Listen, Bailey.
We've been friends for a long time.
Since we were kids.
But I'm in high school now,
and there's something I need to tell you.
And before you say anything,
please just... hear me out.
I like you.
I've liked you for a long time.
I don't know if you feel the same,
but I don't wanna dance around anymore.
That was nice. You're good at this.
I am too?
Thanks.
Guess it just comes nat...
Ow!
Don't you knock?
- What the f*ck are you doing?
- Nothing. I was popping a zit! Get out!
Oh. For a second there, I thought
you might have been f*cking the door.
Can you leave?
Mom wanted me to make sure you're up.
Clearly, you are.
Get out!
High school's gonna m*rder you.
Benj! Breakfast!
Alyssa, will you put that away?
The whole point of getting the nose job
was so you fixate on it less than before.
It's called confidence.
You're so confident,
you changed your face.
I just didn't identify with my birth nose,
and I had the courage
to activate my true self, so...
Yeah. Wow. It's very brave.
Yeah. Then your girlfriend dumped you
for Joni Hudson.
Do not speak that wh*re's name
in my presence.
Okay! Let's all just take
a big, deep breath.
Good morning. Eat up.
Yeah, I'm good.
- One blueberry does not make a meal.
- Bailey and I are getting smoothies.
- Bailey's coming over?
- "Bailey's coming over"?
Yeah, in about 30 seconds.
Try not to blast her through the wall
with a fire hose of come.
Jesus! Alyssa, gross.
Can you not be disgusting, please?
Good morning!
Sup, Bailey?
Hey, Benji boy.
Morning.
Happy first day of school.
I don't understand
why I can't drive to school with you guys.
- We have first period free.
- Yeah, and your whole vibe sucks.
Don't listen.
Your carpool will have a great time.
He gonna bring you home
after musical theater?
I... I'm not doing that anymore. It's lame.
What? Lame! What? No! You're so talented!
You can't give that up!
Remember when you dressed up
as Stevie Wonder, and he'd sing for us?
I was ten. That was a million years ago.
Aw, I remember. He was so good.
Good? He was amazing!
Wait, who's your carpool?
Some senior
that the school assigned to me.
Adam Rubens or something?
- No?
- Ruby?
What? Is he really cool?
No, he's, like, the worst person
in the entire school.
Seriously?
The kid's terrible.
Okay. Well, you know
what that sounds like to me?
Sounds like you could both use a friend.
How serendipitous!
Come on, Bailey. Let's go.
Have a great day at school. I love you!
- See you at school.
- Love you too, Mom.
What? No goodbye?
- I love you.
- Love you too.
- Have the best day. Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
The coolest thing you can do
is be yourself. Trust me.
Go up to some kid,
look him right in the eye and say,
"Hey, my name is Benj,
and I wanna be your pal.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
The eye contact does it.
That's confidence.
- I love you so much.
- Yep. Love you too.
- Please release me. Thank you.
- Okay.
Have so much fun with your carpool.
Wear your seatbelt.
This day is for you! You make it yours!
Where the hell is this guy?
- Hey! I'm Benj.
- Hurry up. We're late.
I could turn you to crumbles
This is...
...wanna hear your mumbles
I got a master plan
It don't include you
I'm from a foreign land
Somewhere unusual...
Hold this.
And don't eat it.
I'm not gonna eat it.
f*cking right you're not.
I'm not your f*cking lunch car, bro.
Are you okay, man?
Adam? Hello?
Light's green.
Dude, wake up. The light's green.
f*cking idiot!
Ruby!
Gimme that.
- Did you take a bite of this?
- No.
Freshmen sit in the front?
Who the f*ck made that rule?
Please let it go. I already got the runs.
Dude.
- Don't tell me that's a lunch box.
- What's wrong with my lunch box?
You trying to get us k*lled?
Get rid of it.
Hold on! Let's see what we got.
You know my mom went all out on day one.
What the...
He ate my sandwich!
Who?
Dennis! Her stupid-a*s boyfriend!
Your mom's still with that scumbag?
Yes, and he's ruining my life.
The other night, he woke me up
to ask if he could borrow a condom.
Man, you put up with that sh*t?
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know! Slap him.
a*s his toothbrush. Just do something.
No. Sometimes,
the best thing to do is nothing.
When you get attacked by an animal,
you play dead.
I'm not wired that way.
When someone disrespects me,
I show him where the line is.
g*ng g*ng, y'all!
Happy first day of school.
The sun's shining, the birds are chirping,
and your boy Koosh has a breaking...
The f*ck you just say?
- I...
- You're not Koosh. That's my name.
But we're both Koushanis though.
Can't we share it?
Bro, you wanna rep the Koosh brand,
you gotta live up to it.
Until then, I hear anyone call you Koosh,
I'mma throttle you.
Okay.
Jeez.
Can I ask... what the brand is?
f*cking legendary king sh*t, dog.
Sick. How'd you get that started?
I ripped a senior's ear off
before the first bell rang.
Jesus! Can't you just tell people
I'm your cool younger bro?
Nah, homey. You gotta forge your own path.
I'm trying to build your character.
Oh.
Thanks.
But figure that sh*t out fast.
Like, this week, all right?
Before everyone realizes
what a b*tch you are.
Out.
Are we not driving in?
I am. Not with some
b*tch-a*s freshman in the car.
I'm only doing this
to get out of detention.
Let's go! I'm late!
Nice kid.
- Move, pussies!
- What the f*ck, man?
I have a bad feeling about this.
Gentlemen!
Ready for the best year of our lives?
It was almost the last year of our lives.
You f*ck' see that sh*t?
Ancient history. Once that bell rings,
we're in high school.
- Know what that means?
- New teachers?
- Pressure from our parents to succeed?
- Pubes?
No, it means we have a fresh start.
Anything is possible.
Here comes Koosh.
- Do we still have to hang out with him?
- He's our friend.
He's an as*h*le.
Well, well. If it isn't the d*ck
and his two weird little ba*ls.
- Hey, Koosh.
- Hello, Koosh.
Don't forget. I'm serious.
You can't call me Koosh anymore.
My brother says I haven't earned the name.
He'll pound me every time he hears it.
- What are we supposed to call you?
- My real name, I guess.
Dangah?
It's Danah, a*s.
Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, f*ck.
You'll be chugging my hog
when you hear what I have in store.
My parents are
going out of town this weekend,
and yours truly
is throwing a massive rager.
Five kegs. Sick-a*s DJ.
Insane dong-to-puss ratio.
sh*t's gonna be f*cking lit!
How are you gonna pull that off?
We're your only friends.
My brother's helping.
Oh, so Kayvon is throwing a party.
We... we both are.
That sounds terrifying.
Are freshmen even allowed?
f*ck no! But I'm VIP,
and you clits are my three plus-ones.
That's plus-three, you f*cking idiot.
Two and a half
if we count your shrimpy a*s.
- f*ck you, man!
- Hey!
It's perfect.
That's where I'll make my move on Bailey.
Ah, man. What happened to starting fresh?
Yeah, Bailey's great,
but she's a sophomore, man.
It's never gonna happen.
Something happened this summer,
and I think I got a real shot.
One night, I couldn't sleep,
so I went downstairs to make a snack.
Hi there.
You f*cked her?
What? No! Wanna hear the story or not?
Sorry. I just... I just got
a little excited. Okay? Go on.
Okay, I was pretty surprised,
but I played it cool.
Bailey, hey. What are you doing up?
Your sister snores like a Saint Bernard.
She should really sue her plastic surgeon.
Totally.
You know, I... I... I love dogs.
You mind if I hang out?
It's your house.
So we start talking,
and it's going great.
I mean, the conversation's flowing.
We're giggling and sh*t.
I don't even know what I said,
but I was in the zone.
You know, I don't completely hate
hanging out with you.
Wow. That's... Thank you.
Let's not make a public display of it.
Don't talk to me at school.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I won't. For sure.
I'm f*cking with you.
You can talk to me.
We'll grab a beer sometime.
We were firing on all cylinders.
But then...
Ooh-hoo!
- Okay. Now we're getting somewhere.
- Damn!
This is where the story should've started!
All right, what happened next?
Did you make a move? You touch it?
- I froze up.
- And she never noticed?
She did eventually.
Has my boob been out this whole time?
Whose boob?
My boob.
- Sorry. Repeat the question?
- What the f*ck? Why didn't you say?
I'm sorry. I just didn't want
the conversation to end.
Nice recovery. Then what happened?
Well, nothing. She went to bed.
That's it? You're kidding me, right?
Aight, wait. I'm confused.
How does that story
make you think you have a chance?
You had to be there.
For the first time,
she saw me as a man. An adult man.
One to ten me on her nipple.
Twelve.
Oh yeah!
When you see me
Better call me the king
Address me "Your Highness" please
I am king
When you see me
Bow down and kiss the ring...
Holy sh*t! Peek this one.
- Hey, you! Little man.
- Me?
Bro, how old are you?
I... I... I'm 15.
f*ck off! Months or years?
Bro, you are crazy-looking.
Your name is "Fetus" now.
Oh, uh, I don't... I don't know about that.
I do. Later, Fetus.
Mamma mia! That one looks like a meatball.
Holy sh*t. You! You! Get over here.
f*ck! Game over.
I'm Fetus for the next four years.
I'm the oldest person in our grade,
and I look like f*cking Thumbelina.
- To be fair, she was adorable.
- Whoa!
Hey, welcome to your destination
Temperature has got you blazin'
And it's so exhilarating...
What the f*ck is that?
That's Katrina Aurienna.
Dopest chick in school.
Half a million followers.
Max Solen's brother cheated on her.
She iced him out so bad,
he had to transfer schools.
- You want me...
- Mm-mm.
- I'm not ready for something like that.
- I am.
She'll be at my party.
Your brother's party.
f*ck off, Eddie. It's mine too.
Okay. I'll see you later.
I'm going to class.
Planko! My brother from another mother.
It's Studebaker.
Yeah, listen.
Last time, you said it was late notice.
So this time,
I'm getting in front of that b*tch.
Friday night, my place,
poker with the boys. Are you in?
f*ck.
I can pivot, bro. Saturday night.
Let's do it Saturday night.
Problem solved.
I...
Yeah, look, man,
I'm gonna level with you, okay?
Allie and I, we... we broke up.
No, it's okay, don't apologize.
It's all good, you know?
Better, actually. It's gonna be better.
All right, uh, be good, okay?
Talk soon. All right, brother. Later.
Muldoon! Your wife
still got you by the ba*ls?
I'm sorry, buddy.
I thought she was in remission.
All right, people, let's get after it.
I'm Mr. Studebaker.
Welcome to Intro to Chem.
Chem, short for chemistry.
Intro, short for introduction.
If I've lost you already,
well, then you're f*cked.
My dude.
Tell me your name.
- Benj.
- Benj? With a J?
All right, well, hit the J, bro.
Let 'em know.
Can you tell me what the chemical formula
for water is, Benj?
H2O.
Whoa!
Genius alert!
Can anybody tell me what would happen
if I took some of this H2O
and mixed it with hydrogen peroxide
and some garden-variety dish soap?
Anybody? No?
I guess we're just gonna have to find out.
Look out!
Huh. That's weird.
Why don't we add a little potassium iodide
just to see what happens?
- Sick!
- Whoa!
All right. Listen,
all I ask is that you be on time,
be engaged,
and if the entire class
can maintain a B average,
I'll teach you how to make a nuclear b*mb.
I'm kidding. But I will teach you
how to make a Drano b*mb.
That way, you can blow up mailboxes
and, you know, sh*t like that.
Yeah, I'm feeling like a ghost
When we pull up in the Phantom
Yeah, we killin' it, killin' it, whoa
Are we making a stop?
Uh, I gotta do somethin'.
Dope.
I just have a lot of homework to do, so...
Well, the sooner you shut up,
the sooner you'll get
to your precious homework.
I don't see how that makes sense.
- Just shut up.
- Okay.
What's that?
Vitamin D. Selling it.
Can't you buy that at, like, Whole Foods?
Well, you could, but I tell people
it's ecstasy, dummy. Let's roll.
What? No! I'm not going. That's ill*gal.
And that's okay,
but I have a lot of homework to do...
Bro, shut up about homework, okay?
I could not give less of a f*ck
about homework. You know this.
We're a carpool, dog.
I'm not trying to be difficult.
I don't know if I can do this.
Just calm down, okay? All right?
- Just breathe. Everything will be fine.
- Okay.
Are you calm?
- Yeah.
- Good. Check this out.
What the f*ck is that?
Freaking cattle prod, bro! Amazon Prime!
Anything goes wrong,
I'mma light these f*ck up.
Let's go.
No, I'm not going.
All right. Listen, kid.
Here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna count to three.
If you're not out of this car
by that time,
I will zap you so hard,
you sh*t lightning.
One...
Sometimes simple things
That make it hard
Spoiled baby tees with credit cards
Overtime always on my mind...
- Where do these guys go to school?
- Don't even think they go.
Let's just make it quick. All right?
Yeah, no sh*t.
You think I wanna be here all day?
Yo.
You got the sh*t?
Ask and you shall receive.
Where should we do this?
Right here is chill. Someone set a screen.
Set a screen.
Dude! Look natural!
All right. Thirty a pill.
Ten pills, 300 bucks.
That's kind of steep, no?
Yeah. Well, you pay for quality.
Little man here is the chef.
Only uses the freshest ingredients.
Word? sh*t's clean?
Uh... yeah.
Farm fresh.
Dope.
Gotta test 'em real quick.
Gotta watch out for that fentanyl.
f*cking epidemic, bruh.
That sh*t took my cousin.
- Christina?
- Yeah, man.
- Man, she was thick.
- What?
Yo, chill, chill. Cops.
f*cking pigs.
Yeah, f*ck 12, yo.
Yeah, totally.
We should, like, defund their asses
or at least, like,
reallocate some budget or something.
All right, f*ck it. We good.
If sh*t's dank, we'll hit you up for more.
Ha-ha!
Homework time!
Yeah, I'm free as I've ever been
Yeah, I think you...
Thank you, Janet.
Looking brighter since the divorce.
Whatever you're doing, keep it up.
Yo, Dom, I saw you followed me on Spotify.
Keep an eye out for my next playlist.
Huh? It's gonna be hot.
Yo, Studes,
you coming to Koosh's party tonight?
Why? So I can watch you
get embarrassed in flip cup, Gurman?
Seriously. You should come.
Everyone would be so stoked to see you.
Tell you what. Put me down
as a never gonna happen.
Be safe. Okay?
Gino, where were you at lab today, my man?
Just kidding. Sure you had a good excuse.
Oh, Becca! Short hair, don't care!
- What you looking at?
- Nicole's Instagram.
I can't believe she dumped me
for this basic b*tch.
She's actually pretty nice.
Sorry. Didn't realize
you guys were scissor sisters.
I'm just saying. I mean...
Be honest.
Is everyone talking about my nose?
Um... no one's said anything to me.
They've definitely noticed.
I can feel the attention.
Damn, Alyssa! You're looking good.
- Don't look at me.
- Hear about my party tonight?
I heard about your brother's party.
It's both of ours.
Hey, why don't you take my Snap
in case you have any trouble at the door?
I feel I'm done with this conversation.
Seriously, you should come. It'd be cool
to hang since we're all in high school.
Yeah, maybe.
Right on. Right on. Very nice.
Oh my God! Get lost, or I'll tell Bailey
you don't have pubes.
- I have pubes!
- Gross.
Anyway, hope to see you later.
Dude, you crushed that.
- You think?
- Definitely! She wants you.
I am feeling really good about this party.
It has all the ingredients
of a classic meet-cute.
- What the f*ck's a meet-cute?
- A movie thing.
When fate brings people together
in a charming and romantic way.
- Bailey's met you.
- She hasn't met the new me.
All that singing and nerd sh*t
I was into is history.
Dude, everyone's talking about this party.
I heard there might be a fight.
- I heard that too.
- This is the first I'm hearing of a fight.
Gonna be tons of fights.
My brother's taping his hands.
- What for?
- So he can punch harder?
And longer.
That's it. I'm out.
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about I'm not going.
There's gonna be people fighting,
f*cking, and all sorts of crazy sh*t.
It's too risky, and I can't do it.
I won't do it.
Yeah, you know, I think I'm out too, man.
I'm at a critical tipping point
with this "Fetus" thing,
and I think I should lay low
until this all blows over.
What up, Fetus?
Hey, fellas!
f*ck!
What the f*ck, guys? You can't bail.
He's right.
We're the only freshmen invited.
That type of publicity
could carry us through the year.
Maybe through high school.
Who you are in high school
is basically who you'll be forever.
We have one chance
to make a first impression,
and tomorrow night is it.
You're gonna lose that shitty nickname.
You're gonna stop being scared.
And you're gonna earn
your brother's respect.
This isn't just a party.
This is our future.
- Do I have to get drunk on alcohol?
- Yes.
You don't have to do anything
you don't want to.
All right. Fine, man, but if anyone
calls me f*cking Fetus, I'm walking.
Chill out, Fetus.
Hey, guys, it's your boy Koosh here.
Just wanted to give you a quick update.
Just wrapped week one of high school,
and not gonna lie, it was tough.
Luckily, I have the weekend
to catch up on sleep,
get a head start on homework.
And psych! sh*t's going down tonight!
Casa de Koosh. f*ck school. f*ck college.
We're all about getting lit
and making money!
Come one, come all.
Black. White. Asian. Trans.
We love all people.
Unless you're ugly,
then keep your bum-a*s the f*ck home.
Peace!
- Are you sure we're not too early?
- Nah.
Koosh said come for the VIP pregame.
Hello?
Hey, Koosh.
Ow!
Sorry,
Danah.
Come around the side.
Body on my
Losin' all my innocence, yeah
Body on my
Grindin' all my innocence, yeah
Body on my
Losin' all my innocence, yeah
Body on my...
Hey, guys.
Damn. Katrina Aurienna is here?
Jesus! She's like a wild animal.
Whoo!
Bad news, guys.
Kayvon says I can only have one plus-one.
You're kidding me, right?
He says the party's gonna have
enough p*ssy without... you pussies.
Is it done?
I'm doing it.
Sorry, guys. My bad.
Your bad? All week,
it's been "my party, my party."
You can't even get
three f*ck' plus-ones.
Oh f*ck! Now I'm doing it.
Guys, I don't mean to be dramatic,
but if I don't get with Bailey tonight,
I'll k*ll myself.
Hey, hey, come on.
I need this. This might be
my only chance. I'll do anything.
It's yours. Honestly, I'm relieved.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not so fast. Connor?
What?
Benj here says he'll do anything.
Care to best that offer?
Go f*ck yourself.
I hope someone drowns in the pool
and they sue your family.
Let's go, Eddie.
Later, guys. Good luck.
Hey.
I'm glad it's you.
Wanna see something cool?
- Sure.
- Come on.
What is this?
Know how Kayvon's pushing me
to realize my full potential?
- He abuses you.
- It's all love.
I just need to do something legendary
for him to respect me.
So I'm gonna hook up with a senior.
No, you're not.
Oh, but I am.
See, your meet-cute idea inspired me,
but the only problem is
it leaves too much up to fate.
I don't love where this is going.
Think about it.
Guys always scheme to get girls in movies.
Spy on them or dress up like chicks
to steal their secrets.
I saw, like, six different movies
where a guy convinces a girl with amnesia
she's his wife.
Whatever. Explain this.
Ah. That's how I remove fate
from the equation.
From here, I can zero in on a hot senior,
pierce her with Cupid's arrow,
and convince her to hook up with me.
That sounds... very creepy.
Creepy? It's the same thing
you're doing, only better.
- My thing with Bailey isn't the same.
- How is this different?
Bailey's my soulmate.
You don't even know your girl yet.
Oh, I suppose it'd be better
if I stalked her for years?
I don't stalk her. I love her.
- Such a fine line, isn't it?
- I'm outta here. I'm going to the party.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
You only get
one chance to make an entrance,
and you wanna waste it
while there's barely anyone here?
Fine.
- But I do not support this.
- I can live with that.
Say cheese.
This is such f*cking bullshit.
We should just call the cops
and get that sh*t shut down.
Why are you so mad? A few hours ago,
you didn't even wanna go.
Yeah, but I decide.
They don't tell me I can't go.
That's my decision.
Let's get wild tonight.
Get wild?
You know what I mean.
Let's, uh, smoke cigarettes.
- I have allergies.
- Let's just do something.
We are! We're gonna play some Halo,
crush some m*therf*cking meatloaf.
sh*t's gonna be lit.
Oh-h*-h*-h*! There are my guys, huh?
Yeah, staring down the barrel
of another wild night, I see.
- Can I help you, Dennis?
- I doubt it.
I'm waiting for your mom to get ready.
It's her birthday.
I wanna do something special to her.
Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
Obviously, you're not doing gangbusters
in the real world, right, which is fine.
But you're at least getting some action
in the metaverse, right?
- That's not how it...
- Wait, hold that thought.
- Yo.
- What up, D-bag?
Oh, my man!
Ah.
No, I c... No, I can't do that tonight.
- What?!
- Taking my lady out for her birthday.
Yeah, the one with the kid. Mm-hmm.
Trust me. He doesn't have that in him.
Awesome. Call me tomorrow.
I wanna hear about that. Peace.
- What a f*cking douchebag.
- Hi, boys!
- Oh!
- Hey, Mama. Looking good!
Looking very good, my queen.
- Hey, Ms. Young, happy birth...
- Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you, Connor.
Any big plans?
- Dennis is taking me out to dinner.
- Nobu.
- Then we're getting a hotel for the night.
- Four Seasons.
This guy gets it.
We should go. The Uber is here.
Dinner's in the oven.
Call if you need us, and be careful.
And make sure you blow on the food
before you bite into it.
I don't want you
to burn your little tonguesies.
Okay! Okay, good night, boys.
Yeah, good night, boys.
Dennis, behave!
See? Even your creepy-a*s dad
thinks we're pussies.
- He's not my dad.
- He's definitely your daddy.
Now he's gonna f*ck your mom
in some cheap motel.
- They're going to the Four Seasons.
- Whatever, dude.
Everybody is partying and f*cking
except us.
The fact they're willing
to leave you alone
speaks volumes about
how little respect they have for you.
- Actually, It means the opposite.
- Come on, man!
Are we really going to drift through life
getting disinvited from parties
while guys like Dennis bang our moms?
Okay, fine. What would you like to do?
We can't. Dennis loves this car.
You mean Dennis, the literal m*therf*cker?
Maybe we should circle back around
to the cigarettes. That idea had legs.
Great. We'll go buy some.
Get in, I'm driving.
Oof!
This is a bad idea.
Relax. I have my permit.
I run errands with my mom all the time.
Two step, two step, two step
Bright lights, TV screen
Feels like looking at a magazine
You, her, on the floor
Feels like dancing is the way to go...
Whoo!
Yeah! Whoo!
Which one of you b*tches is next?
Dude, come check this out.
Katrina is hammered.
No, thanks.
Suit yourself. It's pretty cool.
It's not cool.
It's the opposite of cool.
Look.
I know it's not easy
living in Kayvon's shadow,
but I honestly believe
that if you just be yourself,
people would see
what an awesome guy you are.
Be myself?
Yes.
Let them get to know the real me?
Exactly.
Nah, that'll never work.
My plan's way better.
Your plan is weird and probably ill*gal.
Oh sh*t. Go to camera three.
Hey, now you're getting it.
Bailey's here. Isn't she
the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
Ah, she's okay.
Her sister, on the other hand,
is looking fine as f*ck.
Moment of truth. You coming?
I'm gonna give it another minute.
Let this simmer rise to a boil.
Good luck with that.
Check it out
Check it, check it, check it out...
What is Nicole doing
with that big-headed freak?
Okay, you're being kind of scary.
What? Her head is, like, huge, okay?
It's just a fact. Not that it matters.
You know I'm all about body positivity.
Beauty's a mostly male construct anyway.
Maybe it is, actually, a medical issue.
What if something's wrong
and she's not just ugly?
What the f*ck is she wearing?
Maybe someone should say something...
Give me that.
- You okay?
- Aah, just Ruby being... funny.
You know, carpool stuff.
You look great, by the way.
Thanks. So how's your first party?
Everything you always dreamed of?
So far, so good. I don't know
a lot of people, so it's awkward.
It's about to get more awkward
because you have no one to talk to.
Good luck.
I'm takin' off
Check it out...
Well, sh*t.
Christ, would you just go home already?
Go home, just... throw on your sweats,
order some Postmates,
get a good night's sleep.
Call your mom.
You haven't called your mom in weeks.
- Just get the f*ck out of here.
- Actually, I...
- Mr. Studebaker!
- f*ck! Hey!
- Aaron, how are you?
- I thought that was you.
Ah, you know,
I was just in the neighborhood and...
That's awesome. Are you coming in?
- Nah.
- Come on, let's go!
Yep, okay, that's why I'm here, right?
- Yeah, let's do it!
- Okay, let's do this.
- Piece of sh*t! f*cking...
- Check this sh*t out!
- It's f*cking Studes! Hey, want a beer?
- No. Got a hard out.
Take me higher
Take me higher
Higher
Higher...
- Aw, he has no friends.
- Check it out. I'mma mess with him.
Mm.
Take me higher
See the light, love the darkness
Let me drown inside your eyes
Feed the fire, lost desire
You leave me paralyzed
Push the limits, take me higher
Till I'm fallin' from your eyes
Take a sip, and let the choir...
Hey, did you want me to come over?
Yeah, uh...
What's your deal?
In... in, like, what sense?
Like, personality-wise?
- Wait. Aren't you Alyssa's brother?
- Yeah, I'm Benj.
Me and your sister
used to do gymnastics together. Jessica.
- No sh*t! You're Alyssa's bro?
- Yeah.
Dude, what did your sister do to her face?
- Don't be an as*h*le! Jeff!
- I like it. It looks way better.
Yeah. I don't know, man.
It's not really my place to say.
I like this kid. He's loyal.
Come here.
We're gonna f*cking party tonight or what?
I think so.
Then don't give me
that half-assed, one-foot-in bullshit.
Commit to me. Right now. Are you in?
- Okay. Yeah, I'm in.
- m*therf*cker, let's go!
Aight. Get out of here.
I'll let you know when it's time.
Take me higher
You make me
- Feel like I'm living a teenage dream...
- Mm.
I can't believe
that dickhead wouldn't sell us cigarettes.
Let it go, man. How's that fluffernutter?
b*mb as f*ck.
Oh yeah! Don't tell me.
Tell the people.
Come on. Let me see you flex.
You can do better than that one.
- Aah!
- Aah, yeah!
- There it is!
- Whoo!
Come on!
- We out here riding electric, baby!
- Whoo!
Saving the planet, going green!
- Going green! That's all we see is green!
- Whoo! Whoo!
Man, just say the word if you wanna get up
on this chocolate gooey Ore... Oh sh*t!
Whoo!
Okay. It's time to go home.
Oh, no way, man! We just started.
Know what we should do?
We should cruise by Koosh's party.
- Oh, absolutely not!
- Come on, man.
This way,
when we do go to our first party,
we'll know what to expect.
Hell no.
Think of it as a recon mission.
Like in Halo.
I... do like recon.
Oh, I know you do.
Okay, fine!
Just a quick drive-by, but be careful.
Chill, man, I got this.
Trust the process, man.
You make me
Feel like I'm living a teenage
I bring back that new thang
Whoa, let me get down with a pose
Whoa, flexin'...
Busted.
I'm just yanking your chain, playboy.
Hey, you're in my class, right?
Yeah, I'm Benj.
- Benj with a J. That's right.
- Benj.
- Yeah.
- Wanna hook me up with one of those?
Thank you, sir.
Hey, so how was
your first week in high school?
- It was... it was good.
- Yeah?
- I like my classes so far.
- Nice. Nice. Yeah, well...
High school's the best, man. Enjoy it.
I bring back that new thang...
Oh f*ck, that's good.
- Hey, Benj, is it weird that I'm here?
- Oh.
Yo, Mr. Studebaker. Come do a shot!
No, no. Thanks for asking though, guys.
I'm... I'm taking off in a few.
Come on. One shot. One!
I'm just gonna get this over with.
You wanna come?
- You... you... you go ahead.
- You sure?
I gotta find someone.
Yeah, you do.
Hey, go get her.
Where'd they go?
Look who's here!
- All right.
- Holy sh*t, bro! It's my teacher!
Hi, guys. Listen up!
I don't wanna blur the lines too much,
so I will make you a deal.
- I will do a shot.
- Whoo!
But... but... but you gotta let me
teach you something in the process.
Okay? Give me a break.
I'm an educator. I gotta educate, right?
Good. Hannah, hand me that 151.
And what is that?
Is that Amaretto? Yeah, that'll do.
Okay!
Who's ready for a science lesson?
This that drive-by
This that Shawty Lo in Impala
Hello out the whip
With the clip, make you bye-bye
Roll the windows up
Hotbox, smokin' la la
Roll the windows down
See the opps...
Holy sh*t!
Thank God we're not in there!
No f*cking way!
Fetus can drive?
Oh, crazy.
Look! It's Katrina.
I need my purse.
Someone f*cking stole it!
It's on your shoulder, babe.
- Ow!
- Damn.
Where's her Uber?
It's a Tesla.
- Bougie b*tch.
- There it is.
What? Hey, hey, don't wave back!
I'm being polite! Look, man!
sh*t, they're coming this way!
What do we do?
Uh, be cool. Peel out.
- Those are totally different things!
- Do one of 'em!
Oh f*ck!
She's getting in! Oh sh*t!
- Oh sh*t!
- Bye, guys! Love you! Mm! I love them.
Hey, do you have an iPhone charger?
We're not your Uber.
Yeah-huh. For Katrina.
Maybe we should take her home.
We have no idea where she lives.
Where do you live?
- Taco Bell.
- You don't live at a Taco Bell.
Yeah, I do.
I've lived there for, like, ever,
so you don't know me.
- So how do you even know?
- What?
Just take me home,
or I'll hit you with freaking one star.
Go for it. I'm not an Uber.
"I'm not your Uber." There goes a star.
Oh, uh, okay. Now, Katrina...
No more chitchat. It's music time.
f*ck yes, b*tch!
Yo, film this sh*t.
I'm about to set it off.
Bling, bling, b*tch
Do my own thing, b*tch
f*ck a wedding ring
That ding-a-ling was just a fling, b*tch
Wake up, little b*tches
Let me show you how to live
Hair done, nails done
Keep everything did
Drive!
Looking a little lost there, pal.
To your right.
Look up.
There you go.
Koosh?
You f*cking know it, dog!
What you creeping around up here for?
- Says the guy watching on a spy cam.
- Touch.
Thought you might be looking for Bailey
but never mind.
- You know where she is?
- Duh, I know everything.
- I'm like God, remember?
- Right. Where is she?
I can't tell you that.
It would violate your moral code.
Okay, don't be a d*ck.
Fine.
See the door on your left? Open it.
f*ck off!
Yeah, I'm so sorry!
Okay, you're an as*h*le.
Do you even know where she is?
She's... she's just left. If you hustle,
you can probably catch her.
So the higher the proof of alcohol,
the lower the density, right? Make sense?
So the 151 just kind of floats on top.
You know what else is pretty cool
about 151?
It is flammable as f*ck.
- Hot coffee!
- Blow 'em out, throw 'em back.
Bah!
Whoo!
Okay, guys. I gotta go now for real.
No, no, no,
it's past this old man's bedtime.
Have a good time. Be safe. Studes out!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Bailey, wait!
- What?
- You're leaving?
Jesus Christ, dude. You scared me.
Sorry, that was...
that was a little intense.
But you can't leave.
I can't?
You can. You can do whatever you want.
It's just you shouldn't.
Why is that?
Because you promised we'd have a beer
this summer. Remember?
Right, and I suppose
you're gonna hold me to that.
Well, I just figured
you'd wanna keep your word.
Being an honorable person and all.
I do value honor a great deal.
I know. That's why I chased you down.
All right, sure. I got one in me.
Commence Operation Meet-cute.
Which one of you lucky ladies
will win the rose?
Ooh, Michelle Pulaski cleans up nice.
But I think Kayvon hooked up with her.
He'd m*rder me.
What a butt!
Who am I kidding?
I wouldn't know what to do with that.
Hang on. What do we have here?
Hello, future soulmate.
Oh, hang on. Who's this scumbag?
Oh no, baby. He's all wrong for you.
I'll fix that.
Ha-ha!
Meet-cute time!
- Nicole, hi!
- Oh.
Is one of these for me?
- Actually, it was for...
- Do you wanna go somewhere and talk?
I feel like we haven't hung out
since summer. We used to be friends.
Actually, I can't.
I told someone I'd get them a drink.
Oh, who? Joni?
Well, yeah.
Okay.
Look, I get it.
This summer,
I was, like, straight-up fug...
That's not true.
Yeah, it is, but it's fine
because I fixed it,
and now
I'm objectively hotter than her, so...
It's not about that.
Okay, so what's it about, then?
- Can we not do this now?
- Come on, just f*cking tell me.
Fine. Honestly, you're mean.
You make people feel bad about themselves.
And, yeah, you look good,
but... your insides are gross.
Bye, Alyssa.
Shining out of me
Kissed with permanent emotion...
Sorry, I live here.
I gotta check something real quick.
- For real?
- Seriously?
Damn!
What? No!
Sorry, guys, toilet's busted.
Use the guest house,
or piss in the bushes.
No!
Everything okay?
I'm sorry?
I couldn't help but notice
you look distressed. I live here.
This is my party.
Oh, I thought it was Kayvon's.
- It's both of ours.
- Oh, yeah. No, I'm fine.
I... I just need to use the bathroom.
I suppose you can use the VIP.
Oh my God. I'll be so, so quick.
Right this way.
Mm.
Mm.
What a f*cking animal!
At least
she isn't rapping anymore.
Hey, hey, hey, watch the leather!
Oh! I can't waste that.
Oh, this is making me sick!
That's not a napkin.
Oh, what the f*ck, man?
I can't watch this anymore.
Tell us where you live.
Night night.
- Hey! Hey, don't do that!
- No! No, Katrina! Wake up!
- Katrina! Wake up! Wake...
- Hey! You can't do that!
- What now?
- Hey, check her purse. What's her ID say?
162 Wilmot Ave. Boom! Let's roll.
The name gravity bong
is a bit misleading, right,
because what we're really dealing with
here is pressure, okay?
As I lift the container,
I'm essentially creating
a pressure vacuum, right,
filling the increasing surface area
with smoke.
See how milky that is?
Oh, look who's paying attention for once!
Okay, so as I push down, what I'm doing
is rapidly increasing
the internal pressure,
expelling the smoke out of the chamber
and into my lungs.
Are we ready for that?
Let me get a Studes! Studes!
Studes!
Studes! Studes! Studes!
Here we go!
Smooth.
Okay, who's on deck?
- Hey, right here. I got this!
- All right, guys. See you Monday!
High five! Whoa!
Thank you so much.
- Sorry we had to come down here.
- Oh, that's okay. It's a nice basement.
It's more than a basement, really.
We have a screening room, an arcade.
We even have a spa.
- Oh.
- Wanna see?
Uh... su... sure.
Wow, you weren't lying.
You have a spa in your home.
Yeah, my family's big on mindfulness.
I'm sure you picked up on it from my vibe.
- You seem chill.
- Thank you. I am.
Anyways, should we get back?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That's weird. It's locked.
You're kidding me, right?
No worries. I'll call someone.
Oh, dang it. No service. You?
- Nothing.
- Oh, sh**t!
- Uh, okay. Is there another way out?
- No.
In one mile,
turn left on Havenhurst Boulevard.
- Dude!
- What?
Have the decency to crack a window, man!
What are you talking about?
I don't even smell.
Bro, what the f*ck? Open a window!
Oh!
What is that?
I... I... I don't know.
I've never experienced that smell before!
Make it stop!
Oh God. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Lady!
You gotta put a cork in it.
Oh sh*t! She sh*t!
- What?
- sh*t!
She f*cking sh*t! Oh sh*t!
What do you mean she sh*t?
I mean, sh*t is literally
falling out of her butt right now!
Oh, it's on my hand!
I got sh*t on my hand!
What the f*ck? Don't put it on me!
Ew, get it off of me!
It's in my mouth!
I've got sh*t in my mouth!
Why would she do this?
So, want the good news or bad news?
More bad news?
Bad news is that all we have to eat
are these strawberries.
Good news is
that they look ripe and delicious.
Also, I found
this pretty nice bottle of champagne.
I guess that makes
two pieces of good news.
So do you, like, get lots of massages?
Actually, I prefer to give.
That's why I got certified.
Hey, if you want, I could give you
some light reflexology.
- Oh, uh, you don't have to do that.
- Are you kidding?
- After the trouble I've caused?
- Do you really know what you're doing?
I know that spinal stenosis
is no laughing matter.
Come on. Alleviate my guilt.
Uh, all right. Uh, f*ck it.
I will take a free massage.
That's the spirit. I'mma go wash up.
We'll start face down.
We don't have to take our clothes off...
To have a good time
Oh, oh
We don't have to take our clothes off...
To have a good time...
- Beer for you.
- Thank you.
We could dance and party all night
And drink some cherry wine...
- I love this song.
- Oh yeah? Wanna get on the mic?
Very funny.
Come on, share your gift.
Excuse me. Can I have your attention?
- No! Don't be a d*ck, please.
- All right. Jeez!
God forbid anyone meets the real you.
I'm sorry. I just...
I don't feel like singing right now.
Copy that.
Cool guys don't sing.
How was your first week?
Any ladies in the mix?
- Not yet.
- Really?
Good-looking guy like you?
What's taking so long?
There is this girl I kinda like.
Sounds serious. What's her deal?
Well, she's really cool and smart.
Cool and smart?
Hard to believe, right?
So what are you waiting for?
Make a move.
What if she's not into it?
What if she is?
Jesus!
It's all good, muchachos!
It's just a chemical reaction.
You know why? Because it's science!
- Oh my...
- What's going on?
Hey!
Step right up, boys and girls!
Step right up and witness
the incredible fire-breathing dragon-man!
- Oh!
- Oh f*ck.
It's hot!
It's getting hot! It's getting hot!
Oh!
It's okay!
God! Help me, please!
I'm your teacher,
for f*ck's sake! Help!
Oh!
- Oh!
- Is he alive?
Yeah!
Ha-ha!
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah!
Studes!
Studes! Studes! Studes!
Studes! Studes! Studes! Studes! Studes!
Oh... Oh!
Dennis is gonna k*ll me!
f*ck Dennis. He's never gonna know.
Are you crazy? It looks like
Willy Wonka's diarrhea factory in there.
Look, I say we go back to your house
and get in bed. This never happened.
What? What about the car?
What car? I have no idea
what you're talking about.
And Katrina? We can't leave her shitty a*s
on the side of the road.
Why not?
Because some psycho r*pist
could snatch her up!
Dude, she's covered in poo.
It's like a protective force field.
Look, at some point,
some cop is gonna cruise by
and think she stole the car
and took a dump in it.
And what happens when she wakes up
and tells the truth?
Hey. Katrina, wake up.
Do you know us?
Get out of my room, you f*cking b*tch.
- Not exactly a star witness.
- It doesn't matter.
They'll trace my credit card to Taco Bell.
They'll pull the security footage.
What is this? CSI Special Fecal Unit?
It's never gonna work.
Fine.
New plan.
All right. Nice work.
Let's bounce.
What's the matter?
This feels f*cked-up.
Yeah. Well, karma's a stinky perfume.
We can't
just leave her here like this
with her underpants filled to the brim
with diarrhea.
They're America's heroes.
This is what they train for.
Her parents are gonna have to pick her up.
Good. Maybe it'll finally motivate them
to potty-train her.
Quick, grab her legs!
- I just washed my hands!
- Well, just f*cking do it.
Yeah I'm fresh and fly
As nobody in this room here gon' try it
See my fit, it's a fit
Yeah, I'm fit, take a flick...
Oh. Close.
So you're really done with singing, huh?
Yeah, I'm... I'm... I'm over it.
Oh, that's too bad.
For the record, I always thought
you had a pretty nice voice. Kobe!
How are you so good at this?
- How are you so bad at this?
- I don't know. I suck.
Yo, there you are.
- Those guys from the skate park are here.
- Here?
Yeah. They'll probably m*rder us,
so we should go. How you doing?
- I told you!
- What's going on?
Oh, we ripped off some guys earlier.
You ripped them off.
Benj! We are partners.
We succeed and fail as a unit.
There's those m*therf*ckers.
- Hey, what's up, fellas? How are ya?
- Shut the f*ck up.
- Yep.
- You think you can sell us fake sh*t?
Fake sh*t? There must be
some kind of misunderstanding.
Talk fast, b*tch.
I got it from Benj.
- I... I had nothing to do with this.
- He told me it was dank.
Ruby. Come on, man.
Come to think of it,
I popped mine, like, two hours ago,
and, well, I don't feel sh*t either.
Come on. I tried to stay in the car.
He forced me. He's lying.
Come on, Benjamin. The jig is up.
Give them their money back,
take your beating,
and learn from your mistakes.
Oh no!
Go easy on him, guys. He's just a kid.
Oh my God!
Oh!
I don't know what is going on,
but I'll pay you back.
Nah, homey.
It's too late for that.
Please, man. I'm a good person.
- Oh sh*t! It's Kayvon!
- Yo, is there a problem?
Yeah, there's a f*cking problem.
Your boys here just ripped us off.
This b*tch?
Oh!
He's not my boy.
Yeah. Well...
someone owes us $300.
That's not my business, dog.
My business is hosting this party
and ensuring my guests have a good time.
Now, you can either respect that,
or I could f*ck you up
in front of all these people.
Oh damn!
Oh, sh*t's about to go down.
Yeah, I respect that.
I appreciate you being mature about it.
All right!
- That's mad big of you, dog.
- Thanks, dog.
You know what? I like that.
Why don't you guys grab yourself a drink?
Make yourself comfortable, okay?
If you need anything, come find me.
Oh!
Oh my God!
Oh!
Come on!
Gotta call you back.
- You broke my f*cking nose!
- Oh my God, I'm so sorry!
f*ck you!
Marlon!
Dude, what the f*ck?
- What?
- What do you mean "what"?
- I thought you were about to get m*rder*d.
- f*cking Ruby.
I...
Wow, that's...
Thank you?
You're welcome. I mean, you were clearly
never gonna make a move.
Sorry about that.
I just didn't really know how you felt.
Well, now you know.
So next time, don't overthink it.
Yeah, no, no. I won't.
- Like, now would be that time.
- Oh.
Yeah.
Here I come.
Was that okay?
That was... surprisingly good, actually.
- Don't tell your sister.
- I'd never tell her anything.
I'm serious. I'll f*ck you up.
This is not a good look for me.
Wow. Thanks.
Don't get me wrong.
I mean, you're super cute,
but you're a freshman. I'm a sophomore.
- Yeah.
- The gap is unbridgeable.
Fine, but you have to promise
not to tell anyone either.
Oh really? Why is that?
Well, because I'm a freshman. New kid.
I wanna keep my options open.
Oh, you do, do you?
No, not really.
Okay, I should probably get back
before people think
I'm off somewhere blowing you.
Not gonna happen.
No, I don't even want that.
That's not what I...
Obviously, if you wanted to,
I would totally allow that.
That came out wrong. Uh...
You don't need my permission.
You can do anything you want.
I support women.
Find me before you leave.
Maybe I'll give you a ride.
This was fun.
Oh sh*t, he's alive!
Oh my God. Yo, bro. Thank you.
I needed that.
- Look, I should have taped up.
- Oh my God!
They got all messed up.
- Yeah. Thank you.
- I love you, kid!
- It's all good. We're all friends now.
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Let's go!
You ready?
This is it now
Can't quit now
Feel the pressure is on the rise
I'm burning inside, energy is high
And I feel so alive
Had to face up, so I prayed up
Put my head down and I came up
- Came up
- So what you afraid of?
This is what legends are made of
Center stage of a new wave
Of hustlerz, ballerz, and renegades
Every day stay dedicated
On a mission
Until we can say we made it
It's nothing life will just hand you
Always did what they told me I can't do
And it's still all a gamble
Go and handle yo' handle
- You ready?
- You ready?
- Keep your eyes peeled
- What's up?
- You hear it comin'?
- What?
It's 'bout to get real...
Watch
It's 'bout to get real
What's up?
You know the deal
It's 'bout to get real
This is high stakes, no off days
You cooked if you caught in the blaze
You either eaten or you get ate
It's all part of the game we play
When I stand up, never jammed up
Can't go under
Do you over stand us?
- Over stand us
- Don't take it for granted
It's bigger than life on this planet
Nuff said 'cause I know the ledge
And I'm pushing it right to the edge...
- Whoo!
- Only break bread
My real head
For the blood and the tears we shed
Be patient, we done waiting
So at the end of the day
You know the deal
It's 'bout to get real
Hey, Stude!
See you Monday.
Okay, all done.
You may feel a little sore tomorrow.
Nothing to worry about.
Just a toxin release.
And if you want, a nice hot soak
is always great for recovery.
Well, I didn't bring a suit, so...
Oh. We have plenty of suits
in the changing room.
Are you gonna get in?
To the tub?
I can't go alone, right?
I... I mean, I guess I could.
Why don't you go change?
I'll get it all set up.
Right back there. Take any suit you want.
Okay.
Yes! Yes! It's freaking on.
I'm high.
There he is! Just the man
I wanted to see! Come here!
Come here. Let me ask you something.
You like jazz?
Yeah. Yeah, I... I like jazz.
Course you do, you b*stard.
I've got something for you.
Oh my God!
What happened to you?
Oh, I have an older brother, so...
Oh.
Oh! Almost forgot the drinks.
Some bubbles to go with these bubbles.
Oh sh*t! Are you okay?
Oh f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!
Oh my God! Oh my God! Your shoulder!
- Oh, what is that?
- God. I think it's your bone.
Oh God!
Don't just stand there! Get help!
How? We're locked in.
I have a key.
What?!
In my pants!
- m*therf*cker!
- Come on!
You have had a key this entire time?
Who cares how long I had it?
I'm f*cking dying here.
f*cking creep! What is wrong with you?
I don't know! I have low self-esteem.
I'm trying to impress my brother.
I know I'm a piece of sh*t,
but I don't deserve to die.
Please?
Call 911.
Call yourself, as*h*le.
Guess who the cat drug up?
Hey!
Somebody cut up a little jazz,
so I guess we're going.
Oh. Oh!
Oh no. I'm gonna stick with the beer.
Thank you though.
What? What you talking about?
You... you gave me your word, man.
What, are you not a man of your word?
- Come on.
- Come on.
Just do it.
- Benj! Benj!
- Benj! Benj! Benj!
- f*ck it, I'll do it.
- Attaboy!
You heard him! One monster rail!
Oh no, no, no! Just one medium-sized rail
will be fine. Do I just sniff it?
Wait a f*cking minute.
This your first time?
- Oh!
- Oh my God!
Aight, sh*t. We gotta make this special.
Uh, quick, somebody give me
a, uh, hundred-dollar bill.
Ooh, matter of fact, let me get
a gold record or some sh*t. Who got that?
He should do it off Jessica.
She thinks he's cute.
Great idea.
Jessica, get your butt over here.
No, Jessica.
Really, you don't have to do that.
It's not a big deal. You can if you want.
Time to make some dreams come true.
- Oh!
- Sweet!
Oh my God, that's so fun!
Don't be shy.
- Attaboy. You ain't no b*tch baby no more.
- Get in there. sh*t's clean.
Oh God, it burns.
Wow.
- Bailey?
- Real nice.
Wait!
Oh sh*t! Oh f*ck!
That was really bad. f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Easy, little fella. Breathe.
I'm sorry. I've never done coke before.
Oh my God. He thinks it's coke.
Okay, you still haven't.
What?
That was K, man.
K?
Ketamine. It's, like... for cats, I think.
Might be horses. sh*t, I forgot.
Oh God! I'm gonna die.
Relax!
Sit down.
Let the wave wash you back to shore.
Whoo!
Let's go. Right.
- Let's go. Let's move it.
- I can't be driving right now!
- Where are my keys?
- All out of here!
All right.
Time to go home! Party's over!
Jesus Christ.
Alyssa?
- Holy sh*t!
- I know!
I'm a f*cking monster.
Inside and out.
If it makes you feel any better,
I broke my collarbone in two places.
I'm sure you deserved it.
Without a doubt.
I got off easy.
Wanna talk about it?
There's nothing to talk about.
Nicole was right.
It doesn't f*cking matter what I look like
because my soul is... dog sh*t.
That's not true.
You're crazy hot. You smell great.
And your butt's like a freaking walnut.
What the f*ck, dude?
Who f*cking talks like that?
I'm sorry. I'm trying to change,
but it's gonna take some time.
What I'm trying to say is
you're great the way you are.
You don't think I'm, like, a huge b*tch?
Oh, you're a gigantic b*tch,
but that's what makes you so great.
Look.
I'm not stupid. I know I'm a d*uche.
The only reason people tolerate me
is because my parents are rich,
and I throw sick parties.
Your brother does.
We both do as a team,
but you've always called me on my sh*t,
no matter what.
You're raw and real and wild.
And if Nicole can't handle that,
she doesn't deserve you.
Thanks.
That's sweet.
It's the truth.
Wait.
Is this a meet-cute?
Not a f*cking chance.
Fair enough.
I don't even know who you are.
What the f*ck even is ketamine?
Don't know? Not sure?
- I think it's for cats or something.
- Speak up!
Think it's for cats or something.
Oh!
It's for cats... or something.
Well, that's just fan-f*cking-tastic.
I hope you got a big ball of yarn
in your bedroom
'cause that's gonna be
your only entertainment for the next year.
What the f*ck are you laughing at?
What the f*ck are you laughing at?!
Are you laughing at me?
Because you're not getting another nose.
- Fine. I don't want one.
- Good!
I certainly hope that you identify
with whatever mess is going on
under that bandage.
I said okay!
I am the one
who says when it is okay.
Fun night?
Did you talk to Bailey yet?
No. Why? What happened?
I messed everything up.
Want my advice?
Let me guess. Eat a d*ck.
Actually, I was gonna say
just be yourself.
- I thought you hated myself.
- Look, Bailey likes you, dude.
Not this new you, okay?
The real you.
The geek who blushes
when she walks in the room
and sings Stevie Wonder
and f*ck his bedroom mirror.
I don't do that.
Whatever.
Honestly, I like him better too.
So quit feeling sorry for yourself.
Wipe that sh*t off your face
and go get her.
- Why are you being so nice to me?
- I don't know.
I think I have a concussion.
You got this.
What the...
Someone better tell me
what the f*ck is going on!
g*dd*mn, woman! You broke my ear.
Wrong answer!
Please! Please! Stop it! Stop it!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm Eddie.
That... that's Connor.
We... we go to your school.
You're in my room.
Where are my f*cking clothes?
- In the wash!
- We took care of you last night.
Please stop hurting us!
Why are my clothes in the wash?
Oh...
Listen. There was an incident.
Whoo! Come on!
Oh sh*t! She sh*t!
sh*t... sh*t.
No, no, no!
It's not a big deal. It's okay.
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Beats riding the bus, doesn't it?
Hey, you know what? I've been thinking.
If you wanna tell people I'm your dad,
I'm cool with that.
I think I'm okay.
If you need anything, give me a call.
I'll be home, hanging out in your mom.
- You know what, Dennis?
- What's up?
Shut the f*ck up.
I am not the guy you think I am, Dennis.
Not anymore. I've changed.
I've seen some sh*t,
and not like a w*r vet has seen some sh*t.
I'm talking actual sh*t
dripping down the walls
of this stupid-a*s car you love so much.
I don't know what any of that means.
Let me break it down for you.
The other night, I took your car,
and I had the hottest girl in school
in the back seat.
f*ck yeah!
She sprayed dookie all over it.
I cleaned it as best as I could,
but I bet if you close your eyes,
you could still detect a hint.
Eddie, if... if... if that's true,
that is a serious betrayal of my trust.
What? Are you gonna tell on me?
Yeah, I... Actions have consequences, okay?
So I'm gonna have to tell your mom.
Great. I'll come with you.
Who do you think she's gonna side with?
Her little angel
or the most suspicious-looking
m*therf*cker on earth?
- The angel.
- What did you say?
- The angel.
- Oh.
That's what I thought.
From now on, put some respect on my name.
I respect you. I always have.
Yeah, fu... Gimme that sandwich.
I'm so sorry,
but, um, I think the child lock is on.
Can I get some help?
Yeah.
You talk to Benj?
I called him yesterday,
but his mom answered. She sounded pissed.
Hey, guys.
Damn, Koosh.
What happened to you?
What'd I tell you?
Where does he come from?
Don't call me Koosh anymore.
Being a legend is exhausting.
Also, I'm starting to think
my brother might not be a great person.
- He's not.
- Yeah, he's a sociopath.
From now on, just call me Danah.
With pleasure, Danah.
Don't say it like that.
Hi, George. All right?
Hey.
- You get up to anything this weekend?
- Nope.
- Yeah, pretty mellow.
- Yeah, super lame.
Oh man. We got off our asses.
You would've loved it.
Sorry again about those plus-ones.
Next time, it's a lock.
Connor! Eddie!
Is Katrina Aurienna waving at you?
Uh-huh, weird.
Yeah, I guess we better go check it out.
Hang on. Should I roll with?
Ah...
Nah! You know,
it looks pretty full up there.
But, hey, next time, man, it's a lock.
- Alyssa.
- No.
Whoa, not so fast, Fetus.
Freshmen sit on the floor.
Yeah, back to the womb, Fetus.
Um, I'm sorry.
Who the f*ck are you?
Me? I'm...
Yeah, no one cares.
And his name is Connor,
not Fetus, as*h*le.
Now get up. My friends are sitting there.
It's not a riddle, douchebag. Move.
Let's go, boys. Chop-chop.
Thank you. Hi.
I washed your clothes.
Oh, oh, you didn't have to...
I also want to apologize.
No, it's cool.
Actually, it's pretty f*cking far
from cool.
I'm sorry you guys had to deal with that.
- Apology accepted.
- Don't know what you're talking about.
Thank you for being gentlemen.
Come sit with us, please.
Um, guys, meet my friends.
This is Connor and Eddie.
Hey, Connor. Good to meet you.
- What's up?
- Fist bump. High five.
All right, settle down.
Settle down!
Settle down. Okay.
We got a lot to get through this morning.
First up, Coach Barella.
Come on!
Guys, we are a week into the school year,
and we're missing
an absurd amount of towels.
This isn't a hotel, okay?
Those aren't free.
Unrelated note. Our volleyball team
is in desperate need of an outside hitter.
If you've gone through a growth spurt,
I need to know about it.
So if you have any jeans
that don't fit anymore
or that you don't love
as much as you used to,
put them in
one of our jeans for teens bins,
and they'll be donated
to underprivileged teens
who can't afford jeans of their own.
Everybody deserves jeans, guys.
All right, that about does it for to...
Oh, looks like we have
one more announcement
from, uh... Benjamin Nielsen.
- Hi, everyone.
- Yo, sup?
- I'm Benj.
- Whoo! K-hole!
I need to say something.
I've been looking forward
to high school... forever.
Nerd!
I know, right?
But for whatever reason, I believed
that's where I was gonna become
my best self.
And I got off to a great start.
I met some awesome people.
But they didn't meet me.
Not the real me.
You see, I was so obsessed
with winning everyone over
that I lost sight of the one person
that I truly care about.
Bailey... this is for you.
Oh!
Like a fool
I went and stayed too long
sh*t, he's singing.
He's f*cking singing.
Now I'm wondering
If your love's still strong
Ooh, baby
Here I am
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Then that time
I went and said goodbye
Now I'm back and not ashamed to cry
Ooh, baby
Here I am
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
I've done a lot of foolish things that
I really didn't mean
Oh, baby
Didn't I?
Didn't I?
Yeah
Seen a lot of things
In this old world...
I want you!
When I touch them
They mean nothing, girl
Ooh, baby
Here I am
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Ooh-wee, babe, you set my soul on fire
That's why I know
You're my heart's only desire...
He's insane.
Here I am
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours...
Everybody!
Here I am, baby
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours
What do you say, Bailey?
Will you be my girlfriend?
Come on.
No, dude. No. What are you doing?
Oh sh*t!
Okay! Okay!
Fun is over! Get back to class!
Sorry, buddy.
You'll be okay.
Yeah, at least you tried, man.
Were you guys even watching?
That was the most brutal thing
I've seen in my life.
- Shut up.
- Watch it again if you don't believe me.
- Put that away!
- What the f*ck, man? You were recording?
["Too Late Now" by Wet Leg playing
- Someone needs to take your phone.
- Were you recording?
You're really irresponsible.
Benj, you all right, buddy?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm good.
Lot of year left.
If I thought that you were cool
We would have hung out more in school
But now that we have all grown up
Well, all my friends have given up
Oh
No, there's nothing left to say
I just get up and walk away
If it ain't broke, don't try to fix
Well, life's supposed to be this sh*t
Now everything is going well
I think I changed my mind again
I'm not sure if this is a song
I don't even know what I'm saying
Everything is going wrong
I think I changed my mind again
I'm not sure if this is the kinda life
That I saw myself living
I don't need no dating app
To tell me I look like crap
To tell me if I'm thin or fat
To tell me should I shave my rat
- You wanted to see me?
- Hi, Mitch. Have a seat.
Right.
Ah.
Uh... what's that?
Science!
I...
You do understand...
we're gonna have to let you go.
Yeah, totally. Totally understand. Yeah.
Okay.
Do you want this open or...
- Closed.
- Okay, you got it.
Hey.
Go, Warriors.
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