02x06 - Whom Continuity Would Destroy!

[bunniefuu]

Ah! It's just not fair!

What not fair?

This whole thing
with Scarlet Witch.

Come on, Reptil.
Quit being such a sore lizard.

[grunts]

Oh, Hulk sick and tired
of lobster belly-aching.

- [scoffs]
- [roars]

Tyrannosaurus-Rex.

[growls]

I've been here longer
than she has.

So why did she get to be
a full-time Squaddie before me?

You haven't figured it out yet?

Even Hulk knows.
Tell him, green bean.

- [power surges]
- Hulk?

Hulk?

Where did he go?

[whistles]

[tapping]

- Hey, Wanda, you ready?
- [Wanda] Almost.

You like miniature golf, right?
Wait until you try miniature bowling.

It's so awesome.

Sounds perfect.

There's nothing worse than lugging around
those big, heavy bowling ba*ls.

[thud]

[whistles]

She'll be ready in a minute,
Red Wing.

[groans, squaks]

[strains]
Can't break the circuit,

or we'll all be seeing Valhalla
a lot sooner than we expected.

Thor, could you please
re-route that current and hurry?

The switch is on the wall.

Yeah, by the ancient curse pole.

That's a lot of switches.

Um, uh, let's see.

Eeny, meeny, miney, moeth. Uh!

Iron Man?

Uh, where Hulk?

Uh-duh.

[laughs]
Oh! Iron Man sound like Hulk.

- We're in a pocket-dimensional rift.
- Huh?

Who are you?

And how come you know so much?

I know everything, I'm Nighthawk.

With this Infinity Gauntlet,
I, Thanos, will rule the universe!

All right, Squaddies,
time to hero up!

♪ When the bad guys are out,
All you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along
But they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? ♪

♪ The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce,
Thanos ends in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man
Joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky,
Scarlet Witch by his side ♪

♪ Thor's hammer
Has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? ♪

♪ The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad ♪

[groans]

Scarlet Witch was supposed to go.
Mini-bowling tonight.

And the green guy over there,

he had something called
Banana Whackies for breakfast.

- Ooh!
- And lunch and dinner.

How can he know so much?

And how him see with eyes
all scrunched up like that?

[laughs] Good one, Hulk.

Iron Man, aka Tony Stark,

you regularly visit
the following websites.

Hey, hey!

Hold it, Iron Man.

You'll have your chance
in a few minutes.

Thanos, didn't get enough of us
last time, huh?

Quiet, Witch.

No, I want to know
what's going on here.

I am Grandmaster,
games man extraordinaire,

and today, my team of heroes
is going to face a team chosen by Thanos.

That would be you three.

Heroes fighting heroes?
That's just a...

- It's... fight time.
- [bell rings]

Weighing in at a combined total
of 550 pounds,

and hailing from another dimension,

where they are their universe's
greatest heroes we have,

the Squadron Supreme.

Power Princess, whose energy devices

will be matched against
Scarlet Witch's energy factor.

Nighthawk, whose awesome tech factor
rivals the mighty Iron Man's.

And Hyperion,
whose strength factor means

he could run a train up a tall building
without stopping once.

Who big jaw fight? Oh!

What if we don't want to?

I won't send you back home,
and I'm your only way out of here.

[laughs]

So, what are we waiting for? Have a
taste of my invisible shield, Witch.

- [grunts]
- [gasps]

- [roars]
- [grunts]

[laughs] Et cetera.

[grunts]

[vocalizes]
No, no, no, not here!

And not until I blow my whistle.

[scoffs] Hulk not care
what purple man blow.

[growls]

The battles will take place at three
points on the Super Hero Squad's Earth.

Ooh!

I'm giving Thanos home dimension
advantage. It's only fair.

What do you know about fairness?
What does anyone know?

The things I have seen.

Oh, when he gets going like that,
there's no stopping him.

Oh, please.
He won't be able to focus.

♪ My team's going to win ♪

♪ Sorry ♪

Mine's more experienced.
They'll stomp yours into the ground.

Okay, fine. So either way,
I still win. [Scoffs]

[beeps] Now you see him.
Now you don't.

Yeah, weird.

What is it?
Some kind of teleportation?

'Tis magic. Wizardry! Iron Man hath also
vanished, as if swept up by the Valkyries.

Not such a bad way to go. And Falcon
hath disappeared from his quarters.

Hey, what about Scarlet Witch?

Her voicemail doth answer.
And frankly, I feel dissed.

And they made her
a Squaddie before me.

A bad guy. A criminal.

[beeps]

Will you please... Numbscale?

Aah! Come on, Wanda.

It doesn't even take Hulk this long
to get ready.

Then again, he doesn't smell
as good as you.

No, not nearly as good. Uh-oh.

There she is,
the Statue of Liberty.

Symbol of everything
my dimension holds dear.

Don't call me "dear."

Look, you and me,
we stand for the same things.

Rooting out the vermin that infests our
cities? Choking it with your bare hands?

- Okay.
- If you're not with me, you're against me.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Gotcha!

I don't think so.

[yells]
Electrified grappler cable!

You can put a fancy suit of armor
on it, but it's still vermin.

This like big sandbox.

Hulk like!

Ooh, big kitty!

Hulk, listen to me. I can help you.

Maybe find you a place
on the Special Heroes Squad.

You'll be happy there.

[grunts]

You think you can damage this jaw?

It hurts me to do this.

[yowls] Hulk, too!

You know, we can be done with this
if you just surrender to me.

Unconditionally, of course.

[chuckles] Me, surrender to you?

Listen lady, I might be a witch,
but you're an epic...

- [grunts]
- [gasps]

[rumbling]

[gasps]

[grunts]

Some days, it just doesn't pay
to turn good guy.

[beeps]
Alert. Missing Squaddies found.

Except, now,
they're all over the world. Weird.

[beeps] This tracker
will lead you to them.

- Hence, the name.
- Huh, I can handle this,

even though I'm not a full-time
Squaddie yet, unlike certain people.

Okay, last warning,
Veloci-whiner.

Oh. Oh, mine allies.

See what Odin hath granted me,
along with my fine new armor.

Uh, it's just your hammer, Thor.

Aye, 'tis, but now Mjolnir hath
what men call an Easter egg.

I can teleport.

Linketh thine hands and...

- Uh, really?
- No.

- [beep]
- 'Twould do well to read the instructions.

Oh, tarry not, lest our friends
meet an untimely fate. Come now.

[beeps]

This is you getting back at me
for that time

I spit a sunflower seed
into your hair, isn't it, Wanda?

I was just compensating for all the
teasing I used to get, that's all.

You know, the other kids
would tickle me until I wet my pants.

You know, I've never told
anybody that before.

I like how I can just
open up to you like this.

Ah, woo-song.

Don't you ever give up?

Thought you'd distract me, huh?

[grunts]

[Iron Man grunts, coughs]

[grunts] You second-hand fiend.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[yells, grunts]

[grunts] Get them off me.
Get them off me.

You're not vermin.
You're just a clown.

I hate clowns, too.

Nighthawk, Don't you ever get tired
of all this dark vengeancey stuff?

Sometimes, but then I think of Tommy.

Tommy? Your son? Your brother?
Your rock opera?

My tortoise, and my only friend.

We'd go on long walks together.
Very long walks.

We were going to
grow old together, him and me.

But then, there were these punks
in a stolen SUV.

I-I should have had Tommy on a leash
that day, but I was young, stupid.

Guilt, vengeance. You got all the bases
covered, don't you?

Don't you? Nothing like that
ever happened to me.

I just do this because...

Well, because it's the right thing.

Hey, doesn't that make me
morally superior to you?

Uh.

[growls] This ends now.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[rumbling]

- [rumbling]
- [gasps]

- [rumbling]
- [gasps]

Didn't think I'd have an invisible,
collapsible battering ram, did you?

[expl*si*n]

[grunts]

[grunts]

And have you forgotten
my invisible shield so quickly?

Hope you've got
an invisible parachute, princess.

Don't need one. Invisible mini-copter.

Give up, Witch, or I'll crush you
with my invisible steamroller.

You're the one who needs to give up

because-because
I have an invisible sword

that cuts right through invisible shields.
Yeah. An invisible sword.

Hah, you think
I didn't plan for that?

My shield is coated with invisible,
sword-proof invisible paint. See?

[grunts]

I didn't want to do this,
but you leave me no choice.

I'm going to have to use
my invisible death ray on you.

Invisible death ray?

I-I have no counter-measure for that.

[sighs] I'm the one with no choice.

[metal clanging]

That was me dropping my invisible shield.

[metal clanging]

[rumbling]

[grunts]

Listen to me.

- I don't like doing this.
- [scoffs]

[growls]

[roars]

[roars]

[grunts]

[growls]

[grunts]

[strains, grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

- [scuffling]
- [grunts]

- [rumbling]
- [yells]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[growls]

I've been holding back.
I always hold back. Yeah!

I-I can't.

[pants]

Why you do that to big kitty?

It... No, it was an accident.

This not going to be accident.

- [roars]
- [screams]

[rumbling]

Now, you fit right in.

[bell rings]

Bah, it can't be over.

Come on, I wasn't even trying.

Redo!

[growls]

Gone.

Huh? But they were here.

Where to now?

Oh, got another one. Quick.

[all scream]

Man, not here either.

But they were definitely here.

[grunts]

Uh, maybe if I patch this scanner

into Herbie's
intergalactic rangefinder.

[beeps]

And I said, "Pops, why do I have to do
the yard work?

You're so good at it." [laughs]

And that's, uh, that's pretty much
all I remember.

Okay, we flash forward
to when I was, uh, 14...

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did I tell you
about the Frisbee I had one time?

[groans]

Well, Thanos,
your team won fair and square.

- Vermin.
- [all laugh]

Though I suppose spoils go to the victor.

My name's Thanos. Thanos!

Well, here you are, Thanos.

Oh, the Mind Stone. Capable of
increasing brain power beyond limit.

I'll be able to access the deepest,
darkest thoughts

and dreams of other beings.

Uh, Thanos? You know those dreams
that I keep having?

[chuckles]
They don't mean anything, right?

Why, soon, I'll have all the stones.

Don't forget Mick Taylor.

Nobody ever remembers
Mick Taylor.

Fool! These Infinity Stones
will give me the power

to turn my entire universe
into my very own toy box.

And I wreck my toys for fun.

Squaddies, time to hero up!

♪ The bad guys are out,
All you have to do Is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

Squadron Supreme, time to Hero Out!

Uh, sorry, guys. No time.

Aah, but you got to do yours.

- It's our show.
- Yeah. Get your own show, big jaw.

Hmm.

And I used to have one of those g*ns
that would sh**t marshmallows.

But we had a dog,
and instead of marshmallows...

Aah, doesn't matter.
It didn't even last me 20 minutes.

Uh, Thanos? Uh-oh.

Oh, you see this?

It's the Time Stone.

If you take another step,
I'll send you all back to the Big Bang.

- Huh, Hulk like explosions.
- [smack]

Well, good for you because
I'm gonna send you back there

even if you don't take
another step. [Laughs]

[grunts]

Not so fast.

[grunts]

[screams]

Jackpot.

[growls]

[grunts]

[scuffle]

[whistle blows]

Foul!

Time out!

This is unsanctioned competition.

It's non-league play
and beneath my notice.

Blow it out your whistle, bub.

- [grunts]
- [scuffle]

[whistle blows]

[whistle faintly blows]

Thanks, pal.

And, uh, that whole dream thing,
it'll be our little secret.

Meant to do that.

[grunts]

Uh, huh?

Aah, where purple face?

Purple face?

Hulk coming!

[whistles]

[grunts]

Oopsie.

[chuckles]

[tinkling]

[beeps]
You're safe. You're safe.

But who knows for how long?

Yeah, this Thanos sicko
is all about destruction.

That much we know.

If he gets the rest of those
Infinity Stones, the universe is gone.

Herbie, monitor the whole cosmos
for any sign of the big purple guy.

Galactus?

Thanos, Herbie, Thanos.
Active listening, remember?

[beeps]

[tinkling]

Well, I'm not worried
about either of them.

I can handle anything
that comes my way.

Even if you did make Wanda
a full-time Squaddie before moi.

- Reptil!
- She's older than you!

Older!

Duh, even Hulk know that.

I'm sorry you had to wait, Falc, but...

Ssh. You're a good listener, Wanda.
And that's what really matters.

Okay.

Are we still mini-bowling?

- [pins crash]
- [tinkling]

[caws]