01x15 - The Fiendishly Frigid Fraud/Enter the Judge

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: The Adventures of Batman
with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption...

...whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne...

...and his young ward, d*ck Grayson...

...are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor...

...they roar out
to protect life, limb and property...

...as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham's City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin,
pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR:
A peaceful, warm, lazy day in Gotham City.

Suddenly, in the middle of Gotham Park,
an expl*si*n of shattering force...

...opens a gigantic crater
in the middle of the park.

And in the middle of the crater,
a huge ball of ice.

A few hours tater, at the Gotham reservoir,
another expl*sive impact...

...and another giant ball of ice.

What's going on?

NARRATOR: In the Batcave, Batman
and Robin try to find the scientific answer.

The Batcomputer confirms there are
definitely such things as ice meteors.

-They're natural phenomena.
-Well, okay.

But to me, this still looks mighty
like the work of Mr. Freeze.

NARRATOR:
And what of the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze?

Hey, Mr. Freeze, how'd you do it?

You never told us
you could throw them ice ba*ls.

What are you talking about, Icy?

Listen to this.

MAN [ON RADIO]:
Speculation is running high...

...that the ice meteors,
which have blasted Gotham City...

...are the work of the infamous Mr. Freeze.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

If people think I did it,
then I say I shall take the credit...

...and we shall reap the rewards
of their terror...

...with the coolest crime wave ever.

Cut me in on all TV network channels
immediately.

You have experienced a demonstration
of my newest power.

A force that I can direct
to any point at any time.

So you are at my mercy,
citizens of Gotham.

I want all the riches you have to offer.

It's a bluff, Robin. And we'd better stop him
before he can pull it off. Come on.

We'll locate that refrigerated rascal
through his TV-interference beam.

If anyone tries to stop me...

...or you, Dynamic Duo...

...be warned,
the total destruction of Gotham City...

...building by building,
will be on your hands.

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

Gee, Mr. Freeze...

...If you can't make those ice ba*ls,
how are you going to destroy the city?

I haven't the slightest idea.

But for that matter,
neither has the police or the Dynamic Duo.

Fire up the white submarine.

We get underway immediately
for Gotham City.

Batman insists Freeze is bluffing, chief.

He just called and asked me
to tell the citizens of Gotham City to cool it.

Oh, sure, and I knew it all the time.

In case someone thinks I'm bluffing,
I'll stage a meteor fall.

But first I'll announce in advance
where it will land.

Mr. Freeze, you are the coolest.

ROBIN: Freeze's sub should be
directly under us now.

-Drop the Bat-Jammers.
-Bat-Jammers away.

We're out of control. Surface! Surface!

-Bull's-eye. He's surfacing.
-Watch him. He's tricky.

FREEZE: Aha. The Dynamic Duo.
Icy, prepare the escape minisub.

We may just bag the Caped Crusaders
right now.

Look, he's waving a white flag.

Let's get him, but be careful.

ROBIN:
Okay, Mr. Freeze, your caper has cooled.

Yes, I'm afraid you have me at last,
Caped Crusaders.

Oh, come below and take over.
I'll lead the way.

-It's locked.
-Holy escape hatch.

We've got them.
Seal all doors in main sub.

Lower the temperature
and crash dive to bottom.

The temperature's dropping.

[STAMMERING]
I'll say.

I'm freezing.

Now, bye-bye, Batman and Boy Wonder.

Controls frozen solid.

Can't budge.

Everything's frozen.

Only one chance. The torpedo tube.
Get in, Robin.

You too, Batman. Come on.

No time. So long, chum.

NARRATOR:
Now, while Robin rockets free...

...the sub carrying Batman careens
to crash on the bottom.

But a millisecond before the crash,
the Caped Crusader streaks out.

A little while later...

I'll get on the air and predict an ice meteor
will land here in Gotham Recreational Park.

Then no one will doubt my power.

ALFRED:
This will make you feel better.

I hope the meteor doesn't hit
the Gotham Recreational Park...

...as Mr. Freeze predicted.

BOTH:
What?

Come on, Robin, to the Batmobile.

[LAUGHS]

Perfect. Perfect.

Now no one will doubt my power...

...to bring icy destruction
down from the sky.

[FREEZE LAUGHS]

There's the ice-cream truck, Batman,
up ahead.

Hang on. I'll force him off the road.

[STAMMERS]
Boss, the Batmobile.

FREEZE:
Uh-- It's true. Head for the lake.

Holy ice cubes, a frozen ice bridge.

BATMAN: Hope it's strong enough
to hold us, Robin. Here we go.

Now, Icy, burn our bridges behind us.

BATMAN: Great Lucifer,
that's a lighted stick of dynamite.

He's gonna blow up the ice bridge.

[ICY LAUGHS]

They're coming right at the dynamite.
And they can't stop.

NARRATOR: How can the Caped Crusaders
save themselves...

...from the destruction at the hands
of the foul, fiendish Mr. Freeze?

Don't miss the crashing cl*max
of this exciting story, coming up next.

NARRATOR: When an astonishing
atmospheric phenomenon...

...bombards Gotham City
with ice meteors...

...the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze runs a bluff...

...and to demonstrate
that he controls the ice fallout...

...fakes the frigid phenomenon
with expl*sives and his freeze ray.

Then, when the Dynamic Duo give chase...

...Mr. Freeze tries to escape
over his do-it-yourself ice bridge...

...with the Duo in blistering pursuit.

And the result...

...is dynamite.

Whew. Another inch or two...

BATMAN:
Yes, that was close.

Now we've got to find
that frigid fiend again.

Well, the worst has happened,
Chief O'Hara.

An ice meteor has just been reported
to have crashed...

...exactly where Mr. Freeze
predicted it would.

Well, now,
that appears to remove any doubt...

...that the frigid felonious Freeze
can do what he says.

But Batman says it's a bluff.

Tell that to my men.
They won't lay a glove on Freeze.

Not with the threat of wiping out
all of Gotham hanging over them.

BATMAN:
There is no threat. It is a bluff.

O'HARA:
The Caped Crusaders.

But how can we prove that, Batman?

Let's all visit the Dilworth Observatory.

Where Professor Dilworth himself
will confirm the fact...

...that Freeze is a phony frigid fraud.

DILWORTH:
I assure you, gentlemen...

...you have no more to fear
from the ice meteors.

You see, it was caused by
a tremendous chunk of ice in outer space...

...which was caught in the Earth's orbit.

And when pieces of it broke off,
it caused the meteors.

Precisely. But now the ice chunk
has passed out of our orbit.

[DOOR OPENS]

Very interesting information.

Take them, boys.

You want the world, Freeze? Here.

Glad to meteor, fellas.

BATMAN:
This is the right place to see stars.

Be the first man on Mars.

And up to the moon with you.

Okay, caped creep, how you get yours.

Sorry, I didn't "planet” that way.

Time he was brought back to Earth.

FREEZE:
Hold that pose, Boy Wonder.

Living statues. Frozen in action.
Come on, boys.

We've got the riches of Gotham
at our command.

Don't worry.
You'll all defrost in about two weeks.

[LAUGHS]

NARRATOR:
Now silence fills the giant observatory.

Five figures, frozen like statues...

...until one, Batman, begins to move...

...edging his frozen form
toward a sliver of sunlight...

...which streaks through an opening
in the retractable dome.

Meanwhile, still the frigid felon plunders
with ease.

Don't anyone move...

[CROWD GASPS]

...or with this remote-control device...

...I will loose an ice meteor on the city.

Take anything you want,
but don't press that button.

Take artifacts, my lads.

Gold artifacts with precious stones.

[LAUGHS]

Take all you can carry.

NARRATOR: Now the warming sunlight
begins to thaw Batman's fingers.

But what can the Caped Crusader do
with just his fingers?

He'd better do something quickly,
for right now, at the Explorer's Club...

FREEZE:
Don't move. I want that Senegal diamond.

If you make me press this button...

...the destruction of all Gotham City
is on your heads.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

Ha, ha!
The Senegal diamond is mine at last.

NARRATOR: Cleverly,
Batman causes the giant concave mirror...

...of the reflecting telescope
to catch the sliver of sunlight...

...and to magnify and intensify it
into a penetrating warmth.

We've milked the bluff far enough, men.

To the secret airport, fast.

Got to thaw out the others.

Gee, Batman,
I thought we'd never thaw out.

Good grief, we're still alive.

That feels good.

Good to get warm again.

How do we find that frigid fraud now?

I placed a Bat-bug transmitter on Icy
during the fight. Let's tune him in.

ICY [OVER RADIO]:
This is great.

The Dynamic Duo will never know
about this secret plane at the old airport.

Airport.
They'll get away clean before we--

Hold it, Robin. Professor Dilworth,
retract the observatory dome, fast.

Now, let's revolve the telescope...

...and get that mirror focused on the sun.

ROBIN: I dig. The telescope will reflect
the sun's light through the lenses and--

Intensify it like a heat ray. Brilliant.

BATMAN:
A little to the left. Hold it. Perfect.

Professor, take over and keep
the beam on that plane no matter what.

Come on, Robin.

Huh! What's happened
to the refrigeration controls?

You know I can't live in temperatures above


Do something fast.

Put us down. Land, quickly.

[FREEZE WHEEZING]

FREEZE:
You win, Dynamic Duo.

- I give up.
-You better know it.

How do we know you're not bluffing?

[SOBBING]
Believe me. Please, believe me.

Alfred, please put this in a position of honor
in the Bat Museum.

ALFRED:
Gladly, sir. May I serve dessert now?

And how. What are we having?

In honor of the occasion,
I prepared some frozen custard.

Frozen? Well, okay.

[LAUGHS]

Why not?

[ALL LAUGHING]

NARRATOR: If's the joyous annual
Gotham City Christmas Parade...

...as children from 6 to 60 enjoy
the fabulous floats...

...Including the famed Batmobile
and its equally famed occupants...

...Batman and Robin.

And, of course, the star of the show...

...Jolly Santa Claus.

h*-h*-h*.

NARRATOR:
But wait, is this really Santa Claus?

ICY:
We're all set, Mr. Freeze.

Excellent, Icy.

We are about to pull the most magnificent
caper of my cool career.

h*-h*-h*.

NARRATOR:
Now, at City Hall Plaza...

...the commissioner is about to light
the big Christmas tree.

Look at that priceless diamond star.

When lit,
Gotham's Christmas officially begins.

I can hardly wait, Batman.

NARRATOR: Suddenly, the felonious felon
creates a super frost.

h*-h*-h*.

Now, Dasher and Dancer,
Prancer and Vixen, away.

NARRATOR:
Moments later, as Freeze's frost thaws...

Holy icicles, Batman. It was Mr. Freeze,
and he's got the diamond star.

Let's go, Robin.

-Hover jets.
-Check.

I'll freeze those jets.

-What's up, Batman?
-We're grounded.

Look there. Mr. Freeze can't freak out
those bushy-tailed fellows.

BATMAN:
Good thinking, chum.

[DOGS BARKING]

The Dynamic Duo's dog team's
gaining on us, Mr. Freeze.

[LAUGHS]

I have a special Christmas gift
for those canines, Icy.

Candy hot dogs.

Come on. Mush.

No good.
Those pooches prefer candy to mush.

Christmas just won't be Christmas
without the diamond star.

You'll just have to get it back,
Dynamic Duo.

We won't let the kids of Gotham down.
Right, Robin?

-Right.
-Let's go.

The town seems full of Santas.

Yeah. And anyone of those Kriss Kringles
could be Mr. Freeze.

NARRATOR:
Suddenly, near Stacy's store window...

...where a priceless
golden Yule tree glitters...

...a little boy approaches a curbside Santa.

[STAMMERS]
Santa, I want a-- Brr.

Look at that. That Santa must be--

Mr. Freeze. Come on.

Ah! The Dynamic Duo. I'll stop them cold.

Ha, ha! A holiday ice sculpture.

Now to give Stacy's window
a shot of absolute zero.

Quickly, load that lovely Yule yew,
my elves.

h*-h*-h*.

NARRATOR:
Later, as a sad, silent snow falls...

...the Dynamic Duo are back
in Commissioner Gordon's office.

This is terrible. Not only is the diamond star
in Freeze's cold clutches...

...but now he has the golden tree as well.

Gosh, this is really gonna
be Gotham's gloomiest Yuletide.

Hmm. Yes. Unless...

Unless Mr. Freeze likes gingerbread.

NARRATOR: What can Batman have
in mind for Mr. Freeze?

h*-h*-h*.

What lovely, shiny goodies.

And there you see
the solid silver and gold bells...

...which will ring in the Yuletide
on Christmas morn...

...from the bell tower
of Gotham Park's gingerbread house.

Gotham City doesn't know it...

...but it's just donated
another Christmas goody to Mr. Freeze.

Get ready, Robin.
Mr. Freeze is coming to take the bait.

This was too easy.

Hang on, chum.

Freeze will take us right to his hideout.

Can it be?

It is. The Dynamic Duo.

BATMAN:
Careful, Robin. He's seen us.

Swing, Robin, swing.

Stop, Mr. Freeze.
The copter's overloading with ice.

-You okay, chum?
-Uh-huh.

You infernal Caped Crusaders.

I'll reduce you to absolute zeros.

BATMAN:
This way, Robin.

Keep moving, Robin.

Up here, Robin.

Get set to upend this chute, chum.

-Now, Batman?
-Now, Robin. Shove.

Whoa! No! No!

[ROARS]

Merry Christmas, Commissioner Gordon.

Some Christmas gifts for you, sir.

BATMAN:
There's the diamond star.

And the golden tree
is back in Stacy's window too.

Now Gotham City
will have a happy holiday after all.

Merry Christmas.

Bah, humbug.