04x03 - Rudy Will Await Your Foundation

[bunniefuu]

Hey, bachelors,

It's martini time
with bob and david !

All right.

Okay.
All right.

We have got a swinging
show for you tonight.

All the cats
are here.

We sure do.

Me-Ouch !

The mr. Show objects
are here with us
tonight as well.

[ Applause ]

Yeah.

You can give it up
for her.

That's right.

Later, we'll have a visit
from senator drinks-A-Lot

And we should have a visit
by the mr. Show dancers,

The itty bitty
titty committee.

Let's hear it
for the i.B.T.C.

Let's hear it
for them,
they work hard.

[ Phone ringing ]

Ballbuster hot-Line,
call for david.

Uh-Oh.

I think it's
your wife.

David's wife has got
diarrhea of the nag.

Here it goes.

[ Whining sounds ]

Is that your wife
or is it mine?

I can't tell
the difference.

Yes, dear.

[ Thinking ]
man, what is up
with jill tonight ?

[ Also thinking ]
jeez, jill's acting like
she doesn't want to be here.

I know.

Hello, i'm
right here.

What's your problem ?

Guys, mr. Show is
nothing but a boy's club.

Uh-Huh.

Boys write the show,
boys get the best parts,
it's all about boys.

[ Whining continues ]

What are you
getting at ?

It's a boy's club,
girls aren't included.

Jill, that's not true.

Mr. Show boy's clubs
all over america

Have always
included girls.

[ Bob ]
since 1952,

Mr. Show boy's clubs
of america

Have been dedicated
to shaping young
people's lives.

[ David ]
it's a safe place
where kids can play

And learn about
good sportsmanship.

[ Jill ]
right, but you guys
don't let the girls--

[ David ]
day trips take us
into the world

For fun
and companionship.

Yes, but what
about the girls ?

They're just sitting
by the garbage.

Our cultural workshops
build well-Rounded
young adults.

Oh, come on, guys,
look at what
you're doing.

And we encourage
kids to reach out
to their elders.

Happy thanksgiving !

Oh, you're idiots.

Yes, mr. Show
boy's clubs

Have helped many women
realize their potential.

Women like, the
great kabu's assistant,
the lovely felice.

Candy huff, tight-End
steve williker's
current girlfriend.

Morgangeline,
the puckering moron,

Who kisses fans at
big sporting events

And who led police
on a two hour, 30 car,
multi-National chase.

We go now,
live to the scene.

Seven are dead,
three are missing.

One man presumed
innocent and missing.

It's a tragic--

It's a tragic story,
one of desperation--

What are
you doing ?

Excuse me, hi,
chip curson,
action-6 news.

Yeah, what, curson ?

What's going on here ?
What are all these
reporters doing ?

Would you please
get your own news.

Well, i think our viewers
might be interested to know

What's happened
here today.

Curson,
leave me alone.

Well, reporters are
being very tight-Lipped.

We may never know
what this was all about

But it seems
important.

Back to you, blaine.

Nice try, chip.

You're watching
action-6 news.

If somebody else is there,
we're there too.

New developments in
the hibbert kidnaping story.
How about that ?

With a live report is
action-6s own laser.

Laser ?

This is laser,

Live at channel-8 studios
where news of importance

Is now breaking.

There has been
a development

In the kidnaping of
the son of local millionaire,
stanton hibbert.

The boy has been returned.
No word yet on
what deal was struck.

Our cameras are now
live at the scene

For the reunion of
the boy with his parents.

Police still baffled
as to the motives

And identity
of the kidnapper.

That's it, guys.
We can pack it up
and clear out of here.

Thank you again for
helping us get our
boy back so safely.

You're very lucky,
mr. And mrs. Hibbert,

Rarely do kidnappings
end this quickly,
or this cheaply.

It's strange, the guy
never asked for
a ransom or anything.

[ Phone ringing ]

Thanks again.

Hello.

[ Distorted voice ]
mr. Hibbert,
this is xavier.

Oh, my god,
it's him, it's him !

It's him !
The kidnapper ?

Yes.

Well, keep him
on the line.

What do you want ?

Did you go to
the berry tree
in grant park

As i instructed ?

Yes.

Did you find
the package i left
at the drop point ?

What do
you mean ?

Did you find
your son's toe ?

I found my son.

He was behind
the berry tree
in grant park.

Hello ?

You have your son ?

Yes, he's right
here with us.

Oh, hold
on a second.
Hold on.

Oh, sh*t,
sh*t, sh*t.

Oh, i f*cked up,
oh, godamnit.

Godamnit !
Stupid sh*t !

Oh, you stupid
m*therf*cking as*h*le !

Okay, okay, okay,
it's not that bad,
damage control...

Hold on a second.

You f*cking idiot !

Should i hang up ?

No, we've almost
traced him.

Okay, we are now
entering phase two.

Phase two ?

Yes, phase two,
bring the kid back
to the drop point,

Leave him there,
return in one hour

And you will
get the toe.

We got enough !
Hang on one second.

Yeah, but...

Thank you,
thank you, guys.

Okay go.

Okay.

$30,000 if you ever
wanna see your
son's toe again.

What ?

Okay, $20,000,
that's my
final offer !

$20,000
for a toe ?

Okay, i'll
cut you a deal,
$10,000, okay ?

Hang on one second,
all right ?

Hang on.

Son ?

Hey, did the bad man
cut off your toe ?

No, daddy.

Yeah, uh, he's not
missing a toe.

Yeah, yeah,
i heard him.

Hold on a...

There are days
and there are days.

Okay, we are now
entering phase three.

Yeah.

Listen closely.

$1,000 if you
ever wanna see
my toe again.

Oh, man, you are
really nuts,
you know that ?

Yeah, yeah, you
think that's crazy,

I'm about to let
this baby go for $20.00 !

Why don't you get back
to me with a number
you're happy with.

I'll give you
my phone number.

Oh, the cops
are here, i gotta go.

What ? What ?

You funny, man.

You a funny,
funny man.

We got a k*ller
party tape.

Come on.

$30,000 if you ever wanna
see your son's toe again.

[ Announcer ]
do you and your
college friends

Enjoy underground
video and audio tapes ?

My dad's a cop,
he got that
for me.

But you always have to
know someone to get them.

Guys, you gotta
see this tape.

It's a guy who falls
out of an airplane

On to two elephants
who are f*cking.

They're not
really f*cking.

And half the time,
they're not what
they say they are,

Or they've been dubbed
so often they're
practically worthless.

Now the underground
tape railroad
comes to the rescue.

Join up and receive one
high quality tape per month.

Tapes like
paris airshow disaster, 1987.

Train hits dumbass,

d*ck cavett lights fart,

And angry drunk black guy
gives directions.

Each month a college student
will hand deliver
a new infamous tape.

Guys !

When you hear the word,
"guys," turn around

And greet the newest
infamous tape
in your collection.

I got the infamous
wyckyd sceptre party tape.

No sh*t !

And if you say
"no sh*t",

He'll hang out
while you screen it.

Wyckyd sceptre !

Our album just
went platinum !

Yeah !

Wyckyd sceptre !

[ Heavy metal playing loudly ]

[ Cameraman ]
who just went platinum !

Who just went platinum !

What's the big deal ?
I can't believe this.

I think people
are overreacting.

They're a heavy
metal band, they party.

What are people
so upset about ?

Just keep
watching the tape.

Oh, f*ck, baby.

Oh, f*cking sh*t,
you are so hot.

I'm one lucky camper.

You are so naked,
you rip !

Dude !

[ Moaning ]

Wyckyd sceptre
in the house !

What's up ?
What's up, man ?

Have you guys seen
this party tape ?

Dude from when
we had that party.

And we taped it.
That tape.

Of the party.
Right.

Yeah, that one.

Yeah, that thing
is being downloaded

On the internet
left and right.

Every college kid
in the country
has seen it.

Well, all right.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, see, guys,
you never told me
you were g*y

And this changes
everything.

What the f*ck ?

You're calling
us g*y ?

Because of the tape.

The party tape ?

Yeah, yeah,
the g*y party tape.

Dude, stop saying that.
It was just a party.

Well, maybe we're
talking about

Two different tapes
here. Watch, watch.

Yeah !

Dude, show me
your weenis.

Look at my hard d*ck,
isn't it rad ?

I'm so f*cking
horny, dude !

Well, then, dude,
suck that sh*t.

Oh, yeah !

We f*ck' rock,
wyckyd sceptre !

It's a party tape.

Yeah !

All right.

Guys, i'm gonna
take your tape
out, okay ?

Okay.

Now i want you to
do me a favor

And watch this other tape
of g*y men having sex.

Take a look.

Oh, man.

Oh, this sh*t is
f*cking sick, man.

That is you !

All right !

Excellent.

Guys, let me
say something.

I'm g*y.

Whatever.

Just listen,
because i'm g*y,

I use this tape to
stimulate myself into
having an erection.

Then, i use that erection
to masturbate with.

You see, what you
did on this tape here,

That's pretty much
what i do with

My g*y friends
when we get together,

Because we're g*y.

We're g*y.

f*gg*t.
Yeah, f*gg*t !

That's you.

Alright, that is enough !

Tour's canceled,
career's over.

Get out !

Wait a minute,
wait, wait, wait.

I think i have an idea
on how this might work.

[ Crowd cheering ]

Hello, fire island !
Y'all ready to party !

Yeah !

Look out !

Anybody getting the shaft
out there tonight ?

[ Cheering ]

♪ gettin' the shaft again

♪ getting it
in the end ♪

♪ gettin' the shaft again

♪ gettin' it, gettin' it,
gettin' the shaft ♪

[ Announcer ]
menocu butt plugs
are the only butt plugs

Wyckyd sceptre uses.

There's the speed demon,

The jazz singer,

King prong.

All from menocu.

But what else
is menocu up to ?

Step this way
and we'll see.

Today, i'd like to
show you something
designed for the blind

That menocu's very
excited about.

The house
of the future.

Well, hello, doctor.

I'd like you to meet
the top scientist
on this project,

Dr. Finn farnsten.

How's the
house, finn ?

It's called the fabulous
house of the future.

This new technology
will enable our
non-Sighted loved ones

To enjoy the freedoms
of independence

Without the mess of
blind-Caused accidents.

Let's go inside.

Now, doctor,

Can you tell me
exactly what menocu did

That's gotten you
so excited ?

Six years ago, menocu
gave me an opportunity

To design working
solutions for the blinds

And gave me an awesome
title, "doctor".

So you're not
really a doctor ?

I am now.

It's been great

And i installed the voice
identification system
in this house.

Yeah.

Let me demonstrate.

[ Female voice ]
voice system activated.

[ Male voice ]
i am a couch.
I am a couch.

Whoa !

I am a lamp.

I am a lamp.

I am a lamp.

I am a chair.

I am a chair.

I am a chair.

So you see,
blinds are like
regulars now.

Wow, that sure
does work.

What if you had some
extra money to spend

Are there any special
features you can get ?

How about the most
special feature of all ?

Wow, you sold me.

What is it ?

Celebrity voice
system activated.

Howdy, pilgrim,
i am a chair.

John wayne.

Go out and
get 'em, rocky.

I'm a lamp.
Burgess meredith.

I am a
television set.

Did you hear me ?

A t.V.
Peter o'toole.

Oh, apparently
i'm the stairs here.

Rich little as,
johnny carson.

[ Voices babbling ]

Yes, there really
is no substitute

For furniture
that lets you know
where you are.

Yeah.

Thank you
very much, doctor.

Finn farnsten.

I am a moist pad.
Sean connery.

Thanks for
joining us today

And thank you, menocu.

Oh, great leader.

You are welcome.
And now, goodbye to you

And your puny planet.

[ Cackling ]

Goodbye,
goodbye, earth.

[ Screaming ]

Take that, meno-Jew.

But i'm only
half-Jewish.

[ Narrator ]
it's time for
another episode of

Byron d. Lebarkwith the 7th,
r*cist in the year 3000.

With byron,

And his pal dougie.

And their magic bean
that they rub
on their feet.

Tonight's episode,
the argos checkmate.

[ Byron ]
space journal of
the future, page eight.

My personal
mission continues.

I'm practically the last
pure white man in the galaxy.

But my superior space-White
a*s intends to change that.

I'll tell you.

This planet's gone
to sh*t in a space pod.

You know my family came
to this moon from
kennesaw mountain, georgia

To work at the
gm phase shifter factory

And everything's fine
until that godamn black,

Jew, l*sbian,
tree hugging,

Martian president billings

Went and signed that godamn
bill of robot's rights.

I'll tell you what.

My forefathers did
not fight the british

So that i could be
put out of work

By a bunch of
shifty eyed,

Lazy, yellow
metal chinabots !

Hey, look at them
damn plutorians.

Look at them.

All they do is sit
in the corner and hover.

Just sitting there eating
their government space cheese

And shuffling
and making replicants

That i end up
having to support.

You know, my daddy
always said to me,

You can't trust the man
what's made of gas.

Yeah, come on
come on.

Not you, zaxon,

I ain't talking to you,
you one of the good
ones. All right ?

I mean, there's white
people made of gas.

You know what
i'm saying.

Give me another
space beer, gleepglop.

Hey, byron the 7th.

Dougie, where
you been, boy ?

My flying saucer
busted up again.

Them damn saucers.

I'll tell you what,
they is designed
by germans,

Financed by jews,

Built by martians and
the ickthorians of boron 7
just enjoy them.

Yeah, i know you
always say that.

Byron the 7th,
i have some bad news.

I can't propagate
the species with
you anymore.

What, what you
talking about ?

I mean we got rid
of all them women

So we can raise babies
without all that
bitching and moaning.

Yeah, but i--

Yeah, but son,
listen.

We is practically the last
two all-White people
in the galaxy.

I mean, we
got a duty.

Yes, but well--
Maybe it's the cream.

It's a puerto rican
that sold it to me.
I should have known.

No, no,
the cream is fine.

It's me.

I found out that i'm
part african-American.

What ?
I'm 1/80th.

I was going
through my files

At the federations
hall of records

And well, my great, great,
great, great, great, great--

Get out of here !

Get out of my sight !

Get away from me !

Oh, god.

I can't believe
i've been making love

To a man who's
part n*gro.

Oh, god.

Keep them coming,
gleepglop.

[ Narrator ]
will byron d. Lebarkwith
the 7th keep his race pure ?

Here's scenes from
next week's episode,

Return of the mulattorus.

My experiment
is near completion.

Mulattorus,
the perfect combination

Of all the
human races

And just a pinch
of sand crab.

Go, mulattorus,
k*ll byron.

[ Cackling ]

[ Dougie ]
he space loves me,

He space
loves me not.

He space loves me,

He space
loves me not,

He space loves me,

He space
loves me not.

Dougie !

Byron !

Oh, dougie.

I don't care about
your 1/80th,

I want your other


Oh, byron the 7th.

Dougie, look out.

Quick, dougie,
use your magic bean.

After you.

[ Benny hill theme plays ]

[ Whistle ]

[ Applause ]