your results,
and we'll talk...

about a possible faculty position.

Thank you, Norman.

And then she starts dancing
like she's in some disco movie.

-No way!
-Harry,

before you go, a word.

I would say congratulations
on being exonerated,

but you know I never believed you
to be at fault.

-Thank you, Dad.
-But I just have to wonder.

Why return to Horizon High?

Sure, they have equally
impressive equipment,

but do they have your back?

It certainly didn't seem so
during your suspension.

I appreciate everything
you've done for me, Dad.

It's just, I thought I could
make a name for myself.

-At Horizon--
-Make no mistake, Harry.

No matter what
you accomplish in life,

you will always have
the name I provided you.

So why not take advantage
of all that comes with it?

Harry, I poured my soul
into the Osborn Academy

to save you the embarrassment
of crawling back to that school.

How do you think it will look
if you abandon me?

I beg you, as your father,

please stay.

I'll-- I'll think about it, Dad.

I have to go. Pete's waiting on me.

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS]
[CHATTERING]

[GRUNTS]
Yes! This is my song!

It was really nice of you to volunteer
to chaperone, Uncle Raymond.

-Especially on such short notice.
-Of course.

Huh?

[GROANING]

Aleksei, you okay?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Just a headache.

PETER PARKER ON PA:
Can I have everyone's attention?

I wanted to say a few words
about why we're here tonight:

to welcome Harry Osborn back
to Horizon High.

[APPLAUSE]

As you know, Harry couldn't
be with us for a while,

and during that time,
I think we all felt something.

Something that wasn't there before.

[LOUD GASP]

[SCREAMING]

A void. And that's because
Harry has such a big presence.

His heart is bigger,
his dreams are bigger...

[SCREAMING]

and his generosity is massive.

[GROWLING]

Of course, the same can be said
for his ego.

-[LAUGHTER]
-But I'll take it all,

because that void has been filled again,

and I'm happy to say...
welcome back, pal.

[CHEERING, WHOOPING]

Thank you, everyone. Thank you.

You've all worked so hard
to make this such a special night,

which makes what
I'm about to say even harder.

I'm not coming back to Horizon High.

I've decided to stay at Osborn Academy.

[ALL GASPING]

[MURMURING]

[THUD]

Huh?

-[ROARS]
-PETER: Great!

More bad news.

[GROWLING]

-Harry, out of the way!
-[GROWLING]

[PANICKED CHATTER]

Everybody, stay back!

[GROWLS]

Look out!

[CLATTERING]

-Fascinating.
-Glad you find it fascinating, Miles,

but don't just sit there
while that thing attacks!

Oh, I doubt he could see me.

Rhinos have really bad eyesight.

And do you know what
they call a group of rhinos?

-They're called a... crash.
-[GRUNTS]

They're called a crash.

[GROWLING]

Great. Let's work with the eyesight.

[GROWLING]

[ROARS]

Sorry, pal.

If you're gonna horn in on this dance,
you're gonna have me as a partner.

And I'm not saying it won't be fun,
but I've been told I have two left feet.

[GRUNTS] Oh, no, you don't!

You're not losing me that easy.

Don't you know it takes two to rhino?

It also takes some scaffolding
and a speaker...

I might be thinking
of "two to tango."

Rhino just takes a face full of webbing.
[GRUNTS]

[GROWLS]
[GRUNTS]

[GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

-[MURMURING]
-Stay back, everyone.

-Wait until the police arrive.
-Is everyone okay?

I don't know. I found pieces
of Aleksei's clothes shredded.

Oh, no! It ate Aleksei!

-[CRYING]
-That wasn't the point I was making.

I've been working on
a retinal identification app.

And this rhino has the same
retinal print as...

Aleksei Sytsevich.

He changed into a rhino?
How is that possible?

More importantly, can we change him back?

Let's take a blood sample
so we can start working on a cure.

Hey, guys. I was, uh, calling the police.

-What's going on?
-Harry thinks we should get a sample

of this rhino thing's blood.

But how are you gonna pierce the flesh?

-That thing's got armor for skin.
-[GRUNTING]

Here. Let me.

Rhinos, uh, have a soft underbelly.

Ask Miles. He knows. Right, Miles?

Huh? Oh. Yeah.

Soft-- Soft belly.

A little Peter Parker strength.

[NEEDLE BREAKS SKIN]
[GRUNTS]

-Let's get this to the lab.
-[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

Can anyone tell us what happened?

You guys go to work.
We'll answer questions here.

PETER:
Okay. The mainframe is working to isolate

any foreign enzymes in Aleksei's blood.

I'll check the DNA sequencing.

It's, uh, nice being able
to work together again, Harry.

-This is the way it should be.
-Mm-hm. Send me those figures.

This can't be right.

I only know one person
who's ever managed

to bond particles this way, and that's...

Guys, I gotta go. You keep working.

-I need to check something out.
-Gwen? What are you-- Hmm?

-The mainframe found the catalyst.
-Whoa.

His DNA is being overpowered
by Rhinocerotidae genes.

-Can we untangle them?
-I can try,

but this genetic strain
will require its own anti-diffuser.

That's Gwen's field.

Did Gwen come back this way?

Yeah. She was looking for her uncle.

I told her I saw him leave
during the stampede.

She turned white and ran out of here.
Said she'd check his house.

I should go after her.

See how she's doing with that diffuser.

-You all right here?
-Yeah.

The police are about to haul
the big guy out of here.

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTS]
Come on, Spidey. Thwip faster.

[GRUNTS]
Why does Professor Warren

have to live so far from school?

[GRUNTS]
Uncle Raymond?

Are you here?

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hello?

[GASPS]

[GROWLS]

The Jackal!

Aw, you remember.

Now prepare for a fight
you'll never forget.

[GRUNTS]
Stay back, young lady.

I know the neighborhood's going green.

[GRUNTING]
[GROWLING]

But you don't seem
the least bit eco-friendly,

let alone regular friendly.

[GRUNTS]

[GROWLING CONTINUES]

Where do you think you're going?

[GRUNTS]
Get out of here!

-But...
-[SNARLING]

[YELLS]

[SPIDER-MAN GRUNTING]
[PANTING]

I can play tug-of-w*r all day.

Okay, so you're more
of a red light/green light

kind of guy. I get it.

[CLATTERING]

[ITEMS SHATTERING]
[BEEPING]

[SNARLING]
[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]
[SPIDER-MAN GRUNTING]

[ITEMS SHATTERING]
[GROANING]

-Uncle Raymond? You're the Jackal?
-[GROWLING]

[GRUNTS]

I don't know how you found me,
Spider-Man,

but no one's going to find you, ever!

[SNARLING]

[GRUNTS]

Maybe now I can dissect you
and analyze how Spider-Man

can do whatever a spider can.

Something about you seems

-a little too famil-- Aah!
-[SYRINGE BLOW LANDS]

Aahh!
[GROWLS]

-Gwen!
-[GASPS]

What did you...
[GROANING]

The Jackal is
Professor Raymond Warren?

Worse. The Jackal is my uncle.

I'm sorry.

Turns out he was also behind

Aleksei's transformation into the rhino.

But the good news is,

we now have the diffuser
needed to cure him.

I could swing us across town in no time,

but someone should explain things
to the police when they get here.

I'll stay here and wait with him.

He is family, after all.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

-Pete!
PETER: Harry?

Aleksei rhinoed out again.
Don't come back here.

This place is a madhouse.
I couldn't find the cure.

Don't worry. Gwen did.
She sent it over with...

Spider-Man.

[SIREN BLARES]
[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]
[GRUNTING]

Boy, rhinos don't sleep
very long, do they?

[GROWLING]

-Whoa!
-[GRUNTS]

I've got a little something
that'll make you more human.

If you'll just sit still for a sec.

-[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS]
-Hopefully this'll distract him.

Hey, it's your favorite song, Aleksei.

Now show us that fancy footwork.

[GROWLING]

[BOTH YELL]

Looks like music didn't soothe
this savage beast,

but maybe 30 cc's of antidote will.

[GRUNTS]
[ANTIDOTE WHOOSHES]

[STUDENTS MURMURING]

Did I win dance competition?

You were a smashing success, Aleksei.

Excellent.

Disgraced Professor Raymond Warren
is in the news again,

this time for allegedly
experimenting on teenagers.

Aleksei Sytsevich,
a student at Horizon High,

suffered a unique reaction
when he was transformed

into a genetically modified
human rhinoceros.

Fortunately, the quick-thinking
students of Horizon

not only subdued Sytsevich,
but also created a cure.

-[SIGHS]
-Raymond Warren, now linked

to several Jackal incidents,

remains in police custody.

You were right, Raymond.

You would've made a fine
addition to Osborn Academy.

Alas...
[CLICKS]

[DEBRIS CLINKING]

[GLASS CRUNCHING]

Huh?

I just don't get it, Peter.
Why would Uncle Raymond do this?

He's the one who got me
into science in the first place.

Why would he betray everything
he taught me to stand for?

[CRYING SOFTLY]

Gwen, there's not much I can say,

but, well, my uncle got me
into science too.

He once told me that

"with great power
comes great responsibility."

It seems like your uncle
just lost sight of that.

But if I've learned anything,
it's that even though

the person who inspired you
might be gone,

it doesn't mean he can't
still be here...

or here.

Or here?

Yeah. That was something
my uncle came up with.

I figured it had an important meaning.

Thanks for being an important friend.

[PATRONS CHATTERING]
[SLURPING]

Despite all the chaos,

it was great working
with you again, Harry.

-Are you sure you won't change your mind?
-Peter, we talked about this.

What am I supposed
to say to my father?

Uh, tell him you don't
want to go to Oz Academy.

It's not that easy, Peter.
You don't understand.

You don't have a father
you have to answer to.

I-I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that. I just...

I can't say no to him
when he's given me so much.

I get it.

Well, if we learned
anything this weekend,

maybe we should forget science
and enroll in dance class instead.

Oh, I don't know.
I thought I was pretty good.

[HUMMING]

[LAUGHING]

-Let's just stick to what we're good at.
-And what's that?

Being best friends.
Even if we are at different schools.

That is music to my ears.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Stick to what I'm good at, huh?

Well, I don't know
if I'm good at it yet,

but I'm definitely getting better...

at being Spider-Man!