01x16 - The Jigsaw Jeopardy/Wrath of the Riddler

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: The Adventures of Batman
with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption...

...whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne...

...and his young ward, d*ck Grayson...

...are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor...

...they roar out
to protect life, limb and property...

...as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin,
pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR:
The Drilred Puzzle Factory in Gotham City...

...where the Prince of Puzzlers practices
a hew kick, painting.

Hey, that's beautiful, Riddler.
Want I should cut it up into a puzzle?

Might as well, Jigsaw.

The new art museum
rejected this masterpiece.

But I shall avenge my wounded vanity.

Gee, what can you do to an art museum?

RIDDLER: What happens when you remove
the R from the word "varnish"?

You make it "vanish." Ha-ha-ha.

And that, men, is what we're gonna do
to the new museum.

[ALARM RINGING]

NARRATOR:
That night, at Gotham City's art museum...

...a burglar alarm summons the police.

We didn't steal nothing yet, Riddler.

What kind of caper is this?

What do you call a Russian fish?

A red herring. Ha-ha-ha. Come on.

NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, in stately Wayne Manor...

Excuse me, Mr. Wayne. It's the hotline.

Thank you, Alfred.

Yes, Commissioner Gordon.

Oh? We'll meet you at the museum.

What baffles me, Caped Crusaders,
is that nothing is missing.

Nothing has been harmed.

Thank goodness
they did not spoil my painting.

This is Mr. Pier Van Shmeer.
He painted this mural.

-My pleasure, sir.
ROBIN: This is beautiful, Mr. Van Shmeer.

But what do these words
on Sir Jonathan's scroll mean?

What words? I did not paint words.

"When is a museum
like an inflated balloon?"

Holy brainteasers.
Sounds like the work of the Riddler.

This is vandalism.
Look, more on the sword.

"Why does the king raise his sword?"

I've got it.
A museum is like an inflated balloon...

...when it is blown up.

And the King raises his sword
to knight Sir Jonathan.

That mean the Riddler intends
to blow up this museum tonight.

GORDON:
Good grief.

I'd better throw a cordon of police
around the building at once.

Wait. The sight of police
will scare off the conundrum criminal.

Let Robin and me stake ourselves out
in the museum, alone.

Well, yes. Perhaps that will be better.

Good luck, Dynamic Duo.

And now, my quiz-lings,
it's time to set the big blowup.

But, Riddler, why are you so set
on blasting the art museum?

Jigsaw, once we blow
all those beautiful pictures to bits...

...we will have created
the most challenging jigsaw puzzle...

...the world has ever known. Ha-ha-ha.

All quiet here on the first floor, Robin.

-How are things upstairs?
-No action here either, Bat--

[RUSTLING NEARBY]

Uh-oh. Visitors.

The Boy Wonder.
Grab him before he alerts Batman.

[OVER RADIO]
And take him to puzzle factory.

The Riddler.

[LAUGHING]

RIDDLER: I'm the first fisherman
to catch a sardine already in the can.

Ha, ha. Take him away.

Gone, with Robin.

NARRATOR: Moments later,
the police commissioner's daughter...

...librarian Barbara Gordon...

...is in her father's office
when he learns of Robin's capture.

And you overheard Riddler say
something about a puzzle factory?

I'll check it out, Batman, at once.

Puzzle factory? Hmm. I wonder.

See you later, Dad.

BARBARA:
"Drilred Puzzle Company."

Hmm. I always was suspicious
of that name. Now I'm sure.

To the Bat-closet.

NARRATOR:
The secret Bat-closet...

...where Barbara switches
to crime-fighting Batgirl.

BARBARA:
I'll give the Riddler something to puzzle...

...by wearing another costume over this.

[WHIRRING]

[DINGS]

These are all the puzzle factories,
Batman.

Thank you, Alfred. "Ajax Puzzle Company,
Gotham Puzzle...

...Drilred Pu--" Wait.

These letters are a jumbled version
of the name "Riddler."

RIDDLER:
This jigsaw is used to cut giant puzzles.

Now, riddle me this, Boy Wonder.
When is a villain like a clown?

When he takes a tumble,
which is what you'll do soon.

Wrong. A villain is like a clown
when he's cutting a caper.

In this case, a crusading caper...

...which is what I'll do soon.

[RIDDLER LAUGHS]

Robin? But I thought--

-Guess again, Batman.
-Batgirl.

But why the disguise?

I figured if Riddler sees another Robin...

...he may think he's captured
the wrong one, and--

Good thinking. Let's go.

[ALARM RINGING]

Look, somebody trying to break in
through the roof door.

Must be Batman. Good.

Come. We'll slide the paper floor
over the acid tank.

See you later, Robin.

Crossword, you designed this trap.
Now answer this question:

Where would the secret button be
that slides the paper floor out?

Uh, I give up, Riddler.

Idiot. That's not a riddle.
I'm asking you where the secret button is.

Oh, sorry, boss.

Uh, it's in the doorjamb. There.

Ah.

Now we conceal the tank of acid.

[LAUGHS]

Now, when the Dynamic Bore
opens that door and steps on the floor...

...he will be no more.

[LAUGHS]

-Hold it, Batgirl.
-Aah!

Oh, boy. That first step is a dandy.

Stay close. Come on.

NARRATOR:
Batman and Batgirl come ever closer...

...to the thin paper floor
over the tank of acid.

Elsewhere in the factory,
the Boy Wonder struggles to free himself...

...knowing it is imperative he warn Batman
of the terrible trap Riddler has set.

Put on your mask and wait here
while I see what's on the other side.

Right.

NARRATOR:
No, Batman. No.

Can it be the canny king of conundrums
has concocted a cute camouflage...

...that will cancel the careers
of the courageous Caped Crusaders?

Whatever you do, stay tuned
for the thrilling action-packed conclusion...

...coming up next.

NARRATOR:
Emerging from the Riddler's labyrinth...

...Batman and Batgirl arrive at a door...

...which, unknown to them,
leads to a vat of fuming and fatal acid...

...concealed under a paper floor...

...while in another room,
Robin struggles desperately to free himself.

Got to break loose. Must warn Batman...

...about acid trap.

The jigsaw. If only I can reach it.

There.

BATGIRL: Wait a second, Batman,
until I adjust this mask.

Got one foot free.

Let's try for one hand.

Hope I'm not too late to save Batman.

Stay here
until I see what's beyond the other door.

Stop, Batman!

Watch this.

-A paper floor.
-Over a tank full of acid.

BATMAN: Thanks, chum.
Guess I'll have to swing across.

Holy carbon copy. Who's that?

It's Batgirl. Tell you about it later.
We've got to get her across too.

Caught you again, Boy Wonder.

Bye-bye, Batman.

We're taking your Robin to another nest.

They think she's me.

Yes. She's in bad trouble. Come on.

Come on, Riddler,
Batman will be here any second now.

I know.
I'm just making sure he'll follow us.

Throw the Boy Wonder in, and let's go.

[DOORS CLOSE]

They got away with Batgirl.

Riddler wants to capture us too.
He left a clue.

"Prince" means the Prince of Puzzlers.

What happens when he makes
photo enlargements?

ROBIN:
He blows up pictures.

-The art museum.
-Yes.

We've got to beat him there, Robin.
Fasten seat belts.

Handle those eggs gently, Crossword.

Gee, Riddler, what do we need eggs for?

Riddle me this.

What happens
when you fill an empty eggshell with nitro?

It becomes an egg-splosive.

[LAUGHS]

Here's our chance to gain on them.
Set amphibious controls.

ROBIN:
Amphib controls, check.

I'll go in soon as you get set on the roof.

Check. I'll cover you from there.

Like busy little hens, we'll lay an
egg-splosive in every room of the museum.

BATMAN: Hold it, Riddler.
Your plan has already laid an egg.

That's far enough, Batman.

Take one more step, and this egg-grenade
scrambles the Boy Wonder.

[LAUGHS]

Riddle me this, Riddler.

When is a Boy Wonder
like a kid with the measles?

When he breaks out?

BATMAN:
Ha-ha-ha. Correct.

Impossible.
If Robin's escaped from this truck...

...he really is a Boy Wonder.

Thanks for the compliment, old buddy.

Thanks, Batman.
At a time like this, it pays to be yourself.

Won't need this anymore.
Let's join Robin.

No. You go for the police
while we hold these rascals here.

Oh, no. I-- Okay, boss man.

Get him, Jigsaw, now.

Thanks.
Think we can take all these guys?

We've got to keep them here
until police arrive.

Hey, Caped Crusaders,
what comes after a summer? Ha, ha.

A fall.

[RIDDLER LAUGHS]

We'll take them to the puzzle factory.

Crossword, you follow in the Batmobile.
Quick.

RIDDLER [OVER PA]: Ha-ha-ha.
I've designed this special puzzle game...

...for you, Dynamic Dum-Dums.

I hope you like it. Ha, ha.

Lights. That door is unlocked.

The idea is to reach it
without stepping on the expl*sive eggs.

Now, to make it easy for you,
I'll release you from the cylinder, so...

Is he kidding? This is too easy.

Not so, Robin. Look.

ROBIN:
Holy mackerel.

How do you avoid stepping on them
if you can't see them?

[LAUGHS]

What have you got
when two smart eggheads...

...hit the egg-splosives?

Scrambled eggs.

[LAUGHS]

There's a ventilating fan above us.

If I set my electromagnetic Bat-power-pack
on reverse...

-It could reverse the direction of the fan.
-Keep your fingers crossed, chum.

ROBIN:
It's working, Batman.

CROSSWORD:
Hey, why is he reversing the fan?

I don't know, but--

Why, that sneaky creep. Look.

The steam's nearly all gone.

Yes. Let's go, but be very careful.

Get them, men. Grab them.

BATMAN: A riddle, Robin.
How do you test the strength of a Batrope?

With a few jerks.

[VILLAINS GRUNTING]

Let's see you riddle yourself out of this,
Riddler.

Oh, no. You didn't save any for me.

Nice work, Dynamic Duo.

Gee, commissioner,
I was just kidding around.

Having a little fun.

So how much time
can a judge give me for that?

That's easy, Riddler.

What is it that seems to run on forever
until it comes to a period?

A long sentence.

[HEROES LAUGHING]

Who's this guy you're checking
through the Batcomputer?

A notorious international criminal
who's up for pardon on Satan's Island.

Far too dangerous to release.

NARRATOR: Satan's Island, the last
remaining island prison in the world...

...which once a year
is visited by a circuit judge...

...who hears cases of prisoners
coming up for pardon.

CRIMINAL:
My Lord...

Who's your lawyer?

I shall plead my own case, Your Worship.

I'll save you the trouble.

New evidence provided
by the finest crime computer in the world...

...belonging to the famed
Gotham City crime fighter Batman...

...proves that you are unquestionably guilty
of too many vile crimes to be pardoned.

No!

Return this man to his cell.
Court is adjourned.

[CRIMINAL LAUGHING]

Now I shall pardon myself.

[LAUGHING]

Commissioner Gordon told me
the man we checked on the Batcomputer...

...has escaped from Satan's Island.

NARRATOR: And the next morning,
at the Gotham City Courthouse...

Dynamic Duo. What are you doing
at the trial of the Cosgrove g*ng?

Batman wants me to learn everything I can
about the law, commissioner.

GORDON: Splendid.
-Shall we go in?

All rise. Here comes the judge.

[JUSTICE COUGHS]

JUSTICE:
Gas. I can't breathe.

This way, lads. Ha-ha-ha.

Quickly.

[ROBIN COUGHS]

Holy costume party.

Who was that?

Whoever it was made a clean getaway.

What is this?

What do you got us here for?

I am the Judge, and I am your new leader.

You will be my jury.

Together we will eliminate crime fighters.
Agreed?

Uh, sure, Your Honor,
but ain't there 12 people on a jury?

Correct.

Tomorrow we will liberate enough criminals
to add the remaining jurors.

Another batch of criminals escaped
from a courtroom.

Some mastermind is behind this.

We need help from the Batcomputer.
Come on.

NARRATOR: Now a bus bringing
new prisoners to the state prison...

...meets what appears to be
legal opposition.

Out of the way, you kook.
We gotta deliver these prisoners.

I hereby grant all of the prisoners
in that bus...

...my own personal pardon.

Hey, what--?

You were right. The man who calls himself
the Judge is the escaped criminal...

...from Satan's Island.

Now, before we bring Batman and Robin
to trial for crimes against criminals...

...we need money
to finance our operations.

Who is the richest man in Gotham City?

HENCHMEN:
Millionaire Bruce Wayne.

-We're on our way to the Batcave, Alfred.
-Someone to see you, sir.

Oh? Go ahead, d*ck.
I'll join you in a minute.

Aren't you the--?

Yes, Mr. Wayne. A present for you, sir.

Electricity. Aah!

Mr. Wayne!

[ALFRED SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

Justice triumphs again.

Bruce! Holy abduction.

To the Batmobile.

NARRATOR: Now Robin employs
one of the least-used safety devices...

...in Batman's crime-fighting arsenal.

An inflatable Batman dummy.

This will protect Bruce's identity...

...and make them think
Robin and Batman are after them.

[CAR CRASHES]

Let's go, Bruce.

Okay, Batman, Mr. Wayne is all yours.

NARRATOR:
Activating a remote-control device...

...Robin cleverly sends the Batmobile
bearing Bruce Wayne...

...racing back to the Batcave. But how...

HENCHMAN:
Got him, Judge.

ROBIN:
Go, Batman. Go.

Too bad. We lost a millionaire.

But I'm sure a Boy Wonder
must be worth something.

Take him back to our court.

You have heard the charges against you,
Boy Wonder.

Have you anything to say
in your own defense?

Why don't you knock off this farce,
you phony?

Overruled. Gentlemen of the jury,
what is your verdict?

HENCHMEN:
Guilty.

Excellent.

I shall now pass sentence.

BATMAN: There.
The Bat-radar has homed in on Robin.

Now, if only I can get there in time.

And now we close the book on Robin,
the Boy Wonder, forever.

[LAUGHS]

You will be pressed like a flower
between its metal pages.

BATMAN:
Guess again, Judge.

[THUD]

-It's still closing.
JUDGE: Correct, Batman.

Once started, it won't stop.

BATMAN:
Your Bat-laser, Robin, turn it on.

JUDGE: You've lost, Batman.
Your final appeal has been denied.

[JUDGE LAUGHS]

Just call me a bookworm.

Have you no respect for--?

[JUDGE GRUNTS AND CRASHES]

You're sentenced to be returned to Satan's
Island to fulfill your original sentence.

Have you anything to say?

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Case is closed.

And for a change, so is his mouth.

Let's go, Robin.