01x11 - Dead Ringers

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[SIREN WAILING]

BATMAN: Greetings Bat-fans.

This is Batman.

And Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

Welcoming you to The New
Adventures of Batman.

Watch us wage our
never-ending battle

of good versus evil.

ROBIN: Ride with
us as we chase

the greatest array of villains
the world has ever seen,

proving that crime
does not pay.

BATMAN: Get set for
thrills and action.

Join me, Batman.

And me, Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And Batgirl.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

ROBIN: In the super
New Adventures of--

BATMAN: Batman.

[♪♪♪]

[SIREN WAILING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING]

[CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

He's fantastic.

You know, there's something

awfully familiar about that boy.

[♪♪♪]

Excuse me,

are you Kit Martin?

That's right.

Could I talk to you for
a moment, privately?

Yeah, sure.

See you later, Kit.

How would you like to become
an instant millionaire?

Well-- W-who wouldn't? It
depends on what I have to do.

Put on this mask.

You're a dead ringer for
Robin, the Boy Wonder.

Yeah. So?

With your help, my boy, I can
guarantee that we can pull off

the greatest crime
of the century

and become instant
millionaires.

You could buy this circus

and ten more like it.

Are you interested?

Sorry, mister, I got a job.

You won't have it long
if I let your boss know

that you were in
jail at one time...

for robbery.

All right.

What do I have to do?

[♪♪♪]

MAN [ON TV]: Turning
to the local news.

The Arabian oil minister,

Fasil Oran, is due to arrive
shortly at Gotham City Airport.

And we now switch you
to our remote unit

and roving reporter,
Debbie Yamamoto.

Popcorn ready yet, d*ck?

d*ck: Hold your horses,
Bruce. It's coming.

Fasil Oran has just arrived
at Gotham City Airport

with tight police security,
under the personal supervision

of Commissioner Gordon.

Oran is here

with top secret plans
for an oil-finding device

that supposedly
will revolutionize

the petroleum industry.

d*ck, is something...

burning?

I hope you like
it... well done.

Oran is now shaking hands
with Commissioner Gordon,

who will escort the
minister to his hotel,

where he will meet tomorrow
morning with top city officials

to discuss the new invention.

My mouth was watering for
some hot buttered popcorn.

Well, it's hot.

Would you like
me to butter it?

And here come
Batman and Robin...

BOTH: Batman and Robin?

...who are taking the
minister to their car.

Commissioner Gordon
appears somewhat stunned

by the whole thing, and is now
going after the Dynamic Duo.

Let's go, d*ck. We'll
take the Batcopter.

Right behind you, Bruce.

BATMAN: We'll check every
road leading from the airport.

Those impostors won't get

very far in that
phony Batmobile.

Roger, Batman.

I'll use the
infrared binoculars.

[♪♪♪]

I demand to know where
you are taking me.

You are not Batman.

Who are you?

Let me put it this
way, Mr. Oran.

Before the night is over,

I will be one of the
wealthiest men in the world.

KIT: What about this car?

It sticks out
like a sore thumb.

Don't worry, my boy.
I've thought everything.

[♪♪♪]

See anything, Robin?

Nothing yet, Batman.

Holy corncobs. We're
really out in the sticks.

No traffic at all.

I'll swing around, and
we'll try Highway 31.

Have no fear,

Bat-Mite is uh--
Uh, eh-- O-oops.

Better try that again.

Have no fear--

Bat-Mite, will
you take a powder?

We're busy.

I was only trying to help.

You can help us
later, Bat-Mite.

Never mind. I know
when I'm not wanted.

Ta-ta.

Holy dragsters!

There's a car moving fast
right below us, Batman.

I'll drop down
for a closer look.

It's Batman and Robin.

Nothing to worry about, my boy.

They're looking for
the Batmobile. Ha-ha.

Looks harmless.

Maybe we'd better
check it out, Robin.

Batman, the Bat-Signal.

BATMAN: The commissioner.
We'd better see what he wants.

Have a good evening,
Dynamic Dummies.

[LAUGHS]

Look, I know you're innocent,

and you know you're innocent.

Unfortunately, the Arabs
who were with the minister

when he was grabbed,
know only what they saw.

And what they saw
looked exactly

like Batman and Robin.

Look at this:

"Batman and Robin,
Hunted By Police."

Ha. Everyone is
screaming for justice,

and until we get this
thing cleared up,

I'm afraid we'll have
to lock you both up.

Holy jailbirds, commissioner.

You can't mean that.

I have no other choice, Robin.

Give us two hours to find

the impostors, commissioner.

I don't know, Batman.

I think I know who
one of them is.

Matt Hagen.
Otherwise known as...

Clayface.

Clayface. Of course.

No one else could
pull this off but him.

All right, Batman. You've
got two hours. No more.

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes?

CLAYFACE [ON TAPE]: I have
released Mr. Oran, commissioner,

but the plans for
the oil device

are now in my possession.

I will return them intact
for ten million dollars,

and you have one hour to do it.

Did you hear me, commissioner?

[LAUGHING]

I heard you, Clayface.

COMMISSIONER: But you'll
never-- CLAYFACE: One hour.

I'll be in touch to tell you
where and how I want the money.

That was Clayface.

He's giving us one hour to come
up with ten million dollars

for the plans.

That's all the time
we'll need, commissioner.

[♪♪♪]

And I'll make sure that that
one hour will be the longest

in the Dynamic Duo's career.

[♪♪♪]

Robin, there's no
one in that truck.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

Holy vacancy!

Robin, take the controls.

I'm going aboard that truck.

I've got it.

Be careful, Batman.

[RATTLING]

The brakes are gone.

I'm going to ride it out.

Roger.

I'll put on the siren
and ride ahead of you.

My only chance now is to find
a nice, soft landing spot.

[SIREN WAILING]

That sand pile might be
just what I'm looking for.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

Holy TKO! He's out cold.

Oh. My head...

Who-- Who are you?

Who am I? Holy short
memories, Batman.

This is no time for jokes.

What did you call me?

Batman.

You're Batman and I'm Robin.

Don't you remember?

I can't remember a thing.

Including my name.

Holy forget-me-nots.

You must have amnesia.

I'd better get you back
to the Batcave right away.

[♪♪♪]

I'm afraid we've got a
problem, Batcomputer.

Batman hit his head, and
now he's got amnesia.

BATCOMPUTER: Amnesia?

My. That is a problem.

You've got to help
him, Batcomputer.

I can cure him of the amnesia,

but it will take time.

We've got less than an hour

to prove our innocence
to those oil dudes.

I'll take care of Batman,

and contact you

when he's recovered.

Right. I'll take the Batcopter

and see if Batgirl
can lend me a hand.

[METAL SCREECHING]

[SQUISHING]

This must be the Batcave.

Where am I?

BATCOMPUTER: You
are in the Batcave.

A talking computer?

I must be going nuts.

I couldn't have planned
this better myself.

Now I'll find out
who Batman really is.

Who are you?

Ah, how soon they forget.

[LAUGHING]

I am Clayface.

Clayface? Do I know you?

You used to know me.
And this is the moment

I've been waiting for

for a very long time.

I don't understand.

I'm going to find out
who you really are,

and your career
as a crime fighter

will be over forever.

[LAUGHS]

Now, let's see who you
really are, Batman.

Boy, are you ugly. Sheesh.

Come back, you little twerp.

I am preparing a formula

that will restore your
memory shortly, Batman.

Show yourself, Bat-Mite.

I'll find you if I have to
turn this room upside down.

Here I am, dummyface.

You're going to eat
those words, peewee.

Oh-h*-h*, boy. I
think it's time

I-I took a p-p-powder.

[EAGLE SCREECHING]

I got him! I
captured Clayface!

Oh, boy. Wait till
Batman hears this.

[♪♪♪]

Your antidote is
working, Batcomputer.

My memory's coming back.

You should have
complete recovery

very quickly, Batman.

Hello, Bat-Mite.

Batman. You remember me.

You're unforgettable,
Bat-Mite.

Oh, boy, I almost forgot.
I captured Clayface.

You captured Clayface?

You think I'm kidding, huh?

Come on, Batman.
I'll show you.

[♪♪♪]

You sure this is where
you left him, Bat-Mite?

Sure I'm sure.

Well, he was an eagle
the last time I saw him.

Maybe he flew back
to Capistrano.

[RUSTLING]

That mouse. It's Clayface.

Bat-Mite, you-- I'm
not going in there.

It's too dark and spooky.

I'll keep you company
on this walkie-talkie.

You're not afraid,
are you, Bat-Mite?

Me afraid? Of-- Of course not.

I-I was just f-figuring
out my strategy.

B-- B-Batman? Y--
Are y-you there?

Right here, Bat-Mite.

You'd better get moving.

I don't want
Clayface to get away.

W-why do I get all
the crummy jobs?

Holy secret identities!

We know Clayface posed
as Batman, Batgirl,

but the big question is,
who's impersonating me?

I saw someone just recently

that reminded me
of you, Robin,

and now I can't remember where.

I hope Batman's
amnesia isn't catching.

Now I remember.

I was at the circus yesterday.

A young trapeze artist by
the name of Kit Martin.

He could've been your twin.

ROBIN: Let's check it out.

[♪♪♪]

MAN: Try your skill. Try your
skill, ladies and gentlemen.

[CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

Wow. That guy is
something else.

That makes it even
harder to understand...

why he would get mixed up
with someone like Clayface.

Maybe we've got
the wrong person.

BATGIRL: We'll find
out soon enough.

Here he comes.

Could we talk to
you a minute, Kit?

Uh-- Oh, sure. Uh,
is something wrong?

We just want to ask
you a few questions.

Well, I-I-- I have to
get ready for the finale.

It'll just take a second.

Have you ever seen this man?

KIT: Uh, n-no. No, no.

I've never seen him in
my life. Uh... Uh...

Can you tell us where you
were earlier this evening?

Well, this evening? Well, I--

We-- Look, why are you asking
me all these questions?

I-I haven't done anything.

Then why won't you
answer our questions?

[♪♪♪]

Kit!

Batman, he changed
into a jackrabbit.

A jackrabbit? What's he doing?

Running like crazy.

Well, go after him.

I've got to know
where he comes out.

Why do I always get
the crummy jobs?

[♪♪♪]

Take the other
ladder, Batgirl.

There's not a whole lot of
places he can go up there.

Give it up, Kit.

You're only making
things worse.

You can't get away, Kit.

[APPLAUSE]

[♪♪♪]

[APPLAUSE]

Make it easy on yourself, Kit.

I'm not going back
to prison, ever.

Kit, listen to us.

You feel like talking
to us now, Kit?

Yeah. What's the use?

No one will help me anyway.

Why did you get mixed up with

an evil character like Clayface?

He said he'd tell my
boss I'm an ex-con.

Things were just starting
to happen for me,

and I didn't want to blow it.

[SIGHS] Look. I know
I made a mistake.

And I'd like to
make up for it.

I'll help you any way I can.

Thanks, Kit. We
could use your help.

[♪♪♪]

Batman, Clayface came
out near the lake.

Good work, Bat-Mite.

I'll take it from here.

He turned into a dolphin.
He swam out into the lake.

Roger, Bat-Mite.

I'll find him.

Here's Mr. Oran's blueprints

for the oil device,
commissioner.

And I'm sorry I ever got
mixed up in this mess.

Robin and Batgirl spoke
very highly of you, Kit.

And we appreciate your help

in recovering these papers.

Oh, there's one thing
more, commissioner.

I was supposed to deliver this
to Clayface before midnight.

He says it's medicine, and he
said it was very important.

Holy Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!

I'll bet that's
the formula he uses

to enable him to change.

You're right, Robin.

And if he doesn't take
some before midnight,

his powers to
transform are gone.

Kit, do you have any
idea where he is?

He said he'd call me and tell
me where to bring the stuff.

All I know is that
he was after Batman.

Holy amnesia!

I completely forgot
about Batman.

Let's go. He may
need our help.

[♪♪♪]

Time I made a little
change of my own.

[CRACKLES]

He's starting to pull away.

I'd better fire
up the jetpack.

[RADAR BEEPING]

Well, I've got a little
surprise for him.

Here is mud in
your eye, Clayface.

[♪♪♪]

[RADAR BEEPING]

There's two large objects
down there, Robin.

One must be the Bat-Sub.

I'm getting a strong
metal sounding.

What's the other one?

Could be a fish. A big fish.

ROBIN: I'll try Batman
again on the radio.

Batman, this is Robin.

Do you read me? Over.

BATMAN [OVER RADIO]: Loud
and clear. Where are you?

Directly above you.
Where's Clayface?

He's kind of in the
dark right now, Robin.

Uh, what time do
you have, Batman?

One minute to
midnight. Why ask?

Clayface has to
rejuvenate himself

with some kind of
potion every 24 hours...

or he loses his
ability to change.

We've got the potion,

and his 24 hours
expires at midnight.

Clayface told me
he couldn't swim.

If he changes down there--

Batman, I think Clayface
is gonna need your help.

He can't swim.

That is a problem...

in 40 feet of water.

I'll get him.

Drop the rescue sling.

ROBIN: Roger.

There they are.

[GASPING]

Bring him up.

Well, your career of
crime is over, Hagen.

Thanks to our Caped
Crusaders here.

I helped, too, you
know. And so did Kit.

Well, it's the least I could
do to try and make up for...

what could have been the
biggest mistake of my life.

The important thing is you
realized your mistake, Kit.

And your mistake is
thinking I won't be back.

Nobody puts Clayface
away for very long.

Get him out of here.

Hey, Clayface.

Let's see you turn
into a jailbird.

[LAUGHS]

Oo-hoo.

[ALL LAUGHING]

BATCOMPUTER: Bat Message.

Those secret plans for
the oil-finding device

are back in safe hands.

And Clayface looks like
he's found a new home.

By the way, Batman,

how's your head? My head?

You had amnesia, remember?

Oh. Amnesia?

Right.

I forgot about that.

[KISSES]

Ah. I wonder if she
likes short guys?

[♪♪♪]