01x10 - A Game of Cat and Mouse/Beware of Living Dolls

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: The Adventures of Batman,
with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption...

...whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne...

...and his young ward, d*ck Grayson...

...are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor...

...they roar out
to protect life, limb and property...

...as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin,
pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR:
The Gotham World's Fair...

...which brings to Gotham City
a new criminal...

...Mother Appel...

...beneath whose gray hair
lies the black heart of Simon the Pieman.

The crew is all here, Simon.

Simon is ready. Come.

NARRATOR: But what's this?
The beginning of a crime syndicate?

You're wondering about the rumor
that Simon has come to Gotham...

...to monopolize crime.

Well, that rumor is true.

[LAUGHING]

By ginger, it was a snap.

Now Simon the Pieman
is the kingpin of crime.

We call our first caper “Lady Fingers."

NARRATOR:
Opening day at the fair.

And in the House of Jewels, the fabulous
collection of Wayne diamonds...

...displayed on the fingers
of lovely ladies.

No need for concern, Batman.

I've got detectives planted in this crowd.

Wow, look at that beautiful model.

BATMAN:
Cool it, chum. She's out of your league.

An opening day gift
from an anonymous friend.

A pie. How nice.

Wait. Before you cut, light the candles.

Splendid idea.

Holy flashbulbs. My eyes.

Simon says get the diamonds.

It's a robbery!
Detectives, grab the crooks!

They can't, chief. Everyone is blinded.

[LAUGHING]

Easy as pie.

Pastry chefs, eh?

I'll be there shortly, Batman,
with reinforcements.

You're busy, Dad. I'll see you later.

NARRATOR:
Quickly, Barbara leaves the commissioner...

...and assuming her identity as Batgirl...

...speeds to where the action is.

BATGIRL: A pie truck.
Maybe they're the crooked pastry chefs.

SIMON:
Simon says pie thrower is ready.

Aiming coordinates, left, two degrees...

...trajectory, 47.

Aah!

[CRASH]

Ugh! Truck's gone.
And I'm left with pie in the face.

-Batman, they took all the Wayne diamonds.
-It figures.

Holy double-cross.
And that beautiful model was one of them.

She'll make a model prisoner
when we catch up with them.

To the Batmobile, Robin.

WOMAN:
Simon, the Batmobile is coming fast.

Simon says don't panic.

ROBIN:
The pie-thons are scattering.

BATMAN:
Come on, after them.

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

-They all got away, Batman.
BATMAN: But the Wayne diamonds didn't.

-Look.
-Holy solitaires.

I'm sure those pie-romaniacs
will strike again, soon.

Let's go home.

NARRATOR:
Later...

BRUCE:
Thank you, Alfred.

-Yes, commissioner?
-Yes, Batman...

...the perfidious piemen have pulled off...

...three more robberies at the fairgrounds.
They stole some priceless marble busts...

-...from the Greek pavilion.
-Marble cake.

Then they cracked the safe
of the Graham Trust Company exhibit.

-Graham crackers.
-And they robbed the cashier...

...at the British Pavilion.
Got away with £20,000.

Pound cake. We'll go to work on it
immediately, commissioner.

Obviously, d*ck, Simon the Pieman
can't resist pastry-named prizes.

To the Batcave.

Now the Batcomputer will tell us...

...what other pastry-type treasures
might tempt Simon at the fair.

Toll House cookies could mean
the cash receipts at the entrance gate...

...and a pastry called Napoleon...

...probably the priceless portrait
of Napoleon in the French Pavilion.

Groovy.
Let's go stake ourselves out at those spots.

Okay. To the Batmobile.

No action here, so far.

Someone's coming upstairs.

We'll remove the canvas from the frame...

...then stash it in the windmill
on my farm.

Batman. Batman, do you read me?

They're taking it to the windmill
on Mrs. Appel's farm.

The old lady looks like...

Like Mrs. Appel.

Alias, Simon the Pieman.

Robin? Robin.

Mrs. Appel, you're rotten to the core.

Take the Boy Wonder with us.

NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, the intrepid Batgirl...

...has been canvassing every pastry plant
in Gotham City...

...searching for the headquarters
of the pernicious Pieman.

This could be the place.

MAN:
It is the place.

When the wind comes up, Boy Wonder,
the grindstone will turn...

...and you will be destroyed
in the flour of your youth.

Ha, ha! A funny joke.

Simon says laugh.

[HENCHMEN LAUGHING]

SIMON:
Charlotte's waiting in the control room.

Go up.

Hold it. I didn't say "Simon says."

Now Simon says go up.

Holy hamburger.
Hope the weather stays calm.

Batman, where are you?

NARRATOR:
The Caped Crusader is miles away...

...caught in a bumper-to-bumper
traffic jam.

Ah, ha, ha! Look.
Storm clouds approaching.

[GROANING]

I think the stone turned on my radio.

Batman, help. The windmill.

Unh! Pinned under grindstone. Help.

Got to think of something. But what?

NARRATOR: While Robin is pinned down
by a grindstone...

...the Caped Crusader
is pinned down in traffic.

How long can the Boy Wonder withstand
the awful grind?

In a moment, you'll see the thrilling ending,
not of Robin, we hope...

...but of this exciting adventure.

Coming up next.

NARRATOR: On the farm of Mrs. Appel,
alias Simon the Pieman...

...the rising wind is turning the blades
of the windmill.

Agh! Batman, hurry.

Where is Alfred?
What's taking him so long?

I've got to--

Hurry, Alfred. Hurry.

Came as soon as I could, sir.

Batcopter's on hover.

Good work, Alfred. Take charge here.

See you.

Good luck, sir.

Simon, Batman is climbing into the mill.

Aha! Simon will rotate the blades...

...full speed now.

Hang on, chum.

Gee, thanks, Batman.

-They're all up there.
-Let's go.

-Simon, they're coming up the ladder.
-Simon says brace for takeoff.

NARRATOR:
A windmill helicopter?

Is there no end to the ingenuity
of the perfidious Pieman?

ROBIN:
There it is, Batman.

Stand by to fire Bat-hooks.

The Batcopter's gaining on us.

Open the flour sacks.

Come back, stupid!

- I didn't say "Simon says."
-They're getting closer.

Simon says
give them the flour treatment.

They've dumped flour.

Holy baking powder.

That pie-thon has a recipe for everything.

Strudel. Simon says
you stand guard on the roof.

Cookie, follow me.

[BATGIRL GRUNTING]

Batgirl. Where did you find her?

She was snooping around,
so we grabbed her.

Good. Good.

Let's put a little icing on this cupcake.

Simon says
put her in the chocolate tank.

Simon says fill her up.

BATGIRL:
Chocolate syrup.

A delicious way to die,
but, personally, I'll take vanilla.

Mm. A tiny air valve at the top.

How are we gonna find them now?

Keep your eyes peeled
for some sign of that crazy copter.

I doubt if they can hide that.

BATGIRL:
Luminous powder.

Air compression in here should force it out
through the valve, I hope.

It worked.

Look, Batman. What's that?

BATMAN:
Beats me. Let's check it out.

Simon, Batgirl released a signal,
and I hear the Batcopter approaching.

Simon says come inside quick.

Simon says take cover.

We'll soon find out
if Batman is a good mixer. Ha, ha!

And as for Robin,
Simon will butter him up a little.

Wait 30 seconds, Robin...

...then follow me in.

Hmm. Looks as if this dessert factory
is deserted.

If Simon turns on this beater,
I'll be sliced to ribbons.

[GRUNTS]

No good. Greased with butter.

Go back, Robin. It's a trap.

Holy treachery.

Now Simon has both crusaders.

It was a piece of cake.

[LAUGHING]

You can't win, pie face.
We're gonna make it hot for you.

Wrong again, Boy Blunder...

...Simon is gonna make it hot for you.

This electric heater
will melt the butter in the vat...

...and soon
we'll have hot, buttered Robin.

You pastry-faced fiend!

And when Simon gets through with you,
Batman...

...you'll be a mixed-up guy.

Ha, ha!

Got to keep moving.

Imagine, Batman finally beaten...

...literally as well as figuratively...

...by Simon's beater.

And Robin sinking into the butter,
and Batgirl in the chocolate tank.

You are a genius, Simon.

Of course.

Now, Simon says we celebrate
by dancing the cakewalk.

This is what I call a sticky situation.

Anyone for chocolate covered Batgirl?

My only chance.

Perfect.

Now, up, over and out.

Batman. But how--?

Later, chum.
My Bat-skeleton key should open these.

They've got Batgirl in the chocolate tank.

This will empty the tank.

And I know just where to pour it on.

Ahh! Victory is sweet.

Ugh! Too sweet.

SIMON:
Attack! Attack!

All right, Simon says attack!

Keep going, Robin. Tank's emptying fast.

I wonder why this is going down so fast.

Robin.

We're having a mixer out here, Batgirl.
Care to join us?

Batman, baker boy at three o'clock.

That's it for the chocolate.

Plenty of ammunition here, Batman.

BATMAN:
Have some milk, on me.

Floor's too slippery, Simon.

Simon says stand on the chairs.

Thanks, Batman.

Hmm. Simon's rolling pin.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

BATMAN:
Well, you might say I pinned them down.

That cookie jar is full of goodies, chief.

Or should I say baddies?

I suggest you take them out of the jar
and put them in the jug.

Right you are, Batman.

But first,
I'm gonna send for the pie wagon.

[ALL LAUGHING]

NARRATOR:
The annual Gotham City Halloween ball...

...where a valuable painting
is to be auctioned for charity.

But what's this?

Batman and Robin
socializing with the Scarecrow...

...a known criminal?

[LAUGHING]

ROBIN: Holy masquerade.
It's Commissioner Gordon.

I didn't mean to startle you two...

...but the costume service
delivered this scarecrow outfit by mistake.

For a minute there I thought the Scarecrow
had come to steal the painting.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Excuse me, gentlemen,
I must take a phone call.

NARRATOR: Quietly, Batgirl,
alias Barbara Gordon, follows her father.

And a lucky thing too.

Let go, you scoundrels.

BATGIRL:
You heard the commissioner.

[LAUGHS]

Take this bat filly to the car.

I have plans for her.

Stuff this top cop in a closet...

...while I masquerade as the top cop
masquerading as me.

Ladies and gents, we are here in the name
of the noblest of all sentiments, charity.

Behold this invaluable painting...

He's really great with that Scarecrow act.

Even got the voice down pat.

--Of that humble man, the farmer,
tiller of the soil.

Yes, he's almost too good.

If I didn't know...

Going, going, gone.

The painting goes
to my favorite charity...

...me, the Scarecrow.

Hit the deck, Robin.

And when Batgirl came to my aid,
that scurrilous Scarecrow gassed her.

-They took her as a hostage.
-That could be a break.

Remember,
she has a radio transmitter in her belt.

SCARECROW: Bet you'd like to use this
to contact your friend Batman.

All right, I have a message for you
to give him.

It will send the Caped Clod
on a wild-goose chase...

...while I rob the Farmer's Market.

Here comes a message
on Batgirl's frequency.

[DINGS]

ROBIN:
Fur warehouse.

-Let's go.
BATMAN: No, wait.

Some of those letters were sent
at a slower speed than the others. Watch.

[DINGS]

That gives us "farm store at midnight.”

Now let's go.

Come on, men, let's harvest the lettuce.

[LAUGHS]

[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Have some fruit salad.

When I say go, rush them.

Holy avalanche.

Duck, quick.

[LAUGHING]

Let's scamper, men.

Now we'll never find Batgirl.

My hunch says she's tucked away
in a country retreat.

We'll need the Batcopter.

Come on.

NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, Batgirl has plans of her own.

High in the eaves of the hideaway barn...

...Batgirl has discovered
a perfect ally, a bat.

Get them, Batman!

[BAT SCREECHING]

[MEN YELL]

Get her!

ROBIN:
Look, Batman.

BATMAN:
Batgirl flagged the hideout for us.

[ALARM RINGING]

That's the electric eye alarm.

The Caped Crusaders.

Ready the net.

Maybe we've got the wrong place.

Watch it, Robin.

These fellows seem hot under the collar,
Batman.

Much obliged, chum.

Gotcha, Boy Blunder.

-Thanks, Batman.
-Come on, Robin needs help.

Here, Batman.

[SIZZLING]

Oh, Batman.

Ha, ha! Thanks, Batgirl.

I couldn't have done better myself.

Oh, Batman, I'm so sorry.
And look what they're doing to Robin.

When I say you'll get a threshing...

...I don't mean a spanking. Ha-ha-ha!

NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, the ingenious Caped Crusader...

...Is building a contraption of his own...

...from odds and ends of junk
left in this old storeroom.

Now, Batgirl, cut me a thick band
from that inner tube. Hurry.

BATGIRL:
Will it work, Batman?

It's got to. We've only got one shot.

Get them! Cut them down!

ROBIN:
He's getting away.

Oh, no, he's not.

Great shot, Batman.

-Should we take him down, Batman?
-I don't know.

Since this is a corn field,
maybe he's finally found his true calling...

...scaring crows.

[ALL LAUGHING]