02x12 - 1977 2000

[bunniefuu]

Gus cool you're battling your Alter Ego

no kid I'm watching old Super Eight

footage of me beating the snot out of

some slimy alleged jaywalking Punk

b*stard

Pinko oh Bravo this is brilliant Cinema

gsh you don't suppose it might be an

early work of Our National Treasure

Mario Van pees do you no some nosy

pastor I shot it you'll see me kicking

the snot out of him in the second

reel my favorite movie star looks so

Serene there feeding in the skull of

that old lady I was happy

then and now you have no one to beat up

except young Master Chris here mil Lord

I'm at your service go ahead relive Your

Glory Days you're too

easy a my dear sweet fellow I now

realize that you really do miss the life

of of a peace officer don't you now to

tell you the truth kid being on the

force was a pain in the butt aside from

that license to k*ll I means Serve and

Protect ser and protect ser and protect

kind of like being a security guard at a

volleyball

game don't you see Gus you were somebody

back then now you're nothing but a

pathetic alcoholic laughing

stock no that is hardly nothing I me

think about it you're ugly and you're

doughy and you're bursting with love

like some kind of rancid wedding cake

that was left out in a terrible

rainstorm by a dr*fter who's smelly

named Hank who lives in a storm drain

and he wears five pairs of pants even

though it's summertime and he'd be much

more comfortable wearing five pairs of

shorts well when you put it that way it

does sound kind of

bad yeah and every time I think about

the way you were kicked off the force

that really Burns

me how did that happen again will you

tell me one more time I forg

what I tell you this damn story every

night I know and I forget it every day

all right but this is the last time so

listen up in 1977 I got kicked off the

police force because when I got passed

over for a promotion I sort of took a

whiz on the captain by way of

protest what um well two things really

um one wouldn't it have been better to

discuss your complaint with the captain

and how many days have

September

sometimes you really give me the heie

jees I didn't talk to the captain

because I was half Blotto and I didn't

want to hurt my case with slurred speech

peeing seemed the safest way to make the

point it was a judgment

call that's such a sad story you poor

misunderstood Angel ah it's water under

the bridge so to

speak that's a very good joke because

water is another word for

urine hey I feel a brilliant idea coming

to the

surface what if a certain fairy god best

friend went back in time and made

everything all right

again go back in time no listen I saw

this Twilight Zone once this guy goes

back in time to keep his young son from

getting k*lled in a car accident when he

returns to the president

the kid had become the evil fascist

ruler of the world enslaving Millions

the dad felt

lousy you get my

point does it have something to do with

flossing wrong I'm telling you you mess

with the pass you get screwed over oh

sure no I understand Gus yeah no the

past terrible thing to mess with no I'd

never do that that would be a bad bad

bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad

bad bad bad bad bad bad bad thing for

Chris to do

stand in the place where you live now

think about Direction wonder why you

haveen it now stand in the place where

you were now face think about the place

where you live wonder why you have

people and in the place where you live

now M Direction wonder why you have it

now stand in the place where you were

now the place where you live wonder why

you stand in the place where you

are so

stand luckily I have my fingers crossed

now all I have to do is figure out how

to get him uncrossed and then I'll Zoom

back into time and save Gus's

[Music]

career now how to travel H well running

like a girl at the speed of light

usually

works oh no my Lacy anklets are still in

the wash

oh hey I could use this Nifty time

machine well I don't want to disturb the

cute family of raccoons that live

inside I could use my friend Steve's

DeLorean oh but no the left blinker is

out and a hand signal at that kind of

speed would rip off my LEAP press

on H

there always The Time

[Music]

Tunnel nah they don't have the bugs out

of it yet and they're real big bugs too

sometimes they

fly this thing makes me

dizzy H I know I'll make a time travel

drink okay let's see here few

watches

little Sund dial

hourglass little

th okay cover Time

Magazine couple of stones from

Stonehenge okay here we go oh jeez I

almost forgot the essential ingredient a

precious lock of Michael J Fox's

hair

okay

let give this a

shot M oh

yeah let's try

it delicious could use a little more

banana next

time okay well

oh a little time travel music please and

we we

do wow this is so

cool hey hey watch it

youand who are you supposed to

be this is where I get

off

the

1977 how do I know I arrived on the

right

day oh great oh yeah I did terrific

thanks hey that's me from the past

that's me from the

future and the B don't mind

sometimes well here we are g a couple of

wild and crazy guys get small together

huh shut up with that catchphrase crap

will you Kevin this decade is bad enough

without having to watch you wallow in

its idiocy every second sorry guys there

any more of that Billy Bear

yeah where the hell's that captain of

ours I think he's out in the garage with

all your ill*gal alien friends betting

on the fights

b*stard he drinks my liquor he bets on

my he gets off on my weekly strip

shows but when promotion time comes

around he passes over me just like that

Jewish holiday where they have to eat

crackers for a week look you can let

them know how you feel pal so hey May

the force be with

you police force that is

huh I got to show him how teed off I am

but how uh spill a drink on them n p uh

run a garden hose on them no but along

those lines okay uh fill a turkey baster

with warm water tinged with yellow food

coloring and squirt it at him not quite

it who the hell are

you H I'd better State my purpose very

carefully so as not to confuse these men

of long

ago um I'm a superior Godlike Creature

from the future and I've come back to

your era using a special time drink that

I call time juice patent pending and I'm

here to stop you from making a terrible

and tragic mistake get lost you psycho

before I beat you to a bloody pulp while

my partner here films it yes I didn't

think you'd believe me that's why I

brought along this bam Michel Jackson

what the hell does that prove I got that

same exact photo in my locker down at

the Station House well swallow this by

my time this young man will be whiter

than my

Underpants okay okay my Underpants is a

bad example but somebody's Underpants

he'll also have a nose that you could

cut cheese

on that's

insane yeah I probably should have

brought the after picture hey

Bon hey your bit suck you

b*stard captain Oh no El momento of

truth though Gus whatever you do please

do not take a leak on the captain hey

that's good I like that I get to release

all this bitterness inside me and it's

not like the captain had kick me off the

force for such a minor

infraction hey mister maybe you are a

staran after all Oh Captain block oh

stop that put that je this guy's not

only a psycho he's a

pervert I guess I'll have to hop

him hey hey nothing I guess you can't

hurt me because I'm not of your time

cool well now that I've changed your

life for the better as well as gently

guided your sweet throbbing civilization

towards peace I can now take my leave no

need to thank me

bye-bye jeez Gus you k*lled the

captain damn I hate the

70s

[Music]

boy Gus should really put a stop on his

newspaper delivery when he goes away for

the

weekend I'll just amuse myself until his

eminent return by making some of my fun

newspaper hats from all the

nations oh no this is worse in the way

it used to end up Gus was right about

the Twilight Zone oh boy and if he were

still alive right now he'd be laughing

at me and then he'd be making fun of me

he'd be mean to me and then he'd

probably punch

me I miss Gus so

much well I've got to save him once

again I have to Brave the icy clutches

of traveling through time in order to

save my dearly departed friend's

electrocuted

butt

oh what the hell

what well that just confirms my theory

that a futuristic race of super goats

will travel back in time to present day

in order to train a militia of regular

ghost to take over the world and they

laughed me off the stage at the

UN oh I think I hear 1977 coming around

Dan

Bo this time traveling sure gives me

gas hello again screw up last time yeah

I accidentally got a guy

ex*cuted hey while you're still here can

I ask you a couple questions about my

future sh**t will I lose my hair will I

ever be able to travel through time will

I get a guy ex*cuted by mistake will I

meet myself in the the future well jeez

how the hell do I know I'm not de Cavit

the hell out of here

ow

cool Showtime uh fill a turkey baster

with warm water tinged with yellow food

coloring and squirted at him not quite

it who the hell are you H the last time

I really upset them with my blunt truths

of time travel i' better come up with a

sweet little baby story so they don't

think I'm a raving

psychoo I'm the Ghost of Christmas Yet

to be get lost you raving

psycho damn changing the past is harder

than I thought well everything will be

okay as long as I don't put the idea of

whizzing on the captain in your head hey

that's a good idea hey mister maybe you

are a star man

after he your bit suck you you

b*stard Captain get the hell out of this

house what the hell don't you understand

you could get shot or or Worse number

one Dawn either way it's going to ruin a

perfectly good leisure suit that my Cas

is trying to k*ll the captain I better

sh**t him no

[Music]

no I thought we had established the last

time around that I couldn't get hurt in

1977

gosh you you proved your loyalty to me

by saving my life and for that there's

only one way to thank you Sergeant

bordon I love you Captain

block

oh oh well all's well then it's okay

don't thank me don't thank me I don't

need thanks my only thanks is the pitter

patter of little children running up to

bed with full bellies let's take that s

downtown and beat arm robbery confession

out of him huh Captain it's your party

Gus

around ah perfect the house is just as I

left

it oh good home sweet home and it looks

better than new H for some reason my bed

is

missing it's odd hus I'm home yeah yeah

I'm coming hold your

horses Shamar you don't like the dress

you look like a girl I am a

girl I don't understand look Pinhead I'm

sick of explaining this to you every

day uh could you go over it one more

time you know for Old Time

sake it all started when I got promoted

to Sergeant many years ago well suddenly

I became privy to more graft than ever

you'd have to be St Francis assist to

resist such

Temptation slime ball Captain ran a

sting operation on me that sent me up

the river for 20 years well the only way

to get out early was to volunteer for

scientific experimentation so I let him

practice a sex change operation on me

before they went and did those g*y guys

in

Sweden well that's that's very sad for

you but I have to run right now wait

there's

more I was a lonely woman until you came

looking for a place to live we became

lovers oh oh please

Gus call me

Gussy we had a whirlwind romance got

married the whole story

book so are you telling me you're a

complete woman I mean all the parts in

in working order well I still have quite

a beard problem but nobody's perfect

come on give m

kiss

no you suit yourself Romeo but I am as

hot as a cat on a tin roof so haul your

butt into the

budoir uh yeah I I'll be there in a

second darling I just uh I want to slap

on a little

brute oh dear Lord please let there be a

little time juice left I'll never ask

you for anything else my whole life oh

thank goodness well now that I have your

attention there is this waffle maker

downtown that I've had my eye on I'm

waiting Chrissy and I'm modeling that

new camisol from Victoria's

Secret you're right I was getting a

little greedy there wasn't

I tinch with yellow food coloring then

squirted at him not quite

it

who the hell are you uh a relative by

marriage and look all I got to say to

you is you have got to make water on

your captain hey that's a good idea Mr

what are you some kind of starm man or

something

Bor he your bite suck you b*stard

why

[Music]

you I just can't do it Mr I I guess I

haven't got it in me of course you do

come on you've got a big strong full

bladder in there use it use it like the

wind so help me you'll be sorry exactly

what are you saying if you don't

evacuate right now on the goodly captain

over there your future will be

thus holy

crap I don't know what kind of Hell

demon you are buddy but I'd wiiz on

Mother Teresa to avoid that

fate

you're off the force

bordon oh boy well all's well that ends

wet that's just play on Shakespeare

fellas you know to ease the tension here

come on what is this an audience or a

bunch of angry cops glaring at me and

going for their

g*ns no but seriously folks I leave you

with this one thought why do you think

they call it

dope no but you've been a wonderful

audience good night God

[Music]

bless

okay so far so

good now for the acid test

ohas I'm home hey where do you see this

new Victoria's Secret

underwear what the hell's the matter

with

you you're not still afraid to look at

half naked babes in mail order cataloges

are you oh no not at all that was just a

blood curdling scream for Joy I'm so

happy to be home and you know I don't

think it's so bad to go back in time and

mess with the past because in the end

everything worked out perfectly

excuse me I'll get

it hi can I help you

[Music]

with what's the matter kid don't you

know the world's full of two-headed

Walking Dead zombies who all look like

Sharon must k*ll and eat Chris I think

maybe I should close the door she looks

a tad hungry

hey oh man this one's going to be a

doozy to fix huh Gus I have to go away

on a little business trip I may be gone

for quite a

while ew that tastes

weird uh-oh wrong

[Music]

bottle I'm not cleaning that

[Music]

up see for that neurosurgeon guy but I

got back at her how' you do then I went

up to her door SE and I rang the

doorbell and then when she came out and

answered it there was no one there yes

vengeance is yours did you get it on

video you bet I did in fact there's a

special presentation a whole hour of

video Vengeance this Friday night on Fox

right after America's Most Wanted with

mt