01x03 - Lucha Royale

[bunniefuu]

Well, there goes my last pair.

Guess we're done.

Good work today.

Okay work today.

Lotta room for improvement,

actually.

Nice try, but you

can't bring me down.

Lucha Royale

is this weekend! Woo!

It's the biggest wrestling

event of the year!

I've been waiting

for it forever!

We're going to celebrate Mom's

promotion. You should come!

Bunch of screaming people

with mouths full of nachos?

I'd rather spend

the night alone.

Okay, that's the most

depressing thing I've ever seen.

And I've been to a birthday

party at a food court.

It's my dinner, so you

should stop talking

and let nuke it.

Being a superhero doesn't mean

you have to be a super loner.

Heroes don't get the luxury

of friends and family.

And the award for the Most

Tormented Lucha Superhero

goes to you!

You can have both.

Look at me! Training today

and then fam tomorrow.

Besides, don't you miss it?

I mean, you used to be

the great luchador El Bravo.

Well, those days are over.

Come on. Just come with us!

Don't you think you deserve

at least one fun night

with the family? Besides,

do you know how many times

I can say "come on" in a minute?

- Let me grab my mask

- No! Don't.

- I'll meet you there.

- Yes!

Lucha Royale, here we come!

That's actually

a good primer burn

for the hot nacho cheese

we're going to eat.

Vuvuzela? Check.

- El Gigante sign?

- Check.

And drum.

Where's the drum?

El Gigante! El Gigante!

All:

El Gigante! El Gigante!

Do you think

he'll be able to hear us?

We're his biggest fans,

so we gotta be the loudest!

Uh Trust me,

he'll hear you, Dad.

Ah. And that just leaves

one last thing.

Secret surprise for your mother?

- All: Check!

- It's gonna be amazing!

Your mom's gonna be so

excited when the four of us

are up there on the Jumbotron,

and they snap our photo.

We'll have the best

Christmas card on the block.

No one's going to care

about the Ibarras this year.

- Mom's going to love it!

- What will I love?

Juan Carlos:

Uh, uh

my new and improved grito.

I can't wait to cut loose!

The rudos won't know

what hit 'em!

This is gonna be so sick!

And drum roll, please

Nina: Oh, okay.

Uncle Cruz is coming!

- He's meeting us there.

- Violet

Your nino doesn't go to

lucha stuff anymore.

Not in a long time.

Yeah, and I'll never

understand that.

Who wins a title

and then just quits?

We just don't want you

to get too excited, mija.

Too late! Way too excited

because he's coming, and you're

all going to eat your words,

and they'll taste like regret.

Choke on it.

As your mother,

I'm a little upset right now.

But as a lucha fan,

- I couldn't be prouder!

- Yeah!

Can El Bravo do the impossible?

He goes for the pin!

Uno! Dos! Tres!

El Bravo is the new champion!

Viva El Bravo!

Whoa, Cruz!

- Gigante.

- El Bravo.

Ah

What, you come back tonight

to reclaim your title?

Bravo's retired.

But, it is weird

being on the outside.

Ah, you don't have to be.

Hey, the ring hasn't been

the same since you left it.

The ring is for luchadores only.

It's not for me anymore.

No, no, no. Lucha

is a way of life, Cruz.

And a man who fights for honor

is always welcome in the ring.

The rudos may have

something to say about that.

Yeah, they always do.

Vaya con dios.

Good to see you, brother.

Always.

It looks like they've

already started.

And tonight's gonna be

full of surprises.

Fénix and Payaso aren't

even scheduled to be here.

You know what they say. Anything

goes at the Lucha Royale!

Let's go!

Oh! Feo is going

to feel that tomorrow!

Fortuna gets out just in time!

This might be it

Oh! Fortuna steals the pin!

Leopard!

Yo, I'll catch y'all later.

Francisco!

It's me, Bravo!

Paco. Yo.

Put him in a body bag!

Make him cry for his mommy!

Ruin his credit score!

That's my daughter! Ha, ha!

Sierra with a handspring,

into the takedown!

Uncle Cruz should

be here by now.

I'm just going to

check his location.

Come on, honey.

We're here!

Lucha is in the air!

Oh! Do I smell a churro

with your name on it? Hm?

Come on! Let's go!

- It's all over!

- Sierra takes this match

for los rudos!

- Rudos! Rudos! Rudos!

- People, get up!

Our técnicos need our energy!

See it! Believe it!

Achieve it! Lemme hear you!

All:

See it! Believe it! Achieve it!

Uncle Cruz is here! I'm gonna go get him.

Be right back.

This seat taken?

Uh, well, it is now.

'Kay, cool.

Nino!

What happened?

Okay

Thought I saw my buddy Snow

Leopard, but I got ambushed.

You know what's weird?

He's not even scheduled tonight,

and neither are

Fénix and Payaso,

and I saw them, too.

Something's going on.

Great. The one night

I don't wanna fight crime,

and now I got to fight crime?

Let me guess.

- This is where you tell me you were right?

- No.

This is where I tell you

you can't have it all,

which is accurate

and what I told you before.

So, yeah, I was right.

Okay, fine.

So, what do we do now?

We don't do anything.

You go enjoy yourself.

No, we are doing this.

But we have to make it fast

because I am not about to miss

the look on my mom's face

when it hits the Jumbotron.

Security cameras. Nice.

Gremlin's holding tight,

but Titan puts him

in a sleep cycle!

Yes! Go get him!

Is everything okay?

- Everything's fine.

- Okay.

Where's your sister?

The Jumbotron photo's

gonna happen any minute!

Dad, don't worry.

She'll be here. Okay?

No one's been looking forward

to this more than Violet.

Except maybe Mom

and this lucha match.

Goodbye! Goodbye!

Técnicos forever!

Woo! Here we go.

- Wait. You're a

- Rudo!

- Look!

- Cruz: There's that fake Snow Leopard.

We gotta shut these guys down

before they hurt anyone else.

Please, turn

your attention to

the Jumbotron!

Where's Violet?

Where Lucha Royale

is pleased to welcome

our golden guest of honor,

newly minted principal

of Dolores Huerta

Middle School

Nina Rodriguez!

No

I missed it!

We've been planning

that for weeks!

How could this day

get any worse?

Violeta Bernarda Rodriguez!

How could you miss

the Jumbotron?

Dad, I-I'm so sorry.

Now, I'm gonna have to Photoshop

you into the Christmas card.

Cruz, nice to see you,

but it'd be nicer to see

both of you in your seats.

Arriba!

- I

- No.

No! No!

Rápido.

Look who I found.

Yeah. Violet!

Finally! I

Wait, Cruz?

You made it!? Oh!

It's a lucha miracle!

This reminds me of

when we were kids,

and you would get so excited

about your favorite

luchador that you

Yeah, you would throw up.

Why do you think

I never wore sandals?

I knew it!

Ladies and gentlemen,

fanáticos de Lucha Libre,

prepare yourselves for

Lucha Royale!

Woo!

You know what that means?

El Gigante sign!

Here you go.

You know,

you could hold onto this.

I think técnico would be

a good look for you.

Really? Because it's

a terrible look for you.

That's nice.

Tonight's match

has but one rule.

Exit the ring over the top

rope, and you're gone!

But! Should you be

the last man standing

Tonight's proceeds, $100,000,

in cold hard cash,

will be donated in your name

to the Children's Hospital.

The briefcase, por favor!

Técnico! Técnico!

Técnico! Técnico!

Técnico! Técnico

That's why that impostor

Snow Leopard's here.

He's after the money.

I have to stop them.

Nino, wait!

- Hey!

- What are you doing?

I don't know!

On the one hand,

I want to be with my family,

but I also wanna help you

stop these guys.

This is the worst!

This isn't therapy.

As a superhero,

it's not a matter of

where you want to be,

but where you have to be.

Pure carnage!

And Fortuna is out!

Yes!

El Gigante! El Gigante!

El Gigante! El Gigante

And it looks like El Gigante

has entered the fray.

The Earth trembles

beneath Gigante's might!

I just don't get why

you wouldn't wanna root

for the técnicos.

They're the heroes!

They're the weaker luchas!

Rudos are bold!

- Why don't you switch sides?

- I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Friends?

Ow!

Rudos for life!

Don't you forget it!

She's so good at being bad.

Hey, mess with the bull,

here come the horns!

And it looks like it's pay day!

Hey, Romeo.

How'd it go with Julieta?

Rough. Really rough.

Ow.

Where's your sister?

Wasn't she just here?

- I don't know.

- Woo!

Let's go!

El Gigante: And a man who fights

for honor is always welcome.

Madre de dios!

I don't know what's happening!

A new challenger

has entered the ring!

And he bears a striking

resemblance to

Black Scorpion?

What a weird

and wonderful tribute

to our city's hero!

Nobody invited no busted

discount Black Scorpion

to this match.

You were saying?

If you could do me a solid

and gently toss me

over the top rope,

I'd really appreciate that.

Oh, I can't believe they got

Black Scorpion to show up.

What a guy!

- Do you think they sell his costume in my size?

- What?

I'm just asking for a friend

who happens to be my size.

Nina:

Violet!

You need to quit wandering off.

I came here to get rowdy!

How am I supposed to

achieve maximum rowdiness

- without my crew?

- Sorry, Mom.

Just don't go

wandering off again!

Hey, kid, check it out.

Black Scorpion's in the ring.

What?

Black Scorpion could use

a tag-team partner

right about now.

Violet:

I want to be with my family,

but I also want to help

you stop these guys.

Cruz: As a superhero, it doesn't

matter where you want to be,

but where you have to be.

What do I do?

Huh?

Didn't your mom tell you

not to play with knives?

Look at her go.

I think I'm going to be sick.

And I love it!

Stunning reversal

as Black Scorpion is

saved by Grape Girl!

Did you hear that?

I saved you.

Did you hear that?

He called you Grape Girl.

I got this.

- Yeah! Let's go!

- Woo!

Ooh, he took that

clown for a ride!

But it looks like Snow Leopard

is still in the race!

On it!

Gigante!

He's stealing the money!

- Throw me.

- Okay, but remember, you asked me to.

Cha-ching! Snow Leopard

is all cashed out!

You're welcome.

What sportsmanship!

Never in my 30 years of lucha

have I seen such art!

The winner!

El Gigante!

El Gigante! El Gigante!

El Gigante!

El Gigante! El Gigante!

You know, you remind me

of someone.

Black Scorpion! Damas y

caballeros, what a show!

What a show!

Also, this sword is real!

I'm fine. I would like to

know where my daughter is

- because we came together.

- You texted her, I text

Nina: No, I texted her already,

she didn't reply, then

- Violet: Hey, guys.

- Oh, there you are.

- So, I know you're all mad

- Nina: Mm-hmm.

And the last thing I wanted

to do was ruin your night.

- But, I can explain.

- Nina: Okay.

Explain.

So

first of all, you're beautiful.

- Yeah, I know.

- Second

Violet wanted to surprise you

for your promotion,

and, uh, I needed her help.

Familia, this is Gigante.

- Ay

- Oh

Gigante,

- this is my familia.

- Nice to meet you.

- Wow.

- I love you.

- Can I touch your fur?

- All: No, no, no!

Okay, okay, okay!

We can

How about a picture?

Hey.

Thanks for helping.

You were right.

Juggling life and crime fighting

is more complicated

than I thought.

Yeah, it is.

But, for once,

you weren't entirely

wrong either.

Okay

- Say El Gigante.

- El Gigante!