01x09 - The Crime Computer/The Great Scarecrow Scare

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: The Adventures of Batman
with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption...

...whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne...

...and his young ward d*ck Grayson...

...are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor...

...they roar out
to protect life, limb and property...

...as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin, pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR: A night of a full moon
over the Gotham City piers.

A night for strange,
almost unbelievable happenings.

Stowaway. Stowaway.

-Where did he go?
-Overboard.

NARRATOR:
Who is this young stranger?

Why did he jump ship?
Is he someone we know?

Or does he just look familiar?

Check, Commissioner Gordon.
I understand. We're on our way.

Come on, Robin, the Catwoman's
pulling a caper on the docks.

NARRATOR:
Wait, are we seeing things?

Or are d*ck Grayson
and the boy stowaway exact doubles?

MAN 1: There she goes.
MAN 2: Get her.

MAN 1:
Quick.

That lady is in trouble.

NARRATOR:
But that lady is no lady, lad.

She's the Catwoman.

We've got you now, Catwoman.

Hey. But what-- A net.

Bye-bye, boys. Ha, ha!

MAN 3: We got you now,
you dirty little stowaway.

[SHOUTS]

[WHISTLES]

MAN 3: Hey.
MAN 4: Who are you?

[GRUNTING]

Thank you for saving me.

And you saved me. Who are you?

Why, I don't know. I don't remember.

But where am I? Who are you?

He must be kidding.

No. That blow on the head
robbed him of his memory.

But look at his face.

It's incredible.

Your hair is blond...

...but in every other way,
you are a perfect double for--

Catwoman, Batmobile approaching.

Come with me, quickly.

What happened here?

That felonious feline,
the Catwoman, she--

MAN 2: She dropped this net on us
somehow and disappeared.

-Let's search the docks.
-Useless. We'll have to wait till next time.

Guess you're right.

I wonder what she's got on her furry mind
for her next cat caper.

Permit me to introduce the newest member
of our g*ng.

Robin, the Boy Wonder.

[LAUGHING]

You see what hair dye
and the costume has done?

He could fool Batman himself.

And he will.

-But who is he?
-Where is he from?

How do we know we can trust him?

I can't remember who I am
or where I'm from or anything.

All I know is Catwoman saved me
from those deck hands...

...and I'll do anything she asks.

According to the police report,
a young boy helped Catwoman escape.

Holy cradle snatching.

Why would Catwoman
want a kid working with her?

Maybe she's asked the same question
about me?

Well, I'm-- That's different.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in the Cat-Lair,
the training of Robin's double is intense.

In days, the boy's strength, coordination,
agility and intelligence are tested...

...and retested until...

He is ready.

Now I can do what I've waited for
all my nine lives.

We will substitute our Robin
for the real Robin...

...and from that moment on,
Batman will cease to be a problem.

I saw the Batsignal, commissioner.
What's up?

Robbery in progress at Manx and Company.
The stockbrokers.

-We're on our way.
-Manx? That's a breed of--

Right, Robin. Manx is a breed of cat.

You will pretend you've been hurt by us
and that will give you your excuse...

...for not remembering.

Once Batman accepts you...

...find out everything you can
about him and his operation.

I got it. Don't worry, Catwoman.

Good. Now, quick, inside.

And do nothing
until you see my signal flare.

[WHISTLES]

CATWOMAN: Meow!
-Catwoman.

Let's get out of here.

All right, Boy Wonder. You've got me.

Something's fishy. You've never--

Batman is right behind us.

Lie down. Play dead.

FAKE ROBIN:
All set.

Robin. Robin, are you okay?

A hit from behind, but I'm okay.

Good. Let's go.

Meow! We're going to crash. Jump.

Gee whiz. Catwoman is buried
in that subway excavation.

Look, Robin, a cat's got nine lives.

Come on. Let's get them.

[STAMMERING]
Wait, I feel dizzy. I-- Oh.

Robin. Better get you home right away,
chum. I'll get her another time.

[MEOWS THEN LAUGHS]

It worked.
He's taking our Robin with him.

NARRATOR: Unaware that the real
Boy Wonder is buried unconscious...

...beneath tons of rubble...

...Batman rushes the fake Robin
off to Wayne Manor.

[CATWOMAN AND g*ng LAUGHING]

It looks as if this time,
the Catwoman's plan...

...to destroy the Caped Crusaders
is succeeding.

Don't miss the exciting conclusion,
coming up next.

NARRATOR: Finding a young stranger
suffering from loss of memory...

...who is an exact double for Robin...

...Catwoman substitutes him
for the real Robin.

Unconscious in the back of her truck...

...the Boy Wonder is buried
beneath tons of rock and rubble.

Catwoman and her Catmen escape.

And when the false Robin
pulls a fainting act...

...Batman rushes him to Wayne Manor
for treatment...

...completely unaware
that he is revealing his secret identity...

...to a spy for the Catwoman.

I-- I can't remember a thing.

Loss of memory?

I-- Oh, I'm sorry.

My word.

Hmm, Uh, Alfred?

-I'll be in the Batcave. Stay with him.
-Yes, of course, sir. Depend on it.

[LAUGHING]

Soon now,
we'll know every secret Batman has.

Who he is, where he lives. Everything.

And as a bonus, the real Robin is buried
under tons of dirt and rock.

Hey, quiet.
Somebody's alive down there.

[ROBIN GRUNTING]

One more push ought to do it.

There.

Oh, boy, maybe I was better off before.

Yes, Master d*ck, except for you two...

...only I know that Bruce Wayne
and d*ck Grayson are Batman and Robin.

-Uh, where is Bruce?
-In the Batcave.

I-- I can't remember how to get there,
Albert-- I mean, Alfred.

Please lead the way.

Please check it for me, commissioner.
It's important. Let me know the answer.

Certainly, Batman. I'll--
Wait. What's this?

A robbery at Aunt Jo's Dress Shop?

I'm on my way, commissioner. Bye.
d*ck, what are you doing down here?

We thought this might help him
regain his memory, sir.

Wow, what a place.

Holy smokes.
All those gadgets and that computer.

That's how they-- I mean, we
keep one jump ahead of the crooks.

Take him back to bed, Alfred.

You are restricted to your room,
young man, till you get better, understand?

Sure, Batman, anything you say.

Good. I'll go this one alone.

My gentle Catmen will pass among you
for your jewels, ladies.

Take the jewels off the dummies too.

Now who's a dummy?

Yipes! Batman.

Here's a funny piece of material.

Sure wish Robin were here.

NARRATOR: But Robin's got troubles
of his own as, digging like a mole...

...he tries to escape
his rock-and-dirt prison.

An access tunnel, but not much air.

Why isn't Batman trying to find me?

[GROWLING]

We've got Batman trapped at last.

BATMAN:
Going up.

Going down.

Stop. I don't know who you are,
but you're not Master d*ck.

He'd never disobey an order.

I'd better get to Catwoman
with what I know.

And boy, oh, boy, what I know.

NARRATOR:
Swiftly changing to Robin's costume...

...the boy heads for Catwoman...

...with the information
of Batman's secret identity.

Meanwhile,
the real Boy Wonder finds a pipeline...

...and heads for the surface.

MAN: We'll never reach that poor fellow
in time. We-- What?

It's Robin, the Boy Wonder.

It can't be.
I just saw Robin fly by in the Batcopter.

In the Batcopter?
I'd better get to the Batcave fast.

If I could only fly this thing better.
Gotta tell Catwoman about Batman.

Batman here, commissioner.
Any word on Robin?

No, Batman. But on that information
you asked me to check out...

...I have some very interesting items
for you.

Perhaps you'd better rest, Master Robin.

Later, Alfred, I've got that
double-dealing double on the Batradar.

Now, you take over
with remote Batcontrol.

Keep him busy
till I get there on this Whirly-Bat.

[THUDS]

The-- The real Robin.

Aah. Weak from digging that tunnel.

Catwoman.
Got to tell her Batman is Bruce Wayne.

Got to confuse them.

Good work, Robin.
You clobbered that phony.

Now take care of that Catwoman.

That's the real Robin.

Gotta stop him before he gets the boss.

Catwoman. I know who Batman is. He's--

-Good to see you, chum.
-Same here, Batman. Let's get them.

Who are you, son? Do you remember?

Why, yes, I-- My name is Christopher.

Christopher Collins.

You ran away from home
looking for excitement and adventure?

That's right, but-- But--

Commissioner Gordon found out for me.
You lost your memory...

...but the blow just now
brought it all back.

I-- 1 remember being on the docks.
Why am I in these clothes?

You impersonated Robin.
You know every secret Batman has.

Now tell me, who is he? Who is he?

Honest, I don't remember a thing.

Oh, no.

Next time, Batman. Next time for sure.

[PURRING]
Perhaps. Perhaps.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

NARRATOR: It's a cool misty morning
in Gotham Harbor.

Jumping Jehoshaphat.

Gotham Harbor Patrol. Emergency.

Sighted iceberg in the harbor.

And there's a Viking ship with real Vikings
frozen inside the iceberg.

NARRATOR:
Frozen Vikings?

What frigid fun does Mr. Freeze...

...the coolest, cruelest villain of them all,
have in mind?

NARRATOR:
A short time later...

...Bruce Wayne and d*ck Grayson
view the frigid fantasy.

-Incredible.
-Fantastic.

Unbelievable, if you ask me.

Young man, as a curator
of the Gotham Museum, I am an authority.

And I say it is highly possible
that those Vikings are still alive.

I smell something rotten here, Bruce.

Possibly, d*ck. Very possibly.

FREEZE:
Everything is ready.

This time,
we'll put the Caped Crusaders on ice.

If it's not a fake, Robin, it's one of the great
scientific discoveries of the age.

But if it is a fake--

It can only be the work of Mr. Freeze,
right?

NARRATOR:
But what's this?

The frozen Vikings come to life?

Good job, Eric. Get in.

Holy heat wave.
The iceberg's gone and so are the Vikings.

Just what I expected.
It's Mr. Freeze, all right.

NARRATOR: Wrong is right, for at
that moment in an abandoned ice factory...

Sure glad you can make warm spots
in this icebox, Mr. Freeze.

[LAUGHING]

Embedding you and your men
in the iceberg convinced everyone.

You are really Vikings come to life
after a thousand years. Ha, ha.

Yeah. Now when we plunder Gotham City
as the Vikings of old, no one will stop us.

Not even the Dynamic Duo...

...because of your, uh, ha, ha,
rare scientific value.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[ALL SHOUTING]

Hey, out of the way!

The Vikings attack!

-Rob.
-What is going--?

MAN:
Stop or I'll sh**t!

Don't sh**t.

These men are historical wonders
and must be preserved. Let them alone.

Vikings, come back.

NARRATOR:
Now the Caped Crusaders...

...racing to the scene of the crime,
hit the icy street.

Holy sliding pond.

BATMAN:
The Batchute. Quick.

NARRATOR: Inches from disaster,
the Batmobile stops.

While across town
in the Gotham Department Store...

...the Vikings strike again.

[VIKINGS SHOUTING]

BATMAN:
Gotham Department Store. Roger.

To the elevators. Hurry!

Right on the button.

Batman and Robin.

Let's get them.

My specimens.

What are those fools doing to you?

Quick, Eric. Over here.

-Batman, they're getting away.
BATMAN: Come on.

Wait. Got a better idea.

The Dynamic Duo are in the other elevator.
Cut the power.

[THUDS]

[LAUGHING]

The end of the Dynamic Duo.

BATMAN:
Sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Freeze.

ROBIN:
We used our own elevator.

You caped creeps, stand aside or--

Creeps?

You-- You're not real Vikings, are you?

Don't move, Dynamic Duo.

ROBIN:
Holy ice cube, Batman.

We can't follow them
and they've got Fosdick.

We'll find them in the Batcopter.

My guess is, they'll be on their way out
the way them came in.

Batman, look what's coming
through the fog bank.

-The copter's set for hover. Ready?
-Ready.

BOTH:
Geronimo!

NARRATOR:
With eyes only for his quarry...

...the Boy Wonder races
into Mr. Freeze's infamous cold room.

An immediate victim of quick freeze.

Fifty degrees below zero.

Cast off!

That's Freeze's submarine.

This should stop him cold.

The engines. Heating up.

I can't stand heat.

Mr. Freeze.

This will cool you off, frozen face.

FOSDICK: Now I know
why they call you the Boy Wonder.

Are you sure you don't mind
making a side trip to the museum, Batman?

No, not at all, professor.

Glad we could provide you with a, uh,
specimen for your scientists to study.

I only hope he doesn't spoil
before we get there.

Oh, there's no chance of that.

[ALL LAUGHING]